


A Sky Full of Stars

by freckles_n_feathers



Series: Across the Universe [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Sequel, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-05-19 06:04:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 117,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5956429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckles_n_feathers/pseuds/freckles_n_feathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/5369966/chapters/12402152">Til Kingdom Come</a></p><p>Team Free Will and the new members of their crew go on an adventure, in search of the Hand of God - the one thing Chuck needs to be at full power again. Meanwhile, Cas and Dean's relationship strengthens as the idea of marriage becomes more than just a fleeting thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_'Cause you're a sky, you're a sky full of stars_

_Such a heavenly view_

_You're such a heavenly view_

_~Coldplay_

 

_ _

 

 

“No,” Dean says as he rolls over in bed, pulling the blankets over his head, in complete denial that it’s time to get up. He’s too comfortable, relishing in the luxuries that Gabriel has been offering them since finding God - formally known as Chuck, Cas getting his mojo back, and oh yeah, Dean coming back from the dead. If anyone deserves some R and R, it’s them.

“Dean, we’ve been lying about for a week and--”

Dean peaks his head out from under the covers to peer at his frustrated angel. That pout, those puppy dogs eyes, and Dean’s already fighting off the urge to give in to him.

“And we’re warded, this _whole house_ is warded and the sith angels have gone off the radar. Can’t we just be lazy for a while?”

Reflecting on the last year, Dean still feels like his head is spinning. Removal of the Mark, Cas moving in with them, then the mind blowing reality of them taking that next step, well more like a leap, in their friendship. If he wasn’t sure that this was actually all real, he’d think he’s in some fantasy world or Djinn hallucination because really, him and Cas? Together?

How did it all happen so quickly? Then again, it’s taken them seven years to reach this point, this moment where they are now. Lovers or more than that, yet Dean can’t think of what to call them. Boyfriends? Soulmates? Partners?

If it wasn’t for the horrible time Cas was taken to Heaven and mutilated by his own brethren, then made human, only to watch Dean die by the hands of one of the Belial - those dark angels that the Darkness seems to keep spitting out, Dean would be sure there was something completely unreal about their lives now.

But here he is, waking up in a bed he and Castiel have been sharing, in a mansion by the beach that Gabriel found them, warded from those sith asshats - thanks to Chuck’s extensive knowledge of the evil things, and since those dark angels can’t find them, things have calmed down. So much so that all Dean really wants to do make love to Cas all day and maybe try out that pool in the backyard that Sam likes to do laps in every morning since they arrived.

It’s a mini vacation and that’s what Dean keeps telling himself. Their last attempt at it ended with an attack, having to cut that trip to the beach short. It really pissed him off, yet he understood, of course but sand between his toes… he finally has that.

He knows the hardest part of this battle against the Darkness is coming up and the fact that no one in their little motley crew has any idea if they’ll succeed, even with the help of Lucifer and Michael - which to be honest, is not at all confirmed - Dean just wants to relax and enjoy life for once.

Cas smirks as he climbs back into bed, sliding under the blankets to cuddle against the hunter’s warm nakedness. Dean’s already wrapping his arms around the angel and planting his lips on his cheek and jaw, nibbling as much as he can without actually breaking skin. Shaking his head, Cas succumbs to Dean’s touches and kisses and even lets out a small giggle.

Dean loves that giggle.

And it makes him pull Cas closer and growl into his neck. “A week ago I was dead and you were human.”

Castiel smiles. “Okay, point made, Dean. I guess a few more minutes won't hurt.”

“Minutes? Geez, Cas, what do you take me for? I can last longer than that,” Dean insists before rolling on top of Cas and smacking his lips to his, mouths opening, welcoming each other’s hot tongues.

When they part to take a breath, Cas sighs, “I guess I’m just anxious. When the enemy takes a breather, it causes concern. They could be gathering strength or strategizing on how to take us out. They could-”

Dean shuts him up with a kiss and with raised eyebrows, he lifts his head to meet those shining pools of blue. “Do you really think those Belial guys know how to strategize?”

“Well, no, maybe not but-”

The air between them intensifies and Dean can now see how worried Castiel really is. This wouldn’t be the first time Dean’s seen it: that stressed out look on his angel’s face when he feels useless or uncertain about what to do.

Cas is always trying to be one step ahead. He always needs a game plan, something to keep his fire rolling. Dean gets it, he does but he also wants Cas to just admit that they don’t have the means to act right now and that fact alone should ease him up a bit.

He remembers Cas and his insatiable need to fix Heaven or fix _him_. How he’ll stop at nothing to make sure Dean and Sam are safe. Dean has to remind himself that this is Castiel, an angel so old, he saw mountains form and he has been in so many damn battles - being his kick ass self - that this time, this little slice of relaxation is probably completely new to him.

So Dean will have to show him that it’s a good thing. He deserves it.

“And what? We just break into Hell without any help from Crowley?”

“No.” Cas sighs. “That’s not something we should do.”

Dean watches Castiel turn away from him and focus on something behind him. “Then what _should_ we be doing now?”

Castiel meets his gaze and softens, his body loosening under Dean. “I guess… _this_ ,” he hums, causing Dean to grin like an idiot. He lifts his head to kiss him, softly at first.

The kissing intensifies as Dean slowly grinds against Cas, his erection sliding next to Castiel’s hardening arousal, and it makes the angel let out a small whimper. Dean’s head snaps up and he stares down at him.

“I want to see you glow again ‘cause that shit is awesome.”

“Dean.”

“Maybe you can even bring your wings into it. That would be hot, Cas, really.”

Cas exhales deeply. “Dean, those are meant for flying, not for your sexual pleasure.”

“Why not? I said I love all of you and I do mean,” Dean slips his hand between them, grabbing hold of Castiel’s hard on, “ _all_ of you.”

With a sly smile, he strokes Cas who can now barely keep his eyes open, his lids heavy, showing signs of pleasure. Dean doesn’t let up. He loves this part, watching Castiel lose himself in ecstasy, how he sighs with his lips apart, mouthing words that Dean can’t even understand, the blush of his cheeks when he comes apart.

And Dean gets so lost in it all. Castiel is stunningly beautiful to him, his expressions, the way he reacts to Dean has his heart on overload. Never would he have imagined this, for all the years he’s known Cas, all the times they would just shy away at any sign of interest or intimacy. Those silent moments where they both so obviously wanted to reveal how they felt or how badly Dean wanted to just close the space between them and kiss him.

All the years he tried to deny it all and throw himself in the arms of one night wonders or even Lisa, who - god bless her soul - took in a broken man for a year. Broken for losing Sam, broken for Cas just up and leaving. It was like everything he had known was gone and he had to reinvent himself, only to be back where he belonged, eventually. Hunting, with his brother and his angel. But not one day went by where he hadn't been wishing he could stop being chicken shit and tell Cas the truth.

He came really close when he confronted him about working with Crowley. He was going to say, it, right then and there, even in front of his brother and Bobby, but the words failed to escape his mouth and he had cursed himself every day after that. He had even dared to utter the words “I love you” that time in the crypt when Cas was under Naomi’s mind control, but again, it felt wrong. Not the words, exactly. The situation.

He knew that when he would finally get up the nerve to say those three words to Cas, it wouldn’t be because he was trying to pull Cas back from the edge or to save his own bacon. It would be at the right time, the right moment, when he could say it without the admission having any other job to do other than to let his angel know just how much he loves him and that was exactly how it went down.

Dean’s smiling at the memory from just a few months ago, when he and Cas were lying in his bed, Cas telling him the most romantic story about pulling him out of Hell and admitting his love. That was when Dean knew he could say it. It felt so natural, so pure and easy, like those words were always meant for Cas. Of course it’s deeper than just words. The love Dean feels for Cas is on a level that’s new to him. It’s so intense, so raw, so fucking powerful, that Dean knows that destiny, fate, whatever it is, his heart was always meant to belong to his angel. It’s just the way it was, is, and always will be.

“You want it?” Cas says as his eyes pop open.

Dean doesn’t have time to answer before Castiel is rolling them over so that he’s straddling Dean. Dean can’t catch his breath, and - _oh shit -_  he loves it when Cas does this. When he takes charge as if they’ve been lovers for years. The rush he feels is so arousing, that he sometimes fears he’ll finish before they even get started.

All he could do is nod in muted agreement and then with a crash of thunder, out come the wings and this time, they're not in some nether realm or wherever the fuck Cas said they go when he’s in a human vessel. His wings, glorious and blue, gold, white, even some black are spreading out behind Castiel, extending far past the bed and it’s the most stunning thing Dean’s ever laid eyes on. He swallows the huge lump in his throat, taking it all in.

He saw them briefly in the motel room when Cas resurrected him but everything was so disorienting that he really didn’t have time to fully appreciate it. Now, here’s Castiel, on top of him, naked, and spreading his damn wings. Is this even his life?

Cas is leaning over to grab something and Dean isn't sure what but when he feels the cool sensation of lube against his ass, he breathes in the charged air between them. _Oh, fuck yeah_ , Cas isn’t even wasting time and Dean has zero problems with it. Dean watches his angel stroke himself, spreading the lube before bending forward to kiss him.

“Is this good, Dean?” Cas whispers as he teases Dean’s opening with the head of his erection.

“Fuck… Cas,” is all he can manage to get out before feeling the head slip in, so slowly, it’s like he’s barely moving at all.

Cas grabs Dean’s thigh, lifting him as he plunges deeper. Dean gasps, his eyes almost rolling to the back of his head at the dizzying feeling of Castiel moving inside of him. Slow and steady, hitting that sweet spot every time.

But he wants to keep his eyes open and stare at those gorgeous wings that are now curling around Cas’ shoulders and moving down around the both of them, almost like he’s trying to wrap Dean in them.

“So beautiful… Cas, so--”

Dean's panting, feeling so close and, yeah he’s about to come without even being touched. That’s when Cas begins stroking him, matching the rhythm of his thrusts. It’s too many sensations at once, the feathers brushing against his skin - soft and unreal, and Cas’ hand on him, the way he’s moving inside of him, it’s all it takes.

Dean comes against his stomach, barely even able to let out a sound as his eyes widen at the sight of Castiel emitting that brilliant glow, like he did the first night they were here, and it fills Dean’s stomach with butterflies.

_So fucking bad ass._

“Oh Dean,” Cas cries as he throbs inside Dean, pumping everything he has left in him, filling Dean up before collapsing down on him, his head resting in the crook of Dean’s neck.

The wings - still out and tightening now around him - feel incredible and he closes his eyes, melting into the warmth of them. Plumage so unbelievably silky. His angel, his bad ass beautiful angel is all he needs right now. Fuck the Darkness and those sith angels. Fuck them all. He needs this. _God, does he need this_.

“More than a few minutes, huh?” Cas jokes to which Dean gives him a nice jab in the ribs.

“Well you brought out the big guns, I couldn’t help myself,” Dean smiles at him then eyes the wings.

“I’m unable to resist you, you know that, right?” Cas admits, against his neck. Dean chuckles.

“Same.”

Dean shifts to bring his hands out to caress one of the wings. “Do you remember how many times you’d ask me to do something and all you had to do was look at me that certain way.”

Dean starts to laugh, his chest causing Cas to rise up and down on top of him.

“We always had that.” Cas lifts his head to look at Dean and kisses his nose. “That look. We knew, even then, didn’t we?”

“Probably.”

Cas’ head drops again. “So, you like them, huh.”

Dean strokes the feathers closest to him, and _yeah he does._ “They’re awesome.” He moves his face, rubbing them against his cheeks. “So awesome, Cas.”

“They were in horrible shape when you saw them last.”

Dean closes his eyes, refusing to even think about that time in Heaven when he saw Cas’ wings being hacked off by some asshole angel. “Can we not…”

“Sorry,” Cas nuzzles his face closer.

“We’re here now, and I’m not dead and you’re an angel again. And Cas,” Cas looks up at him. “We found God.”

Castiel snickers. “We’ve have quite a year.”

“Tell me about it,” Dean slides under Cas, letting the angel fall beside him, his wing draped across his chest and Dean inhales, losing himself in the sensation of it all.

“And now I get to lie in bed with you, under your wings.” Dean beams.

“Yes. But, we really should--”

“Yeah yeah, I know. The guys are waiting on us to figure out what our next move is, and just like every day this week, we’ll be left with bupkis. It’s getting old, Cas.”

“Then we should at least head downstairs for Gabriel’s waffles because he did make a big deal about it last night, promising us that we’ll die at first bite.”

Just as Cas says that, Dean’s stomach growls. Yeah, he can use some food right about now. “Fine, but showers first, ‘cause uh…”

“Yeah,” Castiel agrees.

Dean tries to lift his body but is completely melted into the mattress, under those wings, and half of Cas’ body on his. “But I really don’t want to move.”

In a flash, Cas’ wings withdraw and are instantly gone from sight. Dean already misses the warmth and pouts at his angel. “Aw come on.”

“Let’s go.”

Cas grabs hold of Dean’s wrist as he slides out of bed. Dean reluctantly lets him pull him to his feet and soon they’re walking to the bathroom. Cas starts the shower and then turns to Dean, pulling him close to him.

“I can just stare at you, then you won’t be able to say no.”

Dean snorts. “That’s cheating.”

“I’ll take what I can get.”

He pulls Dean into the shower under the warm stream and Dean’s already sighing as the water hits his head. They take turns washing each other, intimately, but they both refrain from starting round two. Dean is hungry and Cas is insistent on getting the day started.

But what he’d give to slide his soapy body against Castiel’s, touching him everywhere, watching him melt into Dean. Dean’s pretty sure he’ll never get tired of this and despite Cas’ determination on getting downstairs at some point this morning, Dean is lathering up his hands and reaching between Cas’ thighs.

_Responsibilities are for losers_ , Dean thinks.

“Oh Dean--” Cas closes his eyes and Dean is smirking that there is really no protesting coming from him as he works on getting him hard.

“Yeah Cas?” Dean’s thick with the naughty vibe now, throwing all care to the wind as he focuses on his angel, making him unravel with his touch.

“We have to, Dean, oh…”

Round two it is and Dean has Castiel against the tile, slipping in effortlessly, the angel’s muscles tightening around his throbbing erection. Dean moves his hips, each thrust sinking deeper, while he has one hand around Cas’ arousal and the other, gripping his shoulder tightly.

Dean lowers his head to his back and kisses the area between his shoulder blades, moving from one side to the other. It’s so easy with Cas. Everything they do, all the love making, the sweet conversations, the open-hearted admissions, just _loving_ him. He’s perfect. They’re perfect.

To be wrapped up like this, in love, cherishing each other, the pleasure they so effortlessly offer, it’s something Dean never thought he’d have. Or even deserved. With all the people he’d humped and dumped, all the times he had sneaked out the window or crumpled up the numbers the next day, never having intended to talk to them again, he assumed his love life was doomed. Cursed.

Then Cas walks into his life and everything becomes brighter. Things just start to fall into place. And he fell so madly in love, so quickly, utterly taken by his fierce angel with the tax accountant suit, messy sex hair, and the bluest eyes he’s ever seen.

_“Who are you?”_

_“Castiel.”_

_“Yeah, I figured that much, I mean what are you?”_

_“I'm an Angel of the Lord.”_

“Dean!” Cas cries as Dean feels the walls that are squeezing him begin to clench. That’s when Dean joins Cas and they both hiss in unison at their overwhelming climax. When Dean slips out slowly, Cas turns around and throws his arms around Dean’s neck.

“You’re so bad,” he breathes.

With a pirate smile, Dean replies, “But it felt so good.”

They both laugh and continue with their shower, washing each other’s hair, backs, and Dean is on cloud nine. He loves the way Cas squints as Dean lathers up his hair, Dean always having to remind him not to open his eyes or else he’ll get shampoo in them, and Cas, with his inability to obey, opens his damn eyes and yelps.

Then Dean laughs, as he always does.

After they finish, Dean towels himself off and throws on some clothes. As he heads for the door, he turns to see Cas staring at the closet. He’s studying the contents, while standing in his towel. “Yo, Cas.”

Castiel snaps out of whatever the hell is causing him to zone out and looks over at Dean. “It’s strange, but I just now realized I’ve been wearing regular clothes all week, not my usual suit and coat.”

Dean studies him, now realizing that as well. For most of the time at the bunker, Cas has been wearing Dean’s clothes, mainly because he was nearly drained of his mojo and maintaining his suit was just too bothersome, and then of course when he was human. But now… now he’s stronger and more powerful than ever.

Dean walks behind him and wraps his arms around his waist.

“That’s okay, right? I mean, you don’t always have to be suited up if you don’t want to be.”

Cas turns around in Dean’s arms, his brow furrowed but his face content. “It’s just weird. Usually when I’m… I can’t believe I just realized this.”

“Maybe all these months of not having mojo and then being human, regular clothes kind of just clicked.”

“Maybe.” Castiel snaps his fingers and is instantly back in his suit and trench, the fabric shocking Dean as it touches his skin.

“Woah,” Dean says as he steps back.

“Sorry, I just think… maybe I was missing the whole human thing.”

Dean backs up. “You don’t have to be human to wear my stuff.” He smiles at him.

“I know. But I should remain in this. I like this. It’s who I am.”

“Then go for it. I prefer you naked but what the hell.”

They both laugh before exchanging a chaste kiss, then they head out the door, and down the stairs. Dean’s nose is already filling up with the delicious smell of waffles. This was such a good idea, _thanks Cas._

“Well, if it isn’t the honeymooners,” Gabriel sing songs as the two make their way into the kitchen. Dean’s face is on fire at the mention of that word, remembering very well the conversation he and Cas had a week ago.

Marriage. They actually talked about it and Dean feels like he’s about to burst at the memory of them in the bathtub. He didn’t really flat out ask Cas, but the topic was brought up and he still really can’t believe it.

What is this feeling? He’s never been so damn excited about being with anyone in his entire life and the fact that Cas actually said he would  _marry him_ one day makes Dean want to do it right now. Fuck it, they have a nice beach where they can have the ceremony and shit, they even have God himself to perform it.

Two grooms, two best-men - Gabriel and Sam…

“Yo, earth to Dean,” Sam says, breaking Dean out of his reverie. “Coffee?”

Dean nods, clearing his throat. “Sure, yeah, that’ll be great.”

The table is already set with croissants, juice, and fresh fruit. Dean makes his plate, leaving some room for Gabriel’s waffles. Angels are funny, well Gabriel and Cas are, in how they love humanity, the small things like eating, cooking, and Cas now realizing that he was in Dean’s clothes all week. Sure, zapping outfits, conjuring food for the boys, would be easy but they enjoy these kind of mundane things.

It really makes them both very special.

As for God, he is the same way and Dean’s staring at him now, smiling. Chuck, who can still do God stuff, maybe not on the same scale as before the Hand of God was taken from him, but he can still do crazy shit, like make Cas an angel again, for one. And he did bring Cas back from the dead, twice. Yeah, God is still fucking amazingly bad ass even at half power.

They all are. These three are kind of their own Team Free Will in Heaven. They're different, they are who they are, and Dean couldn’t be more proud of having them here with him now.

“Crowley is really pissing me off. Even the summoning isn’t working,” Chuck says before shoveling a spoonful of melon into his mouth.

“Come on, it’s Crowley. He’s the king of the dickbags,” Dean reminds him.

This causes them all to snicker just as Gabriel sets down the plate of waffles. Dean peers at the delicious smelling treats and then glances up at Gabriel who’s wearing a damn apron. Shaking his head, Dean sticks his fork into two of the waffles and plops them onto his plate.

“So Crowley is ignoring us. I wonder why,” Gabriel says, eyeing Dean suspiciously.

“What? Don’t look at me. I haven’t talked to him in a while.”

Dean glances at Cas, hoping the idea of he and Crowley doesn't spark something in him again. While he knows Cas has forgiven him for his stupid antics while being a demon, he’s also aware that it’s a sensitive subject, especially since Crowley was a complete asshole by sending pictures of their sexual deviance to his phone, only to have Cas find them.

He would have told Cas about all the things he did with Crowley, eventually. Especially since they had started an intimate relationship, it would only be fair for Cas to know the truth. Of course before he could say anything, Cas found those pictures, and Dean still hasn’t chewed Crowley out for sending them in the first place.

_What was he thinking?_

Come to think of it, Crowley hasn’t been around since Cas and Dean’s relationship took that turn and he wonders what Crowley would even think of it all. Not that Dean cares, it would just be interesting to see his expression when he kisses Cas in front of everyone, unashamed, going against everything Crowley would tease Dean about. The demon knew Dean’s feelings for the angel and he was always there to remind Dean that because he was too chicken shit to make a move, Cas would eventually give up on him.

Well, he was right about half of it, he _was_ too scared for a long time but Cas didn’t give up. He waited. He waited for Dean.

“Maybe if we tell him exactly why we need him.” Sam looks at Dean. “You can try texting him.”

“I have,” Dean says with his mouth full.

“Tell him we need to get to the cage.”

Dean points his fork at Chuck. “You’re God, don’t you have some jurisdiction over Hell anyway?”

Chuck shakes his head. “No, and neither do the angels. Cas can tell you that from first hand experience.”

Cas and Gabriel nod in unison. “It’s not our place of business, just like demons have no pull in Heaven. We can’t just go crashing Hell. It doesn’t work that way.”

“But you guys are angels. Even demons are scared of you,” Sam reminds them.

“God is at half power and even though me and Cassie here are pretty damn juiced, it’s nothing against mountains of demons, who aren’t limited by human vessels, and who can easily take us down. They can do it. I’ve seen it with my own eyeballs.”

“When I pulled you from there, Dean, I lost many of my brethren.” Dean notices Cas wince at that word. “The same when I went for you, Sam. It would be reckless, to say the least.”

Dean shifts in his seat, feeling a slight pang of anxiety. Imagining Cas fighting his way to him, to that twisted soul he’d become, losing half his army… Dean’s still not even sure he can think about it without feeling nauseas.

“I can probably find the cage, but it’s the _getting_ to the cage we’ll have a problem with,” Chuck says, before sipping his coffee. “Man, they’re gonna be pissed.”

Sam and Dean share a look and they both shake their heads. “Ya think?” Sam chuckles.

“What about juicing up the rest of the assha-- angels upstairs, bringing them with? You still haven’t made your grand entrance, by the way,” Dean asks Chuck before gulping down some juice.

“I don't… we need to keep this between us. I don't want to involve Heaven yet, not until I’m back at full strength. We never know who might have some lust for power at the moment, as that seems to always happen up there.”

“So assuming Michael actually tells you where this Hand of… _You_ is, do you think we’ll actually need them, Michael and Lucifer, to defeat this thing?” Dean asks.

Chuck deflates, blowing air out of his mouth.

Gabriel nods and glances briefly at Chuck. “Dude, it was the worst fucking battle I’ve ever fought it in. Well, actually, it was one of the first..,” he pauses. “Holy shit man, we _are_ gonna need them, Daddy-o.”

“Yeah, probably. I know they’re giant douchebags but they’re really strong, guys. Like _really_ strong.” Chuck eyes the boys, sheepishly.

God said, _‘douchebags’_. Dean’s life is complete.

“And if they say no?” Sam asks.

Chuck sighs. “They might. I hope they see things our way. I mean, even if I gave all the angels in Heaven power enough to help once we get the Hand back, nothing compares to the firsts. The archangels.”

Gabriel beams and takes a bite of his waffle. “Damn straight.”

Dean swallows. “Wait, what do you mean?”

“What I mean is, the archangels, Lucifer, Michael, Gabriel, even Raphael, they were my first creation. My first angels. While I can make angels stronger, as I did with Cas, I can’t remake the first angels, that’s just not in my power. There are some things that time contributes to and I can’t override that.”

“You mean your angel making days are over,” Dean says, more of a statement than a question.

“Yes, very much so. Although I’m God of Heaven, there are still rules. Cas here is one of the youngest but he’s strong because even though he’s young compared to some angels, he’s very old. The archangels are even older, making them even stronger.”

“My brain hurts,” Dean admits. Sam snickers at him.

“I get it. So there are limits, even for Gods.” Sam says to Chuck.

“Yes,” Chuck smiles. “Very much so.”

Sam frowns. “And you can’t recreate an archangel.”

“Exactly.”

“Oh, well okay.” Dean pulls his phone out of his jeans and searches his contacts. 666. He texts him the usual, _“Hey dick, why aren’t you answering your phone?”_ then adds, what he hopes will spark his attention, _“We need to get into hell. We found God.”_

“Okay, there, done. Let’s see how long--” Before Dean can put his phone back in his pocket, the notification rings. “Damn, that was fast.”

He slides the screen and opens the message from Crowley.

**Crowley: Come again?**

**Dean: *Smiley Face* Now will you talk to us?**

**Crowley: Where are you boys?**

**Dean: Just tell me where to meet you.**

**Crowley: I can zap anywhere, you pick the place.**

Dean ponders for a moment. “Gabriel, what’s a good place nearby to meet Crowley?”

“There’s an eatery about three miles south on West Lake Road called the Dock,” Gabriel tells him.

**Dean: The Dock on West Lake Road, in Montauk**

**Crowley: Okay. Come alone**

Dean looks up at the group and then back down to his phone.

**Dean: No**

**Crowley: Fine, you can bring the moose, but not God or the angel**

**Dean: I’ll be there in 30**

“He’ll only talk to me and Sam.” Dean turns to Cas as he slips his phone back into his front pocket. “Is that okay?”

Castiel looks at Gabriel, then Chuck, and then nods at Dean. “It’s fine. I don’t think Crowley has anything sinister up his sleeve. He’s as scared of the Darkness as everyone else.”

“It’ll probably destroy Hell first, as well,” Chuck says. “It’s newer than Heaven.”

“Alright, so hopefully we have Crowley in our corner again but I have no idea why he’s gone silent for all these months,” Dean says, finishing his juice and taking his last bite of his waffle, contemplating if he has time for one more.

“I think we still need to be on our toes. You never know with him, he’s played both sides before…” Sam eyes Dean, intently.

“True.”

Dean rises from his seat and moves to give Cas a kiss on his head but Cas is sliding his chair out, moving to his feet as well. Chuck and Gabriel do the same and then Gabriel snaps his fingers.

“Your car is in the driveway. I figured you missed the old girl.”

“Gabriel, are you sure it’s safe?” Cas questions him. “The Bel-”

“Dude, the boys are warded, plus we’ll be right behind them in our brand new,” Gabriel snaps his fingers again. “Escalade,” he announces, doing his best game show host impersonation.

Dean and Sam laugh at the horror on Chuck and Cas’ face.

“What? Have you see the size of my wings? I need room.” Gabriel smiles, playfully.

“Your wings don't even need to be… you know what, never mind, let’s just go,” Cas says, shaking his head.

“You don’t approve, Cassie?”

Cas grunts. “It’s just extravagant and really unnecessary. And don’t call me Cassie.”

“This from the angel who insisted on a 70s continental. Mm hm.”

Dean grins, listening to the brothers bicker as they all head outside. He’s giggling now at how much they remind him of Sam and himself.

The air is humid already, the seagulls crying out overhead, and Dean takes a quick glance at the ocean as he moves close to Cas. They’re at the damn beach and he can’t wait to come back and jump in the water again, as he has almost everyday they’ve been here.

But he hasn’t been alone with Cas down there yet and his sappy romantic side really wants a date night with him under the moon and stars, nothing around them for miles. Just him and Cas and the sounds of the waves.  

“Tonight, let’s hang out on the beach. Just you and I. What do you say?”

Castiel smiles. “Sounds perfect.”

Dean turns to head to the Impala when Cas takes hold of his wrist and pulls him. They kiss and Cas has this sincere look on his face when he tells Dean, “Be careful.”

“I will. It’s just Crowley. Nothing we haven’t dealt with before.”

“I know. We’ll be right behind you. Just in case.”

Dean leans in and kisses Cas again. “Good. I love it when my angel is watching over me.”

The moment is charged and now Dean doesn’t want to go anywhere. He just wants to be with Cas, in his embrace, loving him, worshiping him. But they have to do this and even though Dean’s pretty sure this Hell visit is going to be uneventful, they have to at least try. God needs his damn battery back and if Michael is the only one who can help, then they gotta ask. If he says no, then they'll just have move to plan B.

Which they don’t even have at the moment.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Dean sees the King of Hell already seated and shaking his foot across his knee, anxiously awaiting them. He inhales, unsure what to expect, where this conversation is even going to go, but with the God Squad waiting across the street in that monstrosity of a car, Dean breathes a little easier.  

He glances quickly to see if he can spot Cas. When they make eye contact and his angel gives him the nod, Dean leads Sam into the restaurant. It’s crowded, loud, as Jimmy Buffett blares from the speakers, and for some reason the whole thing is making Dean uneasy. It was bad enough to have Crowley around after releasing the Darkness but the fact he just up left, going off the radar for all these months, leaves Dean with a bitter taste in his mouth. He’s up to something. He knows it yet he can’t figure out what in the hell it could be.  

He spots him and gives him a nod, when an attractive hostess approaches him.  

"Two?”

“Actually, we’re meeting someone.”

Dean points to Crowley and the hostess smiles and motions for him to follow her. Once they reach the table and sit, after ordering two coffees, Dean clears his throat.

“So, why the cold shoulder lately?”

Crowley sips his fru fru umbrella drink and sighs, dramatically, his face full of irritation. “Really, I wasn’t aware I was at your beck and call.”

“So you just disappear? Without a word? Knowing the big bad is still out there?”

Sam is quiet during this transaction so Dean peers at him, silently telling him to back him up. When it seems Sam gets the message, he nods and glares at Crowley.  

“Yeah, dude, it’s not like it won’t come after you too.”

But Crowley doesn’t even acknowledge Sam. He’s squinting as he stares intently at Dean, like he’s dissecting him. Reading him. And Dean has no idea what the hell that’s all about. “What?”

“There’s something different about you. I’m not sure what, but…” Crowley leans in. “Like a certain glow. New diet or something?”

“Look, I ain’t gonna beat around the bush. We need a round trip ticket to Hell. Are you gonna help us or not?”

Crowley leans back and brings his drink with him. “It depends. Tell me how in the bloody hell you found God?”

“Right place, right time?”

Sam sighs. “We were following the Belial. They led us right to Chuck’s house. But he’s… we need to get to the cage.”

“Chuck? The prophet? What does he have to do with any of this? Don’t tell me he’s writing those god awful books again. I have you know, I am quite more trim than he makes me out to be.” Crowley smiles while looking down at his torso, running his hands across his suit.  

Dean rolls his eyes. “Chuck, yeah he’s God. Long story. So, I need an answer. Yes or No?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me... “ Crowley shakes his head. “While I’d love to hear all about that, how do you expect those two pesky archangels to cooperate?”

“Yes or no, Crowley. It’s that simple.”

“And if I say no?” Crowley smirks, making Dean wish he could punch him in the face right here.  

This is how every damn conversation with the demon has always gone. Dean needs an answer and Crowley draws it out for as long as he can until Dean is ready to give up, and only then Crowley answers him.   

“Then we leave and forget we even tried to come to you for help.”

“Ahh,” The demon sets his drink down and leans in on his elbows. “You’re good at forgetting, aren’t you?”

Dean’s face turns red and if Crowley is even talking about what he thinks he’s talking about, he’s not sure if sinking Ruby’s blade in him (which is nicely hidden under his shirt) would be too merciful.  

“Seriously?” Sam leers at Crowley.  

“Oh Moose, this has nothing to do with you.” Crowley flashes him a Cheshire cat smile before turning to Dean. “Dean knows what I’m talking about.”

“Crowley, I swear to G-”

“What? You could have had one up on all this, being a Knight of Hell. Imagine the damage you could have done to those dark angels. Pity really…”

Dean shakes his head. “I’m not a demon anymore, and by the way, I was dead last week. Yeah, dead, killed by one of those things. They need to be stopped Crowley-”

“Dead?” Crowley’s eyes widen. “And who brought you back? God?”

“Cas.”

“Hm,” Crowley strokes his chin. Every second Dean has to be in the same room with him is one second too long. “Cas is mojo’d up?”

“It’s been a hell of a few months. Cas was human, but when we found God, he… look, we need to get down there, we need to talk to Michael. Why are you taking us for a ride, here?” Sam states, obviously irritated at this point.  

“Do you both have any idea what the cage must have done to those two? They’re probably mad as hatters by now. Why waste your time?”

Dean leans in, his face hardening. Just give him one more reason to kill this son of a bitch and he’ll do it right in this goddamned restaurant.

“We’re willing to take our chances.”

“Excuse me, guys, I need to hit the john,” Sam informs them, leaving Dean and Crowley alone in their really uncomfortable bubble of anger.

“If this is about us, Crowley, let it go.”

“Please, you think I’m still pining over you? That’s so last summer.” Crowley eases back in his chair. “We had fun, it ended, whatever.” He shrugs as he sips his drink and Dean can read the bullshit a mile away.

“ _‘Feeling nostalgic’_ ring a bell?”

“Oh that,” Crowley chuckles. “Did you like those? That was a fun night, wasn’t it?”

“Cas found them before I did, thanks.”

Crowley barks. “Oh that must have been… delicious.”

Dean sits back and sighs. He’d give anything not to have to ask this dick for another favor but he’s their only shot. He fucking hates that fact and Crowley will definitely take advantage of it. He’ll remind Dean over and over again and when the time comes for Dean to pay the piper, it’s going to be some insane request. Some fucked up thing he’ll have Dean do or get for him and he really doesn’t want to owe this asshole anything.  

“I’m just asking you for this one thing, Crowley. Helping me would be in your best interest. You think those sith angels won’t come after you and the pit eventually?”

Crowley sneers. “I’d like to see them try.”

“It’s the damn Darkness, Crowley. Ain’t nobody getting out alive here unless we stop it. What part of that do you not understand?”

Just then, Sam returns, giving Dean a concerned look. “So?”

“I don’t even know where the famous cage is.”

Dean snickers. “You’re the goddamned King of Hell. What do you mean-”

“It’s fine,” Sam interrupts. “Chuck can find it, we just need access. Can you help us or not?”

Dean’s fists are clenched under the table. He can tell Crowley knows how well he’s pissing him off and he's also sure that Crowley’s getting a damn kick out it.  

“Okay, I’ll let you all in there but not without an escort.” Crowley looks to Dean. “Me.”

“Whatever, good. Okay. When can we do this?” Dean says, letting out a drawn out sigh. 

“First things first…” _Here we go_. “Where are you boys staying?”

Dean and Sam share a look and before Dean could tell Crowley to fuck off, Sam says, “Down the road, not too far. Gabriel has a place-”

“Ah, I thought I recognized that angel in the driver’s seat.”

In unison, Sam and Dean turn to look out the window and when he sees how damn obvious they are, Dean shakes his head.

“So you knew they were out there the whole time?” Dean asks him.  

“I did. But I have to say, you boys have come far since we last spoke. God, Gabriel…” Crowley raises an eyebrow at Dean. “That glow you have there,  wouldn’t have something to do with the other angel in that car, would it?”

“Can it, Crowley.” Dean’s nostrils flare.

When they last saw Crowley, Dean and Cas had already started their relationship but Crowley wouldn’t have had any idea, they weren't that obvious about it and the fact Crowley’s trying to figure him out is the highlight of this meeting.  

“Tomorrow night. Where should I meet you lot? Care to give me the grand tour of your new batcave?”

“No,” Dean says, grimly.

“What, afraid of me already? Didn’t I spend a good week with you boys in that bunker? How about the beach vacation? Did you both forget about that? I’m not the enemy here.”

Dean leans in, inches from Crowley face and in a low but heated voice he says, “We haven’t heard from you in months. You have no idea the crap we’ve had to deal with, so no, I ain’t gonna trust you again that easily, ‘cause God knows what you have brewing in that shady mind of yours.”

Crowley actually looks offended.

“I was gone because I’ve been trying to rub elbows with the nastiest of the nasties out there, with the only intention of finding out more about this Darkness. If I’d have kept in contact with you boys, my sympathies would have seemed… misplaced. I assure you, I’m not doing anything other than working my way through certain channels. Best keep my ear to the ground, and all that.”

“Well,” Dean flashes a fake half smile. “I don’t believe you. And I don’t know why you sent me those pictures but if you’re trying to be an asshole because-”

“Whatever,” Crowley rises from his chair and brushes off the invisible dust from his suit jacket. “I take it you boys can take care of the bill?”

Dean moves in his seat to grab Crowley but he’s gone, zapping out of there so fast that even the other patrons didn’t notice. “Son of a bitch,” Dean says, gritting his teeth. Sam just rolls his eyes and takes out his wallet.  

It will be a good day when Dean doesn’t have to call on Crowley’s help anymore. When they could just have all the tools they need to fight the good fight without having to rely on the King of Rotten.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So he’s a dick, we already knew that,” Sam argues while stepping into the pool.

Dean’s sitting on one of the chaise lounges, waiting for Cas to come out with their beer, and then he plans on doing a nice cannonball into the deep end, hoping to get a good splash.  

“Yeah, I just hope this is the last time we need to ask him for anything.”

“I won’t argue with that,” Sam agrees.

Dean watches him begin his laps, and really, who the hell goes swimming so they can exercise? He just wants to float on his back, then maybe crawl onto that nice inflatable raft that has a spot to hold his beer. Now that is what he calls having fun in the pool.  

He gets up and removes his shirt, deciding that he’s ready to get wet. He jumps in, just like he said he would, making Sam scowl at him. “

Come on Dean, I’m trying to-”

“Shut up. I’m having fun today and I ain’t gonna watch you exercise. Here,” Dean pushes one of the floating rafts over to Sam while he grabs the bigger one for himself.

“Relax, enjoy life for once.”

After two unsuccessful attempts, Dean climbs onto it and he sighs when he lets his body relax, the sun shining on him, his body swaying on the water. Cas finally comes out with the beer and Dean smiles up at him, rowing his raft to the side of the pool.

“Hop on.”

“Uh, well…”

“Here, hand me the beer.” Dean reaches out. “Look, it has two beer holders. One for me, one for you, come on.”

Castiel leans forward and gives Dean the bottles of beer and then he strips off his shirt, carefully stepping off the side of the pool and into Dean’s arms.

“I got you, don’t worry” Dean assures him as he falls onto the float, almost tipping them both over.  

Laughing, Dean squeezes Cas before letting him slide in next to him. Cas, awkwardly finds a comfortable position and then stretches out his legs. “This is nice.”

“Ain't it? And Phelps over here wants to do laps,” Dean snarls at Sam to which he just rolls his eyes.  

“Far be it from me to actually want to be in shape, you know, for our _job_ …”

“Yeah whatever,” Dean says as he waves his hand. He wiggles closer to Cas and kisses him on his cheek. “I think Cas here will still love me even with a pot belly and double chin, won’t ya, Cas?”

Cas smiles after taking a sip of his beer. “Of course. Although with the amount of times I have to heal you, I don’t think it’s possible you will.”

Sam snickers as he hops out of the pool. “You guys are too gross and mushy, even for me.” Sam grabs his towel and pads over to the sliding glass door.

He turns to his brother before heading inside and smiles. “But it’s awesome.”  

Dean grins, winking at Sam, and then slips his hand down, lacing his fingers with Cas’. “Are we really gross?”

“Well, I guess compared to the many years we did our best _not_ to show any signs of affection, I’d say yes? Maybe?”

Dean guffaws and kisses Cas again, this time on the lips. “Then let’s be gross.”

“Ewww, get a room, you two,” Gabriel yells as he rounds the pool and plops down on a chaise lounge. “Some of us just ate.”

“Screw you, Gabriel. We’ll make out anywhere, anytime we please.”

Castiel raises an eyebrow at Dean. “Oh, is that so?” he says, quietly.

Dean snaps his head back and flashes him a sly smile.

“Come here,” and they lock lips again, ignoring the grunts coming from Gabriel, which they know not to take personally. In fact, everyone seems to be really rooting for him and Cas, and that fact alone makes Dean’s heart swell.  

“So guys, tonight’s the big fireworks out over the water. We’re gonna go down to the beach and watch? Or maybe stay here, I think the view from the upstairs balcony should be awesome.”

Dean and Cas share a look. “It’s the 4th of July already?”

Gabriel nods, “Uh, yeah, where have you been?”

“Dead.”  

“Good point. Anyway, what do you guys want to do?”

Dean looks at Cas. “Beach?”

Cas smiles at Dean then turns to Gabriel. “Dean and I will head down to the beach, if that’s okay.”

Gabriel wiggles his eyebrows. “Of course it’s okay, we’ll give you two lovebirds some romantic alone time. I get it.”

Now Dean has an even better reason to make sure they have their date night on the beach and what better way to add to the awesomeness of it: goddamned fireworks. He can't wait actually and the fact it was only mid afternoon, makes him antsy.  

The rest of the day is spent by the pool, Dean making sure to apply sunscreen on Cas, because the last time they were out all day in the sun, Cas thought he was being cursed with some skin disorder. Dean’s smiling at the memory of Cas, frantically knocking on his door and freaking the fuck out about how red and painful his skin was after their day at the beach.  

And Dean just had to apply that aloe. To ease the pain, yeah, but he used it as the perfect excuse to touch him, run his fingers across his skin, and man, Dean remembers feeling so turned on, his heart had been beating out of his chest. Then Cas up and left, abruptly and Dean had no clue what he did wrong.  

He had always thought Cas was disgusted with him when Dean showed any sign of interest. Cas would just brush it off or show some kind of distaste for it, and wow, how wrong Dean had been, it’s not even funny.  

As the evening approaches, Cas and Dean finish showering and get dressed for the night. Cas, now choosing the more human garb: Dean’s jeans and Motley Crue t-shirt, they head back outside, to the backyard where the grill is being fired up.  

This is where Dean gets to cook them all dinner because he really does know his way around the grill. He throws on a few steaks, some corn wrapped in foil, and god bless Gabriel for having another grill handy for the roasted peppers and shish kabobs.  

The evening’s mood is light, even though thoughts of what lies ahead tomorrow night still looms over them like a dark cloud. No one is bringing it up, and that has Dean feeling relieved. Tonight is theirs to enjoy, relish in the warm summer weather, eat delicious home grilled food, and forget about the world for a bit.  

Dean and Cas find a small table to sit and enjoy their food, while the others gather on single chairs, all facing each other. Chuck begins to tell them some story about when he had Cas watch over a family in Ireland, oh about one thousand years ago, and how Cas had grown so attached to the family’s cat, helping him catch mice, soothing him when he was alone, outside and cold while the family had forgotten all about it. Dean’s smiling imagining it so vividly in his head, because that is exactly something Cas would do.  

“Yeah, and the family was being protected, of course but you should have seen Cas and this cat. It was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen and well, I guess that was another example of when I knew he came out just right.”

A silence comes over them and Dean sees Cas blush, his head low, as he stares at his feet. Dean reaches over and holds his hand. “That’s awesome. I always knew Cas was special.’

Chuck and Gabriel smile at one another.  

“He was…” Cas’ voice cracks. “He was all alone and the family would forget he was outside. He needed warmth, comfort and well, I knew I could provide it. Even for a little while.”

Suddenly Dean’s cheeks heat up. Two years ago, Cas was homeless because Dean kicked him out, leaving him to fend for himself. Cold, alone, and fuck his life… He squeezes Cas’ hand harder, hoping he feels Dean’s insurance that Cas will never be alone again. Ever.

A few more adorable Castiel stories are shared, and Dean feels like he’s meeting the parent of his boyfriend for the first time, only to hear the most embarrassing and hilarious stories about when they were younger. Cas is being a good sport through it all, smiling and defending himself half the time. When the sun begins its descent, that’s when Dean rises and pulls Cas to his feet.  

“We’re going to head down to the beach to watch the fireworks.”

“Okay, have fun you two.” Sam says, winking.  

“Thanks,” Dean and Cas chorus

 

 

* * *

 

 

The ocean. A vast, unforgiving, and unrelenting force. She destroys, creates, with the constant ebb and flow of her currents. Castiel remembers when she was all the earth was. A bottomless body of water that tried desperately to find purpose. Though it wasn’t bottomless because in her farthest depths, life was beginning. Life that would soon make up the earth today. Life that God would end up seeing as something precious, important.

Life that would end up giving him people like Dean Winchester. For that he will always be grateful. Humans are amazing. Their survival instincts are something to be admired, their adaptability, their courage when faced with situations where the odds are against them. Humans, like Dean and Sam, who despite the horrors they face each day, continue to fight. Always saving, protecting.   

And it’s this ocean here that has Castiel in a state of amazement, for she before him is alive. Talking to him, moving closer with each break of her wave, trickling at his toes and then receding back into her immense body. A body that has torn apart continents, has swallowed entire land masses whole, leaving no evidence behind. Here and gone in a blink of an eye. She could rise up and tower over you or settle down into a calm soothing state when she invites you to dive in and become a part of her.

“It’s just water, Cas.”

Castiel giggles, staring at his toes as they sink into the wet sand, the foaming water bubbling at the contact to his skin. “Yes, just water, Dean.”

Dean grabs his hand as they turn to walk along the beach, the summer air blowing against their faces and Cas is sure his hair’s all over the place. He glances at Dean who’s already staring at him. The setting sun is lighting up his freckles and making his green eyes that much more profound.  

His Dean, his beauty.  

He’s still wrapping his mind around everything. Being with Dean like this has been the most amazing thing that has ever happened to Castiel. In the millennia that he’s been alive, this, right now, is extraordinarily beautiful. Their love, their warmth towards each other, is a blessing that he hopes could be a model for others. True love exists, it’s real, and don’t shy away from it, folks, because the rewards of giving into it is what real Heaven feels like.  

Now he could have his Heaven on Earth.

Watching Dean blossom into his loving and affectionate partner is a remarkable thing to see. It’s comforting that even though, for as many years that they tried to hide their true feelings, it never did quite work, and what’s happening now between them seems so natural, so inevitable. It isn’t shocking or awkward. It’s if their essences had already been doing this long ago and now they are just letting the physical part catch up.

That being said, Castiel is still very new to it all. He likes to observe Dean, to get an idea of exactly how he should act or what he should say, as being in this kind of relationship is foreign to him. He’s observed enough to understand the basics of such a partnership but having to actually be a part of it is all new territory for the angel. Is it okay to snuggle on the couch in a room full of people? Is it okay to kiss him, chastely while others are around? Do they hold hands now when they walk somewhere together?  

When he asks Dean these things, he just laughs and reminds him to just be natural, but natural for Cas is a bit different than what is for Dean. In his true state of ‘natural’ he’d be in his form, wings out, ready for battle. Of course, he knows what Dean means and from spending as many years as he has with the Winchesters, he’s pretty sure what’s expected of him.  

 _Be Castiel_ and if he wants to reach out and grab Dean’s hand at the dinner table, he should. And if he wants to say something sweet, maybe about how beautiful he looks in the moonlight as they all grill in the backyard, it’s okay to do so. All of which he has done since being in their new location and Dean seems to bask in it.  

One week and they finally got a hold of Crowley. He’s happy about that, for having to try and break into Hell again would have been a certain suicide.

The back door through Purgatory is another option but one that none are comfortable with as well. Getting in isn’t the hard part, it’s what they would have to face once inside that poses too great a risk. The cage, he remembers, is through a treacherous route and never would he want the Winchesters to endure that, if they would even make it out alive.

The Belial have eased off on the killing, and Castiel’s sure that has to do with warding God from them. They can't sense his presence anymore, nor can they feed off it. It seems that their mindless mission centers around God’s presence, and that has given them some sort of life, a reason to multiply and destroy.  

With God off the radar, it stopped but Castiel knows that it won’t be long before they figure a way to find them. Warding works well, but it isn’t foolproof, not when it comes to the dark angels’ curiously rapid adaptability. Once they learn how to tap into God’s essence, the whole thing will start up again and this time, Castiel will have no choice but to seek out Michael and Lucifer for help.  

Using their powers, even in the slightest is discouraged, which is why they drove to that restaurant, rather than just teleport. Any chance for the Belial to pick up on their energy is a risk they can’t afford to take.

“So, did you ever think we’d be taking a beach stroll together, in this lifetime?” Dean asks, his eyes flickering as he watches the setting sun behind the beach house in the distance.

“Really, not at all,” Castiel says with a grin.  

All the impossible tasks his brethren had appointed him, the mighty battles of wars long forgotten, he had never questioned its relevance, though he figures now that there is be a very long list of things they've taken from his memory. Events that he surely wants to remember, once God is powerful enough to give it back. The venom Naomi spewed chills him, for he couldn’t imagine being a part of some of it as she swore he was, and yet it didn’t exist in his mind.  

He was a soldier of God. He took orders, obeyed, fought battles he probably had no desire to fight in. He had been one of them, once upon a time, a mindless hammer following God’s will. God wasn’t always peaceful, he unleashed his mighty wrath when he had to. From his new knowledge of being involved in slaughtering the first newborn sons whose homes did not bear the blood mark on their doors, to whatever else they did to intervene as some sort of message, warning, to merely allow prophecies to come to pass.  

It wasn’t always like that. For as long as humans existed, divine intervention was far and few between. For Humanity had their own struggles. Their own pain, torment, obstacles, and he had never seen a reason to interfere. “Let them be, let them figure it all out. Let them grow.”

But for the angels in Heaven, step out of line and it was a certain cruel punishment. His back tingles as he tries desperately to push away the nightmare of what happened to him in Heaven not so long ago. The horrifying scene that Dean had to witness, no doubt leaving a scar a mile wide on his soul. He squeezes his hand, just for reassurance that they are indeed here together, on the beach, and that horrible event is behind them.  

It's clear Dean notices Cas’ silence, so he stops in his tracks and gently yanks Cas closer to him. “Are you okay?”

“Sure, Dean. Why?”  

Castiel lifts his eyes, smiling. Is he amazed they are here together? Yes. While a million thoughts run through him mind, all starting from the first moment he saw Dean in Hell, he has to pinch himself to be convinced that they are really doing this. That they've really given into their feelings and let themselves become what they were always meant to be.  

An angel and his hunter. His one duty that turned into so much more. The human in his charge he’d been sworn to protect, and inevitably fall in love with at no fault of his own.  

“You have that far away look,” Dean tells him as he lowers himself to the sand, bringing his knees up to his chest. Castiel does the same, and turns to the ocean while resting his arms on his knees.  

“Thinking about everything. Heaven. Hell. When I first saw you. Now. All things that led us here to this beach.”  

Dean swallows. “When you first saw me, I can’t even imagine what… man, I don’t even want to know what you saw.”

“I told you,” Cas says, with a tilted head. “You were beautiful. Bright. A shining light in the midst of darkness and nightmares.

Dean clicks his tongue. “Right. A torturer with a bright glowing soul. You said that before but I can’t see how that’s possible. I wasn’t even me. I was-”

“Corrupted. Cursed or not, Dean Winchester, it was you.”  Castiel feels a warmth wash over him at hearing him say something very similar to what Dean had told him once.

Dean looks back over to the ocean and shakes his head. “I’m not even sure that makes me feel better.”

Castiel smiles, slightly and turns his gaze forward, watching the sky grow dark over the ocean. They have lasted one more day in this location. One more day free from the Belial and the Darkness. One more day where they’re able to enjoy each other without the fear or stress of an impending doom.  One more day before they have to go back into the depths of Hell and the very idea of it makes Castiel feel sick.

“My brethren and I were fighting so hard to find you. We were down there for years, in your human time frame. Every level of Hell presented more and more obstacles and a thousand more demons to fight.”

He turns to Dean who’s now staring at him. The reality of them going back down to the very place that had reshaped who Dean would inevitably become, or that burdened Sam with nightmares of pain and torture, has Castiel in such a conflicted state about ever having to return there, even if it's a necessary evil. Dean hasn’t seen Hell since then, and Sam, to imagine his reaction to seeing the cage again, offers another option for Cas: leave them behind. Of course these are the Winchesters and such an idea would be wasted breath from his mouth.

He continues, “While I watched my fellow angels die at the hands of demons, I pushed on, knowing the most important task was to find you. I heard the screams, the horrific howls of the souls being tortured but that wasn’t what aided in my success.”

Dean remains silent. He had briefly told Dean about his harrowing quest to pull the righteous man from Hell, but now that he’s going into more detail, Dean watches him eagerly as if he’s hearing it for the first time. There’s little Dean really knows about Hell, even after spending forty years there.

“I was with twenty other soldiers when we came to a level of Hell that held some of the worst images imaginable, and some still haunt me until this very day. I’ve seen a lot, Dean. In all my time existing as an angel, I've seen things that I prefer you never even knew about. But there, in that pit of despair, I shook with fear.”

“Wow. I never knew…”

“As we pushed through the corridor, the space opened to a vast darkness and I’m not entirely sure how much detail you remember, as I am sure it was a little different for you, but there, in that black void - where visibility was impossible and only the sounds of those being tortured gave us any indication that we weren’t alone - I saw a light. It was bright and so far away, but it was there and I almost didn’t believe my own eyes.”

“A light?”

Cas nods. “I asked my fellow brethren if they saw it too, to which one replied, ‘Castiel, what light? I do not see anything.’ I pointed to it, yet still, no one else saw it. I was determined to follow it, I heard it calling for me, a longing I’ve never felt before, and so I went in the direction of it, being the only one who could bear witness to it and do you know what I found?”

Dean blinks, inhaling deeply. “Me?”

“You,” Cas says with a smile. “You were the light. You led me to you. Only me. Not any other angel. Just me.”

Dean exhales the breath he seemed to be holding and they lace their fingers together. “Wow. That’s-”

“Our story.”

“I like it,” Dean grins, squeezing Cas’ hand.

“Me too,” Castiel beams back. “I had always thought ill of destiny, how unchanged and unrelenting it could be, after meeting you of course, how much you showed me that, well… people can control their own lives, but when it's something like this, bringing us together, it made me believe in an idea that I had only dreamed of.”

“And that is?”

“True love. I mean, humans were always meeting their soulmates, finding their Heaven together, but for that to happen to _me_ , it seemed unreal. I was taught that angels were not supposed to be a part of anything like that.”

“Michael and Lucifer talked a hell a lot about destiny.”

He cringes at the sound of those names, for the mere mention of them comes the reality of the dangerous task of actually going to talk to them which Cas would like to put off for another lifetime, thank you very much.

“True. They were big believers in prophecy and destiny,” Cas pauses and then starts to laugh. “I think Michael will lose his mind when he sees you and I together.”

Dean’s brow furrows but he keeps his smile on his face. “Why?”

“Because, he had scared us all with his warning of falling in love or falling, period. Despite his tactics, he couldn’t control me falling in love with you.”

They search each other's eyes for a few seconds, both reveling in the idea of love. Their love. “Imagine I said yes to him?” Dean says with a chuckle.  

“No. I don’t want to imagine it.”

“Yeah, I remember how you felt about that whole thing.” Dean turns his gaze to the ocean and Cas sighs, remembering all too well what he means.  

“Dean, I-- I never meant… I was terrible to you.”

“Hey,” Dean’s attention is back on Cas and he’s scooting his body closer to his. “I get it. That was a hell of a time. I was a dick to you, and everyone. I deserved--”

“Don't you dare say that you deserved that.”  

Cas’ heart accelerates. The last thing he had ever wanted Dean to feel was that he asked for his wrath. Castiel showed him a darker side of himself that he had never meant to reveal. He remembers the plethora of conflicting thoughts that ran through his mind that year. After he rebelled and had been not only cut off from Heaven, which in turn began to weaken him, he was hunted. He was public enemy number one, all because of lies and treachery.  

His rebellion was no secret. He wasn’t ashamed of it, either. But when he saw the very person he had done it all for, begin to lose hope and lean more towards saying ‘yes’ to Michael, Cas just about lost it. Lost it all over Dean’s face that night in the alley. He could have just put him to sleep and dragged him back to Bobby’s but he let his rage loose and it was so hard to stop.  

He wasn’t even sure at the time who he was more mad at, Dean or himself. While he had no regrets for giving Heaven the middle finger, as Dean put it, he recalls feeling betrayed by the hunter and he wasn’t happy about letting that under his skin. He should have been more sympathetic with Dean, because Cas understood, very well, the weight on that poor man’s shoulders back then.

“I just meant… forget it. Why are we talking about the past anyway?”

Cas doesn’t even know how, what was supposed to be a romantic retelling of when he first laid eyes on Dean, ended stirring up things neither of them needed to revisit at the moment. Or ever, for that matter.  

“Come here,” Dean says as he moves his legs apart and extends his arm, reaching for Cas to take his seat in front of him.  

Cas loves this feeling of Dean pressed against his back, his strong arms wrapping around his body, fingers lacing with his in front of him, Dean’s warm breath against his ear as his chin rests on his shoulder. It’s no secret why humans love this, why they crave intimacy. Nothing in the world compares to the feeling of having someone you love, and who loves you back, offer this gratifying shelter of warmth.

“I had always wondered what it would feel like to be close to you, feel your warmth around me.”

That’s a good change of topic.

He hears Dean chuckle. “Oh yeah? Because I was such a warm puppy all these years?”

“I had never had… never had,”  

Cas chokes on his words, unsure of how to even express himself at the moment. He wants to say that Dean is the first person, angel, being, that has ever been this way with him. He wants to say that there’s no other creature in the galaxy that has given him all that Dean has given. Not one person who offered their arms for an embrace, or a shoulder for him to cry on. He’d never ran to someone at the end of the day, just to be as close as possible to them and maybe lose himself in their heat

No one has ever wiped away his tears with kisses, as Dean had when he came back from Heaven, wingless, graceless, and broken. He’d never been loved like this and each day is a new miracle for him. Each day that he spends with Dean reminds him of just how incredible it all is.

He continues, “Being close to you, in your arms, is overwhelming, really. I don’t think I ever want you to let go of me.” Cas is smiling, wriggling against Dean who’s squeezing him tighter.  

“Why would I ever want to?”

Cas tilts his head, turning it slightly. “Want to what?”

“Let go?”

Castiel turns back to the ocean. “Promise me, Dean.”

Dean kisses his cheek and brings his legs together, trapping Cas into his embrace. “I promise you, Cas, that I will never let you go. Not now, not ever.”

“Thank you.”

He knows he doesn’t need this promise but hearing it is soothing. They wouldn’t ever let anything come between them, and if all these years is evidence of that, then this promise had already been made the day they met. Try and rip them apart and they cling tighter. The universe knows this. The universe listened to their love.  

Their love that is as vast as the cosmos, spreading out and sprinkling tiny bits of light across the galaxy, and then gathering back together, all to end up here on the beach, close, surrounded by nothing but what their hearts want. A love so powerful, that neither Heaven, Hell, nor Purgatory could break it. How did he end up so lucky?

But it wasn’t just a roll of the dice. God had a bigger plan when he lit up Dean’s soul to allow Cas to find him. God brought Cas back, twice, making sure he’d end up with Dean. The difference between prophecy and destiny is a very small one. With prophecies, it has been foreseen, sometimes written, as it shall be, unchanged. Unless you interrupt it with destiny, because destiny can be changed, depending on the path one chooses.

Was it prophesied that Michael and Lucifer should bring about the apocalypse? Yes. Was it Dean and Sam’s destiny to allow that to happen? No. Nowhere was it written that the Winchesters should sit back, become nothing but vessels for the arguing archangels. While there are humans meant to house a certain number of them, it’s not prophesy that makes it so.  

It had always been a little complicated, even for Castiel. For a millennium, he didn’t even think to question these things. This was just how he was taught. What was and what should be. How wrong he had been about so much, and it humbles him knowing that angels, who were revered as all knowing, had very little knowledge compared to what’s available.

They had much to learn and Castiel reminds himself to talk to Chuck about this, for he’s now pretty sure that the angels were sent to earth to not only observe, but to obtain knowledge from humanity. To learn how to love, comfort, laugh, cry, and Castiel feels his face heat up at the thought.  

He isn't broken. He's just right.  

“Feel better?” Dean nuzzles his nose against Castiel’s ear, offering gentle kisses that feel like feathers against his skin.  

“Yes.”  

And he isn't lying.

“If you ever wonder if I could even let go of you, always remember that I hated when you left.”

Castiel's smile fades, “What?”

“When you used to just leave and then I’d have no idea where you went or when you were coming back, it really bugged the hell out of me.”

Castiel’s shoulders ease, the tension leaving as he understands exactly what Dean is referring to.

“I was very unfamiliar with your human customs, your constant need to know where someone is and a time of their possible return was lost on me. I do apologize.”

Dean laughs in his hair. “It’s okay, just saying. I always wanted you around even if we were arguing about something.”

This has Castiel snicker because it seems there’s always something causing them to bicker. “We do argue a lot.”

“We do.”

“But that’s okay. I think most of our arguments are rooted in the amount of care we have for each other. I’m okay with that,” Castiel says, sighing with satisfaction.  

“And now we have a whole new adventure ahead, I can’t wait for our butting heads over going to Hell.”

How right Dean is. “When the times comes…”

“Tomorrow night.”

“Can we just appreciate this now? Without the anticipation of doom we’re inevitably going to have to face?”

“Cas--”

“I mean it, Dean. How long have we waited to be like this as we are now and to be given this time to bask in it, without having to worry about who will be dying tomorrow, or how long will it be until one of us is out of our minds under a spell, or curse or-”

Castiel stops. He understands Dean better than anyone, aside from Sam, obviously, and he knows that Dean is always prepared for the worst, always in crash position, always with one foot out the door, ready to take down whatever threat comes his way. But Cas can’t allow it now, not this time, and with everything they’ve been through recently, he, _they_ need this.  

They need this small pocket of serenity.

“Now you sound like me, this morning.”

Castiel laughs, because yes, he does.

“Well, I still don’t want to sleep until noon everyday.” He eases back into Dean. “Now that we have an answer, now that we know Crowley will help, I feel as if I can relax. I don’t want to think about it until then.”

“Okay, okay, I get it. That was what I was trying to tell you this morning. ” Dean kisses his cheek.

Just then the sky erupts in glorious lights, blasting over the water and reflecting brilliant colors of blue, red, white, green - the sounds of the fireworks drowning out the waves and everything else around them. Their both in awe, wide eyed and amazed at the sight. Dean’s holding Cas so close now and for some reason, it’s the most magical moment Cas has ever experienced.

He feels tender kisses on the back of his head and for a brief moment, he closes his eyes, still seeing the flashing lights through his closed lids.

“I love you, Cas,” Dean whispers in his ear.

Cas feels tears well up in his eyes and when he blinks them open, they stream down his cheeks. He’s the happiest he’s ever been, and part of him does share in Dean’s preparation for the worst, as with all good things, the bad is always lurking around the corner. But just as it enters his mind, it leaves and he rests against Dean’s chest and watches the sky and all the beautiful, stunning colors that are lighting it up. Tonight is theirs. Tonight belongs to them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Another chapter will be ready by the 23rd. xo


	3. Chapter 3

Dean isn’t sure what’s more breathtaking. The fireworks or his angel sitting in front of him, eyes glued to the sky with the look of pure wonder on his face. He keeps leaning forward to glance at Cas as he watches the Fourth of July celebration in front of them and it all makes Dean’s heart feel like it’s about to burst.

He can easily utter _I love you,_ the words so effortlessly flowing out of him as he feels that love taking him over. He’s not even sure they’re still on the ground and that maybe they’ve been floating the whole time. Every moment with his angel is new and every moment he feels like he’s dreaming.

Dean kisses Castiel’s cheek and feels the dampness against his lips so he immediately grabs his shoulder, urging Cas to turn to face him. Cas spins around and he throws his legs over Dean’s lap so that they’re facing each other. With his thumbs, he wipes away his tears and follows it with small kisses. He knows Cas isn’t crying because he’s sad. He knows this is just his emotions pouring out, overflowing and probably overwhelming him.

He wants to talk to him, maybe tell him some more about how much he loves him but Cas is already closing the space between them and planting his lips on Dean’s. His kisses are hot, passionate, causing his stomach to flip a thousand times.

It’s the effect his angel has on him. To want him like this, to show him, act on it without holding back, well, it feels like the world is spinning too fast. He loves it, though and there’s no feeling in the world that compares to this kind of hunger. This need. This unconditional love.

He’s never had this, in all the years he’d been in and out of relationships, one night stands, no one has ever wanted him this much. Thinking back, he recalls all the times Cas wouldn’t leave his side or when he’d pop up out of nowhere just to talk. And all those times Dean would imagine them together, _really together_ , understanding the strength of their bond. He knew somewhere deep inside that this love Cas has for him is unconditional. It’s real and true.

It’s not based on Dean’s looks or how good he is in bed. He’s not some hunter groupie who makes their rounds through the circuit, just to bang someone who fights monsters. He isn’t a demon who used him when he was at his worst, taking advantage of the thing he’d became.

No, Cas loves his soul. His heart. Who he is, no matter all the crap he’s seen. After everything, Cas wants him all the same. And for the first time in Dean’s life, he feels worthy of it. Worthy of love. Of happiness. Of Cas.

Dean lifts Cas up so that he’s straddling him now and as the kisses intensify, so does his arousal. Cas is grinding slowly, hardness against hardness, and Dean’s face is flushed, his body is on fire, actually and God, he wants him so badly. This is light, this is love, this is everything Dean’s ever wanted and with the one person he’s always wanted it with.

“Dean…”

Cas moans in his ear, grabbing the back of Dean’s shirt, twisting the fabric in his fists. The fireworks are still going on but the beauty in front of him is all he sees now. His eyes, still wet with tears are staring at him now and all Dean can do is smile back.

“I love you, too Dean. So much that… is this even real? Because I’m really happy and--”

Dean kisses him. “I hope so.” Another kiss. “And by the way, I’m really happy too.”

They share a smile before Dean feels hands fumbling around his waist. He looks down to see Cas undoing his belt and begins to look around, making sure they really _are_ alone. They sigh in unison as Cas takes hold of Dean’s erection and begins stroking him, slow and steady at first. Dean’s head drops back and his eyes open to the star filled sky.

It’s so immense, like it wants to swallow him whole but Cas is grabbing him, making sure Dean’s not going anywhere. He glances down at his angel, smiling. He’s always got him. He’ll always make sure Dean won’t get torn away from him.

Cas interrupts his stroking Dean to stand and pulls down his own jeans. Dean watches, mesmerized by the way he thumbs open his button, how he pulls the zipper down, and then his fingers as they slide under the waistband, letting the jeans drop down to his ankles. He bends down and reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small bottle of… _something_ and then Dean’s eyes light up.

“You actually brought--”

Cas giggles, raspy and dry and it makes Dean laugh too. Castiel is back down on his lap and he hands the lube to Dean, raising his eyebrows. “Will you...”

Dean doesn’t waste any time as he squirts some on his fingers, and then reaches behind Cas, one hand spreading his cheeks while the other searching for his opening. Cas breathes against his face, his hands gripping his shoulders tightly, anticipating Dean sliding inside him.

And when he does, Cas lets out a high pitched and breathy gasp that makes Dean grin. He’s slow at first, grabbing Cas’ ass, moving him and when they get a nice rhythm going, Dean wraps his arms around his angel, holding him tightly against him.

Cas is riding him now, moving faster as he pants in Dean’s ear, and it causes the hunter’s skin to tingle all over.

“Dean…”

Cas’ voice is hoarse and deep. Dean feels one of his hands move from his shoulder and he looks down to see Cas stroking himself. He swallows, feeling the butterflies flutter from his stomach to his throat. He’s never seen Cas take care of himself like this and it’s so fucking hot, Dean comes fast and hard inside of him.

He soon feels the warmth of Cas’ orgasm all over his stomach. He pulls Cas in closer and tightens his arms around him, resting their foreheads together. Dean doesn’t pull out yet, he wants to stay connected to Cas for as long as he can. Their bodies pressed close, their heat combining, making a hot little bubble around them.

That’s when Castiel spreads his wings and wraps them around Dean, and all he can do is sigh. He has Cas. Cas has him. This is how they are. Always protecting, always offering shelter and safety for each other. And those wings are like nothing in the world. Dean feels like a nuke can go off and he’d be absolutely fine as long he was wrapped in Cas’ wings.

 

* * *

 

“Dean!” Cas shouts from the bedroom as he pulls on a fresh pair of underwear and jeans. “I think we need to do laundry, I have no more shirts.”

Dean flashes a pirate smile as he shakes his wet hair out. “You mean, you have no more of _my_ shirts…”

“Yes… yes, that’s what I mean.”

“You can always go tax accountant again.”

“But,” Cas shuts the closet door and turns to Dean. “When I did earlier, I missed it.”

Dean closes the space between them and throws the wet towel onto the bed. “Missed what?”

“Your clothes, your-your scent.”

Dean chuckles. “You got my scent right here,” he says as he pulls Cas to him and wraps his arms around his waist.

“Mm,” Cas replies with a low hum. They kiss but before getting into yet another round of love making, there’s a knock on the door. Dean grunts as he unwillingly pulls away from Cas to get it.

“Uh Dean…” Cas says, eyeing Dean’s naked torso.

“Right.” He grabs the towel and wraps it around his waist. “Yeah?” He opens the door to his brother standing with a smirk.

“Sorry to interrupt, but,” Sam clears his throat. “How was the beach?"

Dean leans, a hand on the door frame. "Nice. Spectacular. Is there something you need?"

Sam chuckles. "Chuck wants us all downstairs for a short pow wow.”

“Come on,” Dean whines. “This is our date night.”

“Yeah, well, he thinks we should go over some plan for tomorrow. If things go --  if we get too busy.”

“Fine,” Dean sighs. He turns to Cas who nods.

After Castiel decides to zap Dean’s clothes clean and pulls on his Ramones shirt, (Dean still thinks it’s so fucking adorable that he insists on wearing his clothes) and Dean gets dressed as well, they head down to the living room where Chuck and Gabriel are already seated, anxiously awaiting them.

“Careful with the mojo there, Cas. We don’t want to give the dark angels a heads up.”

“I know, but I think zapping your clothes clean uses very little of my powers. I’m sure it’s fine,” Cas whispers back as they walk toward the guys.

“This better be quick, Cas and I have plans.”

Chuck smiles, sheepishly at Dean and it’s pretty crazy, because God or not, he still has those Chuck mannerisms and it’s really funny to see.

“I know, and I’m sorry but just in case we all get caught up tomorrow, I wanted to talk about what’s going to happen down there. In Hell.”

Dean and Cas take their seat and Sam comes in soon after, choosing a spot across from them.

“Thing is, guys, we’re thinking it might be better if… if maybe once we get down there, once we find the cage, that Dean and Sam do the talking,” Gabriel says, eyeing Chuck briefly for approval.”

“Okay, but why?” Dean asks.

“Well, you guys sent them to the cage, yeah, but you were only protecting yourselves and humanity. They’ll get that but with Gabe and I,” Chuck swallows. “Michael might not be as willing to hear you out if we’re there.”

“Because of all that happened before?” Sam asks, leaning in on his elbows.

“Pretty much. If you guys just tell Michael what happened, with the mark, the Darkness, maybe he’ll be more willing to tell you where the Hand is. If he thinks you need it to defeat the Darkness, he might actually be on board.”

Dean scrubs his face. “Won’t they wanna know why we’ll need the damn Hand of God if it’s not for you?”

“Probably, and I’m pretty sure they’ll have to know what’s going on but seeing Dad and I might not be the best idea,” Gabriel says, the most sincere Dean’s seen him in a long time.

Dean inhales, shakily as the reality of them doing this tomorrow hits him. He glances at Sam and he can tell his little brother is thinking the same thing. This is Hell, the Pit, where they both did time. Both tortured, one becoming his worst nightmare, while the other, Lucifer’s play thing. He’ll never get over everything that went on down there and he can still smell the rotting flesh and blood as if it was yesterday. And for Sam, well, it’s gotta be traumatic to even think of.

Turning to Sam, he makes eye contact and nods. “Can I talk to you a sec?”

Dean turns to Cas quickly and squeezes his hand before rising and leading Sam into kitchen.

“Dean, what’s up?”

Dean leans on the counter and prepares for Sam to argue with him because he knows he will. He’s a damn Winchester, for Pete’s sake. “Maybe you should hang back. Let _me_ go down there.”

Sam shakes his head, grinning. “Right, you go down there while I do what? Sit here and make waffles?”

“That place is bad, Sam and I know you remember every damn detail. You can’t tell me you don’t, because I do. Every rotten smell, the fear, the pain… there’s no reason _you_ gotta be down there again.”

“And for you it’s okay? You were down there for forty years, Dean. Forty. And you… no, if anything, maybe I should go down there and you stay behind.”

Dean chuckles. He knew this would happen. While Sam is right, it _was_ a hell of a lot longer for Dean, Sam was in the damn cage with Lucifer and Michael and that has to be a whole new level of nightmare.

“You were locked up with those two, Sam. No matter how long I was in Hell, that has _got_ to be the most fucked up experience.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “Yeah, it was fucked up. Yeah it sucked.” He sighs. “The torture, what Lucifer put me through was an agony that I don’t wish on my worst enemy.”

“Exactly my point, Sam. Going down there may trigger some PTSD or something.”

“But I’m okay with it. It’s over. It’s done.” He pauses. “And even if it still gets to me sometimes, we don’t have a choice. This is the Darkness, Dean. If I have to put aside my feelings or-or fears then so be it.”

“Yeah I know, but--” Sam’s right. Dean knows that.

“Dean, how about you?”

Dean side smiles. “I’m okay, just not with having you see that place again, that’s all.”

Sam moves to the island in the middle of the kitchen and sits on the barstool, swinging it around to face his older brother. “Let _me_ make that call.”

Dean exhales the breath he was holding in. “Will you at least think about it?”

“About what?” Sam’s brow furrows.

“How it’s gonna feel seeing it all again. Just sleep on it and if by tomorrow, you still think you’ll be fine, then good, we go, but if there’s some small chance, Sam, some tiny bit of doubt, you tell me.”

Sam smiles and rolls his eyes. “Fine. Deal.”

Dean returns the smile and turns to join the others when Sam calls out, “But hey,” Dean faces him. “You do the same okay? Sleep on it?”

Dean smiles in silent agreement and moves back to the living room to take his place next to Cas, who’s eyeing him curiously.

“Everything okay?” Cas whispers, leaning into him.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s cool,” Dean says, in a low tone for only Cas to hear.

“... that is, if Crowley doesn’t fuck anything up,” Gabriel finishes.

“What’d I miss?” Dean asks the guys.

Cas laces his fingers with Dean’s and says, “We’re just not all comfortable with trusting Crowley. He’s a backstabber, double crosser--”

“Yeah, I know,” Dean sighs. “Do you guys think he’s duping us?”

Panic comes over and him because there is a very good chance Crowley is setting them up. Could all be a trap, a damn trap in Hell no less. Dean wishes he knew the demon’s motivation. If it’s not to ‘win’ him back, Dean can only hope that since Crowley knows they found God, their fight against the Darkness just got a little easier, somewhat.

But this nagging feeling in his gut is telling him not to go down there and not to trust Crowley in any way shape or form.

“I don’t know. He can try but we’re still powerful. We can still kick his demon ass,” Gabriel states, smirking.

“So, back to the cage thing. You want me to just flat out tell Michael everything?”

Chuck nods. “Yeah. He’s gonna know why you need the Hand. He’s also gonna try to convince you to let him out and join forces… but don’t buy it.”

“But he’s needed in this, eventually, right? I mean, last time it took you and all the archangels to defeat this thing.”

“Yeah, but not until he gives us the location of the Hand.” Chuck rubs his temples. “I need my power back. Without it, he can try and pull that crap again, you know, taking over Heaven…”

Dean and Sam share a look as flashes of 2010 fills his head. “Yeah we don’t want that.”

“Exactly.” Chuck sits back, easing into the cushions of the couch. “One thing at a time. Let’s just hope Crowley cooperates.”

Sam clears his throat. “What about Lucifer?”

Gabriel’s eyebrows raise. “What about him?”

“Well, we’re gonna need him too, right? Does he get a ticket out once Chuck is at full power again?”

Chuck and Gabriel eye each other. “Probably.”

“This just keeps getting crappier by the minute,” Dean says.

“But won’t he need a vessel? Michael too?” Sam asks them.

Dean’s heart races. _Oh hell no._ “We’re not going down that road again guys. We’re not--”

Cas squeezes Dean’s hand. “I would never even entertain it, Dean. Trust me.”

“Yeah but--”

“Like I said, one thing at a time. We can worry about vessels later. What we need to focus on is just finding the location and we can take it from there.” Chuck narrows his gaze on Dean. “We’re not even considering you and Sam offering your vessels, I promise.”

“Good, ‘cause it ain’t happening.”

Dean glances at Sam who clearly seems disturbed and he’s now sure he doesn’t want Sam down there. Just the anxiety of it, the whole “true vessel’ bullshit, it’s something neither one of them needs or wants to relive.

Or even think about.

“Anyway, just wanted to touch base about everything. You guys  go back to your date,” Chuck says, eyebrows raised at Dean and Cas.

On that note, Dean can’t wait to shake off the jeebies he has and get back upstairs to spend some quality time with his angel. One week hasn’t been enough for him, not after all the years they spent avoiding it. Sure, if he adds it up, they’ve been cozying up for a few months now but with all the hell they’ve been through, he needs more time. Time to settle down his mind, his anxiety about all the crap that’s about to come.

To just _be_ with Cas is everything he could ever hope for.

And so they make their way upstairs after bidding the boys goodnight. Cas falls down on the bed as Dean checks out the patio, inhaling the warm ocean air. The fireworks ended but the night still feels young and Dean doesn’t want to sleep. Sleep means they wake up tomorrow and he doesn't want tomorrow to come just yet.

“C’mere,” Dean says as he lays a blanket down on the wide chaise lounge. Cas joins him and he sits on the comfortable cushions, taking Dean into his arms, letting him rest his head on Cas’ chest. He hears his heartbeat, steady and strong, and it’s so soothing, Dean could lie like this forever.

“I asked Sam earlier if he’s okay seeing Hell again. The cage, man, it must have really fucked him up.”

He feels Cas shift and then tighten his hold around Dean. “I was thinking the same thing about the both of you earlier. You boys have had some awful experiences down there. If you two don’t want to--”

“Don’t even think it, Cas. I’m going. I was just thinking maybe Sam can stay behind, but he ain’t hearing it.”

“Dean, are you sure? No one will think less of you if you stayed behind. You know that, right?”

He lets out a long and drawn out sigh but not because he’s annoyed, because he gets it, Cas is right. He knows they won’t look at him funny or think he’s weak if he believes for one second that revisiting that den of horror might be too much for him.

Dean’s also thinking it actually might be _too much for him._

A year ago he would have thought the opposite. He would have felt like a failure for even considering hanging back. Feelings of weakness and uselessness would have plagued him if something was too hard for him to handle. But now, after everything, he has this new sense of confidence that being real, whether scared or confused, is nothing to be ashamed of.

“It should be, you know? Like I should be having some kind of PTSD from it all, but it’s just something I think I have to do. We need this information from Michael, and maybe I just have to nut up and stop worrying so much about how it will affect Sam and me.”

“You can still _nut up_ and stay behind, Dean.”

Dean chuckles at Cas repeating his phrase. “I know. But I think we need to just go and get it over with.”

“Only if you think you can. I would never force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. I remember what I saw Dean, when I found you. It wasn’t pretty.”

Dean actually trembles, knowing he has no memory of Cas showing up and that fact alone makes him shiver. What he must have seen…

“You only saw what I became, Cas. You missed the whole introduction to it. I was there for thirty years being ripped apart. They--”

Cas pulls him tighter giving Dean the strength to continue. “They did things to me that I can still feel on some days. The pain, I’ve never felt anything like it.”

He feels a kiss on the top of his head. “I don’t even want to think about it. It makes me want to annihilate that whole disgusting place and everyone in it.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. And I lived it.”

“Dean, like I said, your choice. You can stay.”

“As long as you’re there with me, Cas, I’ll be ok.” Dean looks up at him and Cas lowers his head to kiss his lips. “You pulled me out, you saved me. I think I’ll be okay with you there.”

Cas smiles at him, squeezing him even tighter, Dean lets out a gasp. “Oh sorry,” Cas says, easing up. “And I will always be by your side, Dean. For as long as you’ll have me.”

Dean’s head rests on Cas’ chest again and he stares up at the stars.

“How does forever sound?”

His cheeks heat up as soon as he says it. They haven’t talked about it since that night but every time he thinks about spending the rest of his life with Cas, he can’t help but want to really ask him the _right_ way this time.

But he won’t. Not yet. There are many reasons why and most of it has to do with the fact that they have so much work to do. Hell, finding the Hand of God, defeating the Darkness. He’s already counting the minutes when their little slice of Heaven will be interrupted by some fucked up thing, it’s almost like a jinx in and of itself. Vacation? Relaxation? A goddamned wedding? Yeah, he’s pretty sure the fates would find some way to crash it.

He’s made peace with the fact that their lives will always be involved with some great evil event, some end of the world crap, or demonic takeover. It’s how his life has been since his mom died. Since he was four years old and had run outside of a burning house with his little brother in his arms. Since watching his dad fall apart, little by little, and eventually build a wall so high that not even Dean could climb over it.

And everyday he grew closer to becoming that hunter his dad needed him to be. Relentless. Hard. Unforgiving. And each month, week, day, posed a new problem, some new big bad that they had to hunt down and kill. They moved from state to state, town to town, city to city, Dean seeing new faces, new people he could get cozy with, and soon forget. New monsters to track down, some harder to kill than others.

Some people he’d grown attached to. Some goodbyes hurt, some didn’t phase him at all. It was part of the job, part of who he was. Him and Dad, and Sam when he was old enough. They didn’t get to relax, be normal, because there would always be evil to fight, people to save. And even with Dean trying his hardest to let Sam be a kid for as long as he could, to let him hold onto his innocence and naivete, there came the time to finally let Sam be a hunter. Time to let him do what he’d been begging them to let him do.

Everyday they had spent on the road, Dean regretted not giving Sam more time. Not letting him have the life he never got to have, but when Sam took off and decided he didn’t want to be in that life anymore, that he wanted more, Dean’s world was crushed. He pulled Sam back in when Dad disappeared and even though a huge part of him wished he hadn’t, he knew having his brother by his side made them both stronger.

And now he has Cas. His angel, his savior, his one and only and if he has to fight the good fight, he’s damn happy it’s with them.

“Forever sounds perfect, Dean. As I told you before, I plan on spending every moment I can with you.”

“Mm, I like the sound of that.” Dean nuzzles his face into Cas’ chest.

“There are not many people who can say that. _Forever._ It’s usually a term meant for people who can only see the ‘right now’.”

Dean lifts his head. “What do you mean?”

“They’re in love with the moment, the idea but so many never really live up to that promise. It’s not their fault. People change. Feelings change.” Castiel sighs. “Hearts change.”

“Hey,” Dean sits up straighter to get a good look at Cas. “That ain’t gonna happen.”

Castiel smiles. “I know. But it does happens.”

Dean rests his head again. “Aren’t we like… soulmates or something?”

Dean remembers their conversation in the motel room a while back, Cas telling him about soulmates and sharing a Heaven. It was all really bizarre to hear but awesome at the same time. To know that he and Cas are _that_ and are meant to be together, as it’s written in the stars, fills Dean with the most amazing feeling that he’s pretty sure he’s never felt before.

It’s the knowing, the reality of having it, _him_ , Dean fucking Winchester with the man he fell in love with so many years ago. The man who is actually an angel, most of the time. He’s smiling at their lives, how crazy, how off the charts it would seem to an outsider.

Retelling how they met to someone who knew nothing about the supernatural.

“ _Well, I went to Hell because I sold my soul to a crossroads demon, to bring back my brother, who died because Azazel had him and his other hopefuls in some fucked up contest. A_ _nd then I spent forty years in Hell, ten which I spent torturing, until Castiel, the angel of the Lord, came to grip me tight and raise me from perdition.”_

“Yes. I’m not worried about our feelings changing Dean. I believe that’s impossible.”

He laughs. “Exactly. I don’t see us being apart, like ever.”

“Unless one of us dies again.”

“Cas, come on.”

“I’d just bring you back again, if it were you.”

They both crack up and pause to share a kiss. They spend another hour under the stars, Dean lost in it all as he snuggles close to his angel. He could definitely sleep out here but instead they head inside and drop onto the bed, Dean on his side, Cas on his back.

They start melting into each other but this time, it’s slow and deliberate.  Every kiss, every touch is lasting, no need to rush it tonight. Dean wants to savor every inch of him, taste every part he can. He wants to watch him moan and sigh with pleasure at each gentle caress.

He strips Cas down, after removing his own clothes, kissing each part of his skin that is newly bare. Working his way up from his ankles, to his calves, spending extra attention to his thighs, licking the inside of them, moving up slowly.

Cas grabs the back of Dean’s head, playing with his hair but not pulling it as he normally would. No, Cas is being gentle, letting his fingers run through the short trestles. Dean continues brushing his lips up his body, kissing and nibbling the skin above Cas’ navel, going straight to his chest, his nipples. Giving each one a slight bite with his lip covered teeth, and soothing them with his tongue.

Yeah, he’s going to take it real slow tonight, let this moment last for as long as he can.

“Ohh, Dean,” Cas moans, as Dean brings his face up to his neck.

“Cas.”

He moves his body against Cas, their erections pressed together. Each thrust brings Dean closer and closer so he slows it down even more so, not wanting to finish yet. Cas has his arms wrapped around Dean, holding him tightly to his chest and Dean pauses to look into his eyes. They don’t say anything but silently they’re declaring their love, their devotion, their loyalty.

Dean kisses him, never wanting to stop, always wanting to feel his lips on his, his body under his, his arms around him.

And they will have this. Forever. He and Cas can have it all if they really wanted it. Get married, maybe even buy a house, like he thought of months ago. That oversized sofa, Cas soothing their adopted kid and Dean in the kitchen making dinner or pies. Sam and his wife coming over with their own kids and everything is normal, perfect.

There will probably still be evil out there, still jobs for them to do, and sure, this whole scenario in his head exists on the unrealistic idea that somehow the new members of their family wouldn't have to worry about being a target. That Sam, Dean, and Cas could rest easy knowing the monsters wouldn’t find them.

But even if they can’t have that kind of life, they still have each other and they can still get that house, that couch, that flatscreen tv and Dean can still cook Cas dinner every night because why the hell not? They deserve it. They all do. 

As he yanks Cas’ arms from him and gently rests them over the angel’s head, their hands locking, he imagines them in their own bed, in their own home in the middle of nowhere. Hidden from everything nasty in the world. Protected, safe.

Dean’s torn from his reverie when Cas is hissing, his hips bucking against him and that’s all it takes for Dean to come as well, throbbing against Cas’ erection. Feeling his angel come apart like that, watching Cas experience these levels of pleasure sends Dean to another plane of existence. He loves witnessing it and he _loves_ knowing he’s the one who’s making him feel it.

“Dean…” Cas breathes as Dean lowers his head to his shoulder. “What were you thinking about?”

Dean chuckles and slides to his side, keeping an arm draped over Cas’ chest. “Promise not to laugh?”

“No.”

Dean grins at his honesty. “I was imaging us in our own house, maybe a kid…”

“A kid?” Cas’ eyes widen.

“And a couch. A big one to go with a giant flatscreen.”

“Oh.” Cas’ face drops and Dean brings his hand to his cheek.

“What’s wrong?”

It takes a few seconds for Cas to make eye contact with Dean and he almost loses his breath at how sad he suddenly seems. “Cas?”

“I can’t give you that. A child…”

Dean exhales, and grips his hold on Cas tighter. “Dude, in my fantasy, we adopt.”

Castiel brightens, and he almost cracks a smile, no wait, he does, but it’s so small. “Really?”

“I’m pretty sure I know how biology works, Cas and yeah, I know we can’t, uh, have one the traditional way, so why not adopt? I mean, there are tons of homeless kids around and--”

Cas interrupts him with a kiss that seems to have no intention of ending any time soon. Finally Dean pulls away to catch his breath and he’s smiling at a now cheerful angel. “So you like that idea?”

“Yes. I mean, eventually when we… if we…”

“No life for the kid though huh,” Dean says, defeated at that reality again. Seeing Cas so elated about it made him forget, for such a brief moment that it would be really impossible.

“True, but just the fact you were thinking about it, that it’s a fantasy, well, that makes me happy.”

“So, something to dream about.”

“Sure. Something to dream about.”

They kiss again, and Cas takes hold of Dean’s hand and brings it up to his lips, kissing his thumb.

“One of these days, I would love for you not have to do this anymore.” He continues kissing his fingers, one by one. “No more bruises,” he says and then kisses his palm, “No more cuts and scrapes.” He kisses his knuckles and closes Dean’s fist around his hand. “No more pain.”

And just like that, he has Dean floating.

“One of these days, huh.”

“I hope so. Maybe we should start a hunter training camp, get the next generation ready. No need to take on the burdens alone.”

Dean sighs. “Sounds good in theory but… some things you just can’t train for. Experience is why Sammy and I are the way we are. Good old fashioned balls to the wall.”

Castiel grins. “It’s just something to think about. There should be a day when you two get to retire.”

Dean wants to laugh at that option, for he knows there ain't no way in hell it could ever happen. “If we live long enough.”

“I would just--”

“Cas, you know you can’t just keep bringing me back. One of these days it’s bound to happen. My time is gonna come and maybe it won’t be such a bad thing.” Castiel squeezes his hand.

“You said we can be in Heaven together, so maybe that’s also something to look forward to.”

“Yes, but I’m not ready to do that just yet. I feel as if we still have a whole lifetime to experience down here.” Cas smiles. “So much I still want to do with you.”

Dean’s eyebrows raise. “Like…?”

“Things,” Castiel says, his cheeks turning red.

“Cas…”

“Like go to the tropics and spend a month on the beach with you, or take you to the most magnificent castles in Europe, or maybe actually get that house you pictured, and that kid, and we could be…”

Dean swallows the choking lump in his throat. All these things sounds amazing and too good to actually happen to them, but the fact Cas wants it, that it could be possible someday, makes Dean’s heart swell. He’s right too, there is so much they still need to experience together and that one thing, the biggest one of all is, he wants to marry him.

Cas is staring at him curiously and he’s pretty sure that he can read his mind, though he doesn't do it intentionally. This time, he’s positive he can tell exactly what he was just thinking.

But Cas doesn’t let on and he just brings Dean in closer and rests his head on his chest. In the silence now, the sound of Cas breathing, steady and deep makes Dean’s eyes heavy. He closes them and thinks of that house again and him and Cas in that awesome reality. Happy. In love. No fears. No demons. He wants it. He really does.


	4. Chapter 4

“Let me repeat myself. I will escort you boys to the cage but I won’t have the bloody Winchesters roaming around _my_ home with God and the archangel.” Crowley hisses, as they all stand in his throne room.

Dean looks around and cringes at the ungodly sight. Torture devices are everywhere, chains hanging on the stone walls. Walls that have eerie shadows bouncing off of them due to the melting candles around the room. It’s cold, damp, giving him chills, which is kind of funny considering they’re in the fire pit.

This is where Crowley spends most of his time? It’s fucking awful. The smell alone is beginning to make Dean’s stomach turn.

“No funny business Crowley. You let Chuck find the cage and then you need to give us some privacy. This isn’t about you,” Sam tells him, making Dean smile at his little brother’s bravado.

Crowley scowls as he sits back on his throne, crossing one leg over the other, obviously in no rush to help them. “So, Chuck. How does it feel to be God? And here we figured you had finally given up.”

“It’s uh, a long story. And kinda why we need to talk to Michael,” Chuck tells him, honestly.

“Hoping for an apology?”

“What? No. He--”

“Look Crowley, I know you’re gonna draw this out, make us beg, just so you can feel like you have that tiny bit of control left, but we don’t have time for your bullshit,” Dean says, his face already heated and hands in fists, ready to fight.

“You are so impatient, Dean. Really, how was I ever smitten with you?”

Dean feels Cas move closer to him so that their arms are touching and just from that small contact alone, Dean feels a warmth, a calm come over him. _That’s right. I have my angel, dickwad_.

“This is crap.” Sam turns to Dean. “He’s fucking with us. He’s not going to help us.”

“Should we just kill him? Go on ourselves?” Dean asks Sam and then glances at Cas.

“Oh, just say the word,” Gabriel whispers.

“We really don’t need him anymore,” Chuck adds.

“You know I can hear every word you lot are saying, right?”

Crowley rises from his chair and lazily walks over to the group, dragging his feet which is making a scraping sound echo throughout the room.

“Do me in and you’ll have every demon in this place hunting you down.”

Dean gets in his face, gritting his teeth. “Now, Crowley. We had a deal.”

“And what do I get out of it, huh? I wash your back, you wash mine?”

“I ain’t washing anything.”

Cas comes between them and pushes Dean back a little. “You get to live. That's what you get out of it. What we need to do is stop the Darkness. If you don’t help us, we’re all dead including you.”

After a few more seconds of intense eye contact between Crowley and Dean, Crowley sighs. “Fine. Follow me.” He turns and heads to the hallway. “And don’t bloody touch anything.”

The boys follow him, eyeing each other and their surroundings as Crowley leads them down a dark, dank corridor. Torches set in the stone walls light the way and Dean shakes his head at how cliche this looks.

“Didn’t pay your electric bill, Crowley?” Dean jokes.

“I like the torches. It adds to the ambiance.” He shakes his head. “This is what people expect when they come down here so this is what I give them. It’s all really for show,” he says, looking ahead.

They come to a large and what seems like endless staircase. Crowley stops on the first step and turns to the group. “We’re about to enter a rather nasty part of Hell so if any of you have weak stomachs, I suggest you remain here.” Crowley raises his eyebrows at Dean during the last part.

“We’re fine, let’s just go,” Dean barks.

He shrugs and takes the lead. Dean’s hair on his arms begins to stand on end, hearing the faint echoes of screams in the distance. He remembers these sounds, though they were much louder where he was. It was deafening, nauseating, and every time he’d close his eyes, Alastair would be there to make Dean scream too.

He cringes, feeling the sharp pain of a knife cutting through his chest, Alastair’s careful hand slicing down the middle of his torso, ending right above his groin. He’d grab him, twist his loins, shove more blades in him, all while laughing maniacally.

_“I’ll turn you. I’ll make you.”_

Dean jumps when he feels something tug his hand. He looks down and notices Cas grabbing it. His breath calms and he tries to remain focused, despite the fact that his heart is beating out of control and he feels like his head is swimming. He’s dizzy.

“Dean…”

“I’m okay.” Dean fakes a smile for Cas. “I’m okay,” he repeats.

Cas squeezes his hand and Dean lets out a drawn out sigh, lifting his eyes. Crowley turns to him and then stares down at his hand in Cas’ grip and he smirks. Great, that’s all they need is a jealous demon making their lives harder.

But screw it, he’s not going to hide what he and Cas are. Crowley can go fuck himself.

And having Cas with him, his hand in his, it’s making it a little easier to get through this. The screams are increasing in volume and he knows soon the images they are about to see are going to be fucking awful, but he also knows his angel and his brother will be there for him if he needs them.

He glances at Cas again and waits for him to make eye contact with him and whispers, “Thank you.”

Cas smiles slightly and turns his attention ahead.

The stairs twist and turn, snaking farther down until they reach the bottom, which is just another dark corridor. Dean can’t really see much but when they continue, that’s when the cages come into view.

“Holy shit, this place is horrible,” Gabriel says.

Crowley turns to him, grinning. “That’s the point, sunshine. Brimstone and fire and all that.”

The corridor narrows and now they are even closer to the cages that line the stone wall. Dean tries not to look at them, the sounds alone are enough to tell him the horrors that are going on with the souls in them. Tormented, tortured souls, chained like animals. Dean remembers it all too well, selecting those to go on the rack as Alastair prepared the tools in which they would use on them.

Suddenly a man lunges to the front of his cage, gripping the bars, right where Dean stands, and it makes him jump.

“Dean… Dean Winchester is back? No no, please, no, don’t hurt me. No more, No more!” the man shouts at him.

Cas pulls Dean away from the cage and glares hard at the man, dressed in nothing but shreds. They push on, Cas now sticking closer to Dean, and thank God for that. The dizziness is becoming almost unbearable and he’s close to having a panic attack.

So he squeezes Cas hand, reminding him that his angel is here, keeping him safe, keeping him together. He didn’t even think he’d react this badly. He thought he’d be a little disturbed, sure, but he’s about to have a full on episode and it’s scaring him to death.

The area opens up to a massive display of cages, demons on cliffs, dragging people down with them. It’s dark but he can see it clearly as the torch lights illuminate their twisted faces, the black dead eyes that still hold a world of hate. He sees those about to be tortured, a horrific animated expression and it’s all too familiar to him. Knowing there is no way out, no hope, no chance at beating it back. You were there to be at the mercy of the barbaric sadists and you had no goddamned choice.

They tear you apart, they rape you, taking away any shred of light remaining inside. Even for the ones who earned their place in the pit, it was a terrible fate. Just fucking terrible. Death never looked so good.

The screams are deafening and Dean closes his eyes, not wanting to see what is in front of him. He knows it’s there, the pit, the place of torture where he was hung up every damn day.  _Oh God please let’s just get this over with._

His eyes open and there it is, all of it from his nightmares. Blood, screams, moans, cries… souls crying out for gods that will never hear them. He glances briefly at Chuck and his face is whiter than ever. Sam, being as brave as he can, even looks like he’s about to pass out.

That’s when the room starts to spin out of control. Dean feels his skin go numb and everything around him is darkening, enveloping him in a hazy cloud. The dizziness, the nausea… he lets go of Cas’ hand and stumbles to the side of the wall, balancing himself with one hand against the stone as he vomits.

“Dean.” Cas is already by his side, his hands on his shoulders.

Dean spits out the bile and wipes his mouth with his arm. “It’s okay, Cas.”

“No, it’s not okay.”

Cas steadies him and he’s holding Dean’s face in his hands now. “Let’s take you back--”

“No!” Dean says, grimly.

“Dean--”

“I can do this. I just need a sec.”

Dean turns to see Sam by his side now as well. He rolls his eyes at his little brother. “What’s going on?” Sam asks with a ton of worry on his face.

“Guess it’s a little much for me, Sammy. But I’ll be fine.” Dean straightens and pats Cas’ shoulder. “Come on, let’s do this.”

He notices the caution in his brother’s and angel’s eyes but he refuses to back down now. He follows Crowley through the nightmare of a room and down another dark corridor and yet another long staircase.

“Another level we go,” Crowley says.

Cas takes his hand again as Dean sighs and they all march on, down the stairs, through another room that has even more terrible sights. Dean closes his eyes and relies on Cas to lead him in the right direction.

He makes the occasional glance at Sam, who doesn’t have an angel holding his hand, and he wishes that he wasn’t having such a bad time so he can be there for him. But Sam looks fine, actually and Dean’s not only surprised but impressed. He also notices that Gabriel is sticking close to him and that gives Dean a little bit of relief.

“How are you holding up?” Cas asks him.

Walking, he turns to him and smiles, this time it’s not fake. “Better,” Dean says, gripping his hand tighter. “Is this how you remembered it?”

“This is a lot easier with the escort, I do have to say,” Cas tells him with a bit of a chuckle.

“I bet. No mountains of demons to fight back.” Dean glances at the next room they are about to enter and pulls Cas a little closer.

“Right. Easier.”

Each level they reach is a new scene of horror. He’s trying to hold it together, despite his heart beating out of his chest and his mind not letting go of the torment he still feels from his time here. Being ripped apart, then turning into the one doing it but it’s the screams that haunt him. The screams of the souls he cut into day in and day out.

The way their skin opened up from his blade, how they begged, pleaded for him to stop and he’d tease them, giving them some false hope that maybe, just maybe he was done, only to start in again, laughing. Laughing at their pain. Laughing that he was once them, until Alastair broke him.

Cas saved him, and for months afterward, Dean couldn’t even understand why. Sure, those were the orders, there was work for Dean but the fact he had been spared… of course learning why in the end didn’t help things. He wasn’t pulled out of Hell because he deserved it. He was pulled out so he could be part of a wicked plan, orchestrated by the very archangel they are about to visit.

But it was Cas, the angel who rose him from perdition that gave Dean the renewed feeling of worth. It wasn’t God’s will, or Michael’s will, or even Zachariah that made them grow so close. That happened all on its own. Cas showed him many things in those two years, one of which was that Dean mattered. Not for the role he had to play, because Cas made it very clear he had no desire to see Dean take that path.

He mattered to Cas, to this angel, that had his world shattered by the revelation of his own home, his own family had been deceiving him and the world. And even after the devastation of learning that God had left, he never stopped believing in Dean.

Even if he thought he had, for the brief moment when Dean took off to seek out Michael, and Cas came after him with a blind fury, Dean never truly believed that Cas gave up on him. It wasn’t the fact he beat him to a pulp in the alley or the venom he spewed at him afterward that helped Dean change his mind. It was the fact that both of them, Sam and Cas, despite what Cas said, _believed in him._ Trusted him. How could he let them down? Thinking of that day again, seeing the look in Sam’s eyes, remembering his words and Cas’ broken heart, he knew what he had to do.

Killing Zachariah felt good. It felt like a means to an end. They would still have the two asshole archangels do deal with, but Zach, the middleman, the thorn in his damn side, was gone and that made Dean feel like they were one step closer to winning.

“I know where it is,” Chuck announces, causing them all to stop in their tracks. “It’s through that other room there and down another flight of stairs.” Chuck turns to them. “It’s in the middle of nowhere, but you’ll see it, or rather feel it first. You can’t miss it.”

Sam turns to Crowley. “I think this is where you take off.”

Crowley rolls his eyes. “You’re in _my_ home, Moose. Show some respect.”

“Not gonna happen, Crowley.”

Dean’s ready to move in when Chuck holds out his hand. “It’s fine. Crowley can stay. Actually, here’s where we all stay, except Dean, Sam, and Cas.”

“Excuse me?” Crowley folds his arms.

“I need them to go without us. It’s a long story but you need to let those three to the cage. Just them.”

“Not bloody likely. Team Free Will roaming around in my domain? Are you mad?”

“Crowley--”

Sam clears his throat. “This is the only way we’re gonna get the answers we need. So let us do this.”

He’s silent for a moment, squinting his eyes at Sam, then Dean, and then Cas.

“Fine, but only because you asked nicely.”

Crowley smiles at Sam and then his eyes land on Dean. “Don’t you go seeking revenge on my boys, Dean. Your time here was long ago. No need to get hasty in here.”

Dean’s eyebrows raise. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Well, Sam here, he seems to have his rage under control but you… I can see that bloodlust in your eyes from a mile away.”

Cas looks at Dean, as he can tell in his peripheral but he keeps his eyes locked on Crowley. “I said I’m fine.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“Let’s just go,” Cas says as he walks away, pulling Dean with him. Sam follows and Dean keeps his focus on what’s ahead rather than turn around to look at that piece of shit demon who is still talking, apparently.

They find the stairs and continue their decent, Sam and Cas sticking close to Dean. He glances at his little brother and wants to hug him, or cry at how brave he’s being. And here Dean’s on the brink of falling apart and he feels like shit about it.

“It’s not your fault, Dean. If this _didn’t_ affect you, I’d be more worried,” Cas tell him as he takes his hand again.

Dean shakes his head, smiling. “You _can_ read my mind, can’t you?”

“Guys,” Sam says, “Look.”

Dean and Cas follow Sam’s gaze and there, in the very distance is the cage. _The_ cage. It’s huge, the biggest one they’ve seen yet, covered in chains and sigils. Chills run down his spine as he rests a hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“You okay?”

Sam furrows his brow. “Yeah,” he says, looking ahead.

The walk takes forever or so it seems, like in slow motion. They're alone, as no demons are kept on this level. This area is meant for the only two archangels that occupy Hell. Dean swallows, squeezing Cas’ hand as he remembers the conversation between him and Michael, when the archangel wore the body of his Dad in the 70s.

_“Think of a million random acts of chance that let John and Mary be born, to meet, to fall in love, to have the two of you. Think of the million random choices that you make, and yet how each and every one of them brings you closer to your destiny.”_

_Do you know why that is? Because it's not random. It's not chance. It's a plan that is playing itself out perfectly. Free will's an illusion, Dean. That's why you're going to say yes. Oh, buck up. It could be worse. You know, unlike my brothers, I won't leave you a drooling mess when I'm done wearing you.”_

He’s starting to wonder if he’s right.

They’re close now and he looks at Sam one last time before Dean finally can make out figures inside the cage. The area they’re in is too dark, too smoky, but he sees movement inside making his stomach flip.

“They’re in there,” Castiel says. He stops, making Dean almost trip over his own feet. “Sam, are you sure--”

“Yeah, I’m good, Cas. Thanks.”

They proceed cautiously. They see Michael first, still wearing the image of Adam. He’s sitting with his face to the bars, talking to himself or what it seems. He looks up at the approaching guys and his eyes widen. He scans Sam, then Cas, and lands on Dean. He’s soon on his feet and clutching the bars in front of him.

“Well, this is a surprise,” he says, cracking a smile.

“Michael,” Cas says, sternly.

His eyes shift to Castiel. “Wow, look at you. You look a lot better than when I last saw you. You know, when you lit me on fire…”

“Yes, I am no longer lacking in powers.”

“God brought you back so many times. I have to wonder why he favors you so much.” Michael smiles at Dean. “Probably has _everything_ to do with you.”

“Well, well, who do we have here?” Lucifer says from behind Michael. Dean quickly shifts his gaze to Sam, whose face has gone a sickly shade of white.

Lucifer slides his body next to the other archangel and smiles, widely. “Come to say you’re sorry, Sam? Want a second chance?”

“Can it, Lucifer,” Sam says, a slight tremble in his voice.

“Look, we came for some answers. We got a big bad out there that wants to swallow the universe, and--”

“Ahhh,” Lucifer strokes his chin. “Ole Darkness at it again.”

“So you know?” Castiel asks him.

“Of course I know. _We_ know.” Lucifer points to Michael and himself. “We may be locked up but we’re not deaf. We heard it as soon as you idiots released it,” Lucifer says, his eyes staring intently at Sam.

“So you know what we need to do to stop it then,” Dean says.

Michael laughs, backing up from the bars. “You want us to help. Well, now you’re thinking straight because that immoral force can’t be stopped without us. I’m glad you realized that you need the big guns, boys.”

“The A-Team,” Lucifer adds.

“So when do we get out? Where’s God?” Michael asks them.

Castiel steps forward. “You don’t get out until we get what we came for.”

Michael’s eyebrows raise. “And that is?”

“The Hand of God.”

Michael and Lucifer share a look and erupt in laughter. “You’re serious?” Michael asks.

“Yes, we know you took it and hid it. So where is it?” Sam asks him, his hands curled in fists. Dean notices and moves closer to his brother. He’s being strong, just as Dean knew he would be, but he still wishes he stayed behind.

“Well, what would you even do with it? How do you know about it anyway?”

Dean clears his throat, hesitant to say what he’s about to say, but Chuck and Gabriel said he’d have to, so here goes. “God told us. We found him. He needs it back so we can get this ball rolling.”

“Oh is that so?” Michael eyes Lucifer and the two seem to go into some silent conversation with their minds. Eventually they both look at Dean. Michael continues, “Tell _God_ , I’ll tell him where the Hand is if he lets us out.”

“Not part of the plan,” Dean says.

“Then no deal,” Michael shoots back and walks into the middle of the cage. Lucifer remains by the bars and shakes his head.

“You guys should know by now that we don’t give anything up for free.” He flashes a wicked smile at Sam. “Right Sam?”

Lucifer blows Sam a kiss and Dean’s face heats up. He approaches the cage. “You tell us where the Hand is and once we get it, then God may consider releasing you asshats. But not until we get what we need. Understand?”

Lucifer chuckles. “Oh, we get it. And don’t look at me, I have no idea where that stupid thing is. I was long gone before Michael decided to get all high and mighty, thinking he could replace God. I mean really, what a moron, huh?”

Michael blows air between his lips. “Shut up, brother. Someone had to. You haven’t been up there in eons, you have no idea the chaos that place had become when God left.”

“When God left? You mean, when you banned him to earth? Right?” Castiel says, his face fuming with anger, so much so that Dean has to take his arm and pull him closer to him.

“Oh is that what he told you?” Michael’s eyes land on Dean and he gives him a once over. “Holy shit…”

Dean and Cas look at each other in bewilderment. Michael begins to laugh. “You two… you guys actually, oh wow.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dean asks.

“Pulling Cas in for comfort, the way you guys gravitate towards each other. You two did it, didn't you? You’re finally… ha. I never thought it would happen, honestly. I mean, everyone knew how love struck little Cassie here was, but _you_ Dean? I never thought you’d actually give into these feelings. Interesting. Makes total sense now.”

Dean glances at Cas and then Sam, who’s seemingly bored at this point. “So fine, you know about me and Cas, great, not the point here. We need the Hand, you need to tell us where it is.”

“Even if I could, why should I? You guys sent me here, God made no effort to get me out. He let me practically rot down here with the one brother I can’t stand.”

“Hey!” Lucifer shouts.

“And now he wants my help? Give me a break, guys.”

Castiel sighs. “Why should God have rescued you? After everything you did. Trying to bring about the apocalypse, almost ruining these boys lives, all the needless torment by allowing Lucifer to roam free.”

“Cas, Cas, Cas” Michael crosses his arms. “You were always the _small picture_ guy. You never saw past your own stupid human emotions. You only cared about Dean, the Winchesters, and you have the nerve to judge me, when all I was doing was God’s will?”

“God’s will? He wasn’t even there, he was--”

“Guys,” Sam interrupts. “This isn’t the time. Please. Michael, tell us where it is. God said he needs you two, yes, and he’ll start figuring out your release if you give him the Hand back. You’re never gonna rule Heaven again, Michael, so there’s no use dicking us around. You won’t ever need that Hand for yourself, ever again.”

They all remain silent, Dean hoping this got through to the archangel. Michael sighs, nods at Lucifer and says, “It’s somewhere far away, not even on this plane of existence. It’s,” he deflates, “in the farthest reaches of Atlantis.”

Dean snaps his head back. “Say again?”

“Why there? You know no angel can step foot in--” Castiel’s nostrils flare as he begins to actually pace.

“Exactly. I was never banking on getting it back myself. I do have friends in low places, you know. They hid it even from me, at my request of course.”

“Wait, hang on. Can we back this up a bit?” Dean holds his hands up. “Atlantis? As in the fictional underwater place?”

Cas turns to Dean. “It’s not fictional Dean,” he says calmly before turning his attention back to Michael. “So how can we get there?”

Michael bites his bottom lip, trying not to laugh at Cas and it’s pissing Dean right off. “You, my brother, cannot. And neither can Dad, it’s warded against him too.”

“Again, Atlantis?” Dean says, still not really getting past that part.

“Yes,” Cas and Michael chorus.

Cas turns his back to Michael to focus on Dean. “It’s a real place, but it’s been warded against God and angels since it’s destruction. Which I’m…” he turns back to Michael, “not too sure why or what exactly happened.”

“Ask Dad. Regardless, the only people that can go are of the non Heaven or Hell variety. Demons also can't set foot there. So that would leave… Dean? He’d never survive it.”

“What about me? Last time I checked, I’m not an angel or a demon,” Sam says.

Lucifer grins. “Demon blood my friend. It may be dormant but it’s not gone. It’s a part of you.”

“The wards will be able to sense it, Sam.” Michael adds.

“Oh, poor Cas. You wanted so desperately to help and now look at you. Useless as always,” Lucifer hisses.

“Shut up,” Cas tells him.

“So that’s it? The Hand of God is in Atlantis?” Sam asks Michael, avoiding eye contact with Lucifer and Dean can’t blame him.

Despite the trauma Sam is surely feeling right about now, he’s moving it aside and pushing on and Dean’s so fucking proud of him. It also has to sting a bit to be reminded of the demon blood thing. Hell, even Dean had forgotten all about it.

“But you can’t get it. Not without my help,” Michael chimes in.

“Even though it’s warded against angels? How in the hell can you possible help?” Sam asks.

“I said, I have friends in low places. I can--”

“No,” Cas shouts. “We’re done here.” He turns to Dean. “Let’s go.”

“But, Cas, wait--” Sam reaches out for Cas but he’s already walking away.

Dean jogs up to catch up to him, with Sam close behind. They don’t turn around when Michael shouts, “You’ll risk the life of your precious human, Castiel? All for your damn ego? Let us out, you need us!”

“Cas, what’s he talking about? How dangerous is this?”

Castiel keeps on, walking with a hard determination until they reach Crowley and the others. Dean wants to yank Cas back and make him talk, but he knows he’ll fill him in and remaining down here any longer than they have to is really not something Dean wants to do.

“So?” Chuck asks.

Dean gives him a wary eye. “Later, Chuck.” He glances briefly at Crowley who looks smug as ever. “What?”

“Oh nothing. Don’t mind me. Are you gentlemen done now? Will you get the hell out of Hell?”

“Gladly,” Sam says, giving Crowley his best bitchface.

“Good, now leave.”

The walk back is as tedious as before but this time, Dean knows what to expect, knows just when to close his eyes and ears. They got what they came for, as crazy and off the wall it seems. Atlantis? He can’t wait to hear it all from Cas. This is not only going to be a hell of a quest but one that he isn’t even sure he can pull off. Alone to boot.

Michael said it was dangerous and he could have been lying, in hopes of them thinking they needed him, but then again… fucking underwater city? In another goddamned dimension at that? One where Cas, God, Gabriel, or even his brother won’t even be able to go?

It doesn’t settle Dean’s mind at all and in fact, he’s more stressed and confused than before they even came to Hell. It also didn’t help to see those archangels, trapped like animals. Did they deserve it? Yeah. But Chuck saying we will need them in the long run? That just sucks a mountain of dicks.

He doesn’t trust them. Not after all the crap from 2010.

* * *

 

 

“So this really blows,” Chuck says as he shovels some sausage into his mouth, thanks to Gabriel and his extensive culinary skills.

“Tell me about it. What the hell are we gonna do?” Gabriel asks, sitting down to join the others at the dinner table.

Dean sighs, annoyed that they are so close, the answer to their problems is there and yet they can’t even get to it.

“Atlantis is no joke, I mean, when we were there last, Dad, remember?”

“Oh I remember.”

“Wait, what exactly happened? Didn’t the place flood out or something?” Dean asks, eyeing the group.

“Uh, kinda sorta,” Gabriel sing songs. “Most of what you heard about Atlantis is true. Advanced civilization, tons of mystical crap around, magic was strong with the people there. It was like a hot spot for it. “

Gabriel glances at Chuck who continues for him. “They got out of control, so much so that they started… experimenting. Making, uh, hybrids.”

“Hybrids? Like Doctor Moreau?” Dean asks.

“Something like that but more on the demonic side. They created these Nephilim but... “ Chuck sighs, rubbing his head. “Angels and Demons.”

Dean hears Castiel gasp. “So it’s true?” Castiel’s brow furrows as he looks back and forth between Chuck and Gabriel.

“Yes, and if you remember how the story went, it got ugly real fast.”

“Wait, wait, hold on. Angel-Demon hybrids? Are you serious?” Sam shakes his head, then glances at Dean.

“I recall that there was an onslaught of these things, they sought to destroy everyone in Atlantis except for the elders?” Castiel says.

“Right, but uh, those elders were angels and demons, they were working together to make these abominations. Then it all went haywire. I had to step in and put a stop to it. I had to,” Chuck glances at Castiel. “I destroyed the entire place. We warded it, and placed it in another dimension, fearing that there could be a resurgence.”

“Resurgence?” Dean asks, folding his arms.

“People tapping into that power source again,” Chuck tells them.

“So let me get this straight. Some asshats decide to get all Mad Scientist there and you just go and destroy the place and everyone in it? Just like that? And you didn’t even bother to, oh I don’t know, grab their instructional manual just in case?"

Chuck sighs at Dean. “It was what I… it was just something I had to do. If anyone knows how easy it was there, how easy it still could be to use magic if that place was inhabited again, it would be a nightmare all over again.”

Chuck scrubs his face and Gabriel reaches out and touches his shoulder. “Guys, this isn’t just hoodoo that you’ve seen here. This isn’t something you can learn from a book. This was about people, average people, channeling the powers of Heaven and Hell. They were unstoppable, or so they thought. And with the Angels and Demons in their court, well, you can just imagine how it was.”

“Enlighten me,” Dean says, sitting back in his chair, arms still crossed.

“There were constant battles, sides against sides, light against dark. There were some righteous people who believed these elders were abusing their power, so they tried desperately to stop these Hybrids from happening, and once it did, they sought to destroy every single one of them.”

Sam leans in on his elbow. “So, what happened to them? The righteous people?”

“They were saved,” Chuck says. “And the rest were destroyed.”

Dean looks at Cas, who’s shaking his head. “These hybrids, did they all get destroyed?”

“Uh, we thought so, it was weird because they reminded us of… the Belial. Like they were sort of a red-headed stepchild’s cousin twice removed.” Gabriel says, smiling awkwardly. “Look guys, I know this is all like, wow, but the fact that we can’t even--”

“What’s so dangerous about sending me there? If you destroyed all the evil there?”

Chuck scratches his head. “Well, I hope I did, but even still, it’s a charged place. The terrain alone is treacherous. You might be fine but then again you might not. With the focused magic being contained, it caused a lot of weird stuff to happen. Holes popping up out of nowhere, one minute you can be walking on a road, the next you’re on a cliff. It’s like a topsy turvy universe.”

“Wonderful,” Dean says as he looks at Sam, who is shaking his head in disappointment.

“I’ll go with him,” Castiel announces, causing them all to eye him strangely.

“What part of ‘No Angels Allowed’ did you not understand?” Gabriel sings, mimicking 'No Dogs Allowed' from _Snoopy Come Home._

“I know. Make me human,”

“Cas--” Dean reaches out.

“I’m serious. Take away my grace. You know I will still obtain my senses. I should be able to detect areas of extreme magic and steer Dean away from it.”

“Cas, that’s noble of you, but chances of the both of you making it out alive--”

“It’s the only shot we have,” Castiel interrupts.

Gabriel and Chuck share a look. “Then make me human too, I’ll go with them.”

“No, we need you here, in case the Belial show up again. We can’t all be human and with God at half power, you should stay here, Gabriel,” Cas tells him. “We need you both to look after Sam while we’re gone.”

“Cas--” Dean says again, louder this time.

“Dean, this is the best idea I have. Don’t start in on not wanting me to go because you don’t want to risk my life. It’s my choice. We talked about this before--”

“Cas,” Dean repeats and smiles, reaching for his hand. “I wasn’t gonna say not to go. I mean, it’s an awesome idea, and having you with me would be great.”

Castiel beams at him and moves closer, letting Dean hold his hand. “That’s what I was gonna say,” Dean finishes.

“Plus, I will be able to feel the Hand’s power,” Cas says to Chuck, waiting for his approval.

“This is mighty brave of you two. I’d hate to risk losing you guys over this. I wish we could find another way.”

Castiel rises to his feet and looks to Gabriel. “Take my grace.”

Gabriel holds out his hands in protest. “Wait, hang on tiger. Now?”

“How about we hold off on that until we’re ready to go,” Dean offers. Castiel looks down at him.

“I’m ready now. You?”

Dean grunts. “I guess no time like the present,” he turns to Sam and smiles.

“Be safe, guys. I want to hear all about it. I mean, fucking Atlantis, man!”

“Nerd,” Dean says to him, smiling.

“Okay, so uh, you guys sure? I mean, once you’re sent there, your only way back is through the portal we’ll create.”

Dean nods. “Where is this portal?”

Chuck sighs. “It’s in the center of the main island.” He turns to Cas. “Cas, do you remember pictures or maps of it?”

Castiel squints his eyes, looking upwards, then back at Chuck. “Yes, vaguely. I remember the location of the main island, so that won’t be a problem.”

“So we just find this portal to come back? Where are we getting dropped off then?”

Chuck chuckles, nervously. “Uh yeah, that’s the thing. I have no idea. Wherever you get dropped, I can pretty much guarantee it won’t be anywhere near the main island. It’s why that place is so unstable with magic. You never know…”

“Okay fine, whatever. Let’s do this,” Dean says, rubbing his hands together and smiling at Cas.

Gabriel walks over to Cas and places a hand on his shoulder. “Brother, are you sure?”

Cas nods and extends his neck. Dean looks on, confused at first when he sees Gabriel use his finger to slice the skin across Cas’ throat. He’s about to yell out for him to stop, but Cas grabs his arm and moves his eyes to Dean, silently telling him it’s okay.

Dean watches the blue and white light flow out of him, and he remembers seeing this in Heaven, when the torturer did this… he shivers and closes his eyes, unable to get that image out of his head.  

But this is different. This is Cas offering it freely and Gabriel taking it from him. Cas is trusting him. This is all for the cause. Soon all the glowing grace is in a small vial that Gabriel has in his hand and with his other, he seals the wound on Cas’ neck, removing any evidence.

Castiel wavers on his feet so Dean runs to him, steadying him in his arms. “You okay, Cas?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” Cas says, when he and Dean make eye contact. “This isn’t my first rodeo.”

Dean guffaws and hears the rest of the guys laugh as well. “No, no it isn’t,” Dean says, helping Cas to a chair. “Just sit here, Cas.”

Dean glances up at Chuck and nods. “So, this is it?”

“Just say the word.”

He makes eye contact with Sam and then Cas, who is already rising to his feet with Dean’s help. “I’m ready.”

He holds Cas’ hand as Sam smiles at them both. Chuck and Gabriel close in. “You get back safe and sound, okay?” Gabriel says to them.

“And you take care of my little brother,” Dean says, winking at Gabriel.

Chuck smiles for last time, snaps his fingers, and that’s when the world begins to spin. Dean knows Cas is holding onto him, but at the same time he feels nothing. Darkness, weightlessness, his body being pulled and yanked. He wants to scream out but then he’s hit with the feeling of wetness, and wait, he _is_ wet. Not only that, he’s…

Dean opens his eyes and realizes his can’t breath. He’s under water and begins to flail his arms. He swims to the surface and inhales deeply as his head pops out of the water. He sees a fierce waterfall in front of him and he’s suddenly aware that they’ve actually made the jump and he begins to frantically look around for Cas.

“Dean,” Cas says, grabbing Dean’s arm and he breathes a sigh of relief.

“We made it,” Dean says, blinking the water from his lids.

“Yes, we did,” Cas says, smiling at Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the Atlantis thing, I'm sure some of you of are like HUH? This is how it all started. Over the summer I was researching The Darkness in biblical text and found a butt load of cool and interesting things in the Dead Sea Scrolls, that spoke of the Belial, Sons of Darkness vs Sons of Light (God's Army) and this was the closest thing I found relating to a big war in Heaven that wasn't related to Lucifer's fall. ANYHOO, as you know I incorporated that story into Til Kingdom Come and decided to make Sith Style angels that are borne from the Darkness. Upon researching more for this fic, I found some interesting text from Edgar Cayce (a total bad ass psychic from turn of last century) and he talked about the Belial in Atlantis and a big battle against light and dark taking place there, so my brain started coming up with idea how to make this happen in this fic. 
> 
> Then I was re-watching As Time Goes By season 8 episode of SPN (for research on another fic I am writing) and Henry Winchester told Sam and Dean that the Men Of Letters sigil thingy was also on the gates of Atlantis... And I was thinking, wow, now I can totally link this all together so yeah, now our favorite couple will be venturing to the mysterious place and who knows what they will actually find there :-) Mysteries awaits!


	5. Chapter 5

His skin tingles, reacting to the charged atmosphere. He can hear it too, the power, the magic, like a faint whistle or high pitched hum. It’s strange being human again and yet he’s starting to get used to the flip flopping of his mojo. Though he’s still not quite sure which he prefers.

Being an angel has its advantages, of course. Healing, smiting, resurrecting. But humanity… he remembers how it felt to have everything so much more profound for the first time, it was really overwhelming. He missed it during these last couple of years. Everyday he had been an angel after having a taste of humanity, _he missed it._

His first brush with it came in 2010 when Heaven cut him off and he was left to fend for himself, alongside the Winchesters, of course. But nothing was more definite than when he was robbed of his grace for a spell Metatron orchestrated to make the angels fall and to close Heaven.

That was when he was truly human and he remembers all the new feelings, new sensations, and most of all, that unquenchable yearning for Dean. How much he needed to see him, be close to him, and it was impossible to bury as he had all the years prior.

He sat with Crowley one night, talking to him about it, and he couldn’t even bring himself to admit how much he loved it. The pleasure he got when eating a sandwich, or the way his heart sped up when he thought about Dean’s smile, and even the pain he had to endure when Dean told him he couldn’t stay.  

And Crowley seemed to miss it too. Not that he had become human, but the blood Sam had been feeding him gave Crowley a new touch of humanity. A new sense of how it was to feel. To love.

He didn’t hate becoming an angel again, even having borrowed grace years ago, for he knew the big fight was coming and he needed to be ready for it. He’d admitted to himself that he was a better asset to the Winchesters if he was powered up. Of course, Dean would tell him otherwise.

But the borrowed grace had a short shelf life and he’d be dead if he didn’t find his own grace. Funny how that worked, where he could have gotten rid of the used grace of the angel Crowley had taken it from and then become human, but it was all just too fast and there was just too much at stake.

He wasn’t thinking much about his own life back then. Thoughts of everything coming to an end, his spark fading didn’t matter to him anymore. Sure, it was grim to be at such peace with dying, that even the thought of fighting to survive didn’t appeal to him.

He fought to stay alive for Dean.

Suicidal thoughts plagued him back then. He wasn’t sure what to make of it. Here he was, former angel of the Lord, with no direction, no place in the world. He’d ruined many lives, destroyed Heaven numerous times, one while he paraded around as God. Castiel saw death as his final payment for everything he had done.

He never talked to the boys about it.

Although he was able to finally find his own grace, he wasn’t the same. Wings broken, he couldn't resurrect, and it had made him feel like a failure. He was stuck in some limbo, in between being human and being an angel, and not quite fully either.

Last year had given him much to think about. Where he belonged, what his purpose was. He could have easily given up his role as a celestial being and become human for good. He had thought it about it many times, but the fact Dean had been struggling with the mark of Cain, removing it was his top priority or else he’d lose Dean once again. So the choice to remain an angel or what passed as one, was his only option.

Then something extraordinary happened.

Castiel began to see his real path. What he had been missing all along. His job wasn’t to save Heaven anymore, or to search for rogue angels, or to even take orders from them. He belonged here on earth. To fight evil. To help the Winchesters. To accept this role was by far his greatest one yet.

And with that acceptance, he and Dean became one, giving into their feelings, and all the love in Cas’ heart was finally able to be shared with the hunter. Not only was he able to relish in the romance they had started, he was _feeling_ it all too.

When God made him an angel a week ago, he feared that being this powerful, this juiced up would make it impossible to have it all again. The sensitivity, the emotions, it’s all still there. All of his fears over the last few months were swept away. He can take pleasure in being with his love, his hunter. How his skin still tingles when Dean touches him, how his hands feel, his lips, his heat.

Dean’s tenderness. The vibration of his voice against his neck. His ability to make Castiel come apart, so effortlessly. The way Cas’ heart speeds up when Dean says, _“I love you.”_ It’s all as real as ever. Even the slight pang of jealousy when he thinks of Crowley and his warped feelings for Dean.

He knows the demon _thinks_ he loves Dean. That much is obvious. Whatever twisted version of love he feels, though, it’s not real, not true. Crowley’s heart is as black as the suit he wears, and he’s pretty sure he would have stabbed them in the back if Chuck and Gabriel hadn’t been there in Hell with them.

Being in Hell wasn't very pleasant, either. The shocking news of where the Hand is had rattled Castiel. Seeing his fallen brothers was not easy for him, as he had once taken orders from them so long ago. Michael, who was bold, unrelenting, scaring the angels into submission, threats of torture, of punishment so severe that Cas had actually seen angels tremble in fear, was locked away like an animal for eternity with the one brother he had sworn to kill.

Then Cas was the one up on that stage, his wings hacked off by an angel whose mind had been lost to the world of darkness. His former brethren, sick and sadistic, who once believed in love, were now intent on inflicting pain on anyone who didn’t obey. Even if the rebellion was for something good. Something pure. Like love.

With God back, his sense of who he is became even more confusing. When Cas rejected Heaven, again, he was sure that his place, his calling was to be human and remain with the Winchesters. Join them in the privilege of actually being a hunter, or maybe even retire, grow old together. There seemed so many options at that point.

But then he lost Dean and the Belial had drained Gabriel, there was no way getting Dean back. He had never felt more useless than at that point, seeing his dead lover, his soulmate, cold and stiff and there was not a damn thing he could do about it.

He knows that bringing Dean back, or him, or even Sam has been overused. He’s aware that one day it will have to be final. Dean was right about that. But part of him, even though he’d hate to admit it, thinks being human is worth the risk. God wanted Dean back as well and Cas is pretty sure that Dean wasn’t supposed to remain gone. Not while this Darkness is looming over their heads ready to take them down at any given moment.

One day he will have to let Dean go. And even though that thought makes him want to sob uncontrollably, it would be selfish to force Dean to remain on earth when his time truly does come. His personal Heaven is waiting for him, and although he had a rough time up there before, not enjoying the fake quality of it all, Cas will be with him. And if Cas is human, for whatever reason, hopefully Dean will understand that he will join him when his own time comes.

He tries to push back these thoughts of death, because they’re starting to make him shiver. He inhales, taking in his surroundings and gives a quick smile at Dean who’s also marveling at the scenery.

They made it, and although Cas has lost his powers, he can sense the instability of magic in this realm. It’s intoxicating, like stepping into a cloud of lightning. He feels it on his skin, in his hair, in his blood.

This trip isn’t going to be easy but he’ll do his best to keep Dean safe. He’s his top priority. Keep him alive, get the Hand of God, and then make it to that island. He’s aware that it may take them days to get to where they need to be due to the great expanse of the place. He just hopes his memory of the geography doesn’t fail him.

“I still can’t believe we’re in Atlantis. It seems too crazy to be true,” Dean says, smiling as he glances around. “It’s so beautiful.”

Castiel nods. “It is. It was once the most beautiful land in the world. Shame what happened to it.”

Dean stops in front of a large rock and runs his hand across it, gingerly. It’s brilliant blue and white hues are eye catching as the colors swirl together, almost like they’re moving.

“Why does it look like this rock is alive?”

“This rock is called Larimar. Actually, it’s a gemstone. Atlantis is known for it.” Cas approaches it, patting the side. “Quite beautiful, isn’t it?”

“The colors, they’re moving.” Dean examines it closer.

“Yes. It has always been known as the Gem that holds the Heavens,” Cas tells them.

“Wacky,” Dean says.

Cas smiles and takes Dean’s hand in his. He loves how easy it is now for them. He can just lace his fingers with Dean’s and not think twice about it. And Dean so casually accepts it, as if it’s the most normal thing to do.

They walk hand in hand down a path that leads up and around a small mountain. It’s not a treacherous climb and in fact, it seems the path was made just for people to hike around this mountain. The sky is clear, save for a few puffy clouds and the sun is warm on his skin. He’s relieved that it’s not a hot day but it’s not cold either.

“This weather is kinda perfect huh? Sure beats the damn humidity,” Dean says.

Castiel smiles at Dean, for he does this mind reading thing as well, though Cas hasn’t told him about it. It’s not exactly that, because they aren’t actually reading what’s on each other’s minds, rather they can sense what each other is thinking as it enters their own brains.

He’d never violate Dean’s mind willingly. He could have, all these years he’s known him but he refused. It’s not something Castiel wished to do or try with the hunter and not only did it take great effort to read a human’s mind, he always found it in bad taste, unless it was absolutely necessary.

With Dean now, what happens when they can sense what each one is thinking, is just how it is with soulmates. Dean doesn’t realize that it has always been this way with them, since they met, and it only has grown stronger with time. It’s also a little easier since they can share now what’s on their minds rather than shy away from it or pretend it’s not there.

Their communication now is open, whether they talk about the future, their love, or even the weather.

“Yeah, this place is really something, Cas. I can’t believe it’s gone, like from our world,” Dean says, soaking in the landscape before them.

“It’s terrible what the elders did to it. How corrupted it had become. That was when--” Castiel stops and sighs. “I’ll tell you more about the history later, when we stop to rest.”

Dean turns to him. “How much longer do you think we have to go ‘til we find the Hand?”

“I’m not sure but it’s nowhere close, I can tell you that. Atlantis is huge, we may need to stop and rest a few times and definitely make camp for the night.”

Dean’s eyebrows raise. “Wow, huh. That’s... I wasn’t expecting that, but whatever. It’s cool. As long as we don’t wake up upside down or in another waterfall.”

Castiel chuckles, squeezing Dean’s hand. “Let’s hope not.”

He cringes at the possibility, though. At any moment, the ground can open up or the landscape can change, but he’s pretty sure he’d be able to sense it. He _can_ rely on his residual angel senses to make sure they stay clear of areas of tremendous magic, for those places, Cas assumes, would be the most unstable.

They’re okay for now as long as he has the ability to feel the power here.

The path opens up to a half paved road that seems to go on forever. It’s quiet, save for the few birds singing nearby and Castiel ponders on the life that has been existing since the fall of Atlantis. Animals, that had no part in what the elders had been doing, had continued to live peacefully here, even after having been moved to another dimension.

He stops to take a look at the road ahead. Dean turns to him, furrowing his brow. “Everything okay?”

Castiel closes his eyes, recalling the map in his head, where this specific area must be. Mountains to the north and west, where they just came from, then a vast flatland to the south and east. The road is heading east and he now has an idea where they are.

“Yes, I’m just getting a lay of the land, figuring out where we are, exactly.”

“And?”

“And I know where we are,” Cas says with a smile. “We head down this road for a while and then we should come to a fork, that’s where we’ll head south, toward the forests.”

“There are forests here too?”

“Yes, there is pretty much everything here. Mountains, beaches, forests, we’re just lacking desert but that is fine by me.”

“Yeah, I’ll say.”

Dean begins to walk but Cas grabs hold of his wrist and pulls him closer. “Dean.”

“Yeah?”

“I need you to listen to me if I tell you not to walk, or to wait, or any instruction.”

Dean snaps his head back and side smiles. “Sure, why wouldn’t I?”

Cas raises his eyebrows and it makes Dean chuckle. “Really?”

“What? I listen to you!” Dean laughs. “Don’t I?”

Castiel shakes his head as he starts his trek down the road, taking Dean’s hand, once again. “Just keep this in mind. It’s very unstable here and one wrong move could be your last. Understand?”

Dean nods. “Okay, okay. Got it. Wonky land, don’t want to end up dead,” he grins at Cas, “listen to boyfriend.”

Suddenly Cas face is a hot as the sun and he notices Dean’s cheeks flush as well. They don’t have to talk about it, he knows that, but just hearing it does all sorts of things to Castiel that he can’t even seem to contain how happy that just made him.

So they walk hand in hand in silence as Castiel hears those words over and over again in his head and really, he may as well be floating because he doesn’t even feel his own feet on the ground.

It’s also a little humorous that here they are, in Atlantis, a land that had to be removed and hidden from site, in search of God’s battery, just so they have a chance at defeating the Darkness. First they have to survive this trek and Castiel’s pretty sure they’ll be okay, as long as his _boyfriend_ listens to him.  
  
  


* * *

  
 

Dean’s throat feels like it’s about to close and he’s pretty sure Cas can feel how sweaty his palms are now. He shouldn’t get all nervous and trembling when he blurts out crap like that, but it’s just new to him, this casual way he and Cas are with each other now. After spending years of repressed feelings and desires, it’s a lot to get used to.

Not like it’s a bad thing but really, calling Cas his boyfriend is like a giant leap for him. He glances at his angel, now human once again and smiles. Yeah, his cheeks are flushed too and maybe they're both just a little overwhelmed with what they’ve become in such a short time.

After losing him temporarily in Heaven, then dying himself, they are reunited again as they always are and they’re _really_ together. A quest, a mission, and he does wish Sam could be here. At the same time, he knows Sam is safe with Chuck and Gabriel.

They still need to talk about Hell, because Dean’s pretty sure it had awoken some dormant feelings in his little brother. To see the cage and the one twisted angel that tortured him, who caused him unspeakable pain could not have been an easy pill to swallow.

Dean did feel like a total asshole for losing it down there. He thought he had more control over his shit but seeing Hell again, those cages, the demons, and hearing the cries of souls in pain, it reminded him that he’ll never really get over it. He can bury it, not let it affect his daily life, but deep down that scar is still there, and sometimes it opens up to a fresh wound.

But having Cas close to him, even now while on this task, makes life easier. Safer. Better. Dean has spent his entire life making sure those around him felt protected and here Cas is, always doing exactly that for Dean.  

“We’re going to be on this road for a while,” Cas tell him, eyes focused ahead.

“Yeah well, I hope my legs don’t give up. I’m more used to being behind the wheel than taking hikes, if you know what I mean.”

“I do. I’d say the same, but with flying, yet I haven’t been able to use my wings for years, and now, I haven’t used them because of the Belial, so…”

“You miss your pimp-mobile?” Dean asks, grinning. Cas smiles back at him and nods.

“Yes. I do.”

Dean just laughs to himself, remembering that god awful car but how adorable Cas had always looked in it. In fact, Cas looks cute in just about anything, doing anything, saying anything. Now Dean’s smiling too widely and he probably looks insane right now. He glances at Cas who is staring at him, curiously.

“What?” Cas asks him.

“Nothing, I,” Dean clears his throat. “Just thinking about you. How you make me smile.”

Cas looks at him affectionately and squeezes his hand. So much is going on between them, Dean’s just trying to stay focused on the quest before he loses himself and floats away to some place that lovestruck fools go.

They remain on the road for a while until Cas finally stops and he turns his attention to an area left of where they stand. It’s a slightly wooded spot, shaded from the sun and there’s small lake in the distance. The sun is starting to go down and Dean looks at his watch to check the time.

But it has stopped. “Well, I have no clue what time it is,”

Castiel inhales and looks up to the sky. “It’s almost seven. We should stop here for the night. I’m not going to be much help walking in the dark and we need to rest.”

“Sounds good to me.”

They settle for the biggest shaded area, underneath some large oaks. Dean rests his head on his hands as he lies on his back, and that’s when his stomach rumbles. “Uh, Cas, we didn’t bring any food.”

“This place is plentiful.” Cas rises and walks over to a tree. “Like this.” He plucks an orange and throws it at Dean. “And there.” Castiel points to the lake. “Fish.”

Dean look around and pulls out the knife from his jeans. “We can make spears.”

Cas smiles as he joins him under the tree and sits next to him, cross legged. “Exactly. We’ll be fine.”

“I’ve never spear fished before though.”

“First time for everything,” Cas says as he slides his body next to Dean’s, now lying down with him.

“Well, this should be fun,” Dean says before giving Cas a peck on his cheek.”

“It’s an adventure. You live for those,” Cas reminds him.

Dean laughs. “I sure do. I--”

Dean’s interrupted by Cas touching his chest, running his hand down toward his stomach. His breath hitches when Cas’ fingers slide underneath the waistline of his jeans.

“I can’t think of a more lovely area to make love.”

“Mm, me neither,” Dean says as he pulls Cas down closer so he can press his lips to his.

Grabbing his head, Dean bucks his hips when he feels Cas undoing his belt, then his zipper. He moans in Cas’ mouth as Cas strokes him and he’s already rock hard from his touch.

He knows him so well. Just how he likes to be touched, his rhythm, timing, always so damned perfect. Dean closes his eyes, focusing on Cas’ magic hand that’s gripped around him, pulling, sliding up and down, his thumb brushing across the tip on each ascent.

His mouth replacing his hand, taking Dean in. Tasting him, his lips tightening around the shaft, his tongue pressing against him as he moves. Dean grabs Cas’ head, his fingers tangling in the dark trestles and he’s soon coming, emptying into his mouth. Throbbing. Panting. Seeing stars.

Cas is crawling up his body to meet his lips and kisses Dean with a certain hunger that drives Dean crazy. He wraps his arms around him, squeezing him until Cas lets out a small gasp. Dean smiles at him when they pull away from their kiss and inhales deeply, taking in his gorgeous angel.

They stare in silence for a few more seconds before Dean is flipping them over, taking his place on top. He slides down Cas’ body, lifting his shirt to plant kisses on his chest and stomach. His skin is so warm and his scent… Dean can never quite place it. It’s sweet and natural, and it's how he had always smelled, even when being human. He’s drawn to it, his body reacts to it. It’s like a damn aphrodisiac.

He thumbs open the button to his jeans and slowly pulls down the zipper, making eye contact with Cas and flashing him a sly smile. He wants to make him crazy, make him beg Dean to give him release. So he teases him, as he painstakingly pulls his pants down, his hands caressing his outer thighs, inching toward the inner, Cas sighing and hissing at the tough.

Dean licks the skin below his navel and continues down with small kisses on his hips, inner thighs, and balls. Cas is rock hard now, but Dean makes him wait even more as he moves back up to his stomach, then chest, gently biting his nipples.

“Dean…”

Cas bucks his hips, searching for friction as his erection presses against Dean’s chest. Dean is smiling when he takes Cas in his hand and strokes him slowly, making his angel writhe underneath him.

“Dean, please…”

It’s such a beautiful sight for the hunter. Seeing Cas like this, giving into carnal pleasures, letting _him_ be the one to make him feel this way, it’s extraordinary. Cas, who had been so good at holding it together, not letting his emotions take over, stoic, unwavering, is now begging Dean to bring him to climax and Dean won’t let him down.

Dean kisses the tip, then presses his lips down, his tongue moving up the underside of the shaft, teasing the swollen head with a few swirls and then licking back down again. He takes him in his mouth, sucking, drawing his cheeks together. Cas is moving now, breathing heavily, letting out soft moans until he’s releasing into Dean’s mouth. Dean drinks him in without hesitation and let’s him calm down before he moves up his body.

“You’re a tease,” Cas says with a tired smile.

Dean laughs against his neck and rests comfortably next to him. “I love watching you. I love watching you react to me.”

Castiel kisses the top of Dean’s head and brings his arm around to hold him close to his chest. “You do have this way of making every cell in my body come alive.”

“Oh yeah?”

Cas squeezes him and Dean swears he hears a slight choked sigh. “Yes. It’s like… every part of me calls out to you. Needs you, wants you,” Cas pauses and more quietly he says, “loves you.”

Dean lifts his head and searches Cas’ eyes. Yeah, he gets it. He totally does. Because that’s exactly what happens to him. “Ditto.”

Cas' face so bright and beautiful, it still blows Dean away when he sees it. “I’m glad we’re together in this.”

Dean inhales, deeply. “Me too. I--” His stomach rumbles. “Man, now I’m really hungry.”

Castiel chuckles. “Come on.”

He tugs Dean’s shirt and hops to his feet, pulling up his pants. He extends his hand out for Dean to take and when he does, he closes his jeans and follows Cas to a more wooded area.

“Where are we--”

“Looking for some good straight branches to make our spears with.”

“Ahh.” Dean joins him in the search and once they find ones that are suitable, Dean begins whittling the ends to a nice sharp edge. He holds it up, proud of his handiwork and then hands it to Cas.

“So, let’s go get some dinner.”

* * *

 

Fishing consisted of Dean falling on his ass half the time, while Castiel laughed at him, although the both of them were clumsy and complete amateurs. It was an experience nonetheless and when Castiel finally did catch a nice sized fish, they couldn’t wait to get out of that lake and back to their little makeshift campsite.

Dean pulls out his lighter and starts a small fire in a pit they made for cooking. Although Dean’s completely new at having to hunt for his own food for survival, he does know basic camping, as he learned when he was very young, thanks to John.

Once he gets a nice fire going, Cas hands him the fish he prepared and they begin their very first campfire meal together.

“Well, this is kinda romantic,” Dean jokes, smiling widely at Cas.

“Cooking a fish we barely caught in a land that most of the world thinks is at the bottom of the ocean. Sure,” Cas says, trying not to laugh.

“Yeah, well, what the hell happened here anyway. I mean I know the gist but--”

Cas hands Dean his knife and motions for him to turn the fish over. He does so and then Cas leans back, finding a comfortable spot next to Dean.

“Well, the elders, like I said were out of control. Making these hybrids that were… disturbing to say the least.”

Dean leans over, listening as he checks the fish which seems to be finished. He takes the oversized leaves from Cas that they can use as plates and begins to serve them, squirting some lemon juice over it, thanks to Cas finding a tree full of lemons.

Once they begin to eat, Cas continues. “It was easier to make people think Atlantis sunk into the sea by some great flood. Wrath of God, but really, what God did was destroy the hybrids, the elders, and anyone else that supported them.”

Dean takes a bite and damn, it’s delicious. “So, when he moved it, everything kind of stayed the same? Wildlife, and stuff?”

Cas nods, swallowing what’s in his mouth before speaking. “Yes. We didn’t want to destroy the place entirely. It’s quite a paradise.”

“It sure is. I’ve never _ever_ been to anywhere like this,” Dean says, sighing.

He’s thinking now of each state they blew through, each small town, every dirty motel, and he begins to realize how much he has missed in his life. All of it a necessary evil, of course, but he’s starting to really like the idea of traveling, like Cas had mentioned before.

“We can go wherever you want Dean. I mean, after this. After we defeat the Darkness, and so on.” Cas leans in close to Dean and smiles. “I promise.”

“‘Cause we still have so much more to do,” Dean repeats Cas’ words from the night prior.

“Yes.”

He’s not sure if it’s the way Cas is looking at him, or the images now flashing in his head of them visiting Europe, anywhere he wanted, and he didn’t even have to get on a plane to do it, thanks to Cas’ wings (when he gets them back, of course), but he can’t stop smiling, Cas notices it, kissing his nose, tenderly. _Oh so sweet. So damn sweet._

“You shine when you’re happy,” Cas says to him.

“Come here,” Dean pulls Cas closer and kisses him, chastely. “The sun is down now, Cas. We can’t go anywhere for the rest of the night.”

Castiel nuzzles his face against Dean’s neck. “We’re in a safe spot, I don’t sense any extreme magic here.”

Dean pulls back. “So we sleep here?”

“I say yes. I’m not trusting the moonlight to light our way if we keep moving.”

Dean settles his head back onto Cas’ chest. “Okay, then we truly rough it tonight.” Dean smiles. “I’ve had it worse.”

“This is a paradise. Most places are worse.”

They share a laugh. Cas starts to caress Dean’s head, his fingers playing with the short hair, and Dean feels like he’s purring. “What were the hybrids like? They said it reminded them of the Belial.”

He feels Cas shift under him. “I don’t know but from the stories I had heard, they were almost feral, these half demon, half angel abominations causing chaos and destruction. I’m not sure if the Elders had planned that all along or if something just went terribly wrong.”

“Terribly wrong? Yeah, understatement.” Dean chuckles. “Did you know the angels involved?”

“Some yes. I had heard of them, rather.”

“Maybe you were there, maybe this is something else they scrubbed from your memory--”

“Let’s hope not. But if that’s true, I’d love for Chuck, once he’s able, to give me back my memories.”

Dean thinks about that for a moment. Sure, he’s had his own memory wiped when he was dragged from Hell, and Cas did promise to give it back to him one day, but Cas has been down this road so many times. Dean would be almost afraid to know everything he’d missed.

Cas may not like those memories.

“Are you sure you want everything back, Cas? I mean, what if it blows?”

“Yes I do. If I was involved with something, good or bad, I want to know. I feel like there are these empty pockets in my mind and each time a get a feeling of familiarity or deja vu, it leaves me dizzy. It’s like, I know it’s there yet something is making my mind skip over it. It’s not pleasant.”

“Damn. I’d say,” Dean says.

Cas squeezes his arms tighter around Dean and kisses the top of his head. Dean closes his eyes to the warmth and love, never feeling so safe before as he does right now, in some other dimension where the magic is so unstable that anything can happen at any given moment and none of it matters.

“When God is powerful enough, I’m going to ask him for everything. I’ll just need you by my side when he does,” Cas tells him.

“Of course. And I hope we get this Hand soon.” Dean lifts his head from Cas’ chest. “Do you really think we can take down the Darkness?”

He hears Cas sigh. “I think it will be difficult but I have faith we can.”

“This is God though, like isn’t he the most powerful person, or uh, _being_ in the universe?”

Castiel chuckles and Dean keeps his head lifted to watch the amused look on his face. “Oh no, Dean. He is not.”

“But he’s God.”

“Yes he is, but if Michael could do what he did, do you think if God was invincible as you say, that could have happened?”

Dean shakes his head, furrowing his brow. He always assumed God was like the Superman of the world. Nothing can beat him, although even Superman has a weakness. He wonders if not having the Hand is the same as kryptonite

“So God can lose. We can lose.”

Castiel searches Dean’s eyes and smiles, slightly. “Knowing you can falter isn’t defeat, Dean. It just means you fight harder. Everything, everyone has an achilles heel and that means the Darkness as well. When we know what it is, we can exploit that.”

Dean remembers his conversation with Charlie and she had said the same exact thing. Even the Sith can be defeated. “I guess I just expected God to be this like major super power. I mean, angels alone are pretty indestructible.”

“Says the man who has killed an angel, and Death, and--” Cas says with a smile.

“I just mean, like yeah, they can die, obviously but you guys are harder to take down than demons, that’s for sure.”

Cas nods. “Yes, we’re stronger than demons, but even we can be hurt beyond repair. Beyond the healing touch of a fellow angel.”

“Like what happened to you in Heaven?”

Dean wishes he didn’t bring that up, but it did suck a mountain of dicks that Gabriel couldn’t even heal Cas from those wounds inflicted by that torturer up there, because of whatever holy shit caused it.

“Right. There are weapons… well what was used on me, if those wounds could be healed by another angel, then it would really not be as bad, losing my wings aside.”

Castiel rests his head back down onto the grass and Dean does the same, lying flat on his back but keeping one hand locked with Cas’. Heaven has a lot of rules. Some logical, some really damn stupid.

“So, is that why some of the angels would die in battle? Those healer angels, Rit Zien or whatever, couldn’t even heal them?”

“Exactly. If there are holy wars, angels are equipped with mighty weapons from Heaven’s armory. Those weapons not only wound angels but prevent healing as well. That was what was used on me.”

“Wow. That seems pretty harsh.”

Castiel giggles and turns to face Dean. “It’s the same with humans. Your weapons can kill you or wound you to the point that you were past saving. If angels or even God were indestructible, imagine what the world would be like.”

“Lots of dickbags trying to take over?”

Cas smiles. “Pretty much.”

“So even God has weaknesses, I mean even when he has his battery. This is kind of blowing my mind but it makes total sense. I get it.”

“Good. God is strong. He is powerful. But he is not invincible. Once he’s reunited with the Hand, _his battery,_ the angels who had been taking it upon themselves to cast judgement and wrath will hear a thing or two from him. I am looking forward to him taking back Heaven.”

“And this time you can go with him. You won’t have to fear those asshats up there.”

Castiel squeezes his hand. “My place is here. I no longer serve Heaven, Dean.”

“But… God--”

“God will fix it up there. He will bring order, knock some of the angels down a peg. Heaven will be once again a place of justice and light. He will appoint jobs for the angels, give them reasons to love humanity. It’s the lack of faith, I believe is the reason as to why the angels fell into despair.” Cas exhales and pauses.

“Most of us were soldiers, always having mission, a command to obey and even I had realized many years ago, when I was trying to pull the angels back from joining forces with Ralphel, that free will to them was as foreign as eating, sleeping… they just didn’t get it.”

“Used to taking orders, they had no direction.” Dean adds.

“Yes. It was discouraging, but I understood. They were willing to follow anyone’s lead, even if that angel was corrupt and intent on bringing about the apocalypse, or convincing humans to house angels who had fell.”

“Ah, I can’t forget all about that train wreck.”

“Anyway, so you see why God being back is so important. Not all angels are like me. They don’t all have purpose here on earth. They don’t all have a beautiful green eyed hunter to fall in love with.”

Dean’s face heats up and he rolls over to his side to kiss Castiel as he takes his head in his hands. “Thank God for small miracles.”

Castiel laughs as Dean kisses him again and Dean can’t help but smile wide as well. “I almost feel like I should say, 'Thank Chuck,' ” Dean continues as he lowers his forehead to rest on Cas'.

“Thanks be to Chuck,” Cas says with a grin.

They erupt in laughter before settling back down on their backs. Dean slides his arm under Cas and rolls him over so that he can rest his head on Dean’s chest. This is good, no this is great. He wants to have Castiel this close to him for the rest of his life.

“Tired?” Dean asks him.

“Getting there.”

“How much walking do you think we’ll have tomorrow?” Dean dreads it already. Why can’t Atlantis have cars? I mean, did everyone friggin’ walk everywhere?

“Maybe a few hours but then we will reach water and we will need a boat.”

“Uh, come again?”

Cas lifts his head to meet Dean’s eyes. “Atlantis is many pieces of land separated by the sea. To get to the area we need to be, we have to cross a large body of water and it’s too wide to swim. Hopefully there are some boats leftover.”

“Uh, I can craft a gun but a boat, yeah no.”

Castiel rests his head back down. “Don’t worry, we’ll find something.”

Dean closes his eyes imagining it all. He feels like he’s on an episode of Lost and part of him wants to laugh while the other part is confused as to how in the hell they’re going to succeed. Cas seems to feel confident so all Dean can do at this point is let his angel take the lead.

Tomorrow is another day and being on a boat doesn't actually sound half bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conversation mentioned between Cas and Crowley was actually in a season 9 deleted scene (for Road Trip) and I was really bummed that it was actually cut because it's so revealing and important to both of their arcs. You can watch it here. 
> 
> ( @ 1: 38) https://youtu.be/Hi4YSGY57o0?t=1m38s


	6. Chapter 6

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Cas.”

Dean eyes the makeshift raft and it looks about as sturdy as paper. Planks are missing, like really missing, leaving huge gaps and he’s not even sure where they’ll sit. He's half expecting this next stage in their journey to be a bust. How in the hell are they supposed to get from here to there, in a damn raft that looks like it will sink if a goddamned bird perched on it?

The sea looks calm though, it's not a rough ocean or treacherous river. It's like one big giant lake. He still can't see what's on the other side and that is just how damn big it really is. Cas told him that they needed to head south to the part of the island that will lead them to where the Hand is. Dean had suggested that they just find the wards and remove them, allowing God and Gabriel to fly their asses here, but that trek alone would take them forever, and it was shot down as soon as Dean suggested it.

“It will do fine, Dean, look.” Cas pushes it into the water and they both watch as it floats above the small waves. “See, it’s not sinking.”

“Get on it then.”

Cas attempts to hop onto the raft and flips it over, plunging underwater with himself. Dean, now giggling, races to him and pulls him up. “See.”

Cas shakes the water out of his hair and studies the raft. “Okay, we need to fix it up.”

“Ya think?”

With a scowl, Cas drags the raft out of the water while Dean helps him. They rest it on the sand and Dean takes a look around, wondering if they will be able to find wood strong yet light enough to float. He knows he can get this raft in better shape if he had the right tools.

“Any ideas?”

“We fix it?”

“And you have a hammer? Nails? Rope?”

Castiel shakes his head, scanning the area. “We’re not very experienced with this.”

“No, we’re not.”

Dean takes his hand as they walk along the shore, hoping to find some supplies to help them either repair that raft or build them a new one. It’s strange that a place once revered as ‘ahead of its time’ barely has any evidence of civilization.

“Cas, where’s all the technology, all the stuff that made Atlantis so advanced?”

“I’m sure we just haven’t come across any of it yet. God destroyed a lot of their inventions.”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “What? Why?”

“I’m not sure, actually. Maybe because it was used for evil? To further their curious experiments?”

“Or God didn’t want people with that much knowledge?”

Cas chuckles. “They were too advanced, much more than humanity should have allowed. They were being led by supernatural beings. Angels and demons. That’s not the way the world is supposed to work.”

“Right. Gotcha. Still though, a nice yacht would be great right about now. Hell,  I’ll even settle for a speedboat.”

“Like that?” Castiel points to a small dock with not one, but four boats tied up to it. From this distance, he couldn’t tell if any of them looked functional, but it’s better than nothing.

The race to the docks takes about a half hour, trekking in sand but once there, Dean surveys the boats. “These can be from our time now. How old is this place again?”

“I’ll explain that all later, first let’s find one that might actually work.”

Dean eyes one that has a nice sized cabin. “That one, it can be functional.”

“Can you hot wire it?”

“Can I…” Dean hops onto the deck of the potential vessel they actually may be able to use. He turns to Cas and smiles. “Hell yeah I can.”

Dean does his thing with the wires and soon the boat rumbles to life. After making sure they have enough gas in the tank, he turns to see Cas smiling while staring at the side of the boat.

“What? Climb aboard.”

Cas climbs in and steadies himself as the boat rocks. He throws the bag of food he prepared for the trip onto the bench.  “This boat is called “Tide the Knot” spelled T I D E.”

Dean’s face heats up and he pulls Cas close to him. “That’s cute,” and he kisses him.

He could do it right here, propose to him the right way. Does he give him a ring? He should have a ring, right? A masculine one, not one of those diamond engagement rings women wear. What kind would Cas like? Something simple?

And he can’t believe he’s thinking about this. Cas is his, they’re forever, and nothing on earth, anywhere, anytime can change that fact.

He’s kissing him harder now, his tongue pushing past Cas’ lips, causing Dean’s heart to race. Those lips, the way they feel against his, the warmth of Cas’ mouth, his breath, it’s enough to make Dean forget his own name.

Before they get carried away and Dean would really love to get _carried away,_ Cas pulls back and smiles.

“We should--”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Mission and all that,” Dean says with a smile.

He’s only driven a boat twice in his life and both times he was just a kid on a fishing trip with Dad and he made Dean drive while he relaxed, sat back, and cracked open a few cold ones. It’s like riding a bike, right? He puts her into drive and they start to pull out before Cas begins to shout.

“Wait, Dean, the rope!”

Cas races to the edge of the boat and quickly unties the rope from the dock, sighing in relief as he drops down onto the cushioned seat. “That was close.”

Dean shakes his head. He’s a rookie. He knows it. This whole adventure has been a real test of his survival skills. He thinks that he, along with Cas and Sam will have to do some more roughing it and outdoors stuff because being this clueless is beginning to irritate him.

“That’s it, when this is all done, with the Hand, the Darkness, we’re getting a boat.”

Cas comes up from behind him and wraps his arms around Dean’s waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. “That sounds great. Where would we dock it? Should we have a beach house as well?”

Dean smiles. “Sure, why the hell not. It will be a perfect place to--” Dean freezes, unable to believe that they’re actually talking about this. Boats, houses. A goddamned future. “To live with you.”

Castiel squeezes him and kisses his neck. “So you’re done with the bunker?”

Is he? He never thought he would be, but he actually thinks that yes, it’s time to start thinking about bigger things. It was a damn awesome place to call home after not having one since age four. After spending every night in cheap motels or the beds of some random hook up, it was a nice feeling to finally have a place he could call home.

It was guarded, warded, safe.

But if they can get rid of the Darkness, and now with God back in the picture, they don’t have to hide out anymore in a batcave. They can actually live in a real house, with a real yard, and Sam can even live with them too and have his own room. Now he’s so giddy he feels like he’ll never stop smiling.

“It’s time, Cas. Time to live like adults.”

Castiel giggles against his shoulder and when he moves to take a seat next to him, Dean already misses his warmth. Gazing quietly at the sky, he inhales, welcoming the sun in his face. For a land that doesn’t exist, this place is amazing. The weather is perfect, the scenery is breathtaking, and if he’s not careful, he’d want to move them all here permanently.

“I’ve never had a home. Jimmy had a nice house.”

Dean smiles. “Jimmy isn’t you. You deserve a place of your own.”

“A place of _our_ own.”

“Got that right.”

Suddenly he’s struck with the reality of how happy he is. How happy _they_ are and he can’t help but wonder when they rug is going to be pulled out from under his feet. Dean doesn’t want to expect the worst, he wants to actually break this stupid curse he has with happy endings.

He wants everything with Cas. A future, a house, a life. Just because it’s never worked out before, doesn’t mean it won’t with Cas. Those people before, they weren’t him. They weren’t his angel that’s staring at him right now with so much love, it’s actually making his eyes that much more magnetic.

He just has to hold onto the fact that they’re meant to be. That they were made for each other, in a way, and he hopes that fact alone will ensure their unbreakable bond. Nothing can tear them apart, as he’s seen the universe try and try again. Only to fail.

The universe also brought them back together countless amounts of times. Let anyone try and take this away from him, and they’d soon regret it.

Dean shakes off the deep thoughts and looks down at the bag of food as his stomach begins to rumble. “You got anymore of those apples?”

“Yes, and almonds. I can’t believe how many of those trees are around.”

“Hand me some.”

Dean holds a hand out as Cas drops some nuts into his palm. Just when he tosses them into his mouth, the boat jolts from a loud crash from underneath. Dean steadies himself but the rocking is causing Cas to lose his footing.

“Dean?”

“What the hell was that?” Dean shouts, taking his foot off of the gas to slow her down.

They stand in silence, waiting for anything out of the ordinary and Dean’s not even sure what that would even mean in a place like this.

“Cas, is there anything we need to know about these waters? Like say, any weird creatures in there?”

Cas walks, shakily over to Dean and places his hand on his shoulder. By the look on his face, he’s guessing there’s a shit load to tell him and that makes his stomach flip.

“Stay calm. I’m not sure but it could be--”

Just then another crash comes from the bottom of the boat, this one so hard that both Dean and Cas fall, Cas landing on top of Dean. He places his finger over Dean’s lips and glares at him, hard. Dean understands to shut the hell up but his heart is beating so loudly, whatever this damn thing is, it’s bound to hear.

The boat begins to rock and not on its own. Something is underneath them, moving them, and Dean swears that it's trying to make them flip over. Cas grabs hold of the bottom of the bolted down chair and wraps his other arm around Dean, keeping him from sliding across the boat floor. Each time the boat sways, the threat of them to going with it is there. Dean grips the metal of the chair as well, holding on for dear life.

The boat rocks again, this one feeling as if they've been lifted out of the water and then set back down again. Cas steadies himself and rises to his knees, his eyes wide with wonder.

“Cas,” he whispers so low, it’s barely audible. “Are we gonna die?”

Castiel smiles and shakes his head. His eyes are focused on something off in the distance, and he’s now moving to his feet, extending his hand for Dean.

Right in front of them are a dozen dolphins, all swimming around the boat and jumping up out of the water, some crying out. Dean stares in amazement at their orchestrated movements, how they spring out of the water, flying over each other and dive back in, repeating this over and over again.

They’re now swimming away from the boat and there’s something dark under the water, following them. Dean leans over the railing to get a better look but Cas pulls him back. “No, stay here.”

Its mass is huge, bigger than anything he’s ever seen on water or land. The dolphins seem to be leading it away from them, distracting it and it’s working. Damn. It’s _actually_ working and the whole scene brings tears to his eyes.

“They--”

“They’re leading it away. I hadn’t even thought of it until now, but yes Dean, there are creatures in these waters that God had not destroyed.”

“Don’t tell me it’s anything like Old Nessy there, ‘cause that thing looks huge.”

“I’m afraid so. For the most part they’re harmless but I think it’s been a very long time since someone has had a boat out here, it was probably curious.”

Dean raises his eyebrows. “Curious? It almost flipped us, Cas.”

“Well, it probably doesn’t know how to talk to us,” Cas tells him.

“Uh, that sucks.” Dean chuckles. “Are we gonna be okay out here?”

Cas squints as he gazes out onto the vast sea. Despite almost becoming fish bait, Dean can't help but stare at Cas. He looks gorgeous with the way the sun is hitting his face, making the brilliant blue in his eyes rival the sky and sea combined.

“We have allies," Cas says with a smile, still watching the dolphins in the distance.

“Okay, as long as Flipper and his posse are around.”

Dean moves back to take his place behind the wheel. He starts her up again and slowly goes back on course, their destination still a small blob in front of them. He has no idea what to expect once they arrive there, but he sure as hell hopes the sea doesn't swallow them on the way.

* * *

 

The island doesn’t seem threatening at all, but he's finally seeing evidence that this place was one buzzing with life, only to be left with empty shells of buildings and homes. Sure, it’s been eons since this place was destroyed, or rather most of its inhabitants, but it still feels weird coming here where the only indication that people actually did live here are empty homes. It seems soulless almost, if that makes any sense.

People went about their lives here, once upon a time. They had business to take care of. Families to look after. Real people with real things to do. Real feelings. He thinks about the boat and how it’s odd that a place as old as Atlantis had things that Dean could find today in his own world.

But this place had something they didn’t have. Extreme magic and it was strong and misused by many. The story of this place will always fascinate him, and now having this added knowledge, it seems he can spend all day hearing Cas tell him more. What were the people like? Were there various cultures? Religions? Did people drive cars like his Impala?

As they walk more inland, Cas answers all his questions, informing him of how so many people here were peaceful. They used magic for small things, easy things, never abusing it. Those were the ones God saved in the end. The others, well, not so lucky.

Angels and Demons working together. It doesn’t seem that far fetched, now that he thinks about it. They always seem to have similar agendas, especially when the apocalypse was all the rave. Heaven wanted it, Hell wanted it. Crowley didn’t want it and Dean is now chuckling at how that was the one time Crowley didn’t want to see everyone dead.

“What?” Cas asks him, grabbing his hand.

"Just thinking about the past. Heaven, Hell, all manipulating us to bring about the apocalypse. Sometimes I think they’re not so different.”

He sees Cas swallow and damn, he didn’t mean it like that. “I mean--”

“No, you’re right. Different methods, same goals. Back then at least.”

“Cas, I didn’t mean to bring it up again, I was just thinking about the mess here, and how I can totally see how it could have happened. Now, knowing what I know.”

Cas nods, squeezing his hand. “I think we should eat, like something other than fruit and nuts.”

“Cas..”

“I’m fine Dean. We really should eat.”

He’s not sure if Cas is bothered but before he can ask him, Cas turns to him and smiles. “Up there, it looks like a small establishment. We can rest.”

Cas leads him to a paved road, finally. There are a few empty cottages and a couple of stone buildings with windows carved out. Dean studies the architecture and he's amazed at how efficient it is. Everything has this dome shape to it and he thinks about how much that makes sense in places like this, where weather can be an issue. It reminds him of something out of time, like ancient yet futuristic. He immediately thinks of Star Wars.

They settle for one of those domed cottages and Dean’s eyes grow wide when he notices a bed, with a mattress and all. He falls down on it and sighs, not even caring how old it is or who the hell used it before.

“Shit, I never knew how much I’d miss a bed.”

Castiel smiles at him, taking the fish he caught out of a sack. Dean watches him move to the open stove and he uses Dean’s lighter to get it started.

“This should cook nicely here,” Cas says, rubbing his hands together after placing the prepared fish onto a cast iron pan he found.

“Look at you, a regular Betty Crocker,” Dean jokes, his head barely lifting to see Cas.

“Well, someone has to feed us.”

Castiel joins Dean on the bed and as soon as he sits down on it, his eyes widen. “This _is_ soft.”

Dean grins as he pulls Cas down for a kiss. “Can we sleep here?”

“We need to move after this, Dean. I--”

Cas is interrupted by a loud crash of thunder. They both sit up, abruptly and run to the door. Staring up at the sky, the dark clouds gather above, right before it begins to downpour.

“Fuck!” Dean shouts, running back inside. “It was clear and sunny a minute ago!”

Cas remains at the entrance, focused. Dean’s about to tell him to get his angel ass in there but Cas is already heading inside, shaking his wet hair.

“It’s a normal weather occurrence. Not magic related, in case you were wondering.”

He wasn’t but… “So is that what you were doing out there?”

Castiel nods. “I have to make sure. The last thing we need is to be caught in a mystical storm.”

Dean sits back down on the bed, now starting to smell the fish on the stove and damn, it smells good. “Yeah, I hear that. And Cas, what did you season that fish with? It smells really good.”

“Lemon, salt, thanks to your packets from the diner from the other day, and some thyme I picked yesterday.”

Cas hands Dean his sack that he made with his flannel. Dean opens it and shakes his head, smiling.

“Wow, you’re better at this than I am.”

“With a place like this Dean, we really have so much at our disposal.”

He lies back, bringing Cas with him, as he drops the handmade flannel sack to the floor beside the bed. “Okay, that is a total turn on.”

Cas snaps his head back. “What?”

“Shh, come here.”

Dean kisses him, wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist, pulling him on top of him. Cas positions himself so not to crush Dean and ends with his thigh in between Dean’s legs. This makes Dean thrust against it and then again until he feels himself grow hard.

His own thigh is rubbing against Cas and he’s now growling into Dean’s ear, making Dean smile like an idiot. He loves that sound, it’s so raw, so deep and rough. So damn Cas. It makes all the butterflies in his stomach go nuts.

It’s not long before they’re both naked, Cas taking his time tasting Dean’s skin, as he kisses his way down his stomach. Dean has chills, each brush of his lips making him that much harder, that much more turned on. He’s pretty sure Cas could make him come with just these soft kisses. It’s enough to bring Dean over the edge.

“Flip over,” Cas instructs him.

Dean doesn't hesitate and he’s on his stomach immediately. His legs are being spread apart and he inhales sharply when he feels Cas’ lips on his lower back, so soft and warm. Those plush lips move to his ass and then to his thighs, Cas’ hands moving them apart even more so.

The wetness of Cas’ tongue moves in between his cheeks and Dean lifts his hips when Cas begins swirling around his opening. His hands are gripping his ass while Dean’s hands are in fists above his head. Fuck, it feels good, that hot slippery tongue entering him now, and he is just always blown away by Cas’ vast knowledge of sexual pleasure.

Yeah, he knows Cas has watched humans for an eternity and has obviously picked up on a thing or two down the road, but the way he knows Dean, like _really_ knows him, you can’t learn that from watching others. No. Cas just taps into everything Dean has always wanted, always wondered about. And yes, having a tongue in his ass was not something he’s ever felt before, but damn does Cas know what he’s doing.

Dean’s building, his throbbing erection humping the mattress now. He’s about to come when he feels Cas’ tongue stop and suddenly that warmth is gone. It’s replaced by Cas’ own hardness and he slips into Dean so easily, moving already on top of him, Cas’ hips crashing against Dean’s ass. Cas lowers his chest to rest on Dean’s back and brings his arms out and around him, holding Dean as he moves inside of him.

Cas is kissing Dean’s shoulders, his neck, jaw, cheek. He’s so tender, yet so fucking passionate, Dean has never had a lover like this. It’s all new, so damn new, yet it’s so familiar, having Cas so close like this, making love like non stop, really. It’s easy, effortless.

Cas' hand slides underneath him and takes hold of Dean's cock, stroking him now while he moves his pelvis faster, slapping against him. He doesn’t last long and comes into Cas’ hand, with Cas joining him soon after. The angel collapses on top of Dean, resting his head in the crook of Dean’s neck.

“You feel so good, Dean.”

Dean hums against the pillow and smiles. Cas reaches up and laces his fingers with Dean’s, pecking his neck softly.  

“I think dinner is ready,” Cas says, trying to catch his breath.

Cas gets up after a few minutes and Dean rolls over, pouting that he is naked without his angel warming him. But Cas comes back with two plates of fish with a side of sliced tomatoes and some sort of herb. Dean inhales and yup, basil.

“I can get used to this Cas. This is the healthiest I’ve eaten in… ever.”

Cas smiles before digging into his own meal. The storm hasn’t let up which means they aren’t going anywhere for a while, and Dean is absolutely happy about that. He’s tired of walking, honestly and he’s hoping maybe there’s some kind of vehicle in this town they can use for the rest of their journey.

They still have the boat, and that is an awesome addition. He’s pretty sure they’ll be more waters to cross and now that he’s comfortable enough to drive that thing, he wants to get back on it as soon as possible and sail the Atlantis seas, sans the Loch Ness monster thing in the water. He wants to find out more about where they're headed but first things first.

"Cas, when I brought up the angels and demons thing, I wasn't saying you, like I know what that was all about back then, how they tricked you."

Cas swallows his food and smiles briefly. "I know, Dean. It's just a time when... I should have seen it from the beginning. I should have known."

"Oh come on, how could you? They were crafty. Zach and them, they were good at being sneaky dickwads."

Dean shovels some tomatoes in his mouth smiles wide.

Castiel has this far away look now and he's stopped eating, leaning back against the wall. He stares ahead as he says, "I was going to tell you. I was... when I started to have doubts, it was so early on Dean.”

Cas looks at Dean and continues. “I began questioning everything since meeting you."

"Yeah, I remember you telling me something like that after that Samhain thing. You made me promise not to tell anyone."

Castiel nods. "You changed me. And not just because I fell in love with you, though yes, that played a significant role, but I watched you, Dean. How you fought for what's right, the decisions you made that were so utterly selfless, each act was out of love, not duty. I was ashamed of myself."

Dean takes Cas' empty plate and places it on the table next to the bed. They cuddle up close as the rain seems to pour down even harder now, thunder crashing every now and then, lighting up the room. It’s only midday but the dark clouds have blocked out most of the sunlight, making it appear much later than it is.

"What? Cas, you were a soldier for Heaven. I was... a soldier for my dad for so long too, blindly doing anything he asked me to do. It wasn't until I was on my own that I started to think differently about the job.”

“I guess I just began to really see the difference Sam and I started making. Then our lives got really biblical, real fast, and it was like us against Heaven. Us against Hell. You came into our lives and sure, at first you were stone cold, like following orders that you didn't even understand, but--"

"But I knew, somewhere, deep inside that it was wrong,” Cas interrupts. “ I think because so many of those orders involved you, my conflicted feelings became evident.”

Dean grabs his hand and squeezes it.

"They whisked you away to bible camp and reconditioned you. I remember."

"I held on for as long as I could, even with every fiber in my being telling me to tell Zachariah, and the rest of Heaven to fuck off."

Dean laughs and Cas continues, "Then you said something to me in the green room. Something about shoving my peace up my white lily ass."

They're both laughing now, and Cas tries to finish what he was trying to say.

"But you made it clear that you'll take the pain, the guilt, over being in a paradise that is nothing but bliss. For the first time in my entire existence, I had heard anyone say that. It blew me away."

"It's free will. It's why I wasn't thrilled with being in Heaven before with Memorex copies of you and Sam. It was weird. I want real feelings, be it bad or good ones."

"I get that now, I got it then, at that point. It made me see the truth in it all. You got through to me, giving me the final push. Of course, it was too late and Sam had already broken the seal but that moment, Dean, that was when I was ready to die for _your_ cause. Not theirs."

"And Raphael made sure of that." Dean scoffs.

"Yes he did. And God brought me back. I should have never lost hope, as gone and distant as my father was, he had brought be back twice because he needed me here. There was still work to be done and it wasn't about taking orders from Heaven anymore."

"You were doing everything right, everything God wanted, huh."

Cas nods.

"Seeing Chuck and hearing his story, what had happened to him, terrified me. How Michael had so much power, how he could have done what he did, without leaving a trail of evidence that he’d been deceiving us all. It's inconceivable."

"Not one angel questioned him. Not one. He had the damn Hand of God and no one even bothered to ask about it. Why would God leave without taking his one power source that made him... well, God."

"He was still able to do a hell of a lot even without it."

"Yes," Cas sighs. "But he's getting weaker every day. I'm not sure if you can sense it, or even notice it, but during this week at the mansion, I saw it. Just having this Darkness here, out in the open... the Belial, I think it's weakening him."

"That blows." He remembers exactly where they are now, and Dean kisses the top of Cas' head. “Are we even remotely close to finding the Hand, Cas?”

“Not really, Dean. Atlantis is very big. This journey won’t be a quick one. Especially now with this storm. We’re losing valuable traveling time.”

“Yeah, well my feet hurt.”

“Oh.”

Cas climbs over Dean and moves to the foot of the bed where he takes Dean’s feet into his lap. He pulls his socks off and begins massaging the arches, slow and strong. His magic fingers are sending Dean into the most relaxed state he can ever remember being in, his head feels light and his body, weightless.

“You’re too good to me, Cas. You know that, right?”

Cas works this thumbs into his heels, sliding up and back down again. “Too good? Is that even a thing?”

Dean closes his eyes and smiles. “I guess. I don’t know. I just…” Dean opens his eyes and sits up on his elbows. “I never had anything like this before. Not even with--”

Maybe bringing up old flames isn’t such a great idea after having made love and them sharing a meal together but Cas seems curious and asks, “With?”

“I mean, most of my relationships have been short and uh, not really this intimate. You know?”

Castiel flashes a soft smile. “Like getting foot massages?”

Dean laughs and lies back down, his head resting on the best damn pillow he’s ever felt before in his life. “Right. And other things.”

“Other things?”

Dean’s face flushes. “The stuff we do,  it’s all really, uh, you know, new.”

“It’s new for me too.”

“I don’t just mean the sex, although yea, most of the stuff we do is all new territory, but I also mean how we are, like together. No one’s ever made me feel--”

He chokes up, not even sure he can continue this conversation but he should. Cas should know. “No one’s ever made me feel so wanted. So loved. Like ever,” Dean finishes while the lump in his throat refuses to go away.

Castiel looks at him, his expression so warm it makes Dean’s heart skip a beat. He pushes Dean’s feet off of his lap and crawls up his body, planting a kiss on his lips.

“I could say the same thing, Dean.”

They snuggle together, Cas pulling the blankets over them. Dean looks down and sighs, loving how normal Atlantis feels right now. A cottage with a real stove, a bed with real pillows and blankets. If it wasn’t for the unstable magic, the crazy sea monster, and the constant walking, he’d say this was like a vacation.

Or honeymoon. But yeah they’d have to be married first, and…

“Let’s do it Cas.”

Cas lifts his head to meet Dean’s eyes. “Do what?”

He swallows, thickly, feeling his heart racing so fast, it’s like a constant thrum in his chest. His lips are moving, hoping to make some kind of sound but nothing happens. He looks down at his hand that’s holding Cas and it’s shaking so much, he almost wants to laugh at what a nervous wreck he is.

Then he just says it. “Get married.”

The fire in his cheeks intensifies and part of him wishes he could retract that, or maybe turn back time before he said it.

“ _Hey Atlantis, you’re a magical place, can you do that for me? Because now I feel like an idiot for actually bringing marriage up again, like some fool who only thinks about sappy shit like this and--”_

“I told you already that I would love to, Dean.”

Dean looks at Cas, intensely. His cheeks are red too and thank god. “I know but… I mean, like for real.”

He's still shaking, and his voice is cracking and he doesn’t care now. He leans in and kisses Cas, tenderly before meeting his gaze.

“Marry me, Cas.”

There. He did it. No ring. No down on one knee thing. Just him and his angel, face to face in bed, in another dimension, and fuck it. This is perfect.

“I will Dean. I will marry you.”

He wants to cry, but Cas beats him too it as Dean watches a tear stream down his cheek. Dean thumbs it away and kisses Cas again, wanting to never let this feeling fade.

It all suddenly makes sense to him. How nothing was ever by chance. From the second they met, it was all leading to this very moment.

_“I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.”_

That’s when it all changed. Dean would fall so madly and hopelessly in love, confusing him throughout the years. Killing him sometimes. Tearing him apart, piece by piece, only to be put back together the moment he’d see Cas again.

Every fight they had, every time they hurt one another, every time they’d make up, all the harsh words, and warm ones, it’s all a part of who they are. It’s them, over the years, making bad decisions, breaking each other’s hearts, only to come running back to mend what they’ve broken.

Cas and Dean will be married. They will be happy. Dean can’t hide the emotions coming over him now and he tears up as he continues to kiss Cas, soaking in his heat, his love, his energy.

“I can’t believe…”

Cas pulls back and smiles so softly, taking Dean’s head in his hands. “I’m honored you even asked.”

Dean smiles. “It just seems like the next thing, right? I mean, you and I are-- we belong together, right? So why not.”

He’s playing if off as something casual and planned but really, it’s anything but. He’s never wanted it before, even with Lisa where he was practically living with her. Marriage always seemed too far fetched, not something he could ever have. With anyone.

He thinks of his parents, and how Michael and that naked cupid guy confirmed that they were always meant to be brought together, that is was all destined. Is that Cas and Dean too? Is there some higher calling making sure they’re in love for some important purpose they just don’t know about yet?

Part of him loves that idea, but it also scares him. What if it’s something too big, even for them? What if that means one of them ends up dead? He can’t even think about this right now, and fuck his brain for even going there.

“You’ll be a terrific husband, Dean,” Cas tells him, shyly.

“Same to you. I mean, if you don’t mind the reckless lifestyle.”

Castiel laughs, pulling Dean closer. “It’s our middle names, right?”

Dean nods. “Castiel Reckless, uh… Winchester?”

“I think taking your last name would be wise since I don’t have one.”

 _This just got really fucking real_. “Right. Dean of the Lord doesn’t sound right.”

They laugh, Cas throwing his head back as Dean buries his in Cas’ neck. “No, not at all.”

Soon they’re back at it, still naked from before so it’s easier now for Dean to run his hands across Cas’ body, with no clothes in the way. Dean wants to be inside of Cas, like yesterday so he gets him ready with his tongue and slides in effortlessly.

They take their time, knowing the rain isn’t letting up and that’s just perfect because if they hadn’t stopped here to eat, they would have been on the road somewhere, caught in the storm and Dean’s pretty sure the topic of marriage would have been furthest from his mind.

But here they are, in bed making love for a second time. And Cas said yes, he fucking said yes. They’re going to get married and throughout their love making, Dean has a million and one butterflies in his stomach.

Each time Cas looks at him, kisses him, breathes against his cheek, he thinks, _“yeah, he’s going to be my husband one day. This bright, beautiful, unreal person who has been by my side for eight years, is going to marry me.”_

Dean lets the tears fall freely now, unable to contain anything anymore. He’s exposed, open and raw to it all, and he loves every second of it. What would normally make him run away in fear, is calming him, soothing him, for the first time in his entire life. This love, this bond, is not scary. It’s breathtaking and he and Cas are going to the happiest sons of bitches in the whole goddamned universe.


	7. Chapter 7

“Never, Dean. I’m telling you the truth.”

Dean shifts next to Cas and flashes him a knowing look. “Oh come on. You mean to tell me that in all the bazillion years you’ve been alive, you didn’t fall in love once?”

Castiel wraps his arm around Dean and squeezes. “Not until you.”

“Liar.”

“I swear. I didn’t even know I could… even with you, I wasn’t sure that’s what it was. I had no idea what was happening to me.”

“Okay, okay,” Dean sighs. “I guess I believe you but that is a long time to live without it.”

“Dean, I’m an angel. I wasn’t wired the same way as humans. Living a millennia without being in love was nothing to me. Besides, I never really had a chance to. I wasn’t that close to humans until you.”

“But you watched them, like the cat story.”

Cas smiles. “Watching over them yes, getting close to them, no. You were the first human I ever had the privilege to get to know on a more intimate level. I was usually always in my true form anyway.”

“Even with the cat?”

“Well no, I had vessels over the span of my life. Jimmy wasn’t the first.”

Dean’s eyebrows raise and he sits up to get a good look at Castiel. He can’t even imagine him in another vessel. Sure, there was the brief time he had to posses Claire because Jimmy had been shot but even that was really friggin’ weird.

“How many?”

“Vessels?”

“Yeah.”

Cas stares up at the ceiling, his lips mouthing silent words. “Not many. Four, not including Jimmy.”

“Or Claire?”

“That was very brief and I see now how that would have been a terrible mistake. Having a young child endure what Jimmy had to… I wasn’t thinking very clearly then.”

“Okay, so tell me about these four vessels. I want to know everything. Who they were, where they lived, what they did.”

Cas sighs. “Dean, it’s not very interesting. I will tell you about the one I had grown very attached to. Her name was Francesca. She lived in Florence, Italy.”

“A female vessel, eh?” Dean wiggles his eyebrows.

“It wasn’t like that, Dean. She was the wife of an important man at the time. I was to make sure he followed the path he was destined for. I was originally meant to observe but God wanted me to intervene and so his wife had been chosen to be my vessel.”

“Go on,” Dean says, gesturing for Cas to continue.

“So she said yes and I stood by him.”

“Wait, did you…I mean, did he know?”

“I didn’t pretend to be her, no. He knew. Explanation was given to them both before anything happened. “

“Okay, so why was she so special? Why did you grow so attached?”

Cas inhales, deeply and lets it out, slowly. “Her devotion to him and the cause, it touched me. She loved him so much but was willing to offer herself to ensure he stayed true to the cause.”

“And that was…?”

“He was to write a very important book. It would be about divine intervention and most of the locals frowned upon it. He was eventually killed because of it.”

“Some destiny. And you couldn’t stop it?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because it was what had to happen. It’s a long and complicated story, Dean but you know as well as anyone that certain things need to come to pass regardless of how much it hurts.”

Dean nods. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. So what happened to Francesca?”

“I thanked her for her services and left. She prayed to me every night after that and I’d visit her every so often but eventually it became too hard. Seeing her in pain from losing her husband, no matter if she accepted it or not, started to become unbearable to witness.”

“So,” Dean furrows his brow, “you just stop answering her?”

“Yes.”

“Damn, that’s harsh.”

“When she died I came for her, though. I made sure she went to Heaven and be reunited with her husband. She’s happy now, they have been in Heaven since.”

“You ever see her? Visit her in Heaven?”

Dean has no idea why he’s feeling a slight pang of jealousy. It’s not like Cas and her were a thing or anything. She was his vessel like Jimmy was. It does make him wonder though, if there were other humans that Cas saw as remarkable. Humans he admired, like he did Dean.

“No. I left her to her own paradise. I don’t belong there.”

“Okay, so you said I was the first human you were close to but it seems you were kinda close to her, am I right?”

Cas chuckles. “It was my job. Yes, I had grown attached to her but it wasn’t the same. You, Dean are very special. You need to start believing that as well.”

“But you had feelings for her. That’s a closeness, Cas. Like it or not.”

He sighs. “I suppose, yet I didn’t really see it that way. When we met, Dean, you and I, there was this new spark in me that I had never felt before. Vessels, people I had sworn to look over and protect didn’t give me that same feeling.”

“Was it weird? Being a woman?”

Castiel squints, tilting his head. “Dean, are you jealous?”

“What? No!” Dean protests, shaking his head. “Just curious.”

“There’ve been many humans over the years that I had grown fond of, Dean. My time on earth was very small compared to my time in Heaven but things had happened to me down here on occasion, yet none of it was about love. Not our kind of love, anyway.”

“Humans had always been very complex to me," he continues. "I didn’t understand a lot and I think you saw that first hand when we met. Even now, I’m clueless about so much down here.” They both chuckle.

“Either way, Dean, my love for humanity was an order from God. Falling in love with you was something that happened on its own.”

Dean smiles and cuddles closer to Cas. “It’s just weird to imagine you here on earth in another vessel doing some other job or mission.”

“If it makes you feel any better, Jimmy was chosen for you.”

“He must have loved that idea.”

Castiel laughs. “He did, actually. He knew what I needed of him. Although…” Cas’ face drops

“What is it?”

“I promised to look after Amelia and Claire, and--”

“Hey, things happened. Crazy things. You were smart to keep your distance, Cas. They might have been targets, what with all the ridiculous Heaven crap that went on and Naomi, Metatron... Trust me dude, you did the right thing.”

“I guess. Still, I think about it often. If Francesca affected me the way she did, Jimmy was more so. He had his wife turn on him when he knew I was calling for him. He was a good man, Dean.”

“You think he’s in Heaven? With Amelia?”

“I’m sure of it.”

“I’m glad he’s like your true vessel now. I mean, God seems to think so.”

Cas smiles. “And why is that?”

“Because it’s who I fell in love with. I mean, you know, not just the vessel but, wow that came out wrong.”

“It’s okay, I know what you mean. And I’m glad too. I feel at home here. Jimmy’s with his wife, finally, and there’s no one else in here but me. And I’m all yours.”

Dean grins, widely. He can’t even believe he’s talking about this so casually. Even in past relationships, he’d never actually had a conversation about love or his feelings. When his partner would start to bring it up, Dean would change the subject so fast, fearing the awkwardness of what these types of discussions usually gave him.

Love. Yes, he’s felt it. He isn’t a stranger to it. But to talk about it? Yeah, no. That just wasn’t what he was about. Now here he is, an open book for Cas.

“I’m serious. This thing, with you… this is like the most insane love I’ve ever felt. Insane in a good way.”

“Do I make you crazy, Dean?”

“Absolutely,” Dean says with a smile.

He brushes Cas’ neck with his lips. Cas hums, tightening his arms around him. “Talking about past feelings with people isn’t always a good idea in these situations, that much I know.”

“True. Alls I know is, you’re the first in so many ways.” They kiss. “I know it sounds corny, or whatever but it’s true.”

He feels Cas’ chest rise with a heavy breath and then the air escape against his cheek as he lets it out.

“The reason this is a first for us is because we’re meant to be, Dean. So neither one of us would have felt this way before with anyone.”

“And what if things went differently? Like if I said yes to Michael or--”

“But you didn’t. Yes, there could have been the possible future that we would not have ended up together but our choices led us to where we are now. Let’s not think of the what ifs.”

“So, soulmates or not, we could have taken a different route? Like not be together?”

“Of course. But let our hearts guide us. If more people did that, I’m sure there would be less difficulty in their lives.”

Dean’s heart races just thinking about it. Soulmates, actual soulmates can end up on opposite sides of destiny and that fact alone gives him the chills. He can’t imagine living his life without Cas. Just the thought makes him sick to his stomach.

Trying to cozy up with a woman or man that isn’t Cas. Pretending that there isn’t a giant hole in his heart…

“Rest assured that we are each other’s firsts and lasts,” Cas finishes.

Dean smiles. He likes that. “My first, my last, my everything,” Dean sings, trying his best to mimic Barry White’s baritone.

Cas giggles as he slides to lie down, bringing Dean with him. Soon they’re both heated, passion taking them over as they make love again. Touching, tasting, worshipping each other over and over again until they’re both climaxing together, breathless, dizzying.

Hearing about Cas’ past was a little difficult but at the same time he’s never been more convinced of how special the two of them really are. For all the years Cas has been alive, he fell in love with Dean. Of all the possible people that could have won his heart in the past, soulmate or not, it was Dean that he fell for. He’ll never get over that bit of extraordinary truth.

* * *

 

The rain finally lets up and Dean hesitantly gets dressed, really fighting off the urge to stay naked in bed with Cas for the rest of the day. His watch still isn’t working but according to Cas’ internal angel clock, he says it’s just past three, which means they have many more hours of travel.

Great.

He watches Cas pull on his jeans, his shirt, and growls at him, making Castiel smile widely for him. “We’ll look for a vehicle.”

“That is the best idea you’ve come up with yet.”

“Oh really?” Cas leans over to kiss Dean and then grips his arms, pulling him out of bed.

“I miss my baby,” Dean whines as he laces up his boots. “Her sound, the way she feels when I wrap my hands around the wheel, the--”

“I’ve always wondered about you two.”

Dean laughs. “It’s true Cas. I _am_ in love.”

“There are support groups for that.”

Cas flashes him a sly smile and reaches down to pick up his handmade sack full of food for their journey. He gasps when Dean grabs him and turns him around to face him.

“But I love you more,” Dean says before kissing him.

“Well, I should hope so.”

They both laugh, cheeks red, as they head out of the cabin. Dean takes one more look around, sighing. It was a nice place to rest for the few hours they did. He’ll miss it because he knows their next stop may not be as comfortable.

Outside, it’s sunny again and the air smells fresh as expected after a heavy rainfall. He knows Cas is in hot pursuit for something they can drive around in, when he walks briskly ahead of Dean. He’s not even sure what they’ll find or if it will have gas and come to think of it, was it even gas in the tank of the boat?

“Cas, do things run on gasoline here?”

Cas shakes his head. “No, it’s some kind of liquified crystal. The Atlanteans were very advanced with crystal technology. It powered most of the land.”

“Say what?”

“They had entire power plants constructed of the things.” He turns to Dean, but still walks ahead. “So while it does seem their technology could be compared to what you have now, it’s not really.”

Dean raises his eyebrows. “So it looks similar but totally different.”

“Yes, in a way. Some things are the same. Humans are... consistent with various things. You have stoves, they have stoves, beds, homes.”

Just then, they round a corner and sitting next to a dilapidated dwelling is what looks like a jeep, but not one Dean is familiar with. It’s round in shape, its tires don’t look like rubber at all, but some kind of shiny gel material. He reaches forward to touch it and it appears durable yet almost strange in texture.

Cas rounds the vehicle and checks out the front, studying it closely before nodding and looking up at Dean. “I think she’ll do.”

Dean grins as he climbs into the driver’s seat, Cas taking his place next to him. Dean searches for a way to get her started but he’s completely lost with this so called advanced auto mechanics.

“Uh…”

“Here.”

Cas leans forward and pulls at a small flap near the wheel. Dean stares at it and he swears it looks like a tiny little computer chip. He watches Cas turn it slightly and push it in and that’s when the car comes to life.

“That’s new.”

“Crystal technology. It’s very efficient and economical. Not to mention how well it works with the environment, instead of polluting it as other things in our world does.”

“Go figure. We should write a letter to Al Gore about this when we get home.”

They share a laugh as Dean pulls out in reverse and then turns onto the main road. He’s glad there’s a gas and stop pedal or else he’d really feel like he’s a fish out of water.

He stops just as they reach the edge of town and glances at Cas. “Where to?”

“Follow the road, we’re still far too north from where we need to be.”

Dean drives, trying to keep the jeep as steady as he can on the patchy road. “Will we need to cross more water?”

“Yes. There are three islands, we are on the second one. We were closer to this island where Cuck zapped us, luckily, or else we’d have another few days journey.”

“You mean, we won't reach the next island for another few days?”

Cas nods. “I’m afraid so, Dean. The main island, the third one, is where we leave. If it makes you feel better, though, the Hand is on _this_ island.”

“Well yay for that,” Dean says, half sarcastically.

Castiel smiles and looks ahead, resting his hand on the dashboard in front of him to keep from rocking too much. It’s not a smooth ride at all and it’s even starting to make Dean a little queasy.

"You can feel it?" Dean asks, eyes ahead.

"Yes. Well, sort of. I feel a tremendous power as we move closer. I'm convinced this is from the Hand itself."

“So how do you know so much about Atlantis anyway, since you said you’ve never been here?”

Castiel presses his lips before he speaks. “It was something we learned about early on. I’m not sure if it was to remind the garrison of God’s wrath or just a normal history lesson.”

“Were you alive yet? I mean--”

“Yes. I was just not involved with it. This was something God and the archangels took care of. The lesser angels, the lower ranks had no part.”

Dean tilts his head trying to imagine the ranks, the hierarchy of Heaven. He sees the faces of those angels who watched Cas get mutilated and wonders where they ranked, exactly. He assumes angels like Naomi, Bartholomew, all had some kind of higher standing in Heaven, and it also seems the higher they were, the more corrupt.

Just like down here.

Cas continues, “Younger angels were often lower in ranks unless they were appointed a specific job that had them more involved with the commanders.”

Dean’s eyes widen. “Like when you pulled me out of Hell?”

Cas is silent as he looks ahead so Dean says, “You were promoted back then, weren’t you?”

He nods. “I guess you can say that.”

Dean can’t help but laugh. “And then you told them to fuck off.”

Castiel joins him in the laughter, shaking his head. “We were instructed to memorize the maps. God and the archangels wanted us to make sure we remembered the layout after they made it disappear. I have no idea why.”

“Well, I guess the one guy who knows why is waiting for us to return with his battery, then I say we get some answers.”

“Agreed.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

They keep on for what seems forever, yet according to Cas it’s only been a couple of hours on the same road. The scenery hasn’t changed much except for a few areas of thick woods spread out in between more of a beachy kind of landscape. Palm trees, dunes, wild brush that only really grows near the ocean.

He’s thankful now that the road seems to have evened out and the jeep isn’t shaking as much. Any longer he would have lost his lunch. Just as he’s about to tell this to Cas, he sees something in the distance that he can’t quite make out. It almost looks like a wall of fog headed towards them, but it’s still so far away.

He turns to Cas to ask him if he sees it too and by the look on his face, colorless and panicked, Dean is sure he does.

“Dean, stop the jeep.”

“What?”

“Stop the jeep!” he shouts.

Dean slams on the breaks. “Turn around, Dean. NOW!”

Dean doesn't waste any time turning the jeep around and driving back in the direction they came. No matter how fast he thinks they’re going, it doesn’t seem it’s enough. The smoke, fog, whatever it is, it’s catching up to them.

“Cas, what the hell is going on?”

Cas is looking around, his face now whiter than it was before and he finally makes eye contact with Dean, making his stomach flip. He’s never seen Cas this scared before.

“Unstable magic, this is what I feared. It’s moving, waves of pure energy through the land. Once it hits us, there’s no telling what can happen.”

“Come again?”

“It’s raw energy, Dean. Pure magic. I didn’t think this could happen, I didn’t think--”

“It’s okay, Cas. Will be make it?”

Cas turns his head and stares behind them. “Oh god, Dean. It’s getting closer. Can this jeep go any faster?”

“I’m flooring it, Cas!”

Cas shakes his head, but Dean’s trying to stay focused ahead. Going this fast on such an uneven road is making this drive really fucking hard. He watches his angel look ahead then behind him, frantically.

It’s when his eyes land on Dean that he knows it’s no use. Cas slides back into his seat and grabs Dean’s arm. “It’s here, Dean. Stop the jeep.”

Dean does as he asks and then Cas says, “Just hang onto me.”

They huddle together, Cas taking one hand and bringing Dean’s head down into his chest, almost like he’s trying to shelter him from the coming blast.

“Cas--”

“Just hang on.”

Dean’s having flashbacks of when he was consumed by the Darkness, him and Sam in the Impala while the dark thick smoke engulfed them. The car was wrecked but they survived and he hopes he and Cas will have the same luck.

It feels like a train hits them, or mack truck and it’s pushing the jeep as if it weighs nothing. Dean closes his eyes, head against Cas’ chest and squeezes him as they become engulfed in the smoke.

Putting it into words would be difficult, how it feels to have this energy surrounding him, how it pulls at his skin and tickles him at the same time. It feels electric, like a static energy making the hairs on his arms stand. He wonders if Cas feels it too and assumes he must because this shit is strong, it almost appears to be moving inside of him now.

He won’t open his eyes. He’s scared of what he’ll see and at that thought, Cas whispers in his ear. “Dean, just hold on. I got you. Don’t let go.”

And then he feels his body become weightless followed by a new dizzying feeling and then he’s out like a light.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Come on, Dean. Sam’s waiting.”

Dean opens his eyes. He’s groggy and barely able to piece together what had just happened and more importantly, where the hell he is. He looks around a room that isn’t his, unfamiliar and completely strange.

But there’s Cas, standing by the window, the sun peaking through and hitting his face. He’s opening the blue sheer curtains, letting in the light, causing Dean to squint. This isn’t Atlantis and that makes no sense.

“Cas, what happened? Where are we?”

Cas is smiling. “We’re in Kansas and we’re going to be late for our own engagement party. Sam went through a lot of trouble.”

Dean rubs his eyes and sits up, sliding his legs to the side of the bed. “Why are we in Kansas?”

Did he miss a huge chunk of time? Was he knocked out and brought back to their world and had forgotten the rest of their Atlantis trip? All he remembers is being in that jeep and a huge wall of smoke…

Cas is making his way over to Dean, resting his head on his forehead and he leans over, inspecting him. “You’re really out of it, huh? Are you feeling okay?”

Dean reaches out for Cas’ hand and holds it, bringing it down to his chest. “We were just in Atlantis, that magic cloud thingy was around us. It--”

“That was months ago.” Cas sits next to Dean. “I think we just need to get you some coffee. You never do well with late afternoon naps.”

_This isn’t right. Something went wrong. The cloud, the magic, it’s…_

“Let’s go,” Cas says as he pulls Dean to his feet.

He leads them to the door and opens it, revealing a hallway that is equally new to him. Framed pictures line the walls, of him, Cas, some of Sam, some with all three of them.

Dean just goes with it, expecting to either wake up at any moment or for someone to tell him this is one big joke. He follows Cas to a staircase and down they go to what appears to be a foyer of a house. They’re in someone’s house, but… whose?

“Dean, what the hell? Nice time to take a nap.”

Sam rounds the corner with his arms extended. Dean hugs him, silently, still trying to wrap his brain around what’s happening and he writes this off as a dream. He’s probably unconscious somewhere and his mind is taking him to a nice image. A house with his brother and Cas, and…

Dean looks outside the living room window and sees a crowd. There’s Chuck, Gabriel, and squinting his eyes he can now see Garth and his wife, Jody, Donna, Claire, Alex, and wait, is that Crowley?

“They’re waiting to see the star couple. Come on.”

Sam tugs Dean’s shirt, urging him to follow him outside. They walk through the kitchen and Dean’s looking around, amazed at how big it is. There are platters of food, still wrapped in foil. The table has wine bottles and liquor on top of it, and when he sees the giant banner above the archway leading outside, his heart skips a beat.

_Congratulations, Cas and Dean._

As soon as he steps into the backyard, now hand in hand with Cas, the crowd cheers. Dean’s half dazed when someone hands him a beer and he looks up to see Jody smiling at him.

“It’s about time, you two. I was getting ready to lock you boys in a room together until one of you confessed your feelings,” she jokes.

They hug and he makes his rounds, shaking hands and hugging everyone, as Cas does the same. The last person he thought he’d see at his own engagement party was Crowley, but there he is, standing off in the back with a drink in his hand.

“Well, I can never turn down a good soiree.”

Dean goes to shake his hand but Crowley just looks at it. “So why are you here?”

“I’ve come to congratulate you two. It’s about time you got over your ridiculous fears.”

Dean shakes his head, wondering if walking away from him now would be a good idea. Just as he turns to head back into the crowd, Crowley grabs his arm. Dean looks up at him.

“Dude, let go.” Dean yanks his arm back and backs up.

The demon is smiling widely now, and suddenly his eyes flash red. “You think I’d let you have a happily ever after? With him?”

Crowley sneers, pointing at Cas. Castiel is immediately by Dean’s side and grabbing his shoulder.

“You need to leave. You’re not welcome.”

Suddenly Crowley pulls a blade from his coat and glares at Dean before slicing Cas’ throat.

“NO!” Dean yells out, catching Cas as he falls, watching his grace flow out of him. He looks up at Crowley hoping his eyes can burn through him.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Dean turns to Chuck and Gabriel. “Do something!” But they just stand there, motionless. Chuck is saying something to him but he can’t make it out. “What?”

He feels a hand on his cheek and he looks back down at his dying angel and tears begin to fall from his eyes. “Dean, let me go. Just let me--” Cas chokes.

“No, Cas. This isn’t… we haven’t even been married yet. You can’t leave me.”

Rain is now falling down on him now and yet he can’t even feel it. The sky swirls with dark clouds, like a tornado trying to form from the violent winds that have just picked up. Flashes of lightning make his skin react to the charged air, his body feels heavy like he’s stuck, pinned to the ground.

Then he’s weightless again, his body twisting, turning, being thrown.

_What’s happening?_

“Dean!” A voice echoes.

His head is pounding and he realizes now his eyes are closed. He doesn’t want to open them, fearing that he’s either dead or in some weird fucking reality. His arms are being pulled and he can feel hands on him. Real hands.

“Dean please.”

_Cas._

Dean opens his eyes to see his angel looking down at him. He can’t make out his face, his eyes feel like there’s a film over them, making everything blurry.

“Cas?”

“Oh Dean, thank God.”

He’s being yanked but then Cas’ arms wrap around him, holding him tightly. “Cas, what happened? I--”

His stomach turns when his head spins. He’s being lowered down again, his head resting on something soft. Cas’ fingers are gently stroking his hair back from his forehead and he now knows he’s lying on Cas’ lap.

“Just relax. You hit your head pretty hard.”

“The smoke? It threw us, didn’t it?”

“Yes. You were unconscious for a little while.”

Dean closes his eyes again, praying for the throbbing in his head to stop. Cas’ touch is soothing him, though and he can almost go back to sleep. He’s so tired… so so tired. He suddenly feels a jolt and he’s being shaken.

“No, wake up Dean. Don’t sleep. Stay with me.”

“We-we need to go, Cas. Get the H-hand.”

It’s difficult to speak so he just sighs, hoping Cas understands what he’s trying to say. There’s too much to do and they don’t have time to rest. No time… they have to go. They have to…

“The jeep is totaled, Dean. Please just relax.”

“We were in a house with Sam. He was throwing us an engagement party. Everyone was there,” Dean manages to get out and tries his hardest to smile, but he’s not sure if he was successful or not.

“Sounds nice. We should do that when we get back.”

Cas is still stroking his hair, tenderly. If he doesn’t want Dean to sleep, he sure as hell isn’t making it any easier not to. “Claire was even there.”

His fingers pause from caressing him but then continue when he speaks. “Oh, I’d love to see her again. We should visit Jody when we get back.”

“Yeah.” Dean coughs, now realizing his chest hurts as well. “Crowley was there though and he… he tried, he--”

“Shh, you were dreaming, Dean. The magic was very strong, it probably made the dream feel very real but I assure you, it wasn’t.”

He knows all this but hearing Cas say it makes him feel better, somehow. He tries to focus on the sounds of nature around. He hears birds, seagulls maybe, overhead. When he opens his eyes, Cas is staring down at him, worried, uncomfortable, and it makes Dean nervous.

“Do I look that bad?”

Cas tries to smile. “No, I’m just thinking about the rest of the trip. I should have known. I was so careless--”

“Stop, Cas. Don’t.”

“That magic, that energy, why didn’t I feel it until it was too late?”

“Uh, maybe because it was far away at first? Cas, please. I can’t listen to you blame yourself.”

“Okay, then I won’t. But it doesn’t change the fact that this can happen again. We need warning next time and I’m not sure how to go about getting one.”

“We’ll cross that br-bridge--”

The nausea is setting in again so he closes his eyes, hands clutching Cas’ arm now. Cas is right, in a way. He should have known, should have felt it but in his defense, the energy moved so fast, how could he have even reacted in time?

There’s only one way, one road to get them to where they need to be so he’s not sure how it could have been avoided in the first place. Giant magic energy wall or not, they need to get to that Hand.

“We can continue once I feel you’re okay. Tell me when the dizziness subsides, okay?”

“Okay.”

He’s fighting it, that urge to drift off. His body is weak, his head a painful ache, and for God’s sake, just let him sleep. He knows he’s fading in and out when he hears some kind of commotion and what sounds like a motor running. Cas is talking but he only makes out bits and pieces.

_“No, we’re here from another world.”_

Dean leans into Cas’ touch.

_“...the Hand. How have you survived?”_

Dean has no idea what Cas is talking about and he’s trying to focus but it’s impossible. He swears he hears other voices but he’s probably dreaming now and he’s not even going to try and figure it out.

“Leave him alone!”

Dean hears that clear as day. His eyes open and he’s being dragged away from Cas. Cas is reaching for him but whatever is grabbing Dean is strong.

“What is...? Cas?”

It’s like his brain is suddenly alert, maybe due to the adrenaline. He sees what’s going on now. Cas is standing, his arms bound and two men standing on either side. Dean is forced to his feet and when the spinning subsides, he looks at who has their hands on him.

A man, tall and lean, wearing a white robe. He has a sword sheathed on his side and his long black hair is blowing in his face, which is long and chiseled. He doesn’t seem threatening but the fact he can hold Dean the way he is, making him unable to move, tells Dean that this guy is anything but natural.

He looks at Cas, who appears to be so damn panicked, his eyebrows are in a constant arch. He’s talking to the other men but Dean can’t really make out what they’re saying. The next thing he knows, the man who has Dean is pulling him to a jeep. Another jeep, this one bigger with an open back. Dean is thrown into it and when he tries to break his fall, he notices his wrists are bound as well as his ankles.

“Son of a…”

“Dean!”

“Throw him in there, too. We’re taking them to the council,” a deep voice orders from outside the jeep.

“But, what if they’re dangerous? What if they know--" another one says, his tone lighter, yet shakey.

“They don’t belong here and you know we don't do anything without consulting with the elders, first.”

Dean yelps when Cas is thrown in the back, practically on top of him. It’s not long before the jeep is moving and Dean tries to turn his head to get a better look at the men in front of him. One is in the back with them, sitting on the edge, sword in hand and glaring at Dean like he’s some kind of rabid animal.

He feels Cas wiggle next to him until he’s sitting upright. “Dean, are you okay?”

“Cas, what the hell is going on? Who are these guys?”

Cas glances briefly at the one in the back with them and shakes his head. “Atlanteans. I don’t know how… how they survived, but they’re real.”

“Like, real people? They live here?”

“Yes. It seems that’s the case. They must have hidden when God--”

The man snaps his head in Cas’ direction, awaiting for him to continue but Cas refrains. He turns to Dean.

“We’ll talk about this later. For now, we need to prove we’re not their enemy. They think we came for them.”

“For them? And what could we possibly do to them?”

Cas frowns. “I told them we were in search of the Hand. I was hoping that would let them know that we didn’t come here for them but for something important to our world and that’s when they decided to take us.”

“They would have killed us, otherwise?”

“I think so. Once I mentioned the Hand their demeanor changed.” Cas sighs. “Dean, I’m not sure what’s going to happen, or if these elders are the same as--”

“Quiet!” One of the men in the front shouts. “You’ll speak when you are asked to speak. Understand?”

Dean and Cas share a look.

He has no idea where they’re headed but they’re going in the same direction Dean and Cas had been headed earlier before the energy smoke collided with them. He should be scared, panicked but he’s still woozy from being knocked out. He’s also pretty sure his blood pressure is low from the head wound and being hungry as hell.

What he’d give for some of Cas’ little stash of treats right about now.

The sun is almost down yet he can still see his surroundings and when the jeep takes a narrow turn alongside a large lake, Dean’s eyes widen.

Ahead is a large gate. Not large, but immense. He can’t tell what kind of metal it is but he swears that it has some kind of sparkle or sheen to it. What's beyond the gate, he can’t quite make out yet but it’s what is on the top of the metal entryway that has him in awe.

“Cas, that’s the Men of Letters symbol.”

Cas turns his head and looks up, nodding. “And so it is.”

Dean is recalling his conversation with Henry, when they were at the graveyard of fallen Men of Letters. The symbol, he said was on the gates of Atlantis and well, he wasn’t lying. But why? Why is this related? Why would the men use this symbol knowing it was here, or was it the other way around?

Was the symbol here because of the Men of Letters? He has a million questions and something tells him that it’s going to be a hell of a fight trying to get them. He grabs Cas’ hand and they make eye contact.

“This is really weird, Cas,” Dean whispers.

“I know, but we’ll be okay. Just follow my lead once they present us to their leaders, okay?”

Dean nods. He looks around, now that they went through the gates and he’s unimpressed with what he sees. He was expecting some kind of magical city with lights, a place more ethereal, like totally out of this world but it’s nothing like that.

Instead, it’s quiet. The streets, dark, holding skeletons of houses and buildings similar to the last place they crashed. He wonders where these people even live. Do they stay somewhere underground? Hidden in case of another wrath of God.

And are these humans, or humanoids the only people left? Are those hybrids still here too?

Nothing feels right and his stomach flips over and over again. He feels Cas squeeze his hand and by the look on the angel’s face, he has as many questions as Dean. He just hopes they survive this. They have such an important mission ahead of them and it’s up to them to make sure their own world doesn’t disappear.


	8. Chapter 8

There’s no time to react before they’re thrown into a dark prison cell. Dean’s not surprised that he and Cas would be locked up before these Atlanteans would actually let them see or speak to their so called superiors. It could be worse though, these guys could be into the whole torture for information thing and Dean thanks God, Chuck, whoever that they’re not.

But what kind of people are they anyway? They survived God’s nuke and that happened eons ago. So life, _human_ life has been here ever since. Why hasn’t anyone leaked this information? Why hasn’t anyone checked?

Dean looks at Cas as he sits against the stone wall, his head in his hands, and he knows Cas well enough to be sure he’s blaming himself, feeling like he’s failed Dean. So Dean moves to sit next to him and reaches for his hand.

“It’s okay, Cas. We’ll get outa here.”

Cas doesn’t look up when he speaks. “How could we have not known. How did God let this happen?”

“He probably didn’t know. I mean, did anyone think of checking this place after he moved it here?”

“Dean,” Cas looks up and makes eye contact with him. “These people survived despite the unstable magic. We don’t know anything about them, I-I feel like we can learn more, but I’m afraid if they continue to see us a threat, we won’t get very far.”

“Learn what?”

“The magic here, it’s unpredictable. That wall of energy that crashed into us, that’s something I hadn’t even taken into consideration, let alone the intense pockets of magic here and there. They found a way to live through it. To adapt.”

Dean chuckles. “Well kudos for them, I guess.”

“Dean.”

“What? Come on, Cas. I know it’s important to figure out the how and why, but not as much as getting the hell out of here. Like you said, we don’t know anything about them. They could want to eat us for all we know. To Serve Man...”

Castiel cracks a slight smile. “That would be very bad.”

“This is us, you know we’ll figure a way out. Just give me time to assess the situation.”

Castiel softens. “What I do know is that they seem to have impossible strength.”

“Yeah well, I’ve gone against worse.”

They’re surprised by a rattling on the cell door. A average sized man uses a giant key to open it, and waves off the guards. His glare is expressionless, and it makes Dean’s blood run cold. He’s usually good at figuring out what kind of person he’s dealing with, but this guy, these people, it’s impossible.

He looks down at them, his eyes focusing more on Castiel than Dean. Dean strengthens his grip on Cas’ hand, unsure as to what in the hell this guy wants, and what he’s going to do with them. It wouldn’t be the first time Dean’s been held against his will, and as he tries to scan the area of possible ways to escape, a sudden doubt comes over him.

There are guards everywhere, from where he can see and if they’re as strong as the dudes who brought them here, it’s going to be a hell of a feat to get out. He wasn’t lying when he told Cas he’s gone against worse, he has. Stronger, crazier, and he just has to tap back into that part of himself that didn’t get so intimidated by creatures stronger than him.

Not having the mark, even though he only had it for two years, it reminds him day in and day out that he’s not immortal anymore. He’s breakable, and if his brief touch with death wasn't a cruel reminder of that, then he doesn’t know what is. But before he had that curse, he wasn’t afraid to take on the baddest of the bad and he just has to get back to that same frame of mind.

No matter what the outcome may be.

“I don’t want to hurt you. The last thing any of us want is conflict, but keeping you under surveillance is our only choice right now. We have to make sure you’re not going to harm anyone here.”

Dean clears his throat. “Understandable. We’re not the enemy here. We came here for one thing and one thing only.”

Cas squeezes Dean’s hand before he adds, “Our world is being destroyed, slowly and so we had only one choice, and that was to acquire something that has been hidden here for a very long time.”

The man, still with the blank expression, crosses his arms. “I’m interested in how you two got here,” he says, walking slowly toward them as Cas and Dean rise to their feet. “You possess the power to use magic?”

At the same time, Dean says, “No,” while Cas says, “Yes.”

The man’s face lightens and finally, a damn sign of emotion. Even if it's barely there. “What is it?”

Dean starts to speak but Cas holds out his hand, interrupting him. “We know magic but we’re not _of_ magic. We came here through a portal, from another dimension.”

“How?”

_Please don’t say God, Cas._

“God.”

_Dammit._

The man’s eyes grow wide and he walks over to them, his focus on Cas. “Pardon?”

“God from where we’re from…our dimension” Cas chokes on his words, obviously now uncomfortable at how close this guy is to him. Dean feels it too, that tingling of his skin, that rapid beat of his heart, seeing this man too close to his angel.

“Cas, shut up,” Dean whispers, which draws the man’s attention to him.

“We had a God. He destroyed this land, or rather the people in it. Is this the same God you speak of?”

Dean and Cas share a look. He knew mentioning God would be a bad idea and now proving they aren’t the enemy just got real fucking difficult. “He’s-”

The man backs up and turns around, shaking his head. He snaps his head in their direction before waving his hands, a gesture that makes the guards appear immediately.

“Separate them. I want to talk to this one alone,” he says, pointing to Cas.

“No,” Dean chokes.

The two guards approach and grab Cas, Dean trying to come in between them. The man, the one who seems to be in charge, pushes Dean so hard, his body slams against the wall. He feels his back throb after the contact and he bends over, catching his breath as he stares at Cas.

“Dean, don’t worry,” Cas tells him, trying to calm him down and it doesn’t work.

But he’s not going to let them leave with Cas, because he’s Dean fucking Winchester and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t at least put up a fight. Charging at the guards, Dean manages to push one hard enough to make him lose his grip on Cas.

Dean grabs his angel’s arm, trying to pull him out of the hands of the other guard when he feels a hard fist to his face. Dean staggers back, half dazed, and he’s actually seeing stars. He ignores the pain and moves to attack the guards again, but this time, they’re already almost to the prison door.

A hand slams into his chest and holds him against the wall. Stone Cold Man steels himself as he glares hard at Dean.

“Settle down. You’re wasting your time trying to fight us. I said I don’t want to hurt you but that doesn’t mean I won’t.”

Cas is out of site now and Dean deflates, now letting himself feel the pulsating ache of that punch. Dean rubs his temples, shaking off the pain.

“If he cooperates, you have nothing to worry about.”

He heads toward the door, turning back to Dean. “Just be a good boy, and don’t try anything stupid.”

Dean spits the blood that’s been collecting in his mouth and scowls at the guy as he leaves. The sound of the metal key making contact with the lock echoes off the prison walls, which are now starting to feel like they’re closing in on him.

He doesn't want to think of Cas being scared right now, as these guys interrogate him, trying to find out information that won’t even make a goddamned difference to them. He doesn’t know what they’re going to do, but he’s sure of one thing. If they hurt Cas, there will be hell to pay.

 

 

* * *

 

Cas isn’t sure how many times the brute has punched him, his face feels swollen and partly numb now. He knew the violence would eventually be a part of their arrest, especially when he suspected that he wasn’t going to have the right information that they seek.

They continue their questions, repeating the same ones over and over again as if Castiel is going to change his answer. It’s always the same; “No, we have not come here to hurt you or your civilization” and “We do not harness the power to wield magic without the tools, means to do so.”

The man in charge seems to be fascinated with the whole magic idea, and Castiel is starting to wonder if they have some challenge using it here. Atlantis has always been a hot spot and since moving it from his dimension, it became increasingly unstable, but it’s still here. It hasn’t left, so why are these people so interested in the chance that he can use it or not?

“Your means of torturing me for information is useless. I don’t have anything else to tell you.” Cas tells him in between coughing. “We came here for the Hand of God. That’s all.”

“Because your God needs it,” he says. More of a statement than a question.

“Yes. There’s something unleashed in our world. Something that will destroy it if we don’t get that Hand.”

“And why is it here?”

Castiel sighs, trying to come up with an easy explanation without revealing too much information to them. He doesn’t trust them knowing everything yet. “It was hidden here in an attempt to hurt God, weaken him.”

The man paces, stroking his chin. Castiel can sense strength, otherworldly strength. He can’t quite place the familiarity or energy he’s feeling from him, but it’s almost like he was once a supernatural being, only to be stripped of his powers, yet his brute strength remains.

“Why would someone want to weaken God?”

Good question. If he only knew the chaos that had been going on in Heaven… “Mutiny.”

“And why are you helping God? Who are you?” He suddenly stops in his tracks and peers at Cas. “There’s something different about you.” He gives Cas a once over. “You have a different frequency than that of your friend.”

“I’m an angel, but--”

The man’s eyes grow wide. “An angel? Oh, well isn’t this convenient.” He looks at the guard, who seems equally as interested in this bit. “Jonas, fetch Kemuel for me.”

“Yes, Micah.”

The guard turns and leaves Micah alone with Castiel. “I want you to meet someone. Just sit tight.”

Castiel looks down at his body that’s tied to a chair. Sit tight, sure. Where the hell else is he going to go? He and Micah have a staring contest until Cas can see movement in the distance. There, approaching them is a woman, long blonde hair, a white robe flowing behind her as she makes her way to them.

There’s something about her. Cas feels a small spark inside his body, like it’s reacting to her. _Kemuel_ … she’s an angel. Yes, that is it. The name, it’s from his old garrison but he never met her, never saw her.

“Castiel?” Kemuel says, her eyes wide, her expression a warm surprise.

“Kemuel.”

She eyes him for a few more seconds, a look of anguish now on her face. She turns to Micah and touches his shoulder with her slim fingers. “Untie him.”

“But, Kemuel… he’s-”

“I said, untie him,” she shouts and soon the guards are obeying her, undoing Cas’ binds. Cas shakes his hands, hoping the feeling comes back soon.

Her body seems to glide as she moves, and when she’s just inches from Castiel, her hand lightly brushes his cheek, wincing at his wounds. “I’d heal you but I’m powerless, as you seem to be. What happened?”

She helps him out of the chair and leads him to large couch which Cas had seen the guards take advantage of earlier. The room is cold, and he’s just noticing this for the first time. Now that he can take a moment to look around, it's empty, aside from that chair in the middle. A few windows that are set high, near the ceiling are letting him know that it's now night.

Kemuel acknowledges Cas shivering and beckons for one of the guards. “Bring us a blanket,” she orders, with such authority in her voice. Castiel has to wonder if she’s in charge here.

“Castiel, I apologize for my men. They… they’ve never seen outsiders. They were just being protective.”

Cas cracks a small smile as the guard hands him a blanket. Wrapping it around his shoulders, he shifts, turning to face the other angel. His face hurts, his arms hurt, they took no pity on him until now, and every time he’s human, he’s reminded of just how fragile he is.

“Before I start. My friend, he’s in your prison. Can you please bring him to us?”

“Your friend?” She rises. “Of course, Castiel.”

Castiel watches her whisper something to the guards and as one of them leaves, she smiles at Cas, taking her place, once again next to him.

“So, tell me Castiel. How did you end up here?”

Cas inhales a shaky breath. Fellow angel or not, he’s apprehensive about sharing all the details of their coming here with her. He’s already messed up by mentioning God, because of course he should have known their reaction. God, who ruined their world, had taken their loved ones, destroyed everything they had built.

“There’s a darkness upon my world, the original Darkness and-”

“The Darkness? The one from the stories?” she asks, eyes wide with surprise.

Kemuel was in the same ranking as Castiel, and probably just as young, compared to others in the garrison. Although he never got to meet her, talk to her, her name was mentioned often when setting the angels on specific tasks that involved them to observe humanity.

She wouldn’t have been alive during the time of the Darkness, but she would have learned about it, as he did, through stories told by their brethren, especially Michael.

“Yes, that one. We had just acquired the knowledge that God’s Hand had been taken from him. He’s losing power, rapidly, and in order to fight the Darkness, put it back where it came from, we need his power back. It was hidden here, after the move, of course.”

“The move?” She tilts her head, reminding Castiel that the mannerisms between his kind are always so similar. Ways of the world bewilder them, but the quest for knowledge is always there.

“When God moved Atlantis away from… anything supernatural.”

Kemuel shakes her head and then throws her head back. “Of course, that’s why.”

“That’s why?”

Just then, the guard brings Dean into the room and Cas sees him, his hunter’s eyes wide and his face angry. Kemuel stands to greet Dean, but he’s looking at her as if she’s just another monster to slay.

“Dean, this is Kemuel, she’s an angel and-”

“Did you do that to his face?” Dean asks, his eyes locked on her as he approaches. The guards surround him, ready to pull him back if Dean strikes.

“I’m sorry, the men, I’m afraid they got a little carried away,” she tells him, with a forced sympathy that Cas is sure Dean picks up on.

His attention is back on Cas and ignoring Kemuel, Dean walks over to him. “Are you okay?”

Cas nods. “Yes Dean. They were trying to get information.” Cas sees Dean clench his jaw and then glare at the other angel again. Castiel reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder.

“She stopped it, and she wants to talk.”

“Like hell,” Dean's focus is back on Cas and he touches the gash on his forehead, gingerly. “They hurt you.”

“Let’s move from here,” Kemuel says.

Dean grabs Cas hand as she leads them out of that room and to a flight of stairs that spiral down an open area, where the view of the moon is right above them. They walk through a garden, filled with roses, lilies, and birds of paradise. Castiel inhales the flowery scent and closes his eyes.

Kemuel turns back and smiles at Castiel and he understands why. Cas has always loved flowers, always surrounded himself with gardens, and every angel knew it. He wonders if they will have a garden in the house he will live in with Dean. He will have to talk to him about this.

They enter a dark room and Kemuel immediately begins to light candles, but not with flame. These are white and yellow crystals with a brilliant glow inside, illuminating the room, much as a lamp would. Cas turns to Dean who’s marveling at the sight.

“You coming here, well it’s kismet,” she says.

Dean and Cas find a large bench, cushioned with the most lush material Castiel thinks he’s ever felt. They’re still holding hands and Castiel doesn’t think Dean has any intention of letting go, which is fine with him.

“Why is that?”

She joins them, crossing her legs and lacing her fingers together on her lap. “Castiel, we need our magic back. As your world is dying, so is ours.”

“There’s still magic here, Kemuel. We felt it first hand.”

Dean snickers. “Yeah, and it knocked me out, thank you very much.”

She sighs. “Yes, but that’s the result of the wards.”

“What do you mean?” She has his full attention now, despite him losing himself to the feeling of Dean’s hand in his.

“When God warded this place, those of us who remained, we were stripped of our magic within.”

She brings her fingers up her chest and moves the fabric of her dress, revealing an odd looking symbol that is familiar to Cas, but he can’t quite place it.

She continues, “This was burned into me when it happened, it’s burned into everyone here as well.”

“What is it?” Dean asks.

“It’s a magic ward, but more importantly, it shields us from magic, which is why we’re able to withstand the blasts of energy that moves through the land. This symbol also prohibits us from being able to use it.”

Castiel’s eyes widen. Of course. “These people, they surely weren’t here from the beginning. Why are they warded?”

“They are born with this symbol burned into their souls. Each and every one of them, all descendants of the original survivors.”

Dean leans in, resting his elbows on his knees. “So what does this have to do with your land dying?”

Kemuel inhales as she rises. She begins to pace and clearly now appears agitated. “It’s been slow, but since God… did what he did, the land has been fading. The magic, not only is it unstable, it’s feeding off the land, little by little. Soon there will be nothing left.”

Castiel shakes his head, frowning. “I don’t understand. How?”

“I don’t understand it either, but without us being able to channel the power, to balance it, soon we will all be gone.”

“So the fact that the magic here is like, free roaming, it’s eating away at everything, and unless you guys can control it again, it will destroy everything?” Dean asks, looking back and forth between Cas and Kemuel.

“How could we possibly help, Kemuel? God himself can’t even step foot here.”

Her eyes widen and she stops pacing, looking at Castiel. “You can help me remove the wards laid upon the land and the people.”

“How?” Dean and Cas chorus.

“We are angels, Castiel and although our powers have been stripped, we still are who we are, even if this land doesn’t recognize it. Well, all but one part.”

She sits and continues, “There’s a crystal cave where the magic is so strong, many of the people here can’t even be within 50 yards of it, even with the wards. But us, we can, and once inside, we can harness the energy of the crystals to perform the ritual to remove the wards.”

“Come again?” Dean says, squeezing Cas’ hand.

“It sounds complicated but it really isn’t. I just haven’t been able to do it on my own because it takes two angels to pull it off, not just one. I believe this cave was where the angels from before would perform their rituals, which is why you and I, Cas, will be able to be in there.”

Castiel draws a breath and imagines this cave and what kind of magic lingers there. He has no idea what ritual she is referring to but the chance of them being able to succeed at removing the wards is pretty low.

“We have no power. How can we channel the magic in there if the land is warded against anyone doing so?”

“Loophole?” She smiles, nervously. “I don’t know if it will work. I can’t say with utmost certainty that we can do it, but it’s worth trying. Wouldn’t you agree, Castiel?”

“Look, let’s say you both can do this, what’s to say that these people won’t start doing the same crap again? There’s a reason magic was banned,” Dean says, roughly.

He has a very good point, though. This place was out of control at one point and it was all due to the fact that the people here could easily use magic as they pleased.

No consequence. Well, until God made them pay.

“The people of long ago, they were influenced by power hungry angels and demons. Their true nature wasn’t that of evil, Dean. They were being manipulated. I assure you that I have no ill intent. I only want to see this place and its people survive for many more millennia.”

Castiel makes eye contact with her, trying to get a feel for her intentions. The last thing he needs to do is be tricked into helping another angel’s power hungry scheme. “How did you survive, Kemuel. How did the others with you back then, survive as well?”

“We were in that cave, harvesting crystal when it happened. It somehow protected us, but by the time God was done, we had to flee, for the intense energy in there began to hurt the people. Hurt all of them but me. That’s how I know you and I will be able to withstand it. It’s Holy magic in there, Castiel.” She reaches out and places her hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “You coming here was fate. It was meant to be. You are here to save us.”

Castiel shakes his head and glances quickly at Dean, who appears equally skeptical. “Even if I could, Kemuel, Dean and I need that Hand. It’s what we came for.”

“I’ll help you. You help me save my world, and I will help you save yours. Do we have a deal?”

Dean growls under his breath. “So that’s it? You won’t let us go unless we help you?”

She nods, her eyebrows arching. “I’m sorry, Dean but I can’t let my people and my land die. You understand that don’t you?”

“So we’re prisoners until we help you,” Castiel asks her, feeling a twinge of anger begin to build in him. Of course this is what she meant.

“Yes, Castiel. Again, I’m sorry. I would have loved to have met you under better circumstances, but this, this is just an opportunity that I cannot let slide. Too much is at stake.”

Cas and Dean make eye contact, and Castiel can already tell Dean is fuming. But this is what they will have to do, and so no choice is given. He will help her, and she will help him. She’s desperate and he understands that all too well. He does.

“Okay Kemuel. I will go with you-”

“Wait, hang on Cas. You don’t even know if it’ll work. Or even if that cave can hurt you.” Dean is now on his feet, staring down at Cas and shooting quick glares at Kemuel.

“He will be fine, I assure you.”

“Cas…”

“She’s right Dean. If she can withstand it, I will be able to as well. This is our only chance at getting the Hand, Dean.”

Dean shakes his head and turns from them, running his hand through his hair. Castiel deflates and to Kemuel he says, “When should we do this?”

“Tomorrow. I will give you both a nice place to rest. I assume you’ll be sharing a room?” She says, eyeing them both.

Dean turns. “So we have to sleep here, as prisoners, just so you can get Cas to help you restore magic, and then you’ll let us go so we can get back to the reason he and I came here in the first place?”

She rises. “Yes, Dean.”

He shakes his head and peers at Cas. It’s going to be difficult to convince Dean that this is the only choice they have. Escaping would be reckless, knowing Kemuel will have all of her men hunting them down. They wouldn’t get far and they’d just be in the same situation they’re in now. There's also a sense of duty, and of course Cas knows it's silly and he shouldn't feel it, but he does, nevertheless. She was once part of his garrison, and as corrupt and horrible Heaven had become, he feels an obligation to help her. 

He's watched humans since they first walked the earth, and he has seen evil, those who had nothing but darkness in their hearts, but he's seen more good than bad. He's watched noble people manipulated as well, turned into puppets to the real immoral beings in control. He assumes that is what happened here, and these people, along with Kemuel are not to blame. They're innocent, paying for crimes they didn't commit. Crimes of the past. Of their ancestors. 

In reality, it's not fair. To them or the land. 

Cas rises and laces his fingers with Dean’s as Kemuel shows them to a small cottage where they will be staying. He sees her instruct the guards to take their place outside, and knowing that makes Castiel a little uneasy. She already suspects them to leave, and he wants to be sure that’s not in Dean’s agenda, but knowing the Winchester, he’s already figured out a million and one ways to do so.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“This is fucking stupid, Cas.”

Dean’s pacing, his blood boiling, hating every second he has to be here, and hating it even more so that Cas agreed to this stupid plan. Mysterious cave of wonders? Only angels can set foot in it? Cas is one hundred percent powerless, he may as well be human.

“What’s stupid is ignoring her plea for help and trying to get the Hand on our own, knowing we will be hunted, Dean.”

“She’s keeping us here, Cas, against our will. How is that right?”

Dean's first instinct is to mistrust. It's how he was raised, to never willingly let your guard down unless you know for sure you're not going to get fucked, and that's usually a long process. He can't figure these people out and what makes it worse, to Dean, is that it's a goddamned angel who's in control. From experience, that is never a good thing. 

“It’s not right, but she’s desperate. She needs us-”

“She needs _you_. Me, I may as well be thrown to the lions. What'll she care?”

Castiel leans against the window sill, arms crossed as Dean paces. “Can you stop moving Dean and look at me?”

Dean lifts his eyes as Cas continues, “She won’t hurt you, Dean. She knows you’re important to me. There’d be no reason for her to want you dead.”

“Right, because you know her so well, all of a sudden.”

“Dean.”

“Look Cas, I’ve seen this before. With Crowley, then with Metatron. You… you get in bed with some fucked up people who end up tricking you. Don’t you think it’s time to fucking learn from those mistakes?”

Dean regrets the words as they leave his mouth. He didn’t mean for that to sound so harsh, but part of him is really annoyed at how quickly Castiel trusts people, just because they claim they will help him.  Castiel and his confidence in people has led him to dire situations and a certain reaper now comes to mind.

“I know I’ve made mistakes, Dean. But in this case, we are not left with many options. What would you have us do? Huh? Try and escape, go against these abnormally strong men, all while praying that wall of magic doesn't hit us again?”

Dean’s resumes his anxious pacing, seeing all the times Cas got hurt when he thought he was doing the right thing. Good intentions? Sure. Doesn’t mean he’s not a sucker.

“It’s just reckless, Cas. What if you get hurt? What if that cave eats you alive? What if she’s tricking you, like all the other asshats that came to you for help and-”

Castiel rubs his forehead and exhales, loudly. “We were found, Dean. She didn’t come looking for us. Either way, this is what we’re doing. What I’m doing. You can either have my back or sulk in the corner, I don’t care.”

Dean’s blood is boiling, and he realizes his hands have been in tight fists during this entire conversation, argument, whatever the hell it is. “Of course I have your back, Cas.”

“Then trust me. If I thought the cave would… _eat me alive,_ I wouldn’t have agreed to this. I would have asked her for another way. But she is sure it will work and Dean, I don’t see me being in danger if she was okay to be inside.”

“She could be lyin’.”

Castiel moves from the window and closes the space between him and Dean. Sure, Dean doesn't want to feel this way. He wants everything to be okay, he wants this chick to be legit, and for Cas _not_ to get killed, or hurt.

But he’s also seen enough to know that people lie when they try to get what they want, and angels are notorious for spewing the bullshit. Not Cas, of course, but all those winged assholes up there left a really bad taste in his mouth.

“I don’t think she’s lying.” Castiel is standing in front of Dean and takes hold of his hands. “This is the plan, and I need you to accept it. For me.”

“Cas…”

“I mean it, Dean. If helping her means we get to finish our own quest, then so be it.”

“And if letting them use magic again causes another catastrophe?”

“You heard her, the angels and demons who were manipulating the people here are long gone. If her intent is to do the same, then she will have a lot to answer for, but I can’t see another way, Dean.”

“Removing the wards, will it allow supernatural beings here again?”

Castiel sighs. “Probably. So we’ll have to be quick.”

“Quick? Cas, I don’t like this.”

“I just mean, with getting the Hand. We don’t want anyone else to be able to come here, knowing it’s here.”

Dean blows air out between his lips. “Exactly. See. Bad idea.”

“She hasn’t left us with a choice.”

Just then Dean is reminded of the gashes on Cas’ face. It wasn’t like he didn't notice it until now, but he was so wrapped up in his own rage, he didn't’ take the damn time to tend to his friend, no his boyfriend, no, his _fiance’s_ wounds.

“Sit.” Dean instructs as he heads to the small sink in the corner. He grabs a soft towel and runs it under the tap. Turning back to Cas, his heart sinks just a little more seeing him so beat up.

Dean sits next to him and begins to dab his forehead with the wet towel, causing Cas to wince and hiss. “Sorry, but you’re kinda messed up here.”

“It’s okay, and thank you, Dean, for this.”

“What did they do to you in there?” Dean moves the towel, softly to his cheek and dabs the blood away.

“They thought I was lying. They wanted to know why we were here.”

Dean pauses, staring at his jaw now. It’s beginning to turn purple and it’s obviously swollen as well as the area under his eye. Dean’s seen Cas beat up before. He’s seen him a lot worse than this but for some reason, right now, Dean feels a heaviness in his heart just seeing Cas like this.

They’re closer now, intimate, and the thought of something happening to Cas causes him more distress and panic than ever before. He’s also fuming at the fact that they really never seem to get a break. Is this the rug being pulled, as he predicted before?

“These are the people you want to help, Cas.”

Cas sighs, placing his hand on top of Dean’s. His face soft, calm, and he tilts his head as he speaks. “Again, what choice do we have?”

“I’ve gotten out of worse jams, Cas.”

“Let’s just do this my way, okay?” Cas takes his other hand and lowers Dean’s hand from his face. “Trust me, Dean.”

“It’s not you I don’t trust, Cas. It’s them.”

“Trust that I know what I’m doing, then.”

Dean sighs. He cradles Cas’ head in his hands and kisses his forehead, tenderly. He does the same to all the places they hurt him, planting soft, feathery kisses over the wounds. Cas has his eyes closed now and Dean just stares at him.

Yeah, he’ll go along with this asinine plan, but only because Cas asked him to. He just hopes that it’s not some kind of trick, scheme and that they’ll get out of this place, with the Hand, and never have to come back.

What was once a paradise to Dean has turned into a damn nightmare. Here he was, fantasizing and maybe even pretending a little that they were on some romantic getaway. A pre-marital honeymoon, if that's even a thing. Now, he has to worry about something happening to Castiel. Worry that he’ll be taken from him again, like he was a few months ago.

It’s their life, and he gets it, but it doesn’t mean it’s fair and it sure as hell doesn’t mean he has to like it. His dreams of them living in that house, peacefully with an adopted child is so not even in the cards anymore, not when he has to always be brutally reminded of how fucked up their lives actually are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the symbol Kemuel has is the same one in The Vessel episode of this season of SPN. Since I am tying in the Men of Letters to Atlantis, and I wanted the Atlanteans to have the ultimate supernatural ward, I decided to go with that :-) Just to clarify.


	9. Chapter 9

Just because Cas and this other angel are the only ones who can be inside the cave, doesn't mean Dean’s not going to try and get as close to it as humanly possible. He’s not leaving Cas to do this mission alone, not as long as Dean can at least be there on the outside.

She’s still giving Dean bad vibes, and maybe he’s overthinking it, tainted by the other winged dicks he’s met in the past, but she’s using them, using Cas, and it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He understands her desperation. He does. She wants to save her land, her people, but not giving Cas a choice in the matter is why Dean doesn’t like this.

Knowing Cas, he would have agreed, regardless. Cas is like that. He’s too good for this world _and theirs_. He trusts, he thinks the best in people, even his fellow brethren with their ulterior motives. Always with some elaborate plan to gain power. Is Kemuel doing the same? Probably not. There's not much she can do in this place, but it still rubs Dean the wrong way.

“We have a few more miles to go, then we reach a wooded area,” she says, looking ahead.

Their trek, she insisted, had to be on foot because of the terrain and paths they had to take. No vehicle could drive on it safely and by the looks of it, she was right. It’s twisty, the ground rocky, and unstable. He dreaded having to walk again, but being in a jeep would have been a waste of time.

Dean and Cas are following her, hand in hand. He refuses to let go of him, and it might be a little overprotective, or even a bit overbearing, but he doesn’t care. After all that’s happened to them in the last year, holding his hand is the least he can do to make sure his angel isn’t going anywhere.

“This cave, will Dean be able to at least stand outside?”

Kemuel turns quickly to glance at Dean and then she returns her focus ahead. “He might. I sense some power in him.”

Dean smirks. _Power?_ “What kind of power?”

She stops this time and eyes Dean intensely, brows furrowed as she scans him from head to toe. “You tell me.” She smiles.

Dean and Cas make eye contact and he shrugs, because honestly, he has no idea what she’s talking about. He’s human, no longer with the mark and no longer a demon. There ain’t nothing special about him, right?

“If I did, I wouldn’t be able to be here, would I?” Dean shoots a look at Cas for confirmation that he’s right.

“He’s Michael’s true vessel,” Cas admits.

Her eyes widen and she throws her head back with a hearty laugh. “Dean Winchester!  You’re… him.”

“Heard of me?”

“We know all of the archangel’s true vessels. The bloodlines, anyway.” She smiles at Dean and then shifts her gaze onto Cas. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Castiel sighs. “I didn’t think it was relevant to our mission.”

“Are you kidding? Dean Winchester, he can… wait, were you sent to him because of that? The prophecy?”

Dean’s head is spinning. Who hasn’t heard of him and that goddamned train wreck of an apocalypse that never came to be? Even an angel in another dimension knows all about it.

“In a way. I didn’t know the real reason, of course. Heaven had become corrupt. Michael had taken over, and it’s the result of why he’s in the cage now.”

“The what?” Kemuel nears them, placing her hands on her hips. “Please tell me it’s not Lucifer’s cage?”

“The very one.” Cas says, confidently. “Michael had stolen the Hand to control Heaven. He ripped God of his powers and sent him to live inside a prophet, Chuck Shurley.” Castiel pauses and squeezes Dean’s hand, and that calms Dean down a little bit.

He hates talking about any of this.

“While having to reside in a human vessel, he had lost his memories and it only came to him here and there. Since the Darkness has been released, he regained his knowledge of who he is, but the Darkness, the Belial, they’re draining him. He will be completely powerless soon, which is why our mission is dire.”

Kemuel gestures for them to continue walking but now she’s taken her place next to Castiel. She’s surprised by this news, that much is obvious, but he can also tell she knows something more about it and he’s wondering when she’ll spill the beans.

He’s good at this, picking someone apart. It’s a gift.

“Michael. He was always so… his hubris always bothered me,” she finally says after an awkward pause. “I used to be able to hear them here and there - Heaven, but then it stopped many years ago."

She places a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “Castiel, we will get you that Hand, I promise. And as for Dean here, well, he might be able to be inside that cave.”

_Say what?_

“Why, Kemuel?”

“He’s the true vessel of an archangel, Castiel. Can he see your true form?”

Castiel shakes his head, looking down at his feet. “No. I assumed he could, but he can’t.”

Dean remembers when they first met, or rather when Cas crashed into his life. He told Dean he assumed he could hear his true voice, see his true form, and Dean had never wondered about that until now. Why did Cas assume that?

“I saw it briefly, remember Cas, in the bunker when I was, uh--”

“Yes, he saw a glimpse while being a demon,” Cas tells her, making Dean cringe.

“I’m not even going to ask, but it’s not the same. He couldn’t have seen your truest form, just what demons see when you unleash your grace.”

Dean watches Castiel deflate and sigh. He remembers that day in the bunker, and he remembers thinking he saw Cas’ true form, but now that he sees it all in his mind again, it was more like what’s underneath the vessel, the colors, the energy…

“Have you tried, recently?”

“No. I just thought--”

“You should. I mean, obviously you can’t now, but when you return to your world, and I’m assuming God will give you back your grace?”

“Yes.”

“The things you two can do together once he can, well it’s amazing.”

Dean has a million questions about that but instead of opening his mouth, they just keep on walking in silence. He also can’t wait to ask Cas when the hell he can see Cas in his bad ass angel form, if what she was saying was even true at all. He knows Cas is anticipating this as he gives Dean a knowing glare with a hint of a smile.

The path leads them into a thick forest, where even the shade makes the temperature drop about twenty degrees. Dean feels the hair on his arms stand on end, but he’s pretty sure it’s not from the coolness of the location. He senses power, like a magnetic and electric current coming from somewhere ahead.

He’s in tune with it, squeezing Cas’ hand. “Do you feel that?”

Kemuel bends forward to look at Dean. “The fact that you can, confirms my suspicions about you, Dean Winchester.”

“Suspicions?”

“That you are far more powerful than you ever thought. We’ll keep an eye on you the closer we get, and if it gets to be too much, let us know.”

Dean shakes it off. He’s never imagined having any kind of supernatural powers, aside from when he was a demon and had the mark. He was always just an average guy. Strong, sure. Skilled. Yup. But powerful? Nah. Sam is also a true vessel for an archangel, as fucked up as it is, then is Sam the same?

He shivers thinking about the demon blood and why Sam couldn’t even be here in the first place. He’s okay accepting his destiny, fate, when it comes to Cas, but all those other messed up things forced upon them, Yellow Eyes and his schemes, molding Sam since he was a baby in his crib, that makes his blood boil.

The saying is true: life isn’t fair. He knows that whining about it won't help anything but the fact that he’s always embraced free will and has done things his own damn way, well, that was what got him up in the morning. Knowing he had choices, his own path that he laid out for himself. No one else. No one to tell him how things were going to go in his life but him.

He thinks back at the conversation he and Cas had on the beach and he understands that not everything is set in stone. The future, destiny, it can be changed, and yet other things cannot. He and Cas may have been meant to meet, be in each other’s lives but that doesn’t mean things couldn’t have gone in a totally different direction.

Hell, they could have just been friends, fighting off the urges to be close as they had since day one. His stomach flips just thinking about that. If he hadn’t lost the mark, if they didn’t have Cas move in, if things between them didn’t finally have a chance to grow, they’d still be stuck in that same situation where neither one could admit how they feel, burying it somewhere deep within themselves, going about their day to day.

He squeezes Cas’ hand again and this time leans in to kiss his cheek. Cas smiles at him and pulls him close. “What was that for.”

Dean side smiles and looks up at the towering trees. He can barely even see the sky now, and he wonders if they’re close, because he can feel his skin tingling, like when he and Sam would enter a haunted location for the first time.

“Just thinking about you,” Dean tells him.

Cas doesn't ask more about it but does walk closer, pressing his side to Dean’s. The three continue on until Kemuel holds her hands out and walks ahead. Turning to them, she says, “Dean, how do you feel?”

Dean looks around and then down at himself. “Fine.”

She nods. “Good. We’re almost there.” She eyes Cas before turning to take the lead again.

They come up to a more rocky terrain and that’s when Dean notices it. There’s a faint light shining, peeking out between some fallen rocks but that’s not it.

His entire body feels hot, like his blood is starting to boil. He wipes his brow, anticipating perspiration but it’s dry. Dry as his throat is now. His head begins to spin, and he feels himself lose his footing but not enough to fall.

“Dean, are you okay?” Cas asks him while grabbing his arms, but his voice sounds low, far away, almost like it’s echoing from some distance.

He tries to focus on his angel and attempts to smile, despite his vision becoming blurred. “Yeah, dizzy though. Need to sit--”

Then darkness engulfs him.  
  
  


* * *

  


“I’m not going in until I know Dean’s okay,” Cas tells Kemuel as he’s on his knees, adjusting Dean’s head,moving him to a softer part of the ground.

When Dean fainted, Cas was too late in catching his fall and he landed right onto the fallen rocks. There’s no blood so he’s pretty sure he’ll be fine, but just seeing the impact made Cas’ stomach drop.

“Of course, Castiel. This is just very new to him. Why -- why haven’t you introduced him to angel magic?”

He looks up at her. “We don’t call it that. He’s been around enough to know but--”

“Whatever you call it. Part of your grace is in him. Does he knows this?”

Castiel shakes his head. “I-I’m not sure. He knows the hand print was on his soul but, I don’t know if he understands that it’s my grace.”

She kneels down, across from Dean’s body and leans forward, gently caressing Dean’s arm, right in the spot Cas’ mark use to be. “It burns so brightly in him. Now that I know, you have to let him use his powers.”

“He doesn’t have powers, Kemuel. He’s human.”

“With a spark of an angel’s grace inside of him.”

He sighs, running his hand through his hair. For an angel like Kemuel, who hasn’t been able to use her grace since God warded the place, it’s easy for her to assume that when  _angel magic_ \- as she calls it, is available, then it must be used at all times.

But he never saw it that way. He enjoyed withholding from using his powers. He loves doing things with Dean, like cooking, doing laundry - even eating now. And with Dean, he never really thought that bit of grace in him would ever amount to anything.

Sure Cas knew it was there, but he never gave it a second thought. What could Dean possibly do with that? It’s not even enough grace to make a difference, or so Cas thought. He’s not very familiar with the effects of an angel’s grace, even just a smidgen of it, in a human body except for what had happened to Sam when Gadreel was ejected from him.

The Men of Letters had some of that knowledge stored away and he’s starting to wonder if there had been more mysteries they had uncovered about angels.

“Regardless, it’s not enough for this land to recognize it, or else he’d been blocked.”

“Inside, we should see if something awakens in him, Castiel.”

He looks at her and has to blink a few times to bring his mind back to their current situation. “No, he can’t go inside, look at what just being a few feet away has done.”

“You know I’m right. This grace of yours inside him, it will give him powers.”

He shakes his head and glances at his hunter, worried that he’s pushed himself too much lately, and now this - the result of letting Dean too close to extreme holy energy. “What kind of powers? It’s barely anything.”

“Well he won’t have full angel powers but he’ll _have_ something. Maybe some kind of barrier around him, like protection when he’s fighting.”

Now that’s not so bad and if she’s right, that’ll be pretty fantastic. Dean having some kind of heavenly armor at all times, harder to hurt, harder to kill. “That would be beneficial but I still can’t risk taking him inside.”

“I assure you, he’ll be fine. Look,” she points, “he’s already waking up.”

Castiel cradles his hunter’s face as he blinks his eyes open, the brilliant green shining back at him. He’s smiling down at him, hoping he’s not too disoriented. “Dean?”

Dean frowns and lifts his head, only for Castiel to gently push him back down. “Uh, yeah. I think so. That was weird.”

Despite Castiel trying to keep Dean on his back, he’s pushing to sit up. He reluctantly helps Dean to his feet, scanning him from head to toe. He’s always worried about his well being, if he’s hurt, especially when he knows he can’t heal him.

It’s a burden being human, sure. It causes his stress level to be much higher and his panic about what could happen seems to remind him of human fragility. Dean is tough, though and has survived through so much, even without the aid of Castiel and his angelic abilities.

He needs to relax, breathe, keep himself together before Dean catches what a ball of nerves he is every time Dean gets hurt.

“You’re okay?”

Dean inhales and then lets his breath out slowly. “Yeah. Let’s keep going.”

“No.” Castiel’s face heats up and he ignores Dean’s glares as he turns to Kemuel. “Dean will wait here, you and I will go in. Let’s get this over with.”

Castiel feels a tug on his arm and Dean’s gripping him now, his face hard. He knows Dean will protest, it’s his nature. Not because Dean is apt to rebel or go against everything he’s advised to do, but that he always wants to help. He doesn’t want to wait on the sidelines and Castiel understands that all too well.

If he digs deep enough, he and Dean are almost the same person. Always willing to put their asses on the line for the greater good, but at the same time, refusing to feel comfortable with putting their loved ones in danger.

“You want me to trust you, Cas. You tell me that it’s _your_ choice to help, your choice to throw yourself into it, well it’s my choice too. You ain’t goin’ in there without me.”

“Dean.”

“I said I feel fine now. I’m good.” Dean extends his arms outward. With a grin he begins to walk closer to the cave, stopping only briefly to scrub his face. Castiel moves to go after him but Kemuel stops him.

“Wait. Look.”

Dean is in fact, fine. He even turns back to the angels and offers a wide toothy grin, which causes Castiel to crack a smile, in spite of himself. Dean’s right and if he truly felt that this mission was life threatening, he would not have offered to go inside the cave with them. If he says he’s fine, then Castiel has to trust that. Trust him.

He lets Castiel catch up to him and grab his hand before the trio march inside. Kemuel takes the lead again and she guides them through the entrance of the cave, which is a narrow space, the cave walls seeming to be closing in on them,  but then it opens up to a vast open area, covered in crystals of all colors. Reds, yellows, blues, all gleaming, colors bouncing off of each other. There’s also a very low pitch hum, almost soothing and it’s absolutely breathtaking.

“Wow. I feel like I’m in the Fortress of Solitude,” Dean remarks.

“Yes, but with the colors of the rainbow.”

Dean smiles, that certain one that Cas is pretty sure he reserves for him. Kemuel is already far ahead, running her hands across one of the crystals, and she appears to be communicating with it, in her own way. Similar to how Cas was attuning himself to the Larimar rock earlier. Feeling its vibrations, the energy it offers to the world. It’s a wonderful feeling, to be able to feel and hear that which is silent to many.

“Dean, how do you--”

“I’m good, Cas. I swear.”

They lag behind as Kemuel continues investigating the cave. He’s just entertained by Dean’s expressions, his awe in seeing such a site. With the life Dean has had, Castiel can’t get enough of witnessing him experience something beautiful. All the monsters he’s faced, the evil, darkness, hell on earth, Dean deserves to see the other side of it all.

After a few minutes of Castiel staring at his hunter’s shining face, Kemuel calls out to them.

“Give me a few minutes to prepare the spell.”

They nod and Castiel takes his seat on one of the crystals. “Dean, can we talk?”

Being that they are about to awaken the power here, he knows it won’t have any effect on himself, since his grace has been removed, but for Dean, he might. Knowing now what Kemuel said, Dean has the right to the truth.

“Sure, what’s up?” Dean takes his place next to Cas and gives him all of his attention, which he knows is hard for him right now, seeing as he’s in the middle of a giant, colorful, and magical place.

“We’re going to be removing the magic wards and there’s something you need to know.” Castiel swallows before he continues. “When I pulled you from Hell, the handprint, it-- well, it left a mark on your soul.”

Dean nods. “Yeah, you told me that already. And?”

“Not only that, it left a mark because of my grace. Part of my grace is inside your soul, Dean.”

Dean’s eyes widen and he lets a small smile creep up on his face. “That’s hot.”

“Dean, this is serious. Once we awaken the magic here, it might react to it.”

He lets out a nervous chuckle and this causes Dean to place a hand on his thigh, leaning forward so his face is closer to Cas’. “Hey, so what? I think that’s kinda, I don’t know, romantic?”

“Really?”

“Come on, Cas. If we weren’t already so friggin’ bonded already, this is-- I have a part of you inside me, that’s so awesome.”

“Even if this specific angelic _magic_ here awakens it? You will not be normal, Dean. You will have some kind of supernatural powers residing in you. I know how you feel about--”

“About monsters? That’s different. I don’t think _you’re_ a monster, do I? It’s not the same, Cas.”

Castiel feels his stomach flip and he wishes this conversation didn't make him so nervous as it does, but Dean has never expressed any interest in being above normal. He relishes in his very human style of fighting, without anything making him stronger than the monsters he faces.

Maybe it gave him a feeling of duty, as if the fighting was fair as long as he was the weaker of the two in such a conflict. But fighting supernatural beings is always unpredictable and having one advantage isn’t so bad. Dean will understand that, won’t he?

“I don’t know the effects, Dean. I just wanted you to know.”

Dean reaches for his hand and laces his fingers with his, before planting a kiss on his cheek, sending a million jolts of electricity through Castiel, as each kiss from Dean often does. “I feel special.”

“I’m just about ready,” Kemuel shouts from across the cave.

Dean and Cas are soon on their feet and headed over to her, as she’s drawing a circle in the sand around her with her finger. She looks up at them when she’s done, brushing off her hands against her dress.

“Make circles around yourselves as I did,” she instructs.

Castiel pulls Dean to him and kisses his his lips. He feels Dean’s hands on his cheeks and at that moment, he forgets everything. Why they’re here, what they’re doing, is not as important as Dean’s lips on his. When they pull apart Dean is looking at him, affectionately and it fills Castiel's heart with so much love, he feels it overflow out of him.

When they break from their moment, they finish their circles and then await for her order. She’s holding a green crystal against her chest and Castiel is surprised when she tosses it to him. “Hold that.” He catches it and watches her reach down and pick up a yellow one.

“Dean, we’re about to start so before we go any further, I need you to be aware that this is pure angelic energy. It’s raw. Untainted. If something should awaken in you, it won’t be strong, but it will be _something._ ”

Dean nods. “Okay. I understand.”

She smiles, condescendingly and tilts her head, reminding him a little of Gabriel for a very brief moment. “I’m not sure that you do, but it’s okay. There are many mysteries in this cave, some that only few could grasp. Even Heaven itself couldn’t understand the importance of such undiluted, concentrated power.”

Castiel frowns, looking back and forth between them. He won’t back down, he _will_ help her, but this is starting to frighten him. Will he be dooming Atlantis all over again? Will these people have to succumb to insane threats, insane power hungry beings who will seek to destroy? Or seek to harness the immense power in this very cave, alone?

It’s a huge risk, what he’s doing, and he knows that. Will he be duped, once again by his fellow brethren?

“Kemuel, are you sure we’re doing the right thing?”

She turns to Castiel and nods, her eyes not hiding the warmth in her, despite her trying to remain neutral. He can see her affection for him, it’s obvious. They were a garrison, once, even if they didn’t know each other. A family, as detached and cold it was. When she looks at him, he knows she thinks of him as one of her own. Not a stranger. Not an enemy.

“I’m sure, Castiel.”

“Maybe you can all come back with us, to our dimension and--”

“No,” she sighs. “This is where we live. This is the place I have sworn to protect, and this is where I shall remain. We can do this, Castiel. Let’s get started.”

“Wait,” Castiel grips the crystal tighter as he speaks. “You said mysteries, even Heaven wasn’t aware of. Do you-- are you aware of them?”

She shakes her head, eyebrows arching. “There were men assigned to recording everything that happened here in Atlantis. From the life and deaths of its citizens, to what magic was being harnessed, and what power the crystals obtained, even the experiments being performed. They recorded it all.”

Dean and Cas share a look before she continues, “They were neutral, had no opinions of the matter but-- but they did help eventually in the fight against the hybrids. They would assign warriors, give them the tools they needed, the knowledge required to take them down, and so forth.”

“Wait hang on,” Dean crosses his arms. “Why does this sound like the Men of Letters?”

 _Of course._ “The symbol, Dean, on the gates.”

“Son of a bitch. The Men of Letters were Atlanteans?”

Kemuel looks puzzled so Castiel gets her attention. “ _He_ is one. A legacy,” he tells her, gesturing to Dean.

“The _Men of Letters -_ as you call them, they kept going? These men who documented everything?”

Dean nods. “Well, they have archives full of junk-- I mean, stuff. I just never really investigated a lot of it. We kinda used it on a case by case basis.”

Castiel feels his heart pounding in his chest, ready to burst through if he doesn't calm down. They need to get back to the bunker as soon as possible, as soon as they get that Hand, because if there are secrets to the magic here in Atlantis, Cas wants to know.

Especially magic that could potentially awaken his grace that resides in Dean, when in their existence, it never did.

“That’s wonderful. I would love to come see it sometime, if you will let me.”

Castiel looks at Dean. “Sure,” Dean says and it causes Cas to smile a bit, seeing Dean warm up to her now. He’s hard at first but once he knows he can trust you, he’s a big softy. Castiel is all too familiar with that aspect of Dean's personality.

They smile at each other and then she focuses on Castiel. “You have a wonderful fiance, Cas. Very brave.”

“Wait how did you--” Cas blushes.

“I may not be able to use my grace, but I can hear and feel the love between you two. It’s intoxicating, actually. And I sense that you both are promised to become one. I guess that translates to the human phrase: ‘being engaged to be wed’. Yes?”

They both nod, and Cas can’t control the rapid beating of his heart. He hears it all again, Dean asking him, as they lied in that bed they were sharing while waiting out the storm. He can feel his face in a permanent state of smiling when he makes eye contact with Dean, who is beaming at him.

“Yes.” Cas chokes out, hoping his unshed tears don’t give away his current emotional state. It’s beautiful, and it’s hard not to let the moments he shares with Dean do things to him. He’s not used to letting himself feel; letting himself smile, laugh, or even cry. It was forbidden, or even worse, _shameful_ for an angel to display anything that resembled human emotion.

But that was not him anymore and he has remind himself of that sometimes.

“Let’s begin,’ she says, slipping her fingers underneath the collar of her dress. She pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to Castiel. “I wrote down the incantation. We need to say it together.”

Castiel unfolds it and studies the Enochian written down. He was right in that he’s never seen this spell before, or even knew it existed. He wonders if this is also something the Men of Letters knew about and if there are other ward breaking spells in some books at the bunker.

His thoughts are interrupted as she begins to speak. Her eyes widen, beckoning for Castiel to join her and so he does. Well, if there was a time to back out, it has passed, because as soon as he begins to speak, a tremor is felt beneath their feet.

He glances at Dean who has his eyes glued to him, and nods, letting him know that it’s okay. He gets to the third line of the spell, and now it appears to be getting brighter in the cave. Some of the crystals begin to react to their words, showing a pulsing glow within.

He looks back at Kemuel as she notices this too, but she appears content, as if she was expecting this, or at least seeming unbothered by it, so his nerves calm down a bit.

They're at the fourth part, and now the wind picks up. They each have to shout the rest of the spell due to the howl of the rushing air that’s circling them now, even Dean.

Dean is watching, alarmed but in a defensive stance, and Cas knows he’ll be fine. They’re at the last part of the spell now, and this is when Castiel begins to feel his skin react to the energy surrounding them. It was like when he first arrived, and he felt that electrical charge all around him.

Kemuel throws her head back, her arms are outstretched, and a bright glowing light shines from her. Her grace is reacting to the magic and he immediately turns to Dean who's watching her with his jaw dropped.

They make eye contact and Castiel notices something in Dean’s eyes. He squints and sees a light behind them. It’s strange but beautiful at the same time, and when he notices Kemuel is composed, he reaches for Dean, and as he touches his skin, a blast of energy comes from him, knocking Castiel back.

“Cas, what’s--”

Castiel is back on his feet and by Dean’s side in a matter of seconds, and when he grabs his hand, the energy reacts to their contact, a bright light radiating from Dean. Dean’s confused, looking around and then back at Cas, who is just as lost.

“I don’t know, Dean, just stay still.”

Kemuel is next to Dean now and she’s more studying him than showing signs of concern. “The grace, Cas.”

Dean snaps his head and looks at Cas, and the expression on his face makes Cas wish they never did this spell to begin with. “You’ll be okay, Dean. Just relax.”

He has no idea what Dean is feeling right now, but he’s sure he’s scared. He has an active piece of grace inside him and he’s never felt it before, except for maybe the connection between them. Grace is powerful for a human. Even if it’s a very small amount.

Dean’s hands are in fists and when Cas tries to touch him again, the energy blasts him just like before, this time even Kemuel takes a step back. He’s not in danger, Cas knows this. But he also has no idea what _is_ happening to his hunter. What he must be feeling.

He wants to comfort him, wrap in his arms and without a second thought, he hurls himself at Dean, ignoring the power hitting him, and throws his arms around him. It hurts, for the energy almost feels like boulders hitting him, but he locks his hands together and keeps Dean close to him.

“It’s okay Dean. I’m here.”

Dean falls to his knees with Cas and lets out a whimper. Castiel can hear the sound of chimes, or it is bells? He looks around and notices, for the first time since reciting the spell, that the cave has almost come to life. All the crystals, _all of them_ are glowing, brilliant colors dance around the cave, reflecting off Dean’s face.

Dean opens his eyes and looks at Cas, and with wide eyes, he says, “Oh my God, Cas. You’re beautiful.”

And then he passes out in Cas’ arms.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets his memories back from when Cas saved him from Hell. (pt1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Explicit torture is in this chapter, so I decided to split into two chapters. If it's too much for you, you can skip this chapter and move onto chapter 11. Chapters 10 & 11 are flashbacks to 2008, Dean's time in Hell (chapter 10) and Cas healing him in Heaven. (chapter 11).

* * *

**_September, 2008_ **

 

“Dean, she’s waiting for you. Don’t waste my time, grasshopper.”

He swallows, running his fingers across the blades laid out before him. They’re all acceptable, all effective in getting the job done, but he wants something new today, something that the bitch won’t expect. His eyes keep going back to the cleaver and without another thought, he picks it up, studies it, turning it in his hand, pressing his pointer finger to the tip. “Yeah, that’s sharp,” he says to himself.

The rack is where the action is, where he spent every day for thirty years, hung up like a slab of meat, having Alistair rip him into a new person. No, _monster._ Each day, the same pain, and each day, he learned how to take it. There are things that go through a person’s mind when being tortured, things that try to take your mind off of the seething pain being inflicted on you.

But every cut, every slice of the blade through the skin wakes you the hell up and snaps you back to what’s happening. Alistair, with his maniacal laugh, his fiery eyes, taking pleasure in seeing Dean cry, moan - even pray to a God that didn’t give a rat’s ass about him.

And for thirty years Dean told him where to shove it, until he just couldn’t take it anymore. Now he’s the one with that insane smile, that hate behind his eyes, that blood lust for seeing bitches cry out for help. There’s no escaping him, there’s no way around it. They’re his. His own personal playthings to do whatever the hell he wants to do to them.

This one, she’s the loudest and it makes Dean hard, turned on, just watching her writhe, hearing her plead with him to stop. He’ll never stop, Alistair made sure of that, but it’s the pleasure he gets from it all, that’s why he knows he was always meant for this.

Selling his soul to come down to this shithole was the smartest thing he’s ever done. His brother is alive, and Dean gets to have a little fun downstairs with his new partner in crime. A demon who's worse than anything he ran into above ground. So dark, so twisted, that Dean finds himself a little envious of the fucker.

Sometimes.

Though, he would love to throw Alastair up there on the rack and give him back everything he’d done to Dean. Every damn thing. Rip him apart, piece by piece until there’s nothing left and then do the same thing the next day. Man, what he’d give to be able to watch that asshole beg for mercy.

“Do you need to be reminded of what you are, Dean? Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts.”

He glances at the demon, who's smiling wide for Dean; that deranged smile that could scare even the worst kind of rotten down here, but not Dean. Alistair doesn’t scare him anymore. He doesn’t make him shiver, cry out, beg for someone to come rescue him. Sam, Bobby, whoever.

Dean has no more fears. He gave them up the moment he gave in to the demon, the moment he accepted his offer to be the one putting souls on the rack. And there she is, gorgeous as ever with her milky white skin, slick dark hair, and petrified expression.

He ignores Alistair’s glare as he makes his way over to her, licking his lips as he scans her body, naked and supple, ready for him to take pleasure in watching her blood spill. He briefly wonders what she was back then, upstairs. She did something awful to get down here and maybe today he’ll find out, if he just cuts her the right way.

The tray of other cutlery, weapons is placed next to her, if Dean changes his mind and wants to mix it up a bit, which is always fun. Each blade offers a different way to cut into flesh, and sometimes you can make a masterpiece out of someone’s torso if you do it just right. Red meets white, offering patterns and beautiful symmetry. Art.

But the cleaver is what he starts with, teasing her at first with the tip, pressing it against her thigh. He doesn’t let his eyes leave hers, as she tries to be strong, biting her bottom lip when he presses the tip even harder against her flesh, enough to cause some blood to pool.

He likes to start off slow, make them think it’s not gonna be bad this time and then, he digs into them, deeper and harder until they have no choice but to shout. That’s when he really gets into it.

Dean slides the blade up her thigh and stops at her hip. He raises an eyebrow, smiling at the red line of bruised skin left by the edge of the cleaver. Gorgeous. Stunning. Her skin is perfect for this. They make eye contact again and he smiles at her, showing her his best charm.

“Is it me, or are you really enjoying this?”

She remains silent. _Good girl._ He knows if she cries out, or tries to be snarky, he’ll just make it last longer. It’s boring though, and sometimes he does wish the person on the other side of his blade would challenge him. Tell him to fuck off. Threaten to kill him. Something.

She’s smarter than that and maybe he’s getting a little tired of her. Time to make her scream.

There it is. He digs the cleaver into her, making her holler louder than he’s ever heard before. Ah, his darling, his perfect toy. The utter joy he feels seeing the tears stream down her cheeks, turning her head away from him, refusing to give him the pleasure of watching her cry.

But he sees it all and his quivering lip curls into a snarl, plunging the blade deeper, breaking through layers of fat, piercing organs, and he can feel it with every stab. With a quick thrust, he pulls the cleaver out of her, and smiles at the blood as it drips from the sharp edge.

He tastes it, closing his eyes to the coppery sting against his tongue. She’s delicious. A delectable treat for him.

“Mm. I think the more you cry, the better you taste.”

Meeting his gaze, she arches her brow, almost looking innocent, which is knows she is far from. “Please, Dean. I’ve had enough,” she says, barely even getting the words out before she breaks into a sob.

“That’s up to me, hon. You just shut the fuck up and take it.”

Raising his hand, he positions the blade above her chest and brings it down hard, hearing the crack of her ribs. _Yeah, that’s it. Perfect._ Her body heaves forward, only to snap back from the restraints.

 _Enough_ … she has had enough. He hasn’t even begun.

He hears Alistair but he knows he’s gone by now. _“That’s right, Dean-o. Show her who you are. A monster, one of us.”_

Dean leaves the cleaver in her chest as he searches for a new weapon and this unique, double edged blade catches his eye. It’s not one he’s ever seen before, Alistair must have just recently added this to their collection. It’s forward curved with a rounded hilt and big enough to really do some considerable damage.

With a wicked smile, he approaches her and is suddenly taken aback by the look on her face. She’s not screaming in agony anymore, or seeming like she’s in pain at all. She’s just staring, almost affectionately and it’s making his skin crawl.

“I know you were good once. You never belonged here. You’re not one of them.”

Her words feel like a dagger in his chest. Not one of them. Who is she kidding. It doesn’t matter if his one way ticket to the pit was deserved or not, _he_ made it happen. He sold his soul to save his goddamned brother, so he has every right to be down here as the rest.

“Shut up,” he spits, slamming his fist into her jaw.

She winces, choking on the blood that’s seeping down her throat. “You’re good--”

He punches her again, this time with the grip of the blade. He will cut her out her tongue if she says another word. Lies. All fucking lies. Trying to tap into a part of him that no longer exists.

Alistair made sure he’d forget all about Dean Winchester, saving people, hunting the very thing he has become.

_“They break. They always break, Dean. I just need to find out what your tolerance level is, and then BAM!,” Alistair claps his hands, loudly, “You’ll be where I am now, inflicting pain and torture on all those weeping maggots.”_

A phantom pain radiates from his chest down to his stomach, and he closes his eyes, tightly, remembering Alistair’s blade slicing so effortlessly into him. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. You stay up there and take it. You can’t beg, bargain, or even reason with the beast that’s cutting into you. No.

Hopelessness, that’s what he remembers feeling and that hurt more than the pain of torture.

He looks up and that bitch is still staring at him, and so he slams his fist into her jaw, again, this one knocking her out. It feels good to be on this end of it all. It helps, helps him forget. Helps him realize what he’s good at, why he deserves to be down here.

“No, you don’t get to sleep,” he says, looking around for a bowl to fill with water. Once he does, and it’s filled, he empties it onto her face, causing her to choke and cough. “Don’t fucking pass out again.”

Like she can help it.

He picks up that interesting blade again and goes to work on her, starting with her face now, slowly slicing the skin beneath her left eye. She cries out, screams, and he pauses, looking at her with a fake sympathy.

“Aw, does that hurt?”

With the sharp tip of the cleaver still under her skin, he moves is down, slowly, carefully, as he watches her skin open up. Further down he goes, to her jaw, her throat, her heaving chest. The blood pooling and running off the sides of her body, like watching melting wax from a candle.

She’s panting, her eyes glued to him when he stops the blade just above her navel. Oh the things he wants to do to her, the pain he wants, no, _needs_ to show her, her screams drown out the all the noise in his head, until his mind is calm, silent, almost peaceful.

_“It’s like you were born for this, Dean. I’ve never made a better animal as you.”_

He circles the blade, carving into her stomach when he notices a commotion not too far from him. He tries to focus, ignoring the shouts and grunts around him, assuming it’s just another demon brawl, which happens more often than not down here.

But it’s her expression that makes his stomach flip. Her eyes widen, her face blanching to a sickly hue right before his eyes. The last thing he needs is some asshole knocking into him as he’s doing his work so he turns his head, keeping the blade deep in her flesh.

He has no idea what he’s seeing. There are bodies being thrown and he swears he sees some glowing bursts of light in the distance. He hears someone shout, “Angels!,” but has no idea what in the hell that’s supposed to mean.

Whatever it is, whatever is causing this chaos is getting closer. He sees demons falling, some even look like they’re exploding and a certain terror comes over him. “What the fu--”

A demon, not one he’s familiar with, knocks into him as he runs from whatever’s out there. He’s yelling, something about being under attack and Dean immediately goes into defense mode. He picks up another blade, and keeps his fists high up to his chest.

After glancing quickly at the girl on the rack, he shrugs and moves to a higher spot to get a look at what’s going on. Demons are unpredictable, and there’s always some moron trying to take over, some idiot who’s had his first taste of evil and decides he can run the joint. It’s kind of like prison, only these fuckers are a hell of a lot dumber.

It’s when a wall of demons come out from nowhere and race towards him that he starts to panic. This isn’t some small league idiot trying to start some beef, these demons are scared for their damn lives and there are not many things down here that can do that.

He ducks, hiding behind a rock wall, more so that he doesn’t get trampled on. What in the hell can have these demons so spooked? Whatever it is, it’s closer because he can see the light in the very near distance. As the sounds of screams grow louder, Dean moves from behind the wall to a search for a better hiding spot.

And then it hits him. Why is he running? Why is he hiding? He fights monsters and sure, he can do it down here too. He probably won’t make it, seeing as he just saw Jonah, one of the toughest demons here, run away like a scared little bitch.

It’ll be fun, having a real brawl. A real fight with whatever it is that’s out there. If it wants a piece of him, then he’ll be ready. He positions himself in the middle of the room, weapons ready to strike, and he glances briefly at the weeping girl on the rack.

For a brief moment, he considers her punishment, why she came down to the pit in the first place and a certain nausea overcomes him when he realizes that she could have been a person who sold her soul, just like he did. It wasn’t just murderers, rapists, that were sent to Hell. No, there were probably countless numbers of people who struck a deal with a crossroad demon and ended up here when their ten years were up.

Ten years. Dean got _one._

While standing, ready to defend himself, he notices the commotion stopped. The screams and shouts have ceased and he hasn’t seen a demon run past him in a good few minutes. Did it give up? Or did it just find what it came for and split? He should step out and see, check it out, make sure the coast is clear, but he hears the girl scream.

His head snaps in her direction but she’s focused on something behind him. That’s when he feels it. A static electricity, like sparks hitting his back. When Dean turns, it’s like everything around him disappears. The light is so bright, he brings his arm up over his eyes to shield them from the blinding glow radiating before him.

_What the hell is that?_

This thing, it’s close now, and it’s so bright, the entire room is lit up. Dean looks around and he can now make out the filth of the place. The dried, old blood stuck the walls, rotted flesh covering the corners like some giant heap of trash. He looks down at his trembling hands, covered in blood - someone else’s blood, and he drops his blades.

_No, pick them up, Dean. What are you doing?_

It’s too bright now, he can’t see anything. The walls, the evidence of torment, even the girl is out of his view. All he sees is something moving toward him, a figure, but not human. Not demon.

_Angel?_

It’s so beautiful, and this warmth, this love is radiating from it. Its huge, almost ethereal body is covered in swirling colors, dancing around the light from its middle, a bright smoke seeping out from all around it.

Maybe he’s imagining the tears that are now streaming down his cheeks but he wipes them anyway, as quickly as they fall, and looks at his hand, still smeared in blood and is confused from the wetness.

_Pull yourself together._

It’s closer now. So close and he’s seeing a silhouette. It’s too bright to make it out, but he can tell its height, and it’s tall, taller than him, and as a crash of thunder echoes through the room, enormous wings outspread, expanding behind this thing.

_What the..._

Dean bends down to pick up his blades. What this is, it’s scary as hell but if he’s going to have a chance, he needs to at least be armed. He steels himself, ready to fight when the bright glowy monster thing pushes him, not hard, but enough for him to lose his footing.

“Come on, you son of a bitch, that’s all you got?”

He looks back at the wall that’s splattered in the blood from those he tortured. Funny how he never saw it before. Not until this creature’s light revealed all the evidence of Dean’s work. It was Claude that made that huge mess over there. Dean remembers using one of the rusted old blades on him, cutting him up just right before--

He can hear his screams as if he’s still in the room, up there on the rack. Dean blinks his eyes closed, shutting the imagery out, and praying for those screams to go away.

_What have I become?_

Backing up, he stumbles on the loose rocks, but he steadies himself before he falls. He looks down and notices the used bloodied shackles, still oozing, smelling of the coppery liquid. Lilah. Oh she was special, he didn’t keep her on the rack, no. He chained her up and after making her bleed, he--

_No, please no._

He’s seeing it for the first time, and yet he’s been doing it for years. Ripping them apart, one by one…Dean’s stomach drops and the nausea takes over, making him bend over to catch his breath. He used to save people, help them, kill anything that threatened to harm them, and then he… he became one of them. A monster.

He liked it. Hell, he loved it. Seeing the terror on the poor soul’s faces as he held the chosen tool for the day. How they’d beg, cry out when he started to cut into them. Day after day, taking his own pain away by inflicting more on others.

He sees them all, twisted faces in agony, mutilated flesh. He sees red, it’s everywhere. The walls, their bodies, his hands… And the sounds, oh God the sounds. He can hear the shrieks, the hollers of his victims echoing off the walls.

Their screams are replaced with the loud thumping of his heart and that’s when the room darkens and the figure before him seems to absorb all the light until its shape is that of a man, just a man, staring back at him. Dean can’t speak, he isn’t sure he can blink. He’s frozen, paralyzed by this blue eyed enigma.

“My name is Castiel. I’m here to save you.”

_Save?_

He wants to fight, plunge his blades into this creature who’s spewing nonsense at him. You don’t make a damn entrance like that to save a piece of shit as himself. You just don’t. Dean’s serving his time, as he’s meant to and ain’t nobody gonna take that away from him.

He uses all the strength he has to raise his blades, refusing to be under this thing’s thrall, mind control, or whatever he’s using on Dean to make him want to run into his arms, to _let_ him save him, let him take him away from this nightmare.

“Don’t fight me, Dean.”

It knows his name. Okay. “I--”

Those eyes. What is this creature? Why is he staring at him like this? Dean is evil. He’s a monster. _Don’t look at me like that, whatever you are._

Dean swings his blade at the guy, thing, whatever, and he catches Dean’s wrist, squeezing him so hard, yet without any effort at all. The blade drops from his hand, and so he tries with his other, only to suffer the same fate.

And then it all just fades. His anger, his pain, his blood lust.

He begins to remember his time above ground. Sam’s smile when Dean would leave on his favorite song, the way he would roll his eyes when watching Dean shovel in as much pie as he could in one sitting.

Both of them on the road, sometimes with no destination at all. Windows rolled down, music blasting, Sam trying to sing along, out of tune. Bobby bitching from the backseat that he’s gone deaf from Dean’s obnoxiously loud music.

The three of them, at the scrapyard, Bobby asking him how long he had before the hounds came after him.

_“What is it with you Winchesters, huh? You, your dad. You're both just itching to throw yourselves down the pit.”_

_“That's my point. Dad brought me back, Bobby. I'm not even supposed to be here. At least this way, something good could come out of it, you know? I--I--It's like my life could mean something.”_

He sold his soul so his brother could live. A desperate act, sure, but he didn’t do it so he could become a worse monster than what they had been seeking that year. His death wasn’t in vain. Sam is okay, hopefully hunting with Bobby. He has to hope that his choices didn’t ruin their lives, that it was all worth it.

There’s a light moving around him, engulfing him, and when he looks into his eyes again, Dean starts to cry. Everything inside of him wants to run away, hide from what he’s become, but this man, this… _angel_ wants to save him.

A hand gently cups his face and Dean has never felt anything like this before in his entire life. This creature, this guy, he came for him, but why? Dean deserves to rot in this place, serve his time in Hell, continue to let his soul be shredded into nothing.

But he… _he_ doesn’t want that. _He_ wants him whole again. He sees Dean as someone worth saving.

_Who are you?_

He feels his strong arms wrap around him and now Dean’s surrounded by warmth, by love, and he looks up briefly to see the large wings cover them both. He falls into his embrace, his forehead dropping to his shoulder and weeps until there’s nothing left.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets his memories back from when Cas saved him from Hell. (pt2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still a flashback to 2008.

The room is too bright when he opens his eyes. Squinting, he takes a look around, and stares curiously at the blank walls. It’s a big room, blank, empty, and he’s suddenly aware that he’s not in in the pit anymore. At least, not in any spot he’s ever seen.

Dean lifts his head, wincing at the throbbing pain in his head. He has to lie back down before the pounding in his ears makes his head explode. It’s comfortable, though, and the soft blankets covering him offer warmth as he runs his hands down the cottony fabric, but the how and why he’s there keeps him from taking full advantage of it.

He’s in some bright white room he’s never seen before, in a bed he’s never been in before, and if he has to guess, someone locked him away in some nuthouse for the criminally insane. He’s not bound though and at that thought, he moves the blankets down from his chest and leans up on his elbows, ignoring the stabbing pain behind his eyes.

“You should lie down,” A gravelly voice says, belonging to a man that appears out of nowhere.

Dean studies him, and there’s a fleeting sense of familiarity yet he doesn’t recall ever seeing his dark hair, blue eyes, trenchcoat. There’s a certain kindness in his eyes, a softness when he looks at him. Something he’d only seen in those closest to him. “Where am I?”

The man moves closer to the bed and places his hand on his forehead, making Dean flinch. He doesn’t like to be touched, especially by some dude he’s never met before, who just so happens to be keeping him in some sterile room in God knows where.

“You’re in a safe place. You’ve been through alot, Dean Winchester.” The man leans forward, so that they’re eye to eye. “Do you remember who I am?”

Dean shakes his head. He does but yet, he doesn’t. While almost getting lost in the man’s eyes, Dean feels a burning sensation on his left bicep. He hisses as he turns his arm, peeking over to see a red scar in the perfect shape of a handprint.

“What happened?”

“Oh that, sorry. I was burning through demons while raising you from perdition and my grace marked you. It’s not-- it’s not something I can heal you from.”

Dean blinks, tilting his head at this peculiar man. “Say what?”

“It’s burned into your soul, Dean. I can’t remove it.”

“Right. Okay.” Dean throws the blankets off of him and turns his body, sliding out of bed. “And I’m outa here.”

He moves away from the bed and scans the room, realizing now that there are no doors. Fighting off his dizziness, he turns to lay it on thick to this dude, and just like that, he’s right in front of him. “Dean, please.” The man gestures for the bed.

“I’m a prisoner here? Is this some other layer of hell? Some new level where the baddest of the bad go?”

The man cracks a very small smile and shakes his head. “No, Dean. On the contrary, you’re in Heaven.”

“Hea--” Dean licks his lips and smirks. This must be some joke the demons are playing on him. Maybe Alistair rigged this whole alternate reality up to fuck with him. “You know _my_ name, what’s yours.”

“Castiel.”

 _Right. Castiel. That thing… that thing with wings!_ “You were down there with me, you--”

“Pulled you from Hell, yes.”

“And you’re an angel.” He pauses. “From Heaven?”

Castiel nods, staring blankly at him.

“You saved me, but why?”

Castiel rests his hand on Dean’s shoulder and again, Dean flinches, causing the angel to remove it. “You’re being given a second chance, Dean. But you need to heal. Hell has… your soul is damaged and quite horribly, and we can’t let you be resurrected until at least most of you is healed from that ordeal.”

“Resurrected?” Dean chuckles. “You’re kidding me, right?”

Castiel tilts his head, offering a look of confusion that Dean’s never seen before and part of him thinks it’s just too damn adorable. “Why would I be kidding you, Dean?”

“I made my bed, Cas. I should be lying in it, right?”

He noticed the angel’s expression change when he called him Cas, instead of Castiel, but Dean is always trying to find easy one syllable nicknames for people. He continues, not giving Cas an opportunity to answer him. “I sold my soul, it belongs down there.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

He looks away, walking to the edge of the bed to sit down. Flashes of the pit gnaw at him, and he remembers feeling confused, lost, but also… loved. Safe. He was in this angel’s embrace and… yeah, everything was okay at that moment.

All his sins, his mistakes, washed away by the light of this being.

“Why? I ain’t special. Why me?”

Castiel joins him on the side of the bed, his hands locked together in front of him, resting on his lap. He’s careful in his movements, as if a sudden gesture will cause Dean to attack him like a rabid dog.

But he doesn’t want to hurt this guy or fight his way out of here, as he normally would in any other circumstance. No. He feels a sense of calm with him, a serenity, and part of him wants to know more. He hadn’t even considered angels, before.

“All your questions will be answered once we resurrect you. For now, I need to work on your soul. Hell has left you in terrible shape.”

Dean cringes, a certain shame plaguing him now. This angel must know what Dean turned into down there. He must have seen him, what he did to all those souls, all those damned people on the rack. It feels like a million miles away from him now, but it was just moments ago, wasn’t it?

“You saw me.”

“I did.”

The dizzy overwhelms him, and he suddenly has the urge to lie down. Castiel helps him into the bed and pulls the blankets over him. He has no idea why this simple act feels so good, why this bed is offering the most comfort Dean’s felt in eons. Why Castiel’s presence has him feeling almost… _happy._ God, he can’t even remember the last time he felt that. Dean looks into his eyes and wants to smile, but he’s taken aback at how damn blue they are.

“You are forgiven.” Castiel bends forward to touch his cheek. “Rest now, Dean.”

He inhales, deeply while staring at Cas. He wants to know everything. Is there a God too? A Devil? What else has he been so ignorant about? He never even considered that Heaven was real, just some fairy tale land made up by people who wanted to have hope for a better life after death.

Of course, there’s Hell so why wouldn’t there be one without the other?

His eyes are heavy, and so he closes them, and from behind his closed lids, he sees the room darken, as if Cas has shut off the lights. That’s much better. Putting off the questions for another day, he can sleep now.

 

* * *

 

_“You’re good…”_

Dean wakes up, gasping for air and Castiel is immediately by his side. He knows he’s sweating and it’s a little weird seeing he’s not even in corporeal form, or at least not in the real sense. But he’s solid, and his body reacts as if he was alive.

All those years in hell, it had been that way. His dead body was up there somewhere, probably salted and burned, if Sam was smart. Yet his soul could feel every bit of pain, pleasure - you name it, as if he was still alive. Weird trick of the mind, he chalked it up to then.

“Nightmares. You’ll probably have them for a while.”

Castiel is sitting on the edge of the bed, hovering over Dean with an arched brow. _Why does he care so much? Why does he give a damn?_ “I was back there. In the pit. I was--”

“Shh,” Castiel whispers. “Don’t think about it. I’m going to heal you.”

Dean looks around, bewildered. “Because I didn’t belong down there,” he says, skepticism oozing off of his tongue.

“Do _you_ think you belonged there?”

He inhales, shakily, seeing himself hung up on hooks, moments after he had said the big adios to life. It was soon after that Alistair would make his grand entrance, starting the ever looping cycle of pain. But did Dean belong there? That’s something of a complicated question.

“I sold my soul, Cas.”

Again, he sees a slight flicker in the angel’s eyes when he says his name. “To save a life.”

Dean shakes his head. “Not to save a life, to bring someone back from the dead. Isn’t that like… against the natural order of things? Something Heaven and you _angels_ wouldn’t really dig too much?”

“There are reasons, Dean. Reasons you’re being given this chance. I can’t say much more.”

Castiel looks away, his eyes scanning the room as if he’s expecting others to show up, and Dean is now wondering how many of them are actually out there. Angels.

“Okay, who are you expecting?”

Castiel turns his head. “What?”

“You’re looking around as if someone is about to show up, or something. How many more of you are there?”

He smiles, and it actually makes Dean’s stomach fill with butterflies, and he has no idea why. “We are legion. It’s Heaven, angels are everywhere.”

“And these other angels, they don’t want you telling me too much? Right?”

He shakes his head. “There’s a big problem and you’re needed to fix it.”

“Oh really?” Dean hisses. “Am I like a hired gun or something? For Heaven?”

Dean sits up, propping the pillow behind him as Castiel shifts on the edge of the bed to face Dean. He doesn’t seem like he’s scamming him, or trying to intimidate him, which is usually what someone who keeps him locked away would do.

He believes Castiel. Call him crazy, stupid, whatever, but something inside is telling him that this angel, this dude, really does want to heal him. He wants him to be okay, whole again and he’s pretty sure there’s not a single bad bone in this angel’s body.

“I promise you, Dean, things will make sense. In time. You’re too… fragile right now to understand the weight of what’s happening, what has happened. When you’re ready, I will make sure I’m the one to tell you everything.”

Dean smiles at him, instantly trusting him with those words. “Okay.” He looks at his oversized coat, messy hair, and smiles wider. “So do all angels look like tax accountants?”

Castiel looks down at himself. “We have vessels, human vessels so we’re more approachable to humans. I can be in my true form, if you wish, but I assure you that I’m rather large and it might frighten you.”

Dean raises his eyebrows. “Large? How big are we are talking?”

“Bigger than the tallest building you’ve ever seen, Dean.”

Dean laughs. What the hell did he just become friends with. If they are friends. Are they? He’s not even sure. “What did I see down there? In the pit? It wasn’t,” Dean waves his hand up and down, “this.”

“Well my true form can change shape if I choose. I scaled down to be able to hold you, without crushing you.”

Did he see a blush in his cheeks? Dean thinks he did. “You have wings.”

“Yes I do.”

“And blue eyes, even without the, uh, vessel.”

Dean is smiling, because yes, the damn angel is blushing. Well, damn. “You’re observant.”

“It’s my job, or,” Dean sits back. “ _Was_ my job.”

Castiel clears his throat and Dean has to admit he’s a little amused now. Here is this mega powerful being, this angel that, according to him, is bigger than life, who can change his shape, oh and has kick ass wings, and he’s blushing at Dean’s observations.

“It will still be your job, Dean.”

“And that is…”

“When we resurrect you,” Castiel sighs, “You will need to stop it.”

“Stop what?” He has Dean’s full attention now.

“I can’t say more, but trust me when I say that your work isn’t done.”

“I trust you.”

Castiel rises from the bed and looks down at Dean, lovingly, and it makes Dean forget what they were just talking about. “Rest. I will return later.”

“Wait, Cas--”

He turns to Dean, a look of reservation on his face. “Yes?”

“When do you actually heal me? I don’t see you doing anything.”

“When you’re asleep,” Castiel smiles and with the sound of wings flapping, he’s gone.

He finds comfort in that, as creepy as the idea actually is. He’s not a fan of people watching him as he sleeps, let alone do stuff to him. It could be hell of alot worse and if this angel wants Dean better, then he’ll let him do whatever he needs to, when he needs to.

The room darkens on its own and that’s when Dean’s eyes grow heavy and he finds himself thinking about everything Castiel had told him today, even if he barely said anything. He likes this dude. He thinks they might actually become good friends.

 

* * *

 

A heat moves through him, a soothing warmth that’s starts from his head, and moves down to his toes. It’s electric, tingly even and when he wakes up, he sees a bright light around him. This light, coming from Cas, is also radiating out of him and it’s the most amazing thing he’s ever seen.

But it’s not just the light, it’s this angel, with his glowing blue eyes, his wings outspread, even while wearing this very human vessel. He wants to say how beautiful he is but just the thought makes him cringe. Dean doesn't talk to dudes that way. Not ever.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel says with a smile so small, Dean isn’t even really sure it’s there.

“Cas. Is this--”

“Healing. My grace is healing you. You’re doing well. I think it will be very soon now,” Castiel says, doing a lousy job at hiding his disappointment.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

The light fades and his wings disappear. Cas is by his side, on the edge on the bed, looking down at him. “I’m not. Healing you is a honor.”

Dean snaps his head back. _Wow. What?_ “But?”

“Nothing.” Castiel rises and turns his back to Dean.

Dean sits up, bringing his knees to his chest, resting his arms across them.

“You know, when I was a little kid, my dad used to bring me along on hunts, and he’d be in some disguise, some fake identity to try and find out about the case, kinda like what Sam and I do, but Dad, he had different ways of getting answers.”

Castiel turns to him and sits back down. Dean continues, “Anyway, after we, or uh, _he_ would interview a vic’s spouse, friend, or even the witness, we’d get back into the car and he would ask me what I thought. _Me_ …”

Dean side smiles. “And I’d let him know who was lying, who was withholding information because my dad, he knew I could always tell. I smell bullshit from a mile away, Cas. So you can tell me what’s bothering you, or just leave me here knowing that the _one_ guy I can trust right now is not being straight with me,” he finishes.

“Dean.”

“Your choice, Cas.”

“I can’t--” Cas looks around, again with that worried look in his eyes, as if someone is listening to them, or about to burst through the walls. “It’s complicated.”

“No it ain’t. You said I have work to do. What work. Whose work?”

Castiel sighs, clearly either annoyed at Dean or at himself. He can’t tell. “There are things going on with your brother--”

“Sam?” Dean feels the heat rise from his stomach to his cheeks. “What about him?”

After a tense pause, Castiel says, “We think he’s going down a dangerous road and it will - it will lead to nothing good.”

“What’s wrong with Sam, Cas? Tell me.”

What’s that look now? For a guy who seems to have little to no emotion, he has about a million and one expressions and in just this short time with him, Dean has recorded all of them in his mind.

“Have you heard of the apocalypse?”

Should he laugh here or… “Excuse me?”

“End times. Have you heard of it?”

“What does this have to do with Sam?”

Castiel scoots closer to Dean, refusing to acknowledge what personal space is, and it’s making Dean a little uneasy. This guy is just inches from his face, and Dean has nowhere to back up to, seeing as he’s already against the headboard.

“Certain events… occurred and now Lilith is breaking seals, one by one, and once the last one is broken, Lucifer will rise.”

Dean’s head is spinning. He’s not even sure what he’s hearing right now. “As in, _Lucifer_ \- Lucifer? The Devil?”

He’s hit with a sudden urge to run. What does this all mean? Everything that’s in the bible about Hell, Heaven, the Devil, is all real? But it’s impossible. Just stories to keep people in check, made up by a bunch of men thousands of years ago.

“Yes.”

“Lilith was there, when I-- when the hounds came for me. What happened to Sam, Cas?”

Castiel looks up for a brief moment and then focuses on Dean. “She spared him.

“What? Why?”

“We don’t know.”

He sees that fated night in his head. Sam, Lilith, all of them in the room when she let in the hellhounds. He feels it again, the pain from his flesh being torn apart, and he breathes deeply, closing his eyes, waiting for that memory to fade.

“Bring me back now, Cas. I need to see Sam.”

Dean tries to get out of bed but Castiel pushes him back down, gently. “You can’t leave yet. You’re not ready.”

“Fuck if I’m ready. This is Sam. I can’t let him go against these things alone. Let me go!”

Nothing matters now. Not what he did in Hell, the reason as to why he went there in the first place, or even what this angel is telling him. All that matters is that he gets back to earth and be there for his brother who may or may not be in danger.

“Dean,” Cas says, roughly. “Sam is fine. We’re watching him.”

“You just said, “ Dean licks his lips, “he’s going down a dangerous road…”

Castiel is on his feet and looming over Dean, glaring hard, almost looking… constipated? “Go to sleep.”

“What?” Dean pushes Cas out of the way as he tries to get up, but Cas holds him down, Dean’s strength being no match for his. “Get the fuck off of me.”

“I thought you trusted me.”

Dean deflates under Cas’ hold. It’s really no use fighting this guy. He is stronger than any demon or monster he’s gone up against. Even Alistair is no match for him. “I do. You say crap like, apocalypse and Sam, and Lilith, what do you expect?”

“I made a mistake. It’s too soon and this information is only making you more agitated. When you’re back, and _ready,_ you’ll have all the information you need to stop Lilith. Until then, it’s important that you remain here so I can finish your healing.”

Castiel releases Dean and steps away from him, but remains close enough to grab Dean if he tries to get up again. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

He leans over and places his hand over his forehead, and all Dean sees is darkness.

 

* * *

 

_“You have to, Castiel. He’s not ready and you were being careless. You should know better.”_

_“He has the right to know, Uriel. It’s his life. His brother. His… mistake.”_

_“He will know, in due time. You can’t spring all this information on someone whose soul looks like his. He’s damaged, Castiel. You’re making it worse. Make him forget, or I will.”_

_“I’m healing him. He’s much better--”_

_“You have your orders. He’s your charge. Don’t mess it up or else they will place him under another angel’s watch. Do you want that?”_

_“No. Of course not.”_

_“Look, I know I’m not above you in this, I just came here to warn you. The others, they… our superiors are beginning to question your time with the Winchester boy.”_

_“My time? I’ve been instructed to--”_

_“That’s not what I mean, Castiel. You’re spending a lot of time with him, getting to know him, letting him get to know you. Why?”_

_After a pause, “He’s not just some tool, Uriel. He’s a human. A man. A hero.”_

_“Keep telling yourself that. I see nothing but fear, self loathing, sin…”_

_“He’s made mistakes. He’s not without flaw, but… isn’t that what makes humanity so amazing?”_

_“Not in the slightest.”_

_“It’s a shame you see it differently.”_

_“Just stick to the mission at hand, Castiel, or else you’ll lose Dean and never be given the chance to see him ever again. Wipe his mind of this, now.”_

After Dean hears the flapping of wings, he opens his eyes. He was barely awake for most of the conversation he overheard, but when he realized Cas was in there with someone else, he decided to remain silent, as if he was still sleeping, hoping to understand what’s really going on.

“Wipe my mind?”

Castiel turns to him, in shock. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough.” Dean sits up on his elbows. “Who’s Uriel?”

“He’s a fellow angel in my garrison,” Castiel sits on the bed, bending one leg in front of him.

“Are you gonna?”

“What?”

“Wipe my mind.”

“Dean,” Castiel looks down, inhaling a shaky breath. When he meets Dean’s gaze again, there’s something behind his eyes, something wrong, almost like he’s in pain. “I was foolish.”

“For telling me the truth?”

“Yes.”

Dean exhales the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding in. What did he really expect anyway? Cas isn’t going to take his side, they just met, and Dean isn’t exactly the most noble person in his eyes. He pulled Dean from Hell, where he became the worst thing imaginable. Who is Dean to make demands on this guy, anyway? What right does he have?

But if Dean is going to be set onto some path, some Heaven’s mission, then he has the right to know everything, even if it hurts. He’s not sure why this Uriel dude was so adamant on wiping his damn mind. Sounds more like a demon.

“What if-- What if I fail, Cas? What if this thing you need me to do doesn't work out? What if I screw it up?”

“I have faith in you,” Castiel says, those words hitting Dean in the chest, knocking the air out of him. Is this angel so trusting to actually believe in Dean or is he just damn stupid?

“Don’t be so quick to say that. I’m famous for letting people down.”

Castiel slides closer to Dean, this time his smile is very noticeable and Dean can’t help but return it. He doesn’t want to, though. He wants to be pissed, lash out, curse this place for being so damn mysterious and withholding pertinent information.

But seeing this angel smile, well, fuck it.

“We’ll just have to see, won’t we?” Castiel says, amused.

A sudden pain stabs his heart when looking at Cas. Even though he’s only known him for a couple of days, three at most, he feels so connected to him, as if they were meant to be best friends, family… but that’s crazy, isn’t it?

“I’m gonna forget you too, aren’t I?”

He nods, breaking Dean’s heart. “Yes.”

Dean takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he sinks back down against the pillows. So this is it. He’s pretty sure he can’t talk the angel out of it. He’s going to forget it all, the rescue, his time here, the conversations they shared.

It sucks. He’s sad.

“So, since I’m gonna forget all this, tell me something you’ve never told anyone before.”

Castiel tilts his head. “What?”

“Come on, something about you that not even Uriel knows. Just me and you. Look, I’m not going to remember anyway so…”

He can tell Castiel is thinking about it, his eyes rolling around, up and down, his lips quirking into a smile he’s trying so hard to prevent. “Fine.” Castiel sighs. “My job, for eons was always to observe but to never interfere. Even when everything in me wanted to.”

“Observe?”

Castiel nods. “Some of us angels were assigned to watch you humans, see the choices you make, the problems you overcome. But one time...one time this man made me so angry that I couldn’t remain in the shadows. He was a youth leader, taking care of a group of children and he was mean, cruel even, so I--”

Castiel chuckles and it makes Dean grin. “I zapped his house away. He lived alone, no pets, so when he came home, nothing was there.” Castiel sits up straight, wearing a proud, yet mischievous grin.

“You bad angel, you. So what did he do?”

“He went ballistic, cursed every god and devil known to man and I had a good day.”

“And you never told anyone, huh,” Dean says, giggling. Funny as it is, it’s damn adorable that he thinks making a dude’s home disappear is the worst he can do.

“No one. I would have been reprimanded if anyone found out. LIke I said, we had strict orders not to interfere.”

“So,” Dean sits up. “Who’s your boss, anyway? God?”

Castiel nods.

“Seriously? God? And a Devil? Wow. I need to read the bible more.”

Dean knows the basics, the stuff he learned when he was a kid. Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Moses, Jesus, the twelve disciples, but not much else. He rarely paid any attention but he does remember his mom always talked about angels.

 _Angels watching over him._ She wasn’t lying.

Now he’s face to face with one, who saved him. healed him, and tomorrow he won’t even know his name. It’s bittersweet, and Dean is a little shocked that he’s even this sentimental over the whole thing. But he is. He doesn’t want to lose this time with Castiel, because it seems important. He can’t quite put his finger on it, but this guy, Castiel, is more than just some angel sent to him.

“The bible is a good book. Not very accurate but there’s enough there to understand some of what happened in the past.”

Mind officially blown. He’ll never underestimate religious text ever again. “So all those bedtime stories, God talking to people, angels coming down and stuff? That’s all true?”

“Divine intervention occurred more often than not, but for humans to grasp it is that, well, it was challenging, to say the least.”

“What do you mean?”

“Most of you think we’re monsters.”

Dean gets a kick out of that, as he thought the same thing when he saw this badass angel in the distance, plowing through demons as if they were nothing. If Hell is scared of these winged guys, he’s sure most of the human race would be trembling in their boots at the sight of one.

Yet here he is, talking to Castiel.

The mood is somber, taking on a heavy feeling now, because he knows. He knows that soon, all of this will be gone from his mind, his brain windexed clean for his resurrection. It could be worse, and he knows that. He’s been given a second chance, a real one. He’ll be alive again, with his brother, and a new job at stopping the damn apocalypse.

Maybe Castiel will come around, check up on him, give him the info he needs to get the ball rolling. Maybe Bobby could even meet him, and oh man, Dean would give anything to see that transaction. Bobby knows more about this stuff and he’d probably have a million questions for the guy.

Dean finds himself chuckling when Castiel looks at him, curiously. Head tilted, eyes squinted. Dean coughs, clearing his throat and rubs his clammy palms against his thighs. Castiel rises, looking around at nothing, really and then turns to Dean.

“It’s almost time. Why don’t you get some sleep.”

Dean scans the room as well, hoping to see some sign of Uriel, maybe coming in at the last second to tell Castiel that he was wrong, and to let him keep these memories. He knows there isn’t a snowball’s chance at that happening, but he can hope.

“So, uh, is this it?”

Castiel makes his way to the the bed, this time sitting by Dean’s side, and closer than he’s been during his time here. Dean’s heart is pounding in his chest, but he shouldn’t be nervous. He’s just erasing his mind, right?

“Will it hurt?”

The angel sighs, looking down at Dean with sad eyes. He knows Cas doesn’t want to do it, he heard him arguing with Uriel. “No, Dean.”

“What will they do to you if you-- if you don’t do it?”

“Do it anyway, then punish me.” Castiel raises his hand, his shaking fingers loose and uncommitted.

“Like send you to your room?”

Castiel smiles and actually laughs. _He laughs_ and Dean is beside himself. “Much, much worse,” he says as he lowers his hand. “I’ll come for you, Dean. We’ll meet again.”

Dean looks up at him, soaking in his blue eyes, scruffy jaw, his unkempt hair. Trying his hardest to burn it into his brain. “I don’t wanna forget.”

He watches Cas raise his hand again, hesitating, sighing, and Dean knows he’s stalling. It’s not fair really, that this angel was sent to him, and now he has to take it all away. He doesn’t want it, Dean doesn’t want it, yet the powers that be insist.

And tomorrow, Dean will be alive, walking and talking, and feeling this emptiness. This hole. And he’ll have no idea what he’s missing or why. Life isn’t fair, and Dean can make that his motto. From the moment his mom was taken away from him, he understood that no matter what, shit is going to happen. To the undeserving and well as the deserving. Makes no difference if you’re a good person or piece of shit.

There were many times Dean dealt people their own karma. Those monsters who fed on the innocent, and they weren’t always supernatural beings. Humans can be the worst kind of rotten and Dean’s seen his fair share. He’s watched good people die, bad people live, and he was always just along for the ride, doing the best he could with the little means he had.

Until he went to Hell.

So he broke in the pit. This angel seems to think Dean matters, that he can be forgiven, and maybe he’ll even forgive himself one day. Maybe all the nightmares he witnessed, downstairs as well as on earth, will be nothing but a memory. He can be good. A hero, as Castiel called him. He can help Sam, stop the end of the world, and hopefully, this angel will be by their side.

“I’m ready.”


	12. Chapter 12

**_Present Day_ **

 

“He’s coming to, help me move him,” Castiel says, sounding far away as Dean begins to wake up. His body feels heavy, lifeless when Cas and Kemuel drag him onto the sand. His throat is dry, his head swimming, and he can barely pay attention to them as they talk to each other.

Dean knows he wasn’t dreaming. He saw it all for the first time, the memories.  Everything that was wiped from his mind when Cas saved him, came crashing into him like a damn tidal wave. From the moment their eyes met, to the second Cas was about to make him forget.

They were together, in Heaven, and even then Dean knew… he fucking knew that there was something between them. Something powerful, pure, undeniable. And they made him forget it all and start all over again. But it wasn’t the same. No. He had to learn about him as if he was just some new monster, some demon who may have pulled him from the pit.

And the whole time, Cas knew. He knew him and had to repeat everything as if it was the first time. Dean had to be told who he was, his name, and why he was there, why he saved him. How the hell did Cas do that every damn day? How was he able to look at Dean, knowing how close they had become in just a short period of time, only to have Dean not remember any of it.

“Dean, open your eyes.”

He does, and staring down at him is his angel, blue eyes plagued with worry. He doesn’t know why he feels closer to him now, with having those memories back, but he does. It’s almost like he witnessed something sacred, something untouchable about him. He’s not mad, he’s not going to give him a hard time for keeping all that from him.

“You made his house disappear,” Dean slurs, wondering if he even said it aloud.

Castiel’s eyes widen. “What did you just say?”

Cas and Kemuel are helping him get upright, and he blinks into focus, realizing they’re not in that cave anymore, but outside of it, and he’s leaning against something hard. He feels the sun on his face and looking up at the sky, he notices that it’s late. He shakes off the last of his weariness, going over in his mind, everything that had just happened.

Meeting Cas’ gaze again, his heart expands, seeing that confused angel up in Heaven, so new, so unattainable. The look of anguish when he knew he had to wipe Dean’s mind, and the pain in Dean’s heart knowing it had to happen.

“I remember. I remember it all, Cas. Everything.”

It takes Cas a moment before he says, “Heaven?” and he looks like he’s trying to hold back a smile. _God, he’s so adorable._

“Yeah. You, me, that room…” He’s smiling at Cas, reaching out to hold his hand and he gladly offers it. Squeezing it, he continues, “You, healing me.”

Kemuel is by his side now, tilting her head as she stares at him. She knew. She knew something would happen with the grace, _Cas’_ grace that’s inside of him. Dean’s still a little dizzy from the ordeal and he’s trying to wrap his head around how it felt.

It’s still making his skin tingle, recalling that white hot light burning through him, out of him, blinding him. It was like a million jolts of electricity moving through his body, hitting each nerve, each cell, bouncing off the walls of his flesh and it was like nothing he’s ever felt before. He’d be happy to never feel that again.

He’s sure they have questions for him. What happened, what did it feel like, how does he feel now, but Cas is already helping Dean to his feet, urging the trio to head back.

“Is- did it work?” Dean asks, just because he has to know their trek wasn’t a waste.

Kemuel and Cas nod in unison. She smiles at Dean, small yet affectionately. “It did. I can use my grace again.”

Dean flashes a pirate smile. “So that means you can zap us back? No more walking?”

Kemuel places her hands on each of their shoulders and a second later, they’re in the small bungalow he and Cas had slept in the night prior. Dean steadies himself, feeling a little nauseas from the act, so Cas helps him to the edge of the bed.

“The magic has been balanced, now. Soon, Atlantis will be back to normal, without the instability.” Her face is calm when she looks at him. “And Dean...”

Dean opens his eyes wider, waiting for her to continue. “Dean, the grace in you is active now. When you’re feeling up to it, you should see what that means for you.”

He shares a look with Cas. He is too weak from the ordeal at the moment, but how exactly is he supposed to find out what it is? Does he channel it like some kind of chi? Does he just have to just focus and then boom, he’s doing something angel-y? Will he have laser eyes?

Now he just wants to laugh.

“It’s time for me to honor my side,” she tells them.

Castiel stands, facing her. “The Hand…”

“I know where it is, I’ll take you both to it. But first, I need to meet with my people, explain what has happened. Is that okay?”

Dean waits for Cas to either agree or disagree and he’ll go along with either one. He knows that whatever he decides will be the right choice. He almost feels like now, after all the things he’s seen, with Kemuel, the cave, and now these memories, giving up his control and letting Cas call the shots isn’t so bad afterall.

“Yes, that’s fine. Go ahead. I need to talk to Dean, anyway.”

_Right. There’s that…_

After Kemuel leaves, Cas joins Dean on the bed and just stares at him, probably waiting for Dean to start. So he inhales, looking back at his angel, feeling it all over again. Meeting him in the pit, talking in Heaven, his grace healing him, warmth moving through his body, each part of him reacting to it, and that’s when his bicep begins to tingle.

The closeness he feels, the bond, is so much stronger now. He’s glad they went there, glad to have awoken Cas’ grace that’s been dormant for seven years. All this time, he had a piece of Cas inside of him, all this time they shared a connection on a whole new level, and just having this knowledge is making his heart want to leap out of his chest.

Cas moves closer and takes his hands. “How do you feel.”

Dean inhales, deeply, fighting back the tears that threaten to fall from his eyes. He doesn’t want to become a blubbering mess, at least not until he is able to tell Cas everything that’s going on inside of him. “Like I am the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.”

Castiel smiles. “So you’re not mad?”

“Mad?” Dean narrows his gaze. “Not at all. You had to do it, I get it.”

They settle back onto the bed and Dean lies down, still trying to gather his strength. He’s winded, still a little dizzy, but his body, his blood, feels energized, oddly. He’s assuming it’s from the living grace inside of him. He can’t even imagine if it had been more than what Cas had left, what then?

Castiel lies next to him and and caresses his cheek, gingerly. “I never wanted you to forget, but once you did, how we met in the barn, well, I just couldn’t tell you.”

Dean places his hand over Castiel’s. “I probably wouldn’t have believed you anyway. I was in a weird state of mind back then.”

He watches Castiel’s withdraw so he leans in, touching his forehead to Cas’. “Now I remember how we really met and geez, Cas, you were so warm, so amazing even knowing what I became down there. You still believed in me.”

“That’s because I felt you. I felt your soul. No matter what Hell did to you, it couldn’t take away your light. Remember, I told you that I was drawn to it the moment I saw that glow from far away.”

If there was a higher power drawing Cas to Dean, then he is even more blown away at the fact that they had to start it all over again. He remembers the day Castiel decided to help Dean get to Sam, stop the apocalypse, and when they arrived at Chuck’s, he told him that they were making it up as they go.

Truer words had never been spoken. Despite Dean’s memories being wiped, despite them having to meet again - as if for the first time, they’re bonded, even without the grace being active in him. No matter what forces tried to keep them apart, they chose each other, and even if it was fated they meet, he’s marveling at the idea that they made it happen. They tore up the rules and chose their own way. And thankfully that way, that road led them to where they are now.

They stare at each other in silence, and Dean feels his heart expanding as he gets lost in his angel’s eyes. “I love you, Cas. I-- I’ve loved you since then.”

“Dean…” Castiel closes his eyes, and opens them to reveal unshed tears. “I remember thinking when we were up there in Heaven together, how utterly amazing you were. Beautiful. And how much I needed to be with you, around you, close to you.”

Dean smiles, almost letting out a small giggle. “And then you were. Like all the time.”

Dean is recalling all the times he had woken up to find Castiel watching over him and he can’t wipe the huge grin off of his face now. He was around him all the time. Close to him. Protecting him. Cas got his wish, but how differently if could have been if they both came clean with how they felt back then. If Dean had been given those memories back, and had remembered that he had fallen in love with him.

Without another word, he moves in for a kiss, letting his lips do the talking. They could have been doing this for years. Since day one. CCircumstances changed, choices were made, and it doesn’t really matter now because they are together, in love, the closest they’ve ever been and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

“You’re gonna be my husband.” Dean chokes out, trying his hardest to contain the onslaught of emotion that is taking him over.

“And you, mine.”

They kiss again, soft, chaste, and it’s giving him butterflies, chills, an overwhelming feeling of bliss. Sure, the memory of Heaven was nice, being there with Cas, getting to know him, seeing parts of him that he’d never been able to see before. But he has Heaven with him right now. Kissing him, holding him, wrapping him in love.

“I can feel it now, Cas. The grace. It’s kinda cool, you know.”

Castiel smiles. “You were a beacon, Dean. Shining so brightly in that cave, I was afraid for a moment that you would explode.”

“Oh man, let’s be happy I didn’t,” Dean says, a giggle escaping both of them. “I wonder what it does. What’s going to happen to me now.”

“We’ll find out soon enough.”

“And I want to see your true form,” Dean reminds him, remembering Kemuel’s words. He sees that bright figure in Hell now, that immense being with wings, but he’s sure that wasn’t really his truest form and he really can’t wait to see it.

Dean closes his eyes and moves to his angel’s chest, resting his head on it, becoming mesmerized by the beating of his heart. He’s probably going to fall asleep, and he won’t fight it off when it comes. He knows they still have yet to get the Hand of God, but right now, being here with Cas, and feeling like every part of him is safe, consumed by his angel’s love, well, it can wait.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kemuel zaps them to a wooded area, some hours later. She leads them to a small river, and that’s when Castiel can feel the immense energy from the Hand. It’s here, it’s close, and soon they can be on their way, back home, back to their lives.

Atlantis has been an adventure in more ways than one, but seeing Dean in the cave, well Castiel had never been so terrified for Dean’s well being than at that very moment when he began to emit holy energy. It shouldn’t even be possible, Castiel had never heard of a human being able to tap into celestial power like he did.

Then again, he’d never known a human to contain as much grace as Dean does. It’s more than the small amount that Sam had after Gadreel was gone. Dean had been branded, in a way, although, that sounds a lot more barbaric than it actually is. He’d never claim Dean as his own and that wasn’t why his grace burned into him. It all happened so fast, him grabbing Dean, holding him so tightly as the fought his way through the onslaught of demons. They both almost died numerous times and if he hadn’t gone into his full angel mode, they would not be here today.

He recalls how it felt, when his hand scorched Dean’s arm, and for a moment, it was like their essences merged, as if a part of Dean’s soul entered Cas as well. Of course, that makes no sense, and is utterly impossible, but he felt it, nevertheless. Something bound them, something bigger than just the hand print.

There’s much to learn about Heaven’s powers, so much that he was either never taught, or had been wiped from his memory. With God having his Hand back, Castiel hopes to have it all. New knowledge, and that which had been taken from him. Especially when his Dean, his love is the object of such power.

Kemuel takes the lead and helps Dean and Castiel pull the rocks up from where the Hand is hidden. Once the last rock is turned and removed, he sees it. A brilliant shining stone that radiates immense power. Heaven’s power. So much so that he notices Kemuel having to take a step back.

“That’s the Hand of God? It’s a rock…” Dean says, staring at it.

Castiel cracks a small smile, trying to imagine how common this item must look to those who don’t understand the power within it. “Yes, that’s it.”

Dean claps his hands once and rubs them together. “Okay, then let’s blow this joint and go home.”

Kemuel offers her shawl to wrap it in, after he warns her that because of the strength of such an artifact, touching it would be unwise. She does so and hands it Castiel, willingly, but there’s a longing in her eyes, almost as if she had to fight herself to give it over.

He doesn’t bother understanding why, because right now, he’s focused on leaving with Dean and hopefully begin the job of ridding their world of the Darkness. In a flash, they’re outside their bungalow, Kemuel looking around, anxiously.

“Before you go, let my people meet you. I want them to see the brave Dean and Castiel who helped saved their land.”

“What did you have in mind?” Castiel asks, not at all interested in staying here any longer than they have to.

“Just a quick gathering. We have a grand hall, I’ll introduce you to them, it won’t take long.”

They nod in agreement, and with a smile, she waves her hand, turning their outfits into off white linen pants and shirt. Castiel looks down at himself and then at Dean and they both chuckle.

“What, you didn’t like my t-shirt with a flannel tied around my waist?” Dean muses.

“It was fine, but I thought you’d want something clean, seeing as you have probably been in those clothes for days, yes?”

Dean smiles at Cas and says, “Beats doing laundry, right?”

Castiel returns his smile, and grabs his hand. He looks up at Kemuel and inhales. “Okay, but then we really have to go. You can take us to the main island?”

She grins. “Of course. Right after. I promise.”

Soon she’s leading them down a marbled path, lined with huge planters, flowering vines sprouting out and climbing up pillars. He takes Dean’s hand as they head down a flight of stairs that opens up to a grand room, parts of which are open to the night sky.

Crystal lanterns are scattered around, and he notices a stunning chandelier above them, Dean already marveling at it. It’s enormous, and each crystal glows with a different color, making the room appear surreal. Lights bouncing off the glare of the marble, and shining on the people who are now taking their seats in rows of stone benches.

Kemuel stops on a raised platform and waits for the rest settle down. Dean and Cas stand behind her, patiently although Castiel just wants to get this over with and go home. He is still i possession of the Hand, which he safely holds close to his chest, reminding himself that he has the very key to ending the Darkness, and without this, their world is doomed.

It’s powerful, even for him without his grace. Its pulses with an energy that can be felt through his skin, in his blood, his bones. He can see now how Michael had so much power when he owned this, for it is truly the power of God in the shape of a stone, so easily transported, easy wielded, it’s almost scary.

“My people,” Kemuel calls out, raising her hands. “Settle down and hear me.”

Castiel watched the crowd come to a halt, some whispering, talking amongst themselves as the rest quiet down. She continues, “Our land is whole again, safe, thanks to Castiel and Dean Winchester.”

The crowd applauds and cheers, and Castiel squeezes Dean’s hand. It almost sounds as if they’re already married, carrying the same last name, and it causes Cas’ heart to race.

“And in return, I give them this,” she looks at Castiel and holds out her hand. He stares at her, confused as to what she expects from him. Her eyes grow wide but then she softens and smiles.

“The Hand, Castiel,” she whispers.

“But--” Castiel doesn’t want to let go of it.

She shakes her head. “Unwrap it and show them, you can hold onto it, just hold it up.”

With hesitation, he does what she says, ignoring Dean’s hard glares. “Cas, what are you doing?” Dean whispers in his ear.

Castiel moves the cloth, and holds it up for the crowd, causing some of them gasp. Kemuel smiles, and turns back to the crowd.

“This belonged to _the_ God that destroyed our land. Our people. Our magic. Was that fair? Did we deserve to be punished for crimes we did not commit?”

“Kemuel,” Castiel says, wrapping the Hand back in the shawl. He isn’t sure what she’s doing, what her goal is, but it’s starting to make him nervous, and he can tell Dean is already taking his position to pounce, hands in fists, and cheeks red with fury.

She focuses on Castiel. “It’s okay,” She hums, eyes not on Castiel but the Hand. “It’s so powerful. How could-- give it to me!”

Castiel backs up, Dean trying to get in between them. “Look, back off. You gave us your word,” Dean hisses, holding his arms out in front of Cas.

She advances toward them, her eyes wide and stormy, exuding such strength in her, that Castiel knows he is no match. She’s an angel at full power, and no matter how hard he and Dean fight, they won’t win.

What he doesn’t understand is why she’s doing this. Why she’s changing the plans, when just five minutes ago, all she wanted to do was announce their victory in bringing balance back to her land. Back to Atlantis.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean says when she grabs the rock out of Cas’ hands, the cloth falling to the ground as her bare hands hold onto it. She looks down, eyes almost bulging out of her skull and then she’s suddenly entranced. Her skin begins to glow bright, too bright that Castiel has to shield his eyes.

When the light finally fades, Castiel can see her face. She looks crazed, wild. “This is-- so much power. How-how can one have so much power?” She cries, now trembling, the Hand of God shaking in her grip. “I can be God. I can rule Heaven, Earth, everything,” she shouts, tears now streaming down her face.

He’s seen this before, of course not with this specific item but angels who want to rule, be God, and the fact that it’s happened so many times in Heaven - even he’s to blame - makes him understand what she’s feeling right now. Power. It’s seductive. Anyone can fall victim to its siren call, beckoning for you to give into it, no matter the cost.

Castiel was there where she was, only five years ago when he had swallowed all of those souls from Purgatory. The strength he had, that ultimate influence over everything around him, it was intoxicating and he didn’t want it to end.

“Kemuel, please. That’s the Hand talking. You need to let it go, give it to me,” Castiel pleads.

At first she just stares out into the crowd, as if he and Dean aren’t even there, and then she flashes a menacing smile. That’s when some of the guards, armed with swords and spears close in on them. They’re not there for her, they’re there for him and Dean. His stomach drops and he looks at his hunter, who’s face is pale and full of fear.

“It’s okay, Dean. We’ll  be fine.”

“Yeah?” Dean looks around. “Tell me that after we don’t get bludgeoned by big men with even bigger swords.”

Castiel turns to Kemuel again, who is shaking so badly, she is dropping to her knees. “Kemuel, please. Look at me. It’s Castiel. Your friend.” Castiel joins her on his knees, making the guards advance toward him, but Dean holds his hands out.

“Wait, hang on. Cas is trying to help her.”

He’s close to her now, and she looks up at him, her eyes fiery and it makes his skin crawl. “Castiel?”

“Yes, yes. It’s me. Let go of the Hand, Kemuel.”

Her head drops and when they make eye contact again, a sudden fear comes over him when he sees that her eyes are a milky white now. She rises slowly, holding the Hand above her head, and that’s when the crash of thunder is heard above them.

The wind picks up and before she turns the whole place into a natural disaster, Castiel crawls over to Dean who is squatting to avoid the flying debris. “Cas, what the hell.”

Kemuel laughs, and it echoes throughout the hall, as lightning hits some of the pillars, large pieces of marble crashing down on the people, her people who were invited to bear witness to the ones who helped her save their land. The crowd is in chaos, scattered and running for their lives against the hurricane strength winds that are blowing through the room.

“Kemuel!” Castiel cries out, one last attempt to get her to stop, as hopeless as it is. Her head snaps in his direction and with a flick of the wrist, she sends him flying into the wall, his body coming into hard contact with it. He sees stars for a moment and when his vision becomes clear again, he notices Dean by his side.

“Cas? Are you alright?”

Cas nods. His back aches and he thinks the wind was knocked out of him, but he’s fine. He looks at Dean, and then turns to Kemuel. She steadies herself and lowers her arms, bringing the Hand close to her chest. Just then the wind dies down, and the storm recedes. Kemuel inhales, deeply, gripping the Hand tightly, and then she turns to Cas.

Her eyes are normal again, and Castiel takes that as his cue to rise and approach her, but Dean grabs his arm, pulling him back. “No.”

Castiel wiggles his arm free and races to her side, wincing at the pain in his back. He tries to make her see him, and he even dares to grab her shoulders and that’s when her eyes lift.

She’s lost, a million miles away as she hands the rock back to Cas. “I don’t want it. This power, it’s... “

He bends down quickly to pick up the shawl and he grabs the rock, wrapping it back up. Without looking, he hands it to Dean, focusing on Kemuel to make sure she’s actually okay.

“I--” She looks around, her face long. “Oh no, I am sorry. I am so sorry.”

The guards are guiding the crowd through the doors as she watches them. The damage she’s done is repairable, he’s just glad it didn’t go any further. She sinks to her knees and slides to a sitting position. Cas takes his seat next to her, with Dean coming to join them. He watches her as she shakes her head, mouthing words he can’t hear.

“Kemuel, it’s okay. You fought it. You were able to hand it over. You did well.”

She doesn’t look at him when she speaks, “No, I was seduced. Castiel, that power,” she turns her head to meet his eyes. “I wanted it like nothing I’ve ever wanted before.”

He hadn’t noticed it until now, but there’s a certain innocence to her. A naivete that makes her almost child like. He wonders if he used to appear this way. An angel with the power to destroy things with the touch of a finger, who is older than most of the continents, can also appear so young.

“Well, you were stronger than it. I’m proud of you.”

She smiles slightly. “I wanted to kill you. And him,” she says. “I wanted to be God. That power, I can imagine what it did to Michael now. This is not meant for any angel.”

Castiel sighs. “The mark of Cain corrupted Lucifer and the Hand of God corrupted Michael. This is all very disturbing.”

After a heavy pause, she brings her hands together in her lap and sighs. “I do forgive him,” she says, looking ahead. “Our Father, he did what he felt he had to, because of what this place had become. I understand. I do.”

As terrible as it was, God _did_ do what he felt was his only option. With just feeling the power here, the magic, he can’t imagine what it must have been like for the angels and demons who controlled this land so many moons ago.

It wasn’t fair, no. The people left behind should have been looked after, if anyone had even bothered to check - of course with the wards, it would have been impossible. Still, he sees how Kemuel has turned this place into a real home for herself.  A place where she can coexist with humans, and hopefully with the magic balanced here, she will make good use of it.

Being an angel and without your powers can be extremely disorienting. Castiel has felt it often, and even now. For some, they would rather die, but for him, it never made much of a difference. Maybe because the person he has been in love with is very much human, and Castiel can live with that.

Though now with this newly active grace in him, he’s very curious as to what it will happen.

“How about we get this Hand where it belongs, what do ya say?” Dean offers, smiling at them both.

She nods, rising to her feet and they do the same. “Again, I am very sorry. You know I never planned that. My goal was true, I never lied to you, Castiel.”

“I know, Kemuel.”

 

* * *

 

 

In another flash, they’re standing on a small island, connecting to a larger piece of land by only a narrow strip of sand. He remembers the maps now, and this is where they need to be to get home. The Main Island. She guides them to the center and inhales, deeply looking between them.

“May you heal your land of this Darkness and Castiel,” she pauses. “If you need my help, you know where I am.”

Castiel smiles at her, warmly and nods. “Thank you, Kemuel. And I will.”

It’s not customary for angels to hug, so he knows she isn’t going to, but Castiel does find it funny that he almost expected it. He’s been around humans for so long now, it’s habit for him. He smiles at the memory of when Bobby hugged him for the first time and he had no idea what he was doing.

So much lost on him, even though he’d observed humans for eons.

“Guys,” Dean calls out and Cas and Kemuel look at the light coming from in between two pillars. “Is that it?”

“Yes,’ Castiel says, looking back at Kemuel. “I have no doubt you will protect the people here, and I extend the same invitation. If you need me, you know where I will be.”

She smiles. “Thank you, Castiel.” and to Dean, she says, “And you, you are a model for humanity. A true hero. I want all my people to remember what you and Castiel have done for them. I think I will erect a statue in both your honor.”

“A statue? Wow. Send a picture once it’s done,” Dean jokes.

This makes her chuckle. “If I can find a way to, I shall.”

They turn to head towards the portal, which is now swirling with a brilliant blue and white glow. They smile one last time at Kemuel and that is when Castiel grabs Dean’s hand. “Don’t let go.”

And they step through.

Castiel is used to the feeling of going through dimensions, but being human, it is quite unpleasant. The pull, the strange force of gravity that seems to hit you as well as grab. The dizzying spinning and now he’s suddenly empathizing with Dean, for he’s had to feel this quite a number of times.

He feels the cold tile of the kitchen floor and when he opens his eyes, he reaches for Dean to pull him closer. “Are you okay?”

Dean nods, but is staring ahead, his face losing all color. Castiel follows his gaze to see Crowley standing above them, alone. He’s wearing a devilish smirk, which has become a normal expression on the demon.

“Well, those are interesting outfits,” Crowley muses, eyeing them from head to toe.

“Where’s Sam? Chuck? Gabe?” Dean asks.

Crowley stands still, his face unchanged. “Oh, they’re fine.”

Dean and Cas are on their feet now, brushing themselves off. “What do you mean?” Castiel asks him.

The demon meets his gaze and looks down at his hands. “I believe you have something for me?”

Castiel holds it tighter, turning, almost trying to put it out of Crowley’s line of vision. “Crowley…”

“Look, you moron, we need to give this to Chuck. Where the hell is he?” Dean snarls.

Suddenly Castiel is hit with the realization that they are being duped. Crowley is here, he did something to Chuck and Gabe, and now he’s going to take the Hand from them, and use it for himself to become more powerful.

Typical Crowley, but he’s also very ignorant to what kind of power this is. Angels are stronger than demons and that much is a fact. If a celestial being can be so easily empowered by this, he doesn’t even want to imagine what it will do to Crowley.

“This is God’s power, Crowley. Back off and let us do what we must.”

Castiel watches the Hand being ripped from his own hands and appear into Crowley’s. He keeps it wrapped as he eyes it, fondly. “You see, I can’t have God… _Chuck_ release Lucifer. That would… well what do you think will happen to me?”

“Is this a trick question? Are we supposed to care?” Dean snaps, moving closer to Castiel.

“Lucifer being out of the cage means he will try and take over Hell again,” Crowley shouts. “I can’t risk that, but this…” He holds the Hand up. “This will make me more powerful, and even if we need those scrambled-brained archangels to defeat the Darkness, they won’t be doing so under God’s command… but mine.”

Dean lunges at Crowley and the demon smiles as he flings Dean into the table with just a gesture. Castiel moves toward him but Crowley holds his free hand up. “Ah, ah, ah, Castiel. I have your grace and unless you ever want it back, I suggest you play nice. Besides, you’re just a human now. Weak, pathetic.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this, Crowley. We can work together.”

“Oh, that’s where you’re wrong. It _does_ have to be like this. We’ll defeat the Darkness, we will, but we’ll do it my way.”

He smiles, slyly at the two of them before disappearing before their eyes. Castiel races to Dean’s side and helps his up. Even with his human eyes, he can tell Dean is hurt, but he’ll be okay. They eye each other, and he watches Dean deflate.

He will try not to focus on the fact that he failed, yet again. Stabbed in the back by the demon, which is no different than all the other times Castiel had been played. Crowley, no doubt heard everything that was said down in Hell between the Archangels and themselves, and he let them go, knowing that at least one of them would be returning with the Hand, the power of God that is now in the King of Hell’s possession.

“We’ll figure out a way to get it back, Dean.” Even the words sounds like lies to Castiel. A desperate attempt to have hope when really, he has no idea how they will succeed now.


	13. Chapter 13

Dean doesn’t waste any time. He races out of the kitchen and starts checking every room for Sam and the others. He’s pissed, fuming, and he can feel his heartbeat pounding in his ears. He’s not even sure he’s breathing, but he didn’t go to another goddamned dimension, only to have Crowley fuck them over, steal Cas' grace, and to possibly put his brother in danger.

He should have killed him when he had the chance. He should have put that first blade through his damn heart, because showing mercy for that dick was a mistake. Too many years he has let him off the hook, given him the benefit of the doubt, or just thought Crowley was too useful to dispose of.

Now he feels like the biggest idiot on the face of the planet.

Sam is going to give him his usual speech too and he’s expecting it once he finds him. Sam always knew, he has been warning Dean for eons about Crowley’s treacherous ways, his utter lack of morals that had been enough to drive that demon to stab them in the back. Sure, he’s even done it a few times already, but for all the times Dean has shown him mercy, Crowley has done the same.

He could have done them in hundreds of times with something as easy as a snap of his fingers, but he never did. Every chance he had, there was always some reason to keep them alive. Whether it was from real affection (which Dean highly doubts) or because he saw the brothers as useful in some situations as they saw him, eventually it had become an unspoken agreement. Live and let live.

He knows Crowley well enough to know he didn’t hurt Sam. He probably just contained him, to get him out of the way, and he can almost sense his little brother’s bitchface right now. Sure, Dean misjudged the whole situation. Sure, he wasn’t thinking clearly.

This isn’t about him, or Sam. This is about Crowley refusing to understand the magnitude of what defeating the Darkness actually means. He thinks he will be the one in charge? While holding the Hand of God, a power meant for Chuck, not him. Does he think Lucifer and Michael will bend at his will, merely because he has that damn rock?

He and Cas are at the foot of the stairs when he hears mumbling coming from the second floor. Dean flashes a look in Castiel’s direction, who staring up, eyes wide with surprise.

“I hear it too.”

They’re upstairs in a flash and he follows the sounds, checking two rooms, unsuccessfully. He opens the door to Sam’s room and there’s his brother and Chuck, bound to chairs, and gagged. He’s by his little brother’s side a second later, removing the tape from his mouth and as he starts on his wrists, undoing the rope, Cas does the same for Chuck.

“Dean... Crowley,” Sam chokes out, flexing his hands that are now free.

“I know. He welcomed us home,” Dean says, helping Sam to his feet. He looks at Chuck, and tilts his head, wondering how in the hell Crowley was able to subdue him. “He took the Hand.”

“Chuck?” Castiel says, scanning him.

He sighs, shoulders slumped as he eyes the men. “My powers, they’re completely drained.” He looks down at himself. “I can’t do anything.”

“It’s okay,” Castiel tells him. “Where’s Gabriel?”

“It’s not okay, Cas!” Chuck snaps, startling them. “Crowley has my power. Not only does that suck for _me,_ think about what he will be able to do!”

Dean looks at Castiel and nods, giving him the floor as he takes the task at finding Gabriel. He’ll let Castiel calm him down, it is his dad after all and that thought makes Dean want to laugh. How inappropriate that would be? Damn.

Sam and Dean run out of the room and down the stairs, trying to think of a possible location as to where the demon would have kept Gabriel. He would have had to trap him in holy fire, seeing as Gabriel is at full strength and not at all weakened by the Darkness. At least he was fine before they left for Atlantis.

The backyard is the first place that comes to mind and as soon as the brothers make it out the door, there’s Gabriel, inside a ring of fire, his eyes bulging when he sees them. “Oh hey, glad you found me. How about letting me out of this thing?”

Dean reaches for a hose that he spots at the edge of the patio and turns the knob. As soon as the water begins to flow,  he aims the nozzle towards the flames and soon, Gabriel is free.

“Is that asshole gone?” Gabriel asks, brushing himself off.

Dean nods. “Yeah, he took off after taking the Hand from Cas.”

“Bastard!” Gabriel shouts, a little too dramatically. “I told you we should never have trusted him. He’s a snake.”

Sam and Dean look at each other and that’s when it hits Dean. They shouldn’t have trusted him. They should have found another way into Hell, as dangerous as it would have been. It was like Crowley knew… he knew they would need him. He knew they would ask him for a pass into the pit.

He’s rememberig his shifty attitude when they were in Hell, the way he could barely look Dean in the eye, how he totally seemed like the cat that ate the canary. He didn’t have to go with them to talk to Lucifer and Michael, he heard the whole damn thing. He probably had little demon spies all around them, taking notes.

He fucking planned this whole thing…

Soon, Cas and Chuck are outside, joining them so they all take their seats at the patio table, all eyeing each other grimly. Where to even begin? Chuck is the first one to speak, breaking their somber silence. “So, how was Atlantis?” he asks with a painted smile.

“An adventure,” Castiel tells him. “There were survivors. People actually inhabit it.”

His eyes grow wide as he looks at Cas and Dean. “What?”

“Yeah, seems a bunch of people were left behind, along with an angel. The wards you placed protected them from the crazy unstable magic, which by the way was insane…”

“Oh my--”

“God?” Sam finishes, enthusiastically.

“I had no idea. I never even thought to check. Not that I could have but--”

“Kemuel. She remained and kept the land as peaceful as possible. I, _we_ helped her remove the wards, so the Atlanteans can now wield magic as they had before,” Cas says, confidentially.

Chuck gasps and Gabriel sits back, crossing his arms. “You sure that’s such a good idea?”

“I am,” he answers back.

“Cas, what if--”

“He knew what he was doing. _We_ knew what what we’re doing. We trust Kemuel,” Dean interrupts. “Plus, they would have all died. The whole place was going to crap.”

Chuck narrows his gaze. “What do you mean?”

Castiel leans in, staring hard at Chuck and Gabriel. “The unstable magic was tearing that place apart. It was only a matter of time.”

Gabriel blows air out of his mouth and nods, glancing briefly at Chuck. He doesn’t look pissed, but he doesn’t appear to be very happy about the news either. Dean really doesn’t care. They did what they had to, and if given the opportunity to go back, he’d do the same.

“Okay, well. I guess that’s a good thing,” Chuck says, defeated. “If you guys trust them, then we will have to as well.” He focuses on Cas. “He took your grace, Cas. I’m so sorry.”

Dean looks at his angel, and is a little surprised that the news doesn’t even phase him. He wonders if Cas even cares at this point, and if he doesn’t, Dean really needs to have a talk with him about that. He gets why Cas is happy with all these human customs, growing old together, not having to live a long life without Dean, but he doesn’t want him to reject what he is. He never wanted that.

“We’ll get it back, before or after we kill Crowley,” Dean says, his words making Sam laugh.

“Yeah, this time he’s not getting away with it,” Sam adds, smiling at his big brother.

He wants to talk more about Atlantis and that whole grace thing, and then he remembers that he wanted to get back to the bunker and investigate it. The Men of Letters originating in Atlantis is ground breaking news.

“Guys we also found out something really interesting while we were there,” Dean says, more to Sam than the others.

“What’s that?” Chuck asks.

Dean turns a little in his chair to face his brother. “Sam, remember when Henry told us that the Men of Letters symbol was on the gates of Atlantis…”

Sam’s eyes widen. “No way, you saw it?”

Dean nods. “Not only did I see it,” he smiles, “they’re actually _from_ there. The Men of Letters started in Atlantis! They were part of the group who were saved.”

“Oh, right.” Chuck chimes in. “They weren’t called that back then, but they were the watchers, the men and women who kept record of everything. They were neutral in the whole matter, but recorded everything they saw.”

“Get the hell out of here,” Sam says, shaking his head. “That’s nuts.”

Cas clears his throat. “We would like to get back to the bunker and find their records from Atlantean times. We think--” Cas looks at Dean before he continues, and after Dean nods, he says, “We think we may find some answers to a question Dean and I have. Something we found out while we were there.”

“Like what?” Gabriel asks, leaning in on his elbows.

“Just stuff. I want hit the road tonight,” Dean tells the group.

Sam snaps his head back. “Tonight? Are you sure? What if Crowley shows up?”

“Fuck Crowley. He ain’t showing his face any time soon, not after what he did,” Dean tells Sam.

“Then we _all_ go. We need to stick together,” Gabriel adds. “I’ll zap us there -- or wait, that would be a bad idea, huh?”

Dean and Cas nod in unison. “Let’s drive.” He looks at Chuck. “You and Gabe take that monstrosity and we’ll take the Impala. We need to remain under the radar, especially since we haven’t really warded the bunker well enough yet. We will have to do so once we get there.”

Gabriel and Chuck agree, and soon they’re all packing up their things to hit the road. He’s looking forward to the drive actually, and as silly as that sounds, he misses being behind Baby after all that damn walking in Atlantis. His feet have never hurt so much before and if he never has to walk long distances ever again, he’ll be happy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Dude, why haven’t we seen this before?” Dean says, marveling at the plethora of folders, books, files - all containing information about Atlantis. They had neglected to scour through the entire far wall of filing cabinets, which Dean had always assumed were filled with just more hoodoo information or the chronicles of the past Men who lived here in the bunker.

How wrong he was.

“Uh, maybe ‘cause we’ve been too busy looking for cures and spells for other things?” Sam replies without looking up. He’s been deep into one of journals from a guy named Lucius that lived in that fated place. Journals upon journals, diaries, damn novels had been dedicated to the lives of those who lived in Atlantis. Everything from what’s for dinner to what spells were used in their seemingly dark rituals.

Not everyone had partaken in that though, from what Dean could tell, most of the inhabitants used simple magic like healing (not so simple in his world, but there, it seemed it was the least difficult act to achieve) and the occasional conjuring of power, sometimes to help lift a heavy object. Harmless, really.

Dean’s been thumbing through folders of spells and he can’t even wrap his mind around all of this new information, new incantations, ways to actually make their jobs a hell of alot easier, he finds.

“Like this, a damn demon tracking spell. Why didn’t we ever think of that?”

“Dean,” Sam says, now looking up at his brother. “This guy, Lucius, he could do a body scan to find out your ailment. Like friggin’ Spock!”

“That’s fucking cool,” Dean says, grinning.

He looks over at Cas who has been concentrating on one of the thicker books to which he didn’t catch the name, but it seems to have Castiel occupied. When Cas is in research mode, he knows not to disturb him, because he gets even more into it than his nerdy brother. So he lets him be while Dean finds some new reading material.

He did break away for a brief moment to explain why they're even able to understand their language, because from what Dean recalled, they spoke English but that made no sense. Cas informed them of the magic that translated their written and spoken word to one's own native tongue. He thinks that is just cool and now he's wondering if that book Cas is reading appears Enochian to him.

He picks up a worn journal from someone named Isabelle and when he opens it, the Men of Letters symbol greets him, etched in some kind of pencil. Woman of Letters, that’s cool. He wonders when the Men decided to just have men, when it seems the involvement of women in this line of legacies were being discovered more and more in these archives.

So far, they’ve come across Jina, married, four kids, lived near the beach, and was a bonafide members of the Men of Letters. Her story is interesting; how she met her husband, the magic they used for sexual pleasure - now that is something Dean wants to talk to Castiel about.  

Then there’s Fiona, she lived in the mountains, alone with her canine companions, that she claimed would often talk to her about their day. Dogs… talking… This woman struck Dean’s curiosity, for she seemed to dislike the whole magic thing. Unlike most of the other people there, she didn’t practice it at all.

Then of course there’s Isabelle. He barely gets past the first page before he’s reciting her words, aloud for the group to hear.

“A strange angel by the name of Balthazar visited me today. He told me of a new magic that can enhance the effects of wine. As he so eloquently put it: ‘makes you drunker, faster’, and I could only laugh at him. He’s a peculiar one, this Balthazar, but I do wonder if he will return any time soon. He has much information about Heaven, secrets that all these others angels refuse to disclose.”

Dean looks up, shaking his head. “Balthazar was there?”

Cas finally breaks away from his book and nods. “Yes. He… mingled with the people there. He found them fascinating.”

Dean chuckles and goes back to her journal, now hoping that this ‘strange angel’ returns and what he could possibly be telling her about Heaven. It’s funny seeing familiar names. He’s the first one so far, but he wonders if other angels he knew visited Atlantis as well. It would be interesting to see their take on it all. Before the shit hit the fan, that is.

The next few hours are spent reading, and as much as Dean would love to investigate every single file, book, journal, his eyes are now hurting and he’s hungry as hell. After excusing himself, he makes a quick run to the market, Castiel and Sam protesting that he go alone, so he lets Gabriel put a temporary ward on him, to keep him off the radar from the Belial.

In the store, he tries to decide what to make them for dinner. They’ve been grilling for days before he went to Atlantis, and fish is out of the question since that’s all he’d been eating for the last few days. He wants something hearty. Something a mom would make her family and that’s when he decides on meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and green beans (because he knows Sam will bitch if there isn’t something green on his plate).

He looks down in his shopping cart, making sure he has everything and he realizes he’s missing the breadcrumbs for the meatloaf. Now, Dean is pretty tall, he’s not as tall as Sam but he has a decent height, and even he can’t reach the top shelf to grab the only remaining breadcrumbs box they have, even if he stands on his toes.

That’s when something really strange happens. There’s this weird burst of energy, not big, but strong, and with his fingers, he focuses that energy on the box of breadcrumbs, it shakes and the next second, it’s falling from the shelf. Dean catches it, and looks around, cautiously.

“What the fuck was that?” he says, low and to himself.

For the next minute, he’s frozen in the aisle, staring at his fingers, his hands, and feeling completely terrified. That was some Jedi shit right there and this is exactly what he didn’t want to happen to him. He doesn’t want to be special. He doesn’t want powers. He just wants to be Dean, a hunter who has a little brother named Sam, and a fiance named Cas. He just wants to get married, be happy. Be normal.

He wraps up his shopping, still a little dazed about what had just happened, and on the way home, all he could feel is that tingling at his fingertips, like an electric or static energy. He doesn’t talk about it when he gets back to the bunker and begins making dinner, even with Cas there next to him, helping him with the potatoes.

As much as he wants to know more about this active grace inside him, it’s unsettling. He remembers Sam and his demon blood days, and how he felt about his powers. He was totally against it but as strong as it made his brother, it was also making him rabid. When he was around the blood of a fallen demon, he turned into this starving addict, and it scared the hell out of Dean.

Will Dean be the same way? Will he eventually become addicted to this power and start acting twitchy? Strangely? Sneaking out in the middle of the night to get his fix? God, he fucking hopes not. Then again, angels have this same thing inside of them. It’s what makes them angels, after all, and they seem to have it under control. Of course, they’re not human. What if it’s different for humans.

_Fuck. What if I’m going to change?_

“Really, Dean. You need to relax, it looks like you’re going to pop a blood vessel,” Sam says to him, as he helps with the dishes.

Dinner was just a blur, and he knows it was a success and everyone enjoyed it, but the whole time was spent worried about what had happened in that grocery store. What if he can’t control it and he starts zapping people, accidentally? What if he can really hurt them? Kill them even?

He suddenly doesn’t want this power, even if it’s a part of Cas.

“Yeah, just thinking about all the stuff we found in those journals. Imagine what it was like back then. To be able to tap into this magic so easily, like it was as normal as… doing dishes,” Dean says, holding up a soapy plate.

Sam grins. “Yeah, I bet they had a spell for that.”

Dean laughs, lightly and he finishes the last of the dirty cutlery, handing to Sam to dry. “While we’re on the subject, how come we don’t have a dishwasher?”

“Uh, maybe because most of our meals come in ‘to go’ containers? What’s the use?”

Sam towels off a few more plates and sets them on the shelf. He leans back against the counter, waiting for Dean to react. He’s right, Dean hasn’t really been cooking much, before being cured from the mark, that is. But since then, the months they had spent in the bunker before going off to Atlantis, they had been taking turns in the kitchen and it was nice.

“Yeah, well, that’s gonna change.”

“You mean, you wanna stay here? Not go back to Chateau de Gabriel?”

Dean smirks. “It’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but here is where we belong. At least for now.”

And then he remembers that there’s something he and Castiel need to announce. He can’t believe he forgot about it, and okay, he didn’t forget they were engaged, but he totally let it slip his mind that nobody even knows yet. Just him and Cas.

With the crap sandwich they had been handed today by Crowley, they need something to look forward to. Something to feel good about. Something to celebrate. At that thought, he reaches into the refrigerator for the cake he bought, and slips it out of the box.

“Cake?”

“Yeah, put on some coffee and meet in the war room,”

“Uh…”

“Just do it,” Dean says with a wink.

He gathers the others; Cas, Chuck, and Gabriel to the table and when Sam finally emerges with coffee, a few mugs, and plates, Dean sets the cake down. He’s smiling like an idiot, and he really doesn’t care, but the confused looks on all their faces causes a small giggle to escape him.

“Guys, I… _we_ have something to tell you.”

Castiel shoots him a shocked look and that’s when Dean takes his hand and squeezes it. He’s giddy, nervous, and he’s sure his face is as red as a beet. This may be the most inappropriate time to be doing this, seeing as what happened today, but he doesn’t really care. If anything, good news should at least lighten the mood. Even just a little.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he chokes out, “Cas and I are getting married.”

The first one to respond is Gabriel with, “Well, ‘bout time.”

Dean looks at his little brother who’s beaming at him, eyes wider than he’s ever seen them and soon he’s on his feet bringing Dean into a tight hug. He gasps. “This is awesome, Dean,” he says. Pulling back but keeping his hands gripped tightly to Dean’s shoulders, he adds, “and yeah, it’s about time.”

Gabriel is hugging Cas and then Sam goes in, offering one of his bear hugs, lifting Castiel off the ground. The mood _is_ light again, everyone cheerful, and after a few more congratulations from Chuck, they dig into the cake.

For the rest of the night, they talk about everything else but Crowley and the Hand of God. It’s nice to just pretend that the world is normal for a night. That there’s no Darkness looming over their heads, threatening to end the world. That there’s not Crowley double crossing them, that Cas _didn’t_ have his grace stolen.

It’s so rare that they have nights like this, but he’s happy they’ve been happening a little bit more often than ever. He’s also very aware that he is the king of ignoring real problems at hand and indulging in the good times while they still can.

He glances at Castiel as he talks to Chuck at the far end of the table, and notices how happy he is. He’s practically glowing and when his gaze lands on Dean, so briefly, and he shows him a smile, Dean practically has to hold onto the chair for fear of floating away. He’s never wanted or needed anything in his life more than Cas and that thought alone is scary as hell.

 

* * *

 

“I love that about you,” Castiel says, pulling the blankets up to cover his nakedness. He turns in bed to face Dean, who is already on his side and staring at him.

Making love in his bed, in his very own room, reminds him that it’s all real. He and Cas… are real. Everything they say and do, isn’t some dream, some fantasy and as he soaks in his angel’s post coital expression, he realizes that he needs to document this stuff. They need more pictures.

He reaches over to the nightstand and grabs his phone. “Love what about me?”

He turns to face Castiel again. “How you bring normalcy back. We could all be going through literal hell, and you just have this way to make it better. Take our minds off of things. I’ve always adored that about you.”

Dean grins. “So it’s not escapist of me? Mister Avoidy?”

“Well, maybe at times,” Castiel chuckles. “But I love it.”

He throws a t-shirt at Cas, before pulling one over his own head. "Put that on." After he does, Dean holds the phone up and snaps a picture of Castiel, the flash being way too bright for the dim lighting of the room. Castiel holds his hand up to his eyes. “Ow, did you just take a picture of me?”

“Yup.”

“Why?”

Dean takes another one, making Cas growl. “Because you’re beautiful and I want to see you when we’re not together.”

Castiel grabs the phone out of Dean’s hands and glances at the picture he just took. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing myself in pictures.” He turns the phone and snaps one of Dean, and yeah okay, that flash is ridiculous.

“Because it’s Jimmy?”

“I guess. It’s just strange. My true form is--”

“Hey, that reminds me…” Dean wiggles his eyebrows.

“Not now, Dean.” Castiel says, handing him back his phone. Dean chuckles at the awful picture Castiel took of him and he studies it for a moment. He looks tired, but cheerful and it’s weird to see. He gets it in a way, on a different level. Seeing pictures of himself is strange, especially when he appears happy.

“Fine. But I could tell the difference between you and Jimmy, by the way.”

Castiel tilts his head. “How so?”

He flashes a side smile and takes another picture, Cas blinking in this one and it makes him laugh. “Dunno. I could just see the difference. I guess the real you kinda bleeds over. And the eyes, well… I could just tell.”

“Interesting,” Castiel says, taking the phone back.

“You’d know if I was different, right? Like if someone else was behind the wheel?”

Cas nods. “Absolutely.”

“So I guess the same is for me. I could tell, back then, that it was Jimmy’s soul and not you… if that makes any sense.”

He grins. “It does.”

Dean leans over to kiss him, and he runs his fingers through his hair, messing it up. “You are just you and ain’t nobody like you."

"That should be a song," Cas muses.

For the next ten minutes, they take pictures of each other, some together, some separate and Dean can’t help feel like a delirious idiot in love. He knows they really don’t need this, pictures are just that - pictures, and memories can live inside their hearts and minds, but for Dean, the only pictures he _does_ have are of him and Sam, a couple of his mom, and that awesome one Cas had gotten framed of the three of them with Charlie.

It’s time to add to his collection.

They end up talking for the rest of night, conversations about the house they want, the kind of things they want in it, and he’s happy Cas agrees on the gigantic sofa. He doesn’t care too much about decorating but he did say a nice big TV would be great. That makes Dean laugh because it’s all Sam's fault why Cas is so addicted to television shows now, or more accurately, Netflix. He has to remember that Castiel had lived for eons without indulging in anything remotely human, and so he’s getting his first taste of it all.  

It’s cute. Dean’s happy to be here to witness it when Cas’ eyes grow wide while watching actions scenes in Battlestar Galactica or to hear him laugh at Jim pranking Dwight on The Office. Tonight, though, there are no Cylons or Dunder Mifflin antics. It’s just them, discussing the future and it’s one of the best nights he’s ever had with Cas.

Despite him having his grace stolen, again. Even though they got fucked seven ways to Sunday, today. Life- _their_ life is always unpredictable and shit can happen at any given time, so why not appreciate the good things, the peace while they can.

When Castiel falls asleep before him, he goes through all these new shots of them on his phone and it makes him smile. He’s laughing, quietly, at the way Cas grins for the camera, all toothy and adorable, and at the one of them together, their heads touching, the angle is awkward, and it’s really not a great shot, but he thinks it’s his favorite one.

Cas’ eyes are so blue and they’re sparkling, and he can even see that same twinkle in his own eyes. This is the first time he can see himself in love and it starts doing things to his heart. They look good together, happy, so perfectly content and it blows his mind.

This is the one he’ll have printed and framed.

A year ago, he was so lost in some pit of despair, cursed and broken. Now, he’s on cloud nine, engaged to Castiel, his true love, his rock, his damn savior. Their life together has been harsh, and at times he had even assumed there would be some end in sight. For them, their friendship, maybe even their lives.

And year after year, they stuck together, through thick and thin, Heaven and Hell (and Purgatory) and all of it, all those hard times just made their bond stronger. His angel, his Castiel never gave up on him, refused to see him succumb to darkness, no matter if Dean pushed him away or not.

A sudden sadness fills his heart, thinking about their fight, and even though they had talked about it, and they had moved past it, it still hurts Dean. He wants nothing but to see Cas protected, loved, safe, and to know that he laid a hand on him like that, is hard for him to believe. It’s strange when you aren’t totally yourself. When something powerful, something strong lives inside of you and it’s controlling what you say, what you do.

A chill runs down his spine thinking of what happened today in the store. He needs to talk to Cas about it, and he will. And what he really needs to do is to stop worrying and start focusing on the good of it. It’s Cas’ grace and there ain't a bad bone in that angel’s body. This isn’t a curse, or some twisted key that holds the Darkness. This isn’t demon blood, forced on him by Yellow Eyes to make him some demon killing Jedi.

This is from his angel. A good, amazing, and loving angel.

He begins to wonder if Castiel did find out something today. They never even talked about the book Castiel had been so wrapped up in all day, it had to have some useful information, for it to have been the only damn thing he read. A part of him is overly anxious to find out more about what's happening to him, what it all means, what this grace can do.

And the other part, he’s scared to death. He'll talk to him tomorrow. 

He rests his phone down and leans over to kiss Castiel goodnight, making him stir in his sleep and mumble something. When his head hits the pillow, he let’s his eyes get heavy while staring at Cas until he finally dozes off.


	14. Chapter 14

“Come on guys, the eggs aren’t gonna eat themselves,” Dean shouts, wondering why they aren’t in the kitchen yet. He’s been cooking for the last hour; making eggs, pancakes, and he even put together a fruit salad for Cas and Sam, knowing how much they love it. Coffee: done. Breakfast: done. Juice on the table.

He was also the first one awake and that is bizarre on its own. He couldn’t bear to wake up a sleeping Cas, seeing him lying there in his bed, so peacefully - probably dreaming about times that _don’t_ suck. So after a soft kiss on his forehead, he slipped out, hit the shower, and started on a morning feast for the group.

Why not. After his talk with Sam last night, they would be really missing out if Dean didn’t take full advantage of their huge kitchen and his desire to make good use of it. Their lives don’t have to stop just because they got fucked over or because some big bad is out there, which by the way has been laying low for a while now anyway.

It’s Crowley they need to worry about, and Dean can handle that demon. He’ll get Cas’ grace back, and the Hand, and finally give the King of Hell a much needed death and this time he’ll go through with it. No more letting it slide. No more free passes given. The one time Dean really needed Crowley in their corner, he went and fucked that up, and now Dean is 100% done with that dick.

Chuck is the first one to arrive and he smiles, widely as he takes a seat at the table, already eyeing the plate of sausage. “Sorry, I’ve been talking to Cas about some of the things he’s found and we kinda got carried away with the time.”

Dean doesn’t look up when he scoops the scrambled eggs onto a large platter. “Oh? Did he mention anything about me?”

“No. I mean, sorta.”

Dean looks at him with a raised brow. “Sorta?” _Did God just try to lie to me?_

Chuck smiles, sheepishly and seems to sigh with relief when the others start showing up.

“Wow, it smells delish in here,” Gabriel sing songs as he enters the room with Cas. “Man, you must love this domesticated side of Dean, huh Cassie?”

“It’s _Cas_ … and yes, I do,” Cas smiles at Dean.

It’s rewarding for Dean to be able to cook for this many people. It has always just been Sam all these years, and sure, that’s fine, but being on the road as much as they have, even Sam didn’t get to experience all the things Dean can do in the kitchen.

And he can’t lie about the fact the cooking for Cas, seeing the way he reacts makes Dean’s belly warm. He loves being the one to show his angel new things, and that means so many things on so many levels.

Cas is walking over to him with his usual half smile and before Dean could wish him a good morning, Cas kisses him, softly, resting his hands on his waist, as his own grip his shoulders. “Good morning, Dean,” Castiel says, with a hint of mystery, as if there’s something he knows that Dean doesn’t, and now he’s curious as all hell.

“Do I smell sausage?” Sam calls out when he finally joins them.

Dean’s eyeing his angel as they make their way to the table, and a million thoughts are running through his head. Cas just got finished talking to Chuck, so he might have found out more about the grace living inside him, and by the way Castiel is acting now, it really does not seem like a bad thing, and Dean actually feels all the tension that he’s been carrying around since yesterday, melt away.

They all dig in, sitting around the kitchen table as if it’s just another morning. That life is normal. That shit didn’t just hit the fan yesterday and then Dean decides to dampen their carefree moods by bringing it all up again.

“I think I know how we can get Crowley to cooperate,” he says to the group. He’d spent the entire morning thinking about it, as he prepared their meal. It’s risky as always but if Crowley hasn’t even begun to understand what that Hand can really do, maybe they have a shot.

“And that is?”

“Me. I meet with him, alone. We all know… and I ain’t proud of it but--” he glances at Castiel, who is now just staring down at his plate. “We all know how he feels about me. Maybe I can use this to our advantage.”

Sam scoffs. “You mean, trick him? Make him think you want… something with him?”

Dean shivers at the thought.

“NO! I mean I can just talk to him.” He sees Castiel’s shoulders relax. “Cas, you know I wouldn’t even think of--”

“I know,” Cas cuts him off.

They share a smile and Dean’s instantly warm and tingly all over. It’s pretty awesome being this way with Cas now. With anyone else, they’d probably be jealous at even the suggestion of Dean’s offer, but not Cas. He knows him well, he’s known him for years, and that Dean would never do anything against him. Or their love.

“It’s crazy but I don’t see many other options,” Gabriel adds. “I say go for it. You know he won’t kill you, so…”

“Exactly,” Dean says with a smile and mouthful of pancake.

“And I’ll come with you. I’m still an archangel, and sure, the Hand may make him stronger now, but I gots my mojo,” Gabriel says.

Of course, as solid as this idea is, he’s also aware that Crowley does not play nice and probably won’t even hear a word Dean has to say. He’s bitter about what happened between them, pissed that Dean gave him the boot, and as much as the demon pretends to be indifferent about it -  without any kind of sentimental feelings towards him - Dean is onto him.

He gave it away in restaurant in Montauk. He let it slip that he missed Dean, that Dean made the wrong choice in leaving behind whatever it was they had. And even while Dean was a full fledged demon himself when he was running around with him, he knew being that close to Crowley was a bad idea. He led him on long enough and had to break it off before it spiraled out of control.

So he will have to have a backup plan, in case this one doesn’t work, and he knows exactly what it should be.

After breakfast, Dean follows Chuck into the library, as Cas and Sam clean up, and Gabriel makes a beeline for the sofa. Dean sits, eyeing the former prophet - now God -  that is seated across from him. He still thinks it’s weird, having God himself with them in the damn bunker, no less.

“So, wanna tell me what you and Cas talked about?”

Chuck inhales, shakily, and Dean’s starting to wonder if Cas had asked him not to repeat anything they discussed and that makes his face heat up. He doesn’t want secrets, not with them. Not anymore. “He told me about the grace. He didn’t think you’d mind.”

“I don’t. I wanted to talk to you about it anyway. He knew that.”

It’s one thing to have a crapton of books to sift through, but it’s another to have God literally right across from you. If anyone has the answers to what in the hell is going on with Dean, he’s guessing Chuck here won't let him down.

Chuck breaths a sigh of relief. “Okay, good.” He cracks a small nervous smile. “You two need to talk. I told him what I know, and he found out more from one of the books he’s been reading.”

“About the grace?”

“Yes.”

Dean feels his heart accelerate. “What about it?”

He wants to know, but he _doesn’t_ want to know. He’s afraid, worried of what he’s going to become. The grocery store incident is still giving him the willies and he knows that he should really talk to them about it. It’s finding out the truth that’s holding him back from opening up his mouth.

As if Chuck is reading his face mind now, he says, “Relax, you’re going to be fine.”

Dean lets out a breathe.

Chuck continues, “Do you feel it? Has anything happened with it?”

He thinks back to the cave, hearing Cas’ voice with Kemuel’s as they recited the spell, the tingling that came soon after, and then he remembers his skin feeling hot, and his blood boiling. For a split second, he had thought he was literally on fire, but the weird part was, it didn’t hurt.

“Well, I was glowing in the cave, according to Cas. And then I got all my memories back from when Cas saved me from the pit and healed me in Heaven.”

“Oh,” Chuck replies and that does nothing to ease Dean’s nerves. “I was already gone at that point, or else I would have loved for you to have those memories back.”

“It’s okay. It was nice. Hard to see, but also really awesome. Cas and I… in Heaven--”

_Looking up at that blue eyed enigma, his soft smile, that loving energy that filled this void in me that I wasn’t even aware I had. I had been made whole, my soul repaired - or close to it, but most of all, I was complete. Cas makes me… complete._

“I told him that you two were meant to be, but I wasn’t exactly clear about that,” he says, and Dean leans forward, focusing on him, as to not miss a single word. “The reason you two are in love, why it happened is all on you guys. Cas was just--”

“Cas was just what?”

“He’s different than the other angels, you already know that, but it’s how I wanted him to be. I wanted him to be close to humanity. To learn from it. To be a part of it. But it took meeting you to bring that out in him, fully, even though we've seen little hints of it here and there throughout his life.”

Dean isn’t sure what he’s hearing, but it’s making him smile and now he just wants to run to Cas in the kitchen and kiss him. He’s seeing it all in his mind now: that curious, confused angel when they first met. How, for years, Cas had been trying to learn the ways of humans, be a part of it all, asking Dean so many questions, all the time, and how Dean never really appreciated that it was him Cas came to mostly. It was Dean that he wanted answers from, wanted to understand.

Chuck adds, “You two are very special. I just wanted to get that out of the way.”

Dean gives him a smug look. “I know we are. Beat the odds. Made our own way.”

Chuck eyes him, almost in a fatherly way and it amuses Dean. I guess he’s the dad of all dads. “When you two came into my-- _Chuck’s_ home that day, when Castiel helped you escape Heaven, I knew that this new story, this new tale was being written.”

Dean sits back thinking about that for a moment. Chuck was surprised to see them, told them that they weren’t in that part of the story, yet there they were, Castiel telling him, “We’re making it up as we go” and at that moment, Dean was smitten.

“I remember it well, Chuck.”

He smiles at Dean. “The fact that his grace has awoken in you now, Dean, it means much more than you think, which is why you two need to talk.”

“Okay but--” Dean shakes his head. He still needs answers. “What will happen to me?”

He smiles at Dean. “Great things. You’re still you, Dean but you have this little super power living inside of you. It’s going to react to things, make you feel things, but it’s a _good_ thing.” He pauses. “I may be God, I may have created angels, and helped with humans, but I actually am not the all knowing deity you all make me out to be.”

Dean snaps his head back. “Well, that ain’t comforting.”

He smirks. “I mean, some things happen that are beyond my control and my understanding. I know what Heaven’s grace is capable of, but in your case, this isn’t something I planned, or expected.”

“So, I’m a rare case?”

“I suppose. There are theories, possible effects of a living grace inside of a human, but like I said, it’s only been speculation and the people of Atlantis had written those theories, those outcomes in some books, which is why I want you to talk about this further with Cas.

He _will_ discuss what happened in the store but he’s decided that it will be with Cas first. If Chuck already talked to him about everything, then Cas knows what will happen to Dean now, and his angel seemed like he's was in a hell of a good mood this morning. So it can’t be bad. Right?

“Thanks, Chuck. I’ll find Cas.”

 

* * *

 

Castiel has read the same chapter over and over again since last night and after speaking with Chuck about it this morning, he’s not even sure what he should be thinking. He’s not new to Nephilim lore, and he’s even met a few in his lifetime, sadly helping Metatron take one down. Back then Cas had a programmed view of how to treat them. Abominations. They were wrong, sinful products of angels and humans.

But learning the truth, knowing that it was the Grigori that had tainted something as pure and beautiful as the love between an angel and human, it didn’t mean it was frowned upon with other angels.

Why is this book so important to Castiel right now? Not only does it go into full detail of creating offspring with humans and angels, it discusses the very reality of it happening in the non traditional way - in a more _celestial_ way, and that without a doubt, Dean and Cas could actually have a… baby.

When he first read it, he blew it off, for he knows how the human anatomy works and neither one of them are capable of such a thing, but when he read further, how these specific Nephilim are not born from a womb, but in the celestial star beds in Heaven. Heaven’s own angel nursery, so to speak.

It sounded prosperous until he got up to that chapter he’s stuck on now and that is the one he can’t stop looking at. He is aware of the angel’s grace being the ultimate energy of creation. It _is_ creation. The fact that another angel could be born in Heaven, but from the act between him and Dean, it's unbelievable but also a miracle.

After reading this, he knew he had to talk to Chuck more about it this morning.

And that he did, and Chuck spelled it out for him, simply. He created angels from grace, all of whom were born from the star beds in Heaven. With Dean having Cas’ grace in him, they could potentially do the same, theirs being born from love, from the grace becoming one. From soulmates. The little bit that is inside Dean acts like an egg, as it also had become a part of Dean all these years. He’s never seen it done before, Chuck told Cas. It’s not even something he assumed would happen, since not many angels now were involved with humans.

But in their case, because of the grace living in Dean, it can very well happen, and Cas has no idea how to even bring this up to him. Here he thinks that his powers will be on a super hero level, when really, the most they can do is create a life. But isn’t that the most amazing power?

Castiel contemplates writing his own book, for his life has been so full of wonder, especially in the last seven years, it would be nice to document all of it. In all the time he’s been alive, never would he have dreamed his life would be the way it is now. Rejected from Heaven, but more importantly, him rejecting Heaven, joining forces with two brothers who just happen to be hunters.

And falling in love with one of them. Now, being engaged to one of them, with the possibility of even having their very own child. If someone would have told him that this was going to be his future, he would have never believed it.

The funny thing about it all is, he didn't know how much he wanted this kind of life until he actually had it. He never imagined what falling in love could actually feel like, or having someone adore him, touch in in ways he’s never been touched, make him feel like he’s the most important being on the planet.

That’s what Dean does for him. Of course he knows that no one compares to Sam as far as importance, but Dean seems to be able to make him feel as if his life would not be complete without Castiel in it. He never asked for Dean to love him this way and he surely didn’t expect it from him. It just happened.

“So, what the hell is so interesting with that book?” Dean asks him as he enters the room, noticing Cas on his bed, nose buried in that text.

Castiel lowers the book. “We need to talk,” he chokes out, refusing to beat around the bush. It’s now or never, and by never he means when it’s too late and Dean being pissed at concealing such vital information.

“Yeah, I was thinking that. I just talked to Chuck.”

Castiel’s eyes widen and he swallows the lump in his throat. “W-what did he say?”

Dean settles on the bed next to Cas and takes the book from his hands, closes it, and places it on the nightstand. Turning his body, he faces him. Dean appears calm, a lot better than he was last night and so Castiel waits patiently for him to speak.

“Well, I guess I’m not going to turn into Zod or anything, so that’s a plus.”

Castiel smiles, slightly and looks down at his hands. _Just tell him the truth, Castiel._ “While it doesn’t seem the grace inside you will amount to much in that aspect, other than maybe some small energy outbursts that--”

“That happened to me. In the store,” Dean says, eyes wide.

He knew Dean had been hiding something. The way Castiel can tell is not through telepathy, or anything on a supernatural level. No. He can tell just by watching Dean. He does this thing where he opens his mouth to speak and then closes it just as fast. _That_ is when Dean wants to say something but inside he’s struggling with how to say it.

“Tell me exactly what you experienced.” Castiel is wondering why he’s waiting until now to tell him this, because although he knew Dean needed to talk to him, they had many opportunities already, especially last night in this very bed.

“I went to reach for the box of breadcrumbs and this small zap of energy came out of my hands and it knocked it down. Like I focused on it and it happened!”

He’s imagining what Dean must have thought when he saw his own powers react like that but from what he could tell, Dean would much rather _not_ have anything inside him that makes him different, even if it is something good.

“Yes, I expect that will happen again. You should try to focus more on it, so you can control it, rather than it just happening on a whim,” he tells him, still preparing for the bigger news - the information that might end up with Dean hugging him or wanting to walk out this room.

“Dean,” Cas adds, “there’s something I need to tell you.”

He waits for Dean to settle down and make eye contact before speaking again. Looking down briefly at his hands, he notices they’re trembling and he conceals them under this thighs.

“You’ve heard of the Nephilim, right?” Dean nods, eyebrows furrowing in obvious confusion as to where this is headed. “And you know that angels are born in Heaven correct? Rather than being born from a woman?”

“God made the angels, right?”

Castiel nods, shyly, feeling his face flush and he wishes that he had his powers back so he could try to avoid this most annoying human reaction. Dean notices and tilts his head at him. “Dude, what?”

“W-well--” Cas’ heart's beating out of control and he curses at himself for making this so much more difficult than it has to be. This is Dean, his love, his finance and they should be able to talk about anything. Dean might be elated at this information. He has not stopped talking about their future for days, and if Cas is reading into it, Dean is leaning more towards settling down than ever before.

“Today, Cas…” Dean says, irritated now.

“When angels and humans produced Nephilim, it had always been with a female human, as that would be only way to birth such a being, but after reading from that,” he points to the book, “and talking to Chuck, that isn’t the only way.”

Dean’s eyes widen and he watches him scan the room, looking at nothing. He thinks that Dean gets it now, he understands what Cas is saying. “H-how?”

He explains it the best way he can, from what he learned from the book and Chuck, that once he gets his grace back, and they share a moment… they could actually produce their very own child. It will be born in Heaven, as the other angels were, but instead of God creating it, it will be part human. There, it will be safe, until their baby is ready for them, which is surprisingly nine months as well. He or she will will have their characteristics and that is a discussion for later, because he’s pretty sure Dean has not gotten past the ‘they could make a baby’ part.

Dean listens, silently so Cas continues.

“The grace inside you will be consumed, merged with my own again, and thus creating an offspring in Heaven. Dean, my grace will no longer be inside you after that.”

He waits for Dean to say something, anything really - the silence is starting to make him feel incredibly awkward. He wishes he could tell what Dean was thinking and feeling right now. “So, this-- it can happen any time? Like when we… uh--”

“Yes. Once I have my grace back. But when it happens, that will be it, Dean.”

“So wait, how… why sex? If it’s just the grace thing?”

Castiel sighs, realizing now that he’s never really explained what sex for an angel is like. “Dean, when we’re together, you know how I am glowing sometimes? That happens when I…”

“Oh yeah, okay. When you finish.”

“Right. But it’s more than just my human vessel ejaculating. It’s spiritual, because my grace is reacting to the feeling.”

He hopes Dean understands that now, and it must have been very weird for Dean to see Castiel like that, just as he climaxes. Dean is nodding, clearly getting it now and that eases his mind a bit, even though this is all very mind blowing for the angel as well.

“And there’s like no celestial condom here? Some kind of birth control? I mean, come on Cas, you’re telling me that we can’t even have sex without the risk of, I mean… there has to be a way to control it from not happening, right?”

These words feel like getting punched in the chest.

“Yes. If I remain without my grace.”

“Cas…”

Sure he may be able to control it, not let himself get too wrapped up in their love making but that’s asking a lot of him and he would not feel comfortable knowing that he may lose himself at any given time with Dean.

He has no idea why Dean’s reaction is bothering him. Maybe because it’s not exactly how he thought this conversation would go. After all this talk about getting a house, adopting - all of it, he thought Dean would at least be curious as to how they could make this happen.

He’s aware of Dean’s opinion on how reckless the idea of bringing a child into this world would be, as well. But Castiel thought, or at least hoped that the chance of them actually being able to produce one of their own, would have gotten a different reaction from Dean.

But he’s clearly not happy about this discovery and so Castiel will try to bury his own excitement.

He doesn’t know why he felt more of a warmth in his heart at this news rather than a burden - the way Dean clearly sees it. Maybe Cas really does want a family, with the one person he could have it with, with the one person that he’s meant to be with.

Castiel must have been zoning out because Dean is in his face now, snapping his fingers in front of his eyes. “Hey, you with me?”

“Y-yes,” Cas says, shaking his thoughts away. He can’t be in this room with Dean right now. Every part of him wants to walk away, be as far apart from Dean as possible, and this is also confusing him. Is he really upset with Dean? How awful of him if he is.

Dean has a right to his opinion. This is his life too and far be it from Castiel to ignore Dean’s feelings on the matter. So they want different things, this isn’t new with them and it definitely is common among people in relationships, whether they're friends, family, or lovers.

Still, he can’t shake off the crushing blow of disappointment and it’s too much to handle right now.

“So, that is the extent of the grace inside of you. You won’t be… _Zod_ , and we could actually have a child.” He rises from the bed, avoiding eye contact with Dean. “Anyway, I am going to read some more books from Atlantis, I’ll be in the library if you need me.”

His heart is heavy now and he’s cursing at himself because of it. He can feel Dean’s eyes burning into the back of his head when he leaves the room, but to turn back, he will only be drawn into his magnetic stare and that might actually hurt more.

He can’t blame Dean. This world is a terrible and harsh place, especially if you are fortunate enough to be part of their motley crew. Most everyone they know have died, and it had always been because of the problems they had been dealing with; some monster, some terrible evil that they were forced to reckon with.

He should be on Dean’s side with this.  It would be irresponsible of them to bring a child into their world. Castiel _should_ be agreeing with Dean, but he can’t understand why he isn’t.

 

* * *

 

“Are you serious?” Sam asks Dean, as they drive back from the store after picking up more beer. He told him everything Cas said about the baby-making grace thing and part of him is really anxious to hear what his brother thinks about it.

Not that it’ll change his mind.

There is no way in hell they could bring a baby into the mix. Not only are they both clueless on to how to raise one, their lives are so full of pain and misery, it would be damn selfish to put a pure, innocent life into the fray.

Is it tempting? Hell yeah it is. Dean’s secretly always wanted a child and if he could have one with Cas, well that’s like the best thing he could ever dream of. He didn’t forget all of their talks, all the fantasies about them in that house, Cas singing the baby to sleep as Dean is in the kitchen, baking or some other domestic duty.

It’s a beautiful vision - one that actually brings tears to his eyes, and not only because of the overwhelming images of him and Cas happy like that, but the fact that it can’t ever happen. Not to them. It’s not _for_ them.

If their life wasn’t about being in the middle of every damn evil event known to man since Mom died, he’d be on board with it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately this is reality. Today it’s the Darkness and the Belial, tomorrow it could be some other bad thing.

“Yup. Imagine that,” Dean says, shaking his head.

“And you don’t want to?”

Dean doesn’t even have to look at his brother to give him the ‘what the fuck do you think’ look, so Sam adds. “And what about Cas?”

“What about him?”

“Does he want to?”

Does he? He didn’t really get the feeling he did, but the way he reacted after Dean’s little outburst was a little off. He was distant, cold, and… _son of a bitch!_  he couldn’t even look him in the eyes earlier when he told them they were going out for beer.

“I didn’t ask…”

Great, now he’s the biggest asshole on the face of the planet. Of course Cas wants it, he wants a child and - _fuck me sideways_  - he can’t believe he treated the situation like this, as if Cas was just giving him the news and his feelings towards it were indifferent.

And now he’s remembering how his face lit up, earlier when telling Dean the news. His eyes were sparking, just like they did that morning in Gabriel’s house when they were talking about adopting. Why did he even open his big mouth that day? He planted that seed in Cas’ brain and it’s been growing everyday since.

 _Crap_.

“Dean, man. What the hell? You guys are getting married, you need to ask him how he feels about this.”

“I know, Sammy. I just-- shit, I didn't’ even think--”

“No, you didn’t think. He’s in this with you, he’s a part of you now, and you him. He’s also _Cas…_ You gotta talk to him. Really, man.”

He knows and he will. He checks out the beer in the backseat and can’t wait to chug one down (or six) so he can have the guts to do. He doesn’t even know what he can say to him without sounding like a jerk.

“But why not?”

“Huh?” Dean asks, stealing a quick glance at his wide eyed brother.

“I mean, you guys are in love and this seems like a once in a lifetime opportunity. It’s special, it’s--”

“Reckless. Selfish.” He pauses. “You want me to go on?”

He can make a damn list of why it’s a bad idea. Sam didn’t see him when he was with Lisa. He didn’t know all the worry and fret Dean felt about Ben’s safety. There was a reason he did the unthinkable and made them forget him. Being involved with Dean is a death sentence.

“But Dean, you have a angel’s grace inside of you… how often does that happen?”

“Oh, okay so if he was still alive, should you and Gadreel have a kid too, ‘cause weren’t there traces of his grace left inside you when--”

“Fuck you man, I had no choice!”

“And neither did I!” Dean shouts, surprised by his own tone of voice and anger he now has inside of him. His hands are shaking as he grips the steering wheel, and he takes a deep breath. “I mean, I didn’t plan this,” he says, softer.

“Dean, you can’t compare. This is you and Cas, not just some angel who left grace in you.”

“I’m done talking about this, Sam, so just do me a solid and shut the fuck up.”

A simple request that he knows damn well his brother will ignore. “He or she will have _us_ , Dean. Maybe when this blows over, I don’t know, think about it.”

“I swear to God… _Chuck_ if you don’t stop talking--” and even his words cause him to crack a smile. “I can’t even say ‘God’ without seeing that bearded drunk writer in that smelly bathrobe.”

Sam let’s out a laugh and suddenly the mood is lighter again. “I know, right?” And now they are both cracking up. “And that’s another reason to think about it. We have God…” Sam finishes when the laughter dies down.

Dean shakes his head. He wants to argue more about it, have the last word, but in this case, he just shuts his gob and continues driving. He reaches over to the radio and turns it up, blasting some Motorhead in hopes that this conversation will not happen again.

 

* * *

 

Inside, the guys are seated together in the library, exactly where they left them and so Dean heads over there, staring at Cas, intently. He’s not looking up at him, but he can tell Cas knows he’s there. “Cas, can you come with me for a minute?”

They make eye contact and he nods, setting his book down. Cas follows in silence to Dean’s room and once inside, he shuts the door. He’s been going over a million different ways he could explain himself but each one makes him look like an insensitive asshole. How is he going to get his point across without hurting Castiel?

“Look, Cas, about our conversation earlier--”

“There’s no need to bring this up again, Dean. I understand your views, and you were right.”

Dean snaps his head back, studying his angel. He’s so full of shit, it’s not even funny. “Come here,” Dean takes his hands and they sit on the edge of the bed, together. “Don’t lie to me, Cas. You _don’t_ agree with me.”

He’s looking down as he speaks. “Okay. Then yeah,  I don’t agree with you,” he lifts his eyes and Dean is taken aback at the tears welling in them. “But I should so I will. I’ll forget about even reading it, I--”

“Cas, man, I’m sorry. You know that if things were different, I’d want a damn litter of… angel babies with you, but our lives, it’s--”

“I know, Dean. You don’t have to explain it again. I am well aware of how messed up everything is, how dangerous it would be to have a small innocent life to look after.”

He cradles Cas’ face and thumbs away the tears that are now falling down his cheeks. He’s hurt, he’s sad and it’s killing Dean. Being the cause of Cas’ pain is the worst feeling in the world and he wishes that he wasn’t so adamant about this whole baby thing. He wishes he could be seeing it the same way Castiel does, but he just can’t.

He’s not going to repeat the same reckless pattern, putting more people in harm’s way just because he needs them around. He’s not going to experience something so amazingly beautiful with Cas, only to have it taken away from them. Dean just hopes that in time, Castiel will see it his way, and not just say it.

“It doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

“I know.”

Dean kisses him, chastely. “And we’re still getting married.”

Castiel looks up at him and smiles. There he is: his shining angel. Dean adds, “Let’s talk about that, like when do you want to do this? And where? Do you want a church? Or wait, can God just marry us? What about--”

“Dean,” Cas interrupts. “We can do it any time and any way you want. I’m fine with it all.”

“No,” Dean protests, causing Castiel to look at him, curiously. “I wanna know what _you_ want.”

Turning his body to face Dean, he takes his hands into his lap and squeezes. “Okay, then I want to get married as soon as possible. Waiting seems pointless, and while there is still much to do about the Darkness, Crowley, I think we should--”

“Done. So how soon. Like this weekend soon? This month?”

He watches Castiel look away, his eyes distant as he appears to be thinking hard about this. When he finally meets Dean’s gaze, he softens and smiles. “How about we plan it for September 18th.”

“Weren’t we gonna use that for your birthday?”

Cas chuckles. “I think having it for our wedding anniversary will be more suitable, don’t you think?”

Dean agrees, enthusiastically because that’s just damn romantic. “Well, it’s the day you brought me back to life, so… yeah, I can dig it.”

“And the day we met. It’s still true, you know. What happened in Heaven, well, the time there is different. Much like Hell, it passes faster, or slower, depending on your viewpoint. So in your human timeframe, I rescued you, healed you, and resurrected you all in the same day.”

“Well then it’s settled. September 18th, 2015. That’s uh, two months away.”

“I don’t want a church thing, unless you do. I mean, I don’t really care,” Cas tells him, blushing. Dean smiles as he leans in for another kiss because this side of Castiel is just so damn adorable.

“Nah, church weddings are overrated and I ain’t really the religious type.”

Castiel’s eyes widen. “Oh, how about at that lake, the one you used to like to go with with your dad. The one I saw in your dream that time I--”

“That’s in Lawrence, and yeah, okay,” Dean grins. “That’ll be perfect, Cas. It’s nice there, calm, and not many people go there.”

It sounds amazing in his head but he’s also giddy from this conversation. They’re actually planning on where to have a wedding, like real people do. Him and Cas, two people who are not even close to being normal, are about to do a very normal thing together and it’s kind of awesome.

They can be like everyone else. They can have a nice romantic wedding on a lake, like real couples do. They can exchange vows, and rings, and even have a party afterwards. This, he can handle. This is something they deserve.

They’re kissing is interrupted by knocking on his door. Dean calls out for whoever it is to come in, the door swings open and Sam stands there, out of breath and flushed. “Guys, we need you out here. There’s something you both need to see.”

Great, more crap and Dean shoots a look at Cas, almost like a ‘see, our lives suck’ but then he retracts it, not wanting to bring up that baby thing again, or rub it in his face. That’s the last thing he needs from Dean.

They race out, following Sam and the whole time, Dean feels his stomach in his throat. They make it to the main room and Dean freezes.

“Congratulations!” The guys shout. There’s a large banner hanging above the door that says just that, and the table before them is covered with plates of hors d'oeuvres, a cooler full of beer, bowls of chips, and even a huge cake in the middle with his and Cas’ name on it.

“We figured you guys needed some kind of engagement party right?” Sam says, hugging a still startled Dean. Music is now blaring out from the speakers, and Dean grins.

“When did you get all this?”

“Last night when you guys went to bed. We all went together, stayed up planning it out, so that’s why we slept in so late today. Gabriel actually made that cake, by the way.”

Gabriel grins, proudly. “Yup. Didn’t even use my angel powers.”

“This is awesome,” Dean grins and then glances at Castiel, whose face is beaming.

“Thank you, guys,” Castiel says.

“Ain’t no thing,” Gabriel picks up a wing from the bucket of Buffalo wings sitting there, “but a chicken wing.”

Dean rolls his eyes and pats his back. “You guys are awesome.”

After almost finishing that box of wings, Dean takes a seat and quietly watches the scene around him. It’s pretty unbelievable that they are actually celebrating his and Cas’ engagement, a wedding they had just announced the date for. So they will have to refrain from the whole baby making business and he’s suddenly aware that this discussion isn’t over.

Will they ever be able to have sex again? Or will they need to figure out a way for this not to happen? Cas’ grace has been dormant all these years in him, so this could never have happened before their trip to Atlantis, so maybe there’s a way to de-activate it.

No risk of a child happening, and it will get rid of that weird energy zapping thing that he really doesn’t care for.

As Elton John's, _Your Song_  begins,  his eyes become glued to Castiel, who is smiling as he talks to Sam. His cheeks, pink with warmth and happiness, his eyes twinkling like the stars in the sky. He can now picture him holding their baby, soothing him or her, singing some angel lullaby as he rocks them to sleep.

Their baby would be in such good hands, have so much love around, so many people to look after him or her. He can see him and Cas, lying in bed on their sides with their baby between them and suddenly, Dean’s heart aches.

He does want this. But as soon as he admits it to himself, he shakes it off before he does something stupid and drags Cas to the bedroom and tells him that as soon as they get his grace back, they’re gonna make a baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so not an mpreg idea but something I have been thinking of for a while now :)


	15. Chapter 15

Dean can’t stop laughing at the news Crowley just told him. He should be serious about this. After all, this meeting was supposed to entail Dean getting what he needed and killing this son of a bitch, but now he just pities him.

It has been weeks since he stole the Hand from them, along with Cas’ grace and he had finally given in to see Dean, after sending the demon a text an hour, leaving countless voicemails and even trying to summon him on occasion. He knew it was only a matter of time before Crowley caved and Dean should feel guilty about it, knowing he’s manipulating him, but all his remorse went out the door the day he screwed them over.

“Why is this so funny to you? Do you have any idea what is going to happen now?”

“I think-- I think you deserve every bit of nasty that comes your way, Crowley. Call it a karmic kick in the ass.”

So Dean was right about one thing, Crowley had no idea how to deal with the Hand of God, and the fact it didn’t even so much as react to him was really no surprise. He thought he could wield something meant for Heaven and right there, Dean wishes his hubris led to his own demise.

He guesses there _is_ a downside, and it’s pretty fucking bad too, that while Crowley tried so desperately to make the thing work, he let Michael and Lucifer out of their cage and the next part didn’t even have to be explained to Dean. It was enough for him to shake his head at the demon’s utter stupidity.

“That thing has power, why didn’t it work?”

“Don’t know, don’t care. What I think is funny is, you were so scared about those archangels getting out under God’s watch, so what do you do? Really Crowley, you’re digressing.”

“Pardon?”

“You’re slipping man. You were so intent on having things your way that you ended up doing exactly what you _didn’t_ want to happen. Are you not seeing the humor in this? ‘Cause I sure as hell am.”

Dean erupts in a hearty laughter again as Gabriel steps up, crossing his arms. “In your defense, we didn’t know it _wouldn’t_ work for you. You must be really rotten to the core.”

Crowley snickers and then his face contorts to a huge smile. “Thank you. And here I thought you were going to insult me, like Dean here.”

“Alright, enough,” Dean says, letting his laughter taper off. “Give me Cas’ grace.”

Without a beat, Crowley hands it to him. Dean wraps his fingers around the vial and grips it tightly as if he’s holding the Holy Grail.  “And now these jackasses have the Hand?”

Crowley nods.

“Great,” Dean says, looking at Gabriel, briefly. “Good job, Crowley. Really,” Dean teases, glaring at the demon.

“Shut up, Dean. What are you going to do now with those rogue angels?”

“We’ll figure it out later. And you won’t be on the list of people to inform, just so you know.”

Crowley rolls his eyes and moves in closer to Dean, Gabriel ready to strike if need be. Dean backs up, but stops when Crowley holds out his hands, surrendering. “I’m not proud of what I’ve done, Dean. But I couldn’t bow down to Chuck… God. He would have come here and destroyed Hell. My Kingdom!”

“Yeah, and?”

“I know you hate me. I have never given you a reason to feel otherwise, but I took the Hand from you because I know how this is all going to end. I don’t think I’ll be faring as well as you lot.”

Dean sighs, crossing his arms. Is he trying to get his sympathy? Really? Now? “I get it, looking after number one. I don’t expect anything less from you, really.” he pauses and softens a bit, against his better judgement. “And I’m looking after my own. The world’s not going to end for us. We will find those winged dicks and get God’s power back. Whatever happens to you, Crowley? I honestly don’t give a rat’s ass.”

“He’s not going to destroy Hell.” Gabriel adds, causing them both to look at him. “He needs Hell. The balance. Good and bad. Light and dark. If you just keep your shit on _your_ side of the playing field, you have nothing to worry about. You pull crap like this? Then I can’t guarantee that he won’t come after you.”

Dean flashes a smug smile to which Crowley just sighs. In a flash, he’s gone and Dean pats Gabriel on the back. “That went well.”

On the drive back, Dean listens to Gabriel’s theories on why the Hand refused to work for Crowley and why Michael having it again is a whole new world of shit they have to deal with now. Dean is really in no mood for another showdown with those douchebags, and he’s now wondering if the Hand gave them back their vessels.

After he asks Gabriel that, he tells him that yes, they would be able to take the image of their former vessels with the kind of power the Hand yields, and even though this is all just really fucking bad, at least they won’t be looking to wear them to the prom again.

Inside, the guys are waiting anxiously, all jumping to their feet as Dean and Gabriel head down the stairs. Chuck is the first one to frown at the fact that there is no Hand in their possession. “So, no go?” he asks them.

Dean pulls the vial with Cas’ grace out of his pocket and holds it up. “One outta two ain’t bad,” he says, handing it to Castiel.

“My grace, he just willingly handed it to you?”

For every plan he’s ever had, Dean will come up with at least three ways it could go wrong, and if that’s the case, three more ways to deal with it. When dealing with supernatural beings, especially demons, he’s well aware how things can go awry at any given time. Whether he’s being lied to, manipulated, or just down right stabbed in the back, it’s expected. To be shocked or surprised is a rookie’s mistake. Never trust anything evil, especially the damn King of Hell.

“Oh, I think you all need to have a seat so I can tell you what kind of crap we’re in now.”

* * *

 

“So you want to watch?” Castiel says, smiling at Dean as he hold his vial in his hands.

“Kinda, yeah,” Dean admits, a little bashfully which is making Cas smile wider at him. He sits up in their bed, wiggling his eyebrows, playfully.

“Well, you can’t. Small explosion, blast of light, and I don’t want to ruin your room.”

Dean falls back on his bed and lets all the air escape his lungs. “Fine, just hurry back.”

He’d be lying if he said that things between them weren't strained ever since that night Cas told him about what the living grace inside of him is capable of. What _they're_ capable of. He’d been worried about turning into some supernatural freak so hearing that all he might be able to do is focus energy of objects, was a relief, but that isn’t what it’s all about at all.

Cas wants a baby. Dean… wants one too but even after he gave Cas his list of reasons why they shouldn’t, it still doesn’t feel resolved. It seems as if Cas is holding this over his head, unconsciously. There’ve been a few times when Dean would go to kiss him goodnight, just for Cas to roll over and turn his back to him. Or he’d be handing him a cup of coffee, only to watch Cas ignore it and turn the kettle on for tea.

It’s little things, and under normal circumstances, he’d chalk it up to Cas just not really paying attention or still getting used to human interactions, which is very likely, if they never had that discussion about having a child, and if he wasn’t 100% sure Cas does want it to happen.

And that’s another reason Dean knows it’s not over, that they will need to talk about this again. Why does Cas want a baby with him so badly? What are his reasons as to how if could work? Dean hasn’t even talked to him about that. Hell, he hasn’t even asked him and as shitty as that sounds - and he knows it does - part of him is worried that all those plausible reasons will be enough for him to be convinced.

Maybe he’s more scared of wanting it than actually going through with it. When Dean wants something bad enough, he tends to ignore all the warning signs as to why it can’t happen. Why it’s not the right choice. Why he’s only thinking of himself.

“I’m back,” Cas says as he enters the bedroom, breaking Dean out of his thoughts.

He looks up at his angel and tries to see the difference in him. This is the first time, he thinks, that he can’t. He just looks like Cas, his lover, his finance, his best friend. This could be a good thing, he’s gotten so used to him, or better yet, he sees him on such a different level now, that whether he has grace or not, it really makes no difference.

“Feel better?”

Castiel shrugs and joins Dean on their bed. “I guess.” He looks down and then lifts his eyes to look at Dean. “This means we can’t have sex anymore, you know that, right?”

Dean’s eyes widen. “Oh no, get that grace out of you right now,” he says, jokingly, failing terribly at concealing a smile, “Gabriel!” he shouts.

“Shh,” Cas says, putting his hand over Dean’s mouth and suddenly reminding him of that day in the green room when Castiel made the decision to help him. Dean remembers thinking, at that moment when he had Dean against the wall and his palm cupped over his mouth, that this was it. He’s a goner. This angel is gonna smite the holy hell out of him.

Instead, he rebelled - fucking rebelled against everything he knew, just to do the right thing. Just to help the Winchesters. Just to help the world, humanity that he had always been told to protect. He’s staring at Cas now, trying to remember how he was back then, and compare him to now. What a long way he’s come. What a long way they’ve both come.

Dean reaches out and runs his fingers through his hair that’s still a mess from the ordeal of putting his grace back into his body. “So where'd you do it?”

“In the dungeon. I figured nothing in there was valuable enough and the chains could withstand my holy energy blast.”

“Good thinking.”

They share a smile as Cas lies his head down on the pillow and closes his eyes. He wonders if he’s wanting to sleep, but that makes no sense since he just got his mojo back. On the other hand, he did force himself to sleep all those weeks in the mansion, and Dean had thought that was a little bittersweet.

An angel who wants to do the things human do.

“I was serious about the sex part, Dean. Until we figure out a way to control… I just can’t guarantee that I won’t get wrapped up in it and let my grace--”

“Yeah, no pulling out, huh?” Dean asks, half joking.

Cas just looks at him, curiously and then exhales. So no sex with his angel, and this is going to suck. He’s positive they’ll find some holy birth control, even though Chuck himself said that there was no real way to prevent Cas from achieving _that_ moment, unless they either abstain from sex or remove Cas’ grace and the latter is not even an option for Dean.

He’s not going to make Cas human just so they can bang, and he’s not even going to ask Castiel what he thinks about that, because it just ain’t happening.

A knock on the door startles them both. Without waiting for Dean to answer, Sam opens it. “We know where they are now.”

Dean sits up, suddenly alert. “Michael and Lucifer?”

“Yeah,” he says as he steps aside and standing beside him is Hannah, still in the male vessel. He looks at Dean first and then Cas, offering a small smile.

“Hannah?” Castiel says, sliding off of the bed.

“Castiel,” he says sternly and then turns to Dean. “And Dean. I wish our reunion was under better circumstances but, it seems the Archangels have returned to Heaven, and it’s making the angels uncomfortable.”

“Ya think?” Dean scoffs.

“Let’s take this out in the main room.” Cas extends his hand for Dean as he pulls him off the bed and waits for Sam and Hannah to agree before they all head out to the war room, where Chuck and Gabriel are seated.

“So, you met God already then,” Dean says to Hannah, and he nods.

As they all take their seats, Hannah speaks, only looking at Castiel. “I’m deeply sorry for everything that has happened, Castiel. I wish--”

“That you guys even picked up a damn book? Realized that nothing Castiel did was against Heaven or you dickbags?” Dean snaps, causing Cas to reach under the table and squeeze his hand.

“Dean--” his angel says.

“No, Cas. They punished you for things that were supposed to happen anyway. Didn’t you tell me that God wanted you to cure me of the mark? Didn't you tell me that humans and angels together were not frowned upon and only that asshole, Michael made everyone think that it was wrong?”

“Yes, but--”

“We were misguided,” Hannah interrupts. “We are _still_ misguided. God left, Michael took over, Raphael, Naomi, and then Metatron, of all people. I’ve been doing my best to maintain order up there, but the angels are very much set in their ways. Millenia, Dean - eons, they have been taught one way, and one way only.”

He pauses and turns to Chuck. “If we can somehow make it better up there… we need you.”

Chuck frowns. “You don’t need me. You need to remember what I created. What I taught. Michael steered you all away from that.”

“So what are they doing now?” Sam asks, bringing them all back to the main reason Hannah is here.

“Nothing,” Hannah answers. “They’re just waiting. For God,” he says now looking at Chuck again. “They want their father.”

“Michael had stolen my Hand the first time he ejected me from Heaven.” He looks at Cas briefly before turning his attention back on Hannah. “I didn’t want to leave my home, my children. Not permanently.”

He wonders what Michael and Lucifer could possibly want to say to Chuck. Maybe rub in his face that they got out, that they have the Hand? That they will rule Heaven and keep God out of it?

“Well, Chuck is staying right here, he’s not--”

“I’ll go,” Chuck interrupts and all eyes land on him.

“What?” Sam asks him, in his breathy tone that he reserves for when he’s completely surprised.

“I’ll go talk to them, but on one condition.”

Hannah eyes him, excitedly. “Yes, what?”

“They leave everyone down here alone. I don’t want them messing with the Winchesters, Castiel, anyone.”

They all watch Hannah nod and they show him out so he can deliver God’s message. As they all wait outside the bunker for him, Cas approaches Chuck, a world of worry on his face. “How do you know they will meet, peacefully. With the Hand, there’s no telling what they have planned.”

“I know,” Chuck says. “But as much as this sucks, we only have one chance at defeating the Darkness. We have to all learn to play nice or else every single person, angel, demon, on this earth and in between will perish.”

“You’re God!,” Dean snaps, causing all eyes to land on him. “Hand or no Hand, tell those dicks to stand down and give you back your power.”

“If it was that easy, Dean,” Chuck says, frowning.

Hannah is back in no time and without another word from either of them, Chuck disappears with him. There’s a certain chill in the air, and Dean’s pretty sure everyone can feel it. This meeting, whatever’s going to happen, hangs on the slim chance those archangels are going to cooperate.

As they head back inside, Castiel takes hold of Dean’s hand and pulls him back to wait for the others to go ahead. Dean looks at him, studying his current expression and can’t for the life of him, figure out if Cas is worried or just plain pissed.

“I don’t trust them,” he finally says after a long pause. “This may be a trap.”

Dean nods. It sure as hell _can_ be but is there anything either of them can do about it? “If they screw us over, they’re not getting out of his alive, either. They’d be real stupid to fight with us on this, Cas.”

“Agreed. Michael, as narcissistic as he may be, is not suicidal. Lucifer on the other hand, probably doesn’t care either way.”

This puts a small smile on his angel’s face. Inside, the mood is somber, as everyone sits around the table, waiting for Chuck’s return. Dean’s starting to feel his stomach in knots, with every breath, he shakes, but hoping Cas doesn't pick up on it.

Truth of the matter is, this may all go terribly wrong, and then they will all have nothing left but to submit to these Belial, the Darkness and let them swallow them whole. It’s pointless to think they even have a chance without God at full power. It’s equally wasteful to spend time looking through those Atlantean books.

They didn’t fight the Darkness, they fought another kind of plague. This battle, the one they are facing now is pre biblical. This force had been here before the dawn of time. It took God and his four archangels to beat it back, lock it up with what would become the mark of Cain. And now they’re all sitting ducks, their fates in the hands of two of those archangels that have been locked up in a damn cage in Hell.

A cage that they had all put them in…

“Guys, check this out,” Sam says, as he slams a book down on the table, causing Gabriel to almost jump out of his seat. “I didn’t even think about checking til now, but the whole idea of creating that mark as a key isn’t new. In fact, it’s been done before... with other things.”

Dean pears over to look at the drawing of what looks like the mark of Cain, but slightly different. “Why wouldn’t Chuck have mentioned that?”

“Guess it doesn’t matter. I mean, he still can’t pull it off alone, even if he does make a new mark, which, by the way, sounds like a really bad idea, don't you think?” Sam raises his eyebrows at Dean who just sits back and blows air between this lips.

“Yeah, ain’t no one deserving of that shit.”

“But,” Sam smiles, a look of pride all over his face as he picks up the book and turns the page. “If the person with the mark is killed, like for good, the thing which is behind the key also dies. For good.”

“That didn’t happen when I offed Cain…”

“That's because you still had the mark. God made this key really complicated. The bearer can’t die, the bearer can only die by the first blade, at the hand of someone else with the mark… it--”

“Actually, it’s what God wants it to be,” a deep voice says behind them.

They turn around to see Lucifer, Michael, and Chuck standing at the threshold. Lucifer leans against the frame, his arms crossed, smirking at Sam. “Hello, again.”

He’s not sure what he’s feeling right now, as it seems the entire room has gone silent, and all he can hear is the pounding of his heart, strong and loud in his chest. With a quick glance at Sam, he sees all the color fade from his cheeks. He looks at Dean and his eyes grow wide.

“Chuck?” Dean says, moving closer to Sam.

_Of all the stupidest ideas…_

“It’s okay. We’ve come to an agreement. I think it’s safe to say that we can actually do this.”

Chuck moves to the center of the room as the archangels stand back. Gabriel is scurrying off to the bookshelves trying his hardest not to make eye contact with them, and Dean figures that’s a whole new family drama he doesn’t care to know about.

“Gabriel. Free all this time. How are you?” Michael asks him, a hint of a condescending tone.

“So you bring them here?” Dean asks (more like shouts). “Are you fucking kidding me?”

He looks Michael straight in the eyes and even though he's the image of his half brother, Adam, he can sense the ancient power inside of him. Just like he did when he possessed a younger version of his dad. Dean is Michael’s true vessel. There’s a connection there, but Dean wants nothing to do with it.

“I’ve stripped them of their grace, they have no angelic powers until we need them for battle,” Chuck says, words causing both archangels to scoff. “They're also warded from using any kind of magic. So you guys can relax. I have my power back and they’re just human. For now.”

“And that reminds me, what do you guys have to eat around here?” Lucifer asks, playfully.

Dean scowls at him, turning his attention to Castiel who is watching, blankly. Michael takes a seat in the chair near Chuck and laces his fingers together in front of him. “We’re actually here to help. Getting out of that damn cage was the only way we could, and Dad here was going to do it anyway.”

“Is that supposed to make us feel better?” Dean snaps.

“No. But it’s the truth. We’ve gone against this before. We know how to fight it. You don’t. You guys…” he looks at Sam. “You're both good at what you do, but this battle is way out of your league.”

“Right. Whatever,” Dean says turning his back to them.

As much as he hates to admit it, Michael is right. They do need him and his deranged brother, because if God can’t pull this off himself, Team Free Will can only offer so much in the form of help. Sure, Dean’s taken down angels, demons, knights of Hell, but this Darkness is a whole new level of evil and if putting up with these guys is the only way to ensure that they still have a world to live in tomorrow, then so be it.

This is going to be a long night and already Dean is dreading having to even be in the same room as these guys. At least Cas has his grace back, Chuck has his Hand back, and these two dicks are powerless. Still, he figures staying out of their way, or rather making sure they stay out of his would be the best way to deal with this.

Bright side: they actually have a shot at defeating the Darkness now and he’s never felt more hopeful to finally having a resolution to the crap they’ve been dealing with. After spending two years with that damn mark, and now all these months running away from the evil that was unleashed from it, this is the farthest they’ve come to actually having a silver lining. It’s not taking them a year or two to get a plan together. This hasn’t spiraled too much out of control to where the possibility of them winning is low. No. They have a chance. A real chance. And when he looks at Castiel, he realizes that there is no reason why their lives have to stop, or not flourish.

There’s a future now.  A real future. And he knows exactly how he wants to spend it.

* * *

 

Sam is in the kitchen, preparing food and he has no idea how he’s being so positive through all of this. Gabriel is sitting in the library, burying his face in a book, avoiding his brothers at all costs. Chuck and Lucifer are talking at the far end of the table. Dean is locked away in his room, also avoiding their new guests, and Castiel is stuck with Michael, who has been trying to have a civil conversation with him.

He doesn’t hate Michael. Castiel doesn’t hate anybody. He understands mistakes, regrets, hubris, for he has been down that road before. He knows what it feels like to want it all, to have it all, or to think it in his own mind. He’s felt corruption, he’s delivered unwarranted punishment, and has gone as far to even call himself God.

Whether he was being influenced by the many souls of monsters, all of which he consumed to have that kind of power to begin with, it is neither here nor there. Those were his choices, his decisions that led him to that disaster. His own will, _free will_ , that made the deal with Crowley, and lied to the Winchesters. The last thing Castiel wants to be is a hypocrite, but looking at Michael now, he can’t help but feel the anger he’s been holding onto all these years.

Using Castiel like he did, to sway the brothers into doing what he wanted. Castiel was a pawn, a mere piece of a plan to bring about the apocalypse, to rid the world of his brother, and take down the world with it. Michael didn’t have sympathy for humanity. He didn’t care what happened to them, as long as Heaven was fixed and his brother, Lucifer was dead. A showdown he had orchestrated since he banned God from his own home.

“If you stare at that lamp any harder, you might break it,” Michael jokes.

Castiel raises his eyes and sighs at his older brother. _Brother._ Such a weird term to be using for him. For any angel, actually, when he’s felt nothing but detachment from all of them. “When do we make our move against the Darkness. Has Chuck mentioned anything?”

Keeping it business.

“He’s waiting for the shock to settle down, I think. I know you guys don’t want us here. I can’t blame you,” he says, sitting back in his chair.

“You’re right. We don’t.” Castiel looks away, ignoring Michael’s burning glare. He doesn’t owe him anything. He doesn’t have to be polite, or offer him fake enthusiasm. It’s not even the fact that Michael did what he did to Heaven, it’s that he put Cas through hell. The worst part was, Castiel had believed all the lies he told the brothers that year. He honestly did think he was doing God’s work. On his righteous path. Being the good little soldier he was supposed to be.

And God or no God, with Michael taking the reigns, and when Castiel finally learned what he had planned, his world shattered.

But whatever reasons he was led to rebel, or become a part of the Winchester’s hunting circle, he doesn’t care. This is where he belongs and just thinking of his green eyed Dean, nothing can make him want to change the course of actions that led him to where he is now.

“I thought I was doing what I was supposed to, Castiel. I was delusional, thinking that my sole purpose in life was to end Lucifer. I didn’t care what it took, who got hurt along the way, I felt it was my mission. My duty.”

Castiel sighs, struggling not to punch him in the face. “God has punished, wiped the slate clean, unleashed holy wrath on humanity before. But you…” he pauses, unsure if he even wants to be having this conversation but he continues, anyway. “You manipulated, betrayed, lied. You tried to play God and missed the whole point.”

He cringes. He didn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to scold Michael for something that he did himself. It’s wrong. Before he can tell him that he rather not discuss this, Michael, says, “I know that now. After Lucifer… you know he was the strongest, God’s first lieutenant. When he left, and I took over, I just kept feeling like I needed to live up to that title. It was always, 'Lucifer’s place', 'Lucifer’s old job', and I felt like I had been second choice. I wanted my own identity, my own spot in God’s army, not just to be Lucifer’s replacement.”

Castiel makes eye contact with him. “You, Michael, _did_ have your own place. You are known to Heaven, Hell, and Earth as the Archangel who banished evil, cast Lucifer out of Heaven. You are known as a hero, beyond any other angel. The one and only archangel that people pray to for protection from the devil. That’s quite a place, Michael.” He looks down, shaking his head. “Too bad you couldn’t be happy with it.”

Michael looks at Castiel, warmly and with a slight surprise in his eyes. It’s good to be having this talk - he guesses - with his corrupt older brother, and as apprehensive as he was about it, he’s glad to have gotten it off of his chest.

“Food’s on,” Sam says to Cas, and only Cas.

“Oh good, I’m starving,” Michael chimes after flashing a forced smile.

“Not for you, dick,” Sam retorts, making Castiel snicker.

He doesn’t look at the archangel as he rises to his feet and heads to the kitchen. Dinner is an unusual event tonight, having two additions that nobody really wants, and Dean isn’t there, as he is refusing to leave him room. He kept telling Cas that he, “didn’t want to talk about it,” but he’s pretty sure this whole strange circumstance is rubbing him the wrong way.

Or the right way. He _should_ be bothered. Uncomfortable. Castiel cannot blame him. 

 

* * *

 

“It’s chicken Parmesan, garlic bread, and a side of salad,” Castiel says, holding a tray with tonight’s dinner on it, for Dean. Castiel knew he couldn't let his hunter go hungry and since he wasn't leaving his room, Castiel would bring dinner to him.

Seeing Dean like this isn't at all surprising, as Castiel remembers full well what those archangels put him through that year. Of all the struggles he had to witness the brothers go through, that year, he believes, was the hardest. 

Dean, after being rescued from Hell - a damnation he did not deserve, followed by unleashing Lucifer onto the earth, learning they were the vessels for the archangel showdown, otherwise known as the apocalypse. It had been the one time he saw Dean let it go. He let his brother make the ultimate sacrifice and even Castiel at that point was a little surprised. He's aware of the codependency the brothers seem to have, and he is no one to judge, for he did not have that upbringing. 

But even with Dean struggling to hold onto everything near and dear to him, he let his brother go.

Dean lifts his nose, sniffing and agrees to take it from him, only to scrape off the salad into the trash. “Thanks, Cas.”

Castiel joins him on the bed and sits, cross legged, facing him. He was going to wait until he was finished eating to talk about the two giant elephants in the room, but he decides now is a better time than any.

“I don’t like them here, either.”

Dean shovels a forkful of chicken into his mouth, followed by an aggressive bite of bread. He nods, chewing with his mouth open. “I get it, I do,” he says, then pauses to actually finish chewing and swallow. “Doesn’t mean I have to be around them, is all.”

“This is your home, Dean. If anything, they should be the ones holed up in room, out of sight. I suggested the dungeon. Chuck won’t hear it.”

“Yeah, well, I just hope this doesn’t bite us in the ass. Let’s not forget all the damn stuff in this place: spell ingredients, books...”

He’s right. It’s so risky, Castiel isn’t sure if he should just lock them up themselves, screw what God says about it. But then Dean says, “I don’t trust them, I never will, but they _are_ powerless, and God warded them from being able to perform magic. I hate to look at gift horse in the mouth but--”

“It’s a good thing?” Cas interrupts.

Dean nods. “Yeah. I’m feeling - like the first time in years - that we actually have a chance at winning something.” He takes another bite of his chicken and smiles wide for Cas.

“Yes, me too,” he agrees, quietly.

He watches Dean finish all of his food and remove the tray from his lap. He takes this opportunity to crawl up beside him and lay his head down across his thighs, gripping one hand to his hip. “We may beat it, Dean. This may all be over soon.”

He feels Dean’s fingers on his scalp, playfully tangling them in his hair, curling it around in circles, then gently caressing him. He could fall asleep like this if he didn’t have his mojo right now. “Can I ask you something?”

Castiel nods, squeezing him and nuzzling his lap. Dean takes a deep breath before saying, “Why do you want a kid?”

He can sense Dean freezing as his hands stop touching his head. Cas turns over, his head still resting in Dean’s lap, and looks up at his hunter. “Why do you want to know?”

“Curious. I gave you all the reasons why we shouldn't but I never heard _your_ reasons as to why we should.”

He blinks a few times and swallows the ball of nerves that has moved from his stomach to his throat. “I just think it would be a beautiful miracle. A chance of a lifetime.”

“And that’s it? Just because it can’t happen again?”

“No,” he shakes his head. “Because it _can_ happen with you. I imagine -- I thought about all those times we talked about the future we want: a house, child, and I just think it would be something amazing. I guess when you love someone as much as I love you, the thought of being able to share a miracle like that with you is beyond words.”

Dean doesn’t smile or frown, he just stares down at Castiel with a certain warmth that he sees only when Dean is around those he loves. “It would be, Cas but--”

“I know. This discussion is over. We have moved past this. I’m moving on,”

“But is it? Are you? Because I still feel like you’re giving me the cold shoulder.”

“As I lay with my head on your lap?” Castiel smiles.

_Have I been cold to Dean? If I have, I did not realize it._

“Not now, obviously but lately, just little things.”

Castiel sits up and turns to face Dean. “I’m sorry. If I have been this way, it’s unintentional. I assure you.”

Dean smiles as he pulls Cas close to him, pressing his lips firmly to his. “Good,” he says, coming up for air. “So… we can still fool around right? You just can’t… inside me?”

He feels his pants tighten as Dean says that, his eyes wild with mischief and lust. “Or you me. Just in case. This includes,” Castiel reddens, “mouths as well.”

Dean reaches for his belt and undoes it with a quick gesture and is soon sliding his hand down Castiel’s pants. “Then you’ll just have to come somewhere else,” he says with a wink before moving his mouth to Castiel’s neck.

Having Dean like this, touching him the way he does, kissing him, bringing him over the edge, is also a miracle. Every time they’re together, Castiel remembers how lucky he is. How blessed to have someone love him as much as Dean does, and to be able to love him back equally. True love is probably the most popular idea to humans, and yet so rare to actually have it. And when they can just stop for a moment, look into each other’s eyes, and whisper, “I love you,” well, that is the most extraordinary thing Castiel has ever experienced.


	16. Chapter 16

“And that’s the plan,” Chuck says, crossing his arms and smiling at them.

Dean glances at Sam, briefly while shaking his head. He knows all about rash decisions, planning attacks in a hurry, but this takes the cake. Chuck wants them all, and he means _all_ of them to jump into the belly of the beast to take it down.

The fact that it has to be done is why no one is at all surprised that tomorrow is the day. The more time they wait, the stronger this immoral force becomes and so there really is no other option. Dean has to admit that this is all so sudden, and he feels like he had no time to prepare, mentally. He’s usually the one to come up with the plan of attack, and now it’s God…

He watches Chuck give them the play by play of tomorrow’s showdown and he’s still taken aback at how this is actually God, friggin God, who has been living with them, eating with them, and now is about to go into battle with them.

The angels’ job is to distract the Belial while Dean and Sam recite a number of spells to hopefully weaken them and then if all that works, Chuck beats those dark angels back, once again, and throws away the key, or in this case, makes a new damn mark. Sure, sounds easy. And by easy he means, suicidal.

“Let me get this straight, you plan on sealing up the Darkness like you did before? With a damn key?”

He nods. “Yes, and I’ll modify it this time. There won’t be any way of releasing it.”

Sam clears his throat. “Why didn’t you just do that before?”

“That’s actually my fault,” Lucifer adds. “I didn’t want something that... permanent and when I found out that I couldn't remove it, I transfered it. Yeah, I know what a mistake that was, but hey, I was young, foolish…”

“You were evil, Lucifer. Still are,” Sam snaps.

“Well, I’ll be the one sporting the good ole mark again.”

Dean and Sam share a look before Sam glares at Chuck. “Him?”

“Okay, enough, guys,” Chuck interrupts. “This is what we gotta do to make it work. I trust you guys will pull through. In fact I know you will.”

“And if we don’t?” Dean asks, eyebrows raised. Cas squeezes his hand and as usual, it helps him settle down a bit. He’s all for doing this but they’re going against the damn Darkness and from what Dean’s been told, the first time was nearly impossible.

“Then at least we tried,” Chuck says, smiling sheepishly.

Castiel rises from his chair and let’s go of Dean’s hand. “Stop being Chuck. Be God. Be our father!”

Dean looks up at his angel and is as surprised at his outburst as is the rest of the room. He moves to take Cas’ hand but he jerks it away from him. “I don’t want Sam and Dean in any kind of danger. They should not be a part of this,” Cas finishes.

“Woah, there Cas. You think we asked them to be?” Gabriel defends.

Castiel glares down at Dean and he figures he needs to speak up before this gets out of hand. There was no way Dean would accept benching it. Not this fight. No way. “Y-yeah, we insisted, Cas. Sam and I. I released the damn thing, I should--”

“I released it. Me. You did nothing wrong, Dean.”

Dean stands. “Yeah, well I got the damn mark in the first place!” Dean’s voice is louder than he expected, so he bites down on his bottom lip and breathes slowly to calm his nerves. “I’m in this. Can we not have this discussion, now?”

It’s funny how they seem to always go back and forth, neither one wanting the other involved in something that can get them hurt, or worse: dead. Neither one willing to back down either. They were meant for this. This is their fight, and if they don’t all come out if it, then so be it.

Sure, Dean doesn’t want to die, and he sure as hell wants Cas to survive this, but there’s no guarantee in life. There never is in their line of work. What is so different now? Of course he knows what’s different. They’re in love. They’re together. So much is at stake now, and losing either one will be like ripping out a piece of them.

But even as they all stand in that room, arguing, he knows that this is the plan. This is what they’re all going to have to pull off. There’s nothing left, and now that they have God, and his archangels, he doesn’t see any other way to do this.

God is strong but the Darkness is equally as strong and it gathers its forces, gaining power each day they don’t do anything to stop it. Chuck warns them that this will be a hell of a fight, but either way, whether they lose or do nothing, the Darkness will destroy everything. Everyone. So going after it is what they’ll have to do.

“And I’m calling upon Heaven, as disgussed with Hannah. He’ll gather his forces and meet us on the battlefield.”

“And they’re helping with the Belial?” Cas asks.

Chuck nods. “Yes, The more the better, ‘cause I can’t even imagine how many there are now.”

Dean takes a seat as Chuck finalizes their plans, focusing a lot on him and Sam and the spells they’ll be reciting - all in enochian, but he’s made translations for them, thankfully. Chuck believes that with the living grace inside Dean, he’ll be able to channel Heaven’s power while reciting the spells, and that is either making him feel really useful, or scaring him to death.

He just hopes he doesn’t explode or anything. He also wants to make sure nothing happens to the grace because he made up his mind about what he wants, what he wants his future to be, and as he glances as Cas, he smiles knowing the night he has planned for them.

This may be their last night on earth, and Dean wants to make sure that he and Cas have some quality time, alone. He has it all ready to go in his head and he really can’t wait to see the look on his angel’s face tonight.

Dean has a strong romantic streak in him and he loves that he can utilize it with Castiel. That side of him had been asleep for so long, in and out of one nighters with faceless women, being able to show Cas what he’s really all about, thrills him. Because his angel deserves everything. All the love, warmth, romance he’s ever wanted.

After Chuck finishes going over the last minute details, everyone disperses. He follows Sam to the kitchen and sits down at the table as he watches his little brother grab a beer. When he notices Dean is in the room with him, he reaches for a second one.

“So, you think this plan is as crazy as I do?” Sam asks him, as he opens the beer and hands a bottle to Dean.

He nods. “Yeah, but aren’t they always?”

Sam chuckles and takes a seat. “I can’t believe this is actually happening. Like a real holy war, right in our backyard.”

“Figures you’d be fanboying about this,” Dean says with a smirk.

He stares at Sam, almost envying his optimism. His little boy grin, wide eyes, and his excitement about what they’re about to be faced with tomorrow, and he sees that young kid again, his little brother who would beg Dean to go on hunts, and when he and Dad finally let him, how elated he was.

They’d get back to the motel, Dad covered in blood, Dean carrying in the knives and blades so that they can clean them, and there was Sam, jumping around, spazzing out that he got to see his dad and brother kill a vampire, or werewolf, or whatever else they hunted that night.

He wanted to keep Sam out of this life for so long but once he was in it, he never wanted him to leave. There have been very few people in Dean’s life that he’s hung onto as tightly as he does to his brother. But this attachment has also led to horrible and selfish decisions on Dean’s part, and he’s glad now that they’ve both reached a point in their lives that saving the world is all that matters.

If Dean should die tomorrow, or Sam, at least they died doing what they’re good at - what they were born to do. Then again, if God does beat this, won’t he just bring them back to life? And there’s a thought that now has Dean chuckling.

“I mean, sure, it’s dangerous but if we win, Dean… we may be righting all our wrongs here.”

Dean snaps his head back after taking a sip of his beer. “What do you mean? Haven’t we made up for all the crap we’ve done in the past already? Saving people is our job, Sam.”

“Yeah, I know, and don’t get me wrong but didn’t it always feel… not enough?”

He sighs, thinking about that for a moment. Of course it never felt enough. All the good they’ve done, seemed to never measure up to the bad. This last one, well, this one beats all the crap they’ve been responsible for. From unleashing Lucifer, to refusing to let Sam close the gates of Hell, to this… their ‘bad’ seems to be on a whole new level of rotten.

But this time, it’s not about saving each other, refusing to let the other go, this is about the world and saving every damn thing in it.

“I’ll tell you one thing, after this is all over, I’m done.”

Sam quirks a brow. “With hunting?”

“No, with making rash decisions. Next time something goes south, we discuss it. You, me, Cas. No more of this, ‘taking on the burdens, alone’ crap.”

“Good idea.” Sam smiles and raises his beer. “Plus, we need to survive this. You and Cas have a wedding to throw.” Sam cracks a side smile as he takes a swig of his beer.

They spend the next fifteen minutes talking about the year they had, discussing plans for the future, what Sam would like to do when this is all said and done, and Dean promises he won’t make fun of him for wanting to track down more Atlantis records, which also means, tracking down more Men of Letters’ lairs.

Although that could be kind of fun: combing the country for some hidden bunkers, which could potentially have even more secrets to unveil. Of course by the excited look on Sam’s face, he really does want his little nerdy brother to find more information on what really went down there. More spells to be learned, more people to read about.

After a few moments of silence, his Sam leans in, looking around the room, suspiciously. “So, I wired the speakers to the roof, for your… thing tonight,” Sam whispers.

Dean smiles. “Thanks Sam. I just need you to distract Cas so I can do some last minute stuff.” He rises. “Oh, you know where the air mattress is?”

He points. “Yeah, in the closet next to the camping gear.”

“Awesome,” Dean grins as he heads out of the kitchen.

“Wait Dean,” Sam calls out. Dean stops and turns to face him. “Have a nice time tonight.”

He smiles at his little brother and nods. “Thanks, Sammy.”

The entire night has been planned out and to avoid suspicion, Dean will make sure it will be any regular night, as much as a night before an insane battle could be. The plan is to have a movie night with the group (and yes, Lucifer and Michael may join if they want - despite both Sam and Dean dreading the idea), dinner will be chinese take out because neither one is in the mood to cook tonight, and when everyone is ready to call it a night, Dean and Cas will have their special date and he really can’t wait for it.

It’s bittersweet to think that they may not all make it tomorrow. That this could very well be it. But as soon as that thought begins to invade his mind, he shakes it off, refusing to get depressed, because this night has to be special. It has to be full of hope.

* * *

 

 

Castiel wasn’t sure he could sit through another Lord of the Rings marathon, but he did and now that’s it’s over, he’s glad. There were many things he caught this time, many things that he related to -  this whole fight between good and evil, good winning when they least expected it.

He’s worried about tomorrow. This is the big end, the final showdown. They’ll either beat back the Darkness, or die trying, and if they don’t succeed, the world will go down with them.

But tonight is the last night of planning, of trying to come up with the best possible strategy, and while having his fallen brothers with him, it’s also a very strange one. Dean had kept talking about the last night on earth, enjoy it, make the best of it, but Cas is finding it a little hard to do that with Michael and Lucifer so close.

What's even weirder about tonight is the fact they were watching these movies with the rest of them. When Michael began his commentary during the second part, everyone had to silence him, and on any other night, Castiel would have been giggling, but tonight, he is full of nerves and fear.

He’s seen his fair share of battle, fought in many wars before, but nothing like this. Nothing this huge. But this time, he’s fighting with God, his father that he had never even met before. All the conflict and supposed holy missions Castiel had been involved with prior, were always “God’s command” but he never actually saw God command anything.

Now they will be together in what may very well be the their last fight ever.

He has no idea where Dean ran off to. He said something about having to do some repairs on his car, which he really found odd, seeing as they may not even need that car after tomorrow. Still, he figures this is how Dean copes with stress. He fixes things he knows he can, because everything else is just out of his control.

This fight tomorrow, their victory, is in the hands of chance.

He jumps when he feels a slight vibration in his pocket because he had forgotten all about the cell phone Dean had given him when they returned from Atlantis. Reaching for it, he pulls it out and swipes the front to see a notification for a new message.

Castiel isn’t quite sure who would be messaging him, or who even has this number and as he opens it, he sees it’s from Dean.

 **_“Meet me on the roof”_** it says and Cas smiles as he puts the phone down. He forgot that the bunker has an actual roof, one that is nice and flat, and Dean had begged Sam for ages to be able to do something with it, make it a grilling spot, put tables, chairs, and Sam always warning him that it was too risky. They’d be too exposed.

He rises from the chair he’d been sitting in for the last half hour ( thanks to Sam begging him to read something on one of the High priests of Atlantis), and heads to the stairs. Outside the front door is a winding staircase that leads right to the roof, and as he climbs up, he swears he hears music. Once he reaches the top, the sight leaves him breathless.

Dean is there, sitting atop what looks like a bed - some mattress he threw down, covered with soft blankets and pillows. There’re candles lit and white christmas lights hanging off the walls and ledge. The music is coming from two speakers set in the back, and if Castiel has to guess, Sam must have helped with this. He smiles at Dean who is grinning back at him.

“What’s this?” the angel asks him as he joins him on the mattress.

Dean flashes a sly smile and brings him in for a kiss. “Last night on earth…”

“Yes, but wouldn’t you want to be spending it with your brother as well?”

Castiel rests back against the pillows, allowing his body to sink into the mattress. Looking up at the sky, he had forgotten how clear it was in this part of Kansas. Dean is lying back as well, taking Cas’ hand in his.

“Well, I was with him, now I’m with you.”

If he had to choose what his last night would be, this would be it. Lying here with Dean, under a sky full of stars, low music in the background, which Castiel now recognizes as Barry White - an album he remembers seeing around the bunker at some point.

He had imagined many times what it would be like if he and Dean were together before going into a dangerous battle. Many times they had fought together and all those times Castiel wasn’t sure either one would come out of it. He had always wanted to wrap Dean in his arms, tell him how much he loved him, before seeing him off.

Even that day at Stull Cemetery, when Cas knew there was a very low chance at his own survival, he wished he and Dean could have had a moment together before encountering the very angry Michael and Lucifer.

And then he was gone. And then he wasn’t.

“So, is this okay?” Dean asks him.

Cas turns to kiss him, nodding enthusiastically. “Of course.” He looks around. “You did all this?”

“I did,” he grins. “Sam helped with the music, though.”

“Ah, yes, he’s good at that.” He snuggles in closer to Dean as the hunter wraps an arm around him. “It’s a beautiful night as well. Look at all those stars.”

He feels Dean kiss the top of his head. “Yeah. Look at that.”

Castiel thinks he could lie here forever with Dean, in his close embrace, feeling his warmth, his love surrounding him. No matter what happens tomorrow, they have tonight, they have right now, and he understands why Dean went through all this trouble.

And they have the sweet memories of these last few months. Finally giving into to how they feel, experiencing mind blowing intimacy, falling even deeper in love (if that's even possible), Dean asking him to marry him, their heartwarming fantasies of their life together.

He has the vivid memory of Dean telling him he loves him, for the first time, and how Dean couldn’t stop saying it after that. All the wonderful and tender moments that he wouldn’t trade for the world are still very much alive in his heart and mind.

“It’s weird, going into battle tomorrow with Lucifer and Michael. I never thought in a million years, that I’d be actually fighting alongside them.”

Castiel nods. He wonders what will become of his brothers if they do win. He’s pretty sure God won’t allow them to remain as archangels. They won’t be sent back to the cage, though. He will probably keep them human, warded against using magic, left to live the rest of their days with humanity.

It’s not a terrible future, and in fact, Castiel would love to do the same, with Dean. Being an angel is great but growing old with Dean is better. Dean doesn’t know the truth about his grace, and what would have happened if they had decided to have a child. It’s not like Cas didn’t want to tell him the truth: that not only would the small amount of grace be taken from Dean in the process, but Cas’ grace would be exhumed as well, rendering him human. He didn’t mention it because he wanted to know Dean’s real feelings about having a baby, without knowing how it would have affected Cas.

Dean is sliding to his side, taking Cas’ face in his hands, kissing him, softly. When he opens his eyes, he smiles at him, and it causes the angel’s heart to flutter. It’s amazing to feel these things as an angel as well - these human feelings, desires, it’s overwhelming.

“There’s a reason I did all this tonight, Cas.”

“Last night on--”

“I mean, yeah that, but I also wanted to talk.”

Castiel swallows, unsure where this is headed. He doesn’t want to talk about all the reasons why they can’t have a child, or what will happen if one of them dies tomorrow, or anything that will spoil this mood he’s in. Dean went through a lot of trouble to make a very romantic night for them, and ruining it by an uncomfortable topic of discussion is such a terrible idea.

He watches Dean turn his face to the sky and smile. “You see all those stars?”

Cas nods, raising a brow, but then he gazes at the sky as well. Dean continues, “When I look at them, all I can think of is… what if that could be our child, growing inside a star bed just for us? Like one of those tiny specks of light could be our baby.”

“Dean--”

He points. “Like that one there, look how bright it is.”

Cas looks up and admits to himself that he’s a little confused. They never made a child, therefore it can’t be… but aside from the bewildering topic, the sky _is_ beautiful tonight and lying here with Dean underneath all these stars does have a magical quality to it.

“Yes, it’s wonderful, Dean, but--”

He turns to Cas, his smile fading. “Let’s do it.”

 _What did he just say?_ Before he can ask him, Dean is on his side again, planting a kiss on his cheek. “I wanna do it. I should have thought more about it before saying no.”

“What are you saying, Dean?” He knows what he’s saying but is in disbelief that this is actually happening. He feels his heart racing in his chest, and part of him wants to laugh at how human his body is now.

“I want to have a baby. With you.”

He feels as if all the air has escaped his lungs. He fights to inhale a breath, almost choking on his dry tongue. He wants to believe it, he wants this to be true, but he still has to blink a few times to make sure he's still in this reality. 

Cas kisses him, shutting his eyes to the onslaught of tears that is threatening to pour out of him.  Pulling back to take a breath, he notices Dean’s eyes are wet as well. “Are you sure?”

Dean chuckles. “Of course I’m sure.”

“But all the things you said before, why it can’t work, why--”

“I was just trying to be logical about it, Cas. But truth is, I think you’d make a hell of a daddy.” Dean grins. “And I know it’s risky as hell, and possibly the most insane thing we’ve ever done, but picturing us together, with our own kid… Cas, it makes me so fucking happy.”

They kiss again, this time with more passion and soon their bodies are pressed together, hands everywhere, and that’s when Dean pulls back, taking Cas’ face in his hands, again. “Not now, though,” he giggles, “When this is all over, and we beat back the Darkness, let’s do it. Let’s make a baby.”

Their lips join again, and Cas is lost in it, the feeling of pure happiness that’s flowing in him and out of him. They’re going to be married in a couple of months, have a baby together, and if this isn’t giving him more of a reason to fight to win tomorrow, nothing will.

They will beat this. They will have a future together. They will be happy.

“Dean, one thing I didn’t mention about this." Cas swallows, now regretting not telling him in the first place. He hopes this doesn’t make Dean change his mind. “My grace, it’ll-- I will be human, afterwards.”

Dean tilts his head. “Huh?”

“The act of us creating a baby will rid me of my grace as well. I will become human.”

He waits for Dean to react because right now, he’s just staring blankly at Cas. His face feels like it’s on fire and for the life of him, he can’t get his heart to slow down. Finally, Dean breathes in and exhales as he says, “Is this what you want?”

He dislikes the fact that he’s actually surprised by Dean’s response. He expected him to lash out, tell him that there is no way he’s making Cas sacrifice his powers, make some kind of comment about how people are always give up too much for him, but instead, he's asking Cas what _he_ wants and it’s making the angel smile, uncontrollably.

“Yes.”

“Being human. Growing old…”

“Yes, Dean.” He smiles. “Yes, we can spend eternity together in Heaven, but I want to live my days here with you - grow old together, be a real couple, raise our child as a _real_ child. I want a _real_ life with you, Dean.

“That means: no mojo, no healing… I just want you to know what you’re giving up, Cas.”

He kisses Dean, appreciating all of his concern and love. “I’m not giving up anything. I’m gaining _everything._ ”

They kiss again. Mouths parting, tongues dancing and soon Dean is sliding his hands under Cas shirt, pausing to examine him closer. “You’re in your suit,”

He looks down at himself. “Yes, without the jacket and trench coat of course.”

Dean smirks, “So, you wanted to suit up for the brothers?”

“I guess.” He sinks his head back down into the pillow. “And you’re just noticing this now?”

“Yeah well, I’ve had a lot on my mind tonight, but it’s really not important, since I am about to have you out of your clothes any minute now.”

Cas closes his eyes when Dean kisses his neck, moving down to his throat, and begins to loosen his tie for him. He lifts his fingers to help, but Dean quickly swats them away, and continues to do it on his own.

One by one, he undoes the buttons to his shirt, planting soft kisses to the newly exposed skin. Once he gets them all open he moves the fabric apart, baring Cas’ chest. The air is warm and moist tonight, and he can feel the dampness on his skin already, mixed with Dean’s sloppy kisses, that are now moving down to his stomach.

It doesn’t take long for Dean to undo his belt, pull down his pants, and begin working on him. It still amazes Castiel how sensual he is, the way his lips gently brush against his skin, offering tiny kisses and licks, just enough to arouse him and send a million jolts of electricity through his body.

And to be able to lie here, naked, together under the night sky, without worrying about what is going to happen tomorrow, is extraordinary. He wonders why they never came up here before, why Dean’s been keeping this spot a secret. But regardless, he made it so beautiful, so romantic, just for Castiel and that makes his heart feel so full right now.

Cas flips them over and begins to remove Dean’s clothes, a little bit more hastily than Dean’s slow and calculated movements moments ago. Dean’s chuckling at the aggressiveness that has somehow come over Castiel, so he shuts him up with a kiss, failing to stop his own laughter.

“Wow, you’re on fire, tonight, Cas.”

He guesses Dean’s right. Not only may this be the last time they have a night like this, but if they do survive, there is so much to look forward to. Wedding, child, being human with Dean. They could start looking for a house, keeping this bunker for back up. It would be too much to move all the books and filing cabinets, so this can still be their research center.

But their home, their real home will be a place they can call their own.

“What changed your mind?” Castiel breathes against Dean’s cheek as he presses his naked body down on top of him, grinding his erection against the hunter’s. Dean hisses as he closes his eyes, a smile creeping up on his face.

“I can see it, Cas,” he opens his eyes, slowing his movement underneath the angel. “You, me, our kid, having a happy life together.”

They kiss, Cas then pulling back to stare deeply into those green gems. “You were right about it being a miracle. Like, this amazing thing we can do together, and it’s something we both want, obviously. So, why not?”

Castiel smiles wide and begins to move faster and harder on him, each word Dean that comes out of Dean's mouth is making him that much more consumed in him, more enveloped in all of the love surrounding them.

“I love you, Dean. And it _will_ be amazing. Our lives will change so much but--” His throat closes. Trying to finish his thoughts is almost impossible without bursting into tears. “I want it to change. I want to have it all with you. But most of all, I want you to be happy.”

Dean reaches his hands up to cradle his face, kissing his lips, then his nose, his jaw, and smiling as he does so. “I love you so much, Cas, and yeah, I will be happy. You make me happy.”

The world may end tomorrow but if it doesn’t, Dean and Castiel have a new road awaiting them. New beginnings, new chances at happiness, and they’ve waited so long to finally have that.

He watches Dean climax, his eyes closed shut, mouth slightly parted, and he loves that he’s responsible for that. Cas is soon joining him and as he does, his head drops to Dean’s shoulder, and he thinks he may have even bit his skin. It’s hard to control such a feeling, which is also why having actual sex would be out of the question.

“You deserve the moon and the stars, and everything in between,” Cas tells him, as they lie close together with blankets covering them. Dean plants small kisses on the top of his head and he finds a comfortable position, his cheek pressed against Dean’s chest.

Sure, they can go back downstairs, clean up, join the others in whatever they’re doing to pass the time, but instead, they remain in each other's embrace, forgetting about the world around them.

Except for the sky above, twinkling and alive just for them.


	17. Chapter 17

Breakfast is eaten in silence, an uncomfortable tension filling the air as they all sit at the table, avoiding eye contact. When Chuck said 'the end is nigh', he wasn’t joking. Today is the day. They all may be walking away from this - Darkness free, or it might actually be true;  _this is the end._

Whether or not they’re ready, no matter if they even want this or not, they are going into battle in just a few hours. Dean glances at Cas, as he eats a bowl of cereal, complaining he really had no appetite for anything else. After their night last night, Cas did reveal how scared he was, and not so much for himself, but for Dean.

He doesn’t like the idea of the brothers being a part of this fight, and Dean gets it, he does, but he’s also worried about using his grace - the little bit inside of him - to channel Heaven while they recite the spell.

Castiel kept saying it was too risky, that Dean is still, in fact, a human. Chuck doesn’t even know what could happen, and that alone terrifies the both of them. He doesn’t want to go out with a bang, either. He wants to survive this, and do all the things he and Cas talked about. They have so much to fight for now, he has to let go of his fear and just go in, guns a-blazin.

After breakfast, they all disperse to have those final moments alone. Maybe to gather thoughts, strength, but for Cas and Dean, they use this time to lie together in his bed, wrapped up in each other, without saying a damn word.

It’s solemn, sad, and when the times comes, he knows he won’t be able to stop his stomach from flipping. Everything he’d ever done, every mistake, all the mess he’s made of his life, has never been on this scale. 

They've won battles, lost a few, lost many people along the way, and none of it is as apocalyptic as the war they are about to engage in. He's afraid of dying, he's more afraid of losing Cas or Sam, and even knowing he has God and the Archangels on their team, his nerves are shot.

Moments pass, each minute feeling like a second. _Time is moving too quickly._

“What are you really afraid of, Dean?” Cas finally asks him, breaking him out of his anxious thoughts - his mind unable to even focus, clogged with a clutter of ideas, fears, hopes. He brings his lips to Cas’ cheek and snuggles in closer to him, wishing he could just lose himself in his angel, forget everything around them, and just lie here forever.

“Aside from death?”

Castiel sighs. “Yes.”

He shifts his body, sliding onto his side so he can face Cas. Bringing his hand to his cheek, Dean smiles, slightly at him. “Losing you.”

“Me too.” Castiel deflates. “Losing you, that is.”

“We’ve been through too much, Cas. I’ve lost you too many times, I-I can’t go through that again.”

They lace their fingers together, squeezing tightly. Dean wants to cry, he wants to let it all out; every single painful emotion he’s feeling. But Cas leans forward, touching his forehead to Dean’s and smiles at him.

“No matter what, Dean, we are soulmates. We have eternity. You will never lose me, permanently. Or I, you. If one of us dies, then we will just be apart for a little while.”

Dean inhales, deeply. “Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want to be apart for a little while.”

He flashes another smile at Dean and kisses his lips, so softly, it sends chills through Dean’s body. He doesn’t say another word and they lie there, with nothing but the sound of their own breathing filling the room. They’ve come too far to have it all ripped away from them. It’s really not fair, but he also knows life isn't fair and whining about it doesn't do anyone any good.

“Just gives a reason to fight harder.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, me and my spell recitals”

“You know what I mean.”

“Remember when we took on Lucifer and Michael at Stull Cemetery?”

Castiel smirks. “How can I forget?”

“I thought we were all goners that day.”

“Half of us actually were.”

Dean cringes. “Yeah, I know. I didn’t even have time to react. You were gone so fast--”

“I did what I had to do. I was powerless to do anything else.”

“Yeah, molotov your brother while calling him an assbutt.”

They both laugh. “I was still getting my human insults in order,” he says with a grin, causing Dean’s head to swim. He will give anything to see this look at Cas’ face all the time. He hasn’t seen his angel smile more than he has in the last few months. He loves that he’s part of the reason why Cas is so happy. Hell, Dean has been happier than ever too and he needs this to be forever. He needs them to be forever.

He snaps his head back to get a good look at his angel, to be able to lock onto his eyes. Taking his head in his hands, he says, “I want all what we talked about to happen. A house, a baby, a life together.”

Castiel’s eyes water, causing Dean’s to as well. He continues, “I want us to argue over where to put the couch, or what kind of stuff to hang on the walls. I want to sit around the kitchen table, while one of us feeds our kid, or maybe we both do, like a team effort.” He giggles. “I want us to sit in the backyard on summer nights, while our kid is asleep, and talk about our neighbors, which ones we like and which ones we don’t.”

He watches his angel grin. “Apple pie life.”

Dean nods. “Yea, but our way. No running from hunting, or pretending that the world doesn’t need saving.”

“So you still want to hunt, in this… scenario.”

Dean looks up, thinking about that question. Of course he still wants to hunt, but this new life he wants with Cas doesn’t necessarily fare well for a child if they remain in the dirty and painful world of hunting.

“Maybe we can be a house of Bobbys.”

Castiel furrows his brow. “Come again?”

“We can help out the younger generation of hunters, you know? Give them cases, help with research, but we don't actually have to go out there and stop it.” Dean smiles, actually excited about this idea. Why hadn’t he thought about that before?

“That sounds like a wonderful idea, Dean. Perfect, actually. We can be home for our child, while still being involved with cases. I love it.”

He’s excited now. Too excited. He has to survive this, they all do, because he wants to get on this new road immediately. He never thought, in a million years, that he’d be planning a future like this. Hell, he never thought he be planning any kind of future.

But this is all possible. It’s not a pipe dream, or some far fetched fantasy. They can make it work, they can have everything they’ve ever wanted, everything they have ever needed. “So, yeah, I’m still really fucking scared about this battle, but the whole time, I’ll be seeing you, in our kitchen, holding our baby--”

“Or you holding our baby, singing some inappropriate rock song, while I attempt at making us something to eat, and probably ending up with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

Dean chuckles. “Or microwaved taquitos”

They erupt in laughter. “Or that.”

Castiel brings Dean in closer, so that now their faces are so close, their sharing the same air to breathe. “Either way, our future together will be amazing,” he says, smiling at Dean.

Dean kisses him. “It will be.”

“I love you, Dean.”

Dean kisses him again, this time it’s him who can’t control the tears. “I love you, Cas.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The plan is to go to Chuck’s house, since he said this is where the Belial seemed to be gravitating towards. Dean wasn’t really coherent when they were there, right after bringing him back to life. It’s all a blur now, actually.

He did remember seeing things flying overhead, so now he’s assuming that was indeed, those dark angels. Funny how they were in the sky, swooping around, almost like ghosts rather than actual angels. He’s never really seen an angel fly. They always seem to appear, and reappear when they used their wings.

He guesses these are a whole different breed. They have this ethereal quality, like they are almost unreal, and if Dean had to compare what they reminded him of, it’s those ringwraiths from Lord of the Rings (and that sends a cold chill down his spine).

He walks up to Sam and places a hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”

Sam nods. “Yeah. I’m actually ready for this to finally be over with.”

“Me too.”

They lean against the railing, Dean crossing his arms as he exhales. He stares at his little brother, admiring his bravery, as usual. Sam is the strongest person he knows, never backing down from a fight, and never hesitating to do what’s right. He let Lucifer wear him to the prom, knowing the outcome, and he still insisted.

Dean had been surprised for even agreeing to that plan to begin with. So many years he’d hold onto his brother, refusing to let him out of his sight, and there he was, allowing Sam to sacrifice himself for the greater good. After that, after Sam came back, something changed in Dean.

He couldn’t let him go again. It was too hard. Dean became codependent, more so than usual, and smothered Sam to the point where he couldn't breathe. And then more hell broke lose, Sam’s wall in his head gone, Dean refusing to let his brother end up a drooling mess.

And then he talked Sam out of closing the gates of Hell. The _damn_ gates of Hell.

The unthinkable happened after that. Dean doing something that took Sam a long time to forgive him for. Sam was ready to go, ready to die, and Dean, once again, acted foolishly; tricking his own brother into letting an angel inside of him, only for all of them to be screwed.

Dean could write a book on regret. He knows how much he’s done, how much he refused to do, and the careless way he’s lived his life. All the poor decisions, selfish choices, it all took its toll on him, breaking him apart little by little.

“I’m sorry, Sammy.”

Sam quirks a brow. “For what?”

“Everything.”

He shakes his head, side smiling. “Can you be more specific?”

“For being a jerk. For not letting you make your own decisions. For being--”

“An older brother?”

“A selfish pain in the ass, older brother.”

Sam laughs. “Yeah well, we’ve both done some pretty stupid things. Now, I guess it’s time to face the music. I mean, this is by far is the worst we’ve ever done, Dean.”

“Tell me about it,” Dean says, grimly. “After this, Cas and I came up with a nice plan for our future.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“You know, a house, a kid--” Dean beams.

“You changed your mind?” he asks him, wide eyed, and grinning like a madman.

“Mm hm.”

He brings Dean into a hug, gripping him so tightly, Dean thinks he might crush a rib. “Hey, Superman, easy.”

“Oh, sorry,” Sam says, pulling back. “I’m really happy for you two.”

Dean glances at Cas as he talk to Chuck. “Yeah, me too.”

They’re standing outside the bunker, giving the place one more look over. Chuck and the others join them and as they form a circle, facing each other, Chuck begins, “If this goes according to plan, it should be pretty quick. As long as the Belial are distracted, I have a shot at reforming the mark, again.”

Dean looks at Lucifer, knowing he will be the one, once again, to bear the mark - the first to have gotten corrupted by its dark energy. Lucifer notices his stare and cracks a sly smile at the hunter. “Worried about me, sunshine?”

He averts his eyes and glances at Michael, who is shaking his head at his brother. These two have been locked in that cage together for a very long time, he can’t imagine where their minds are or if they are even all there. It wouldn't surprise him if they are too far gone to ever be normal again. You just don’t bounce back from something like that so easily.

He’d be lying if just the thought of the damn cage doesn't make him think of Crowley. He has no desire to see him or check in on him, because frankly, this last stunt he pulled was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Dean’s not going to wish him death, it’s really a waste of emotion. But he is going to make it a point to never have contact with that demon ever again.

Whatever happened between them whilst Dean was a demon, wasn’t even real. Dean wasn’t even himself. For Crowley to have assumed it meant more, really boggles his mind. Here’s the King of Hell, well versed in demonology, knowing full well those black eyed sons of bitches don't really have the capacity to love. Not really.

And even if it was possible, by some abnormality in Crowley’s make up, it wouldn’t have made a difference. Dean knew it was degrading, even then. He knew that he was messing around with the wrong person. He even knew, back then, that his heart belonged to Cas, even as dark and twisted it was at that time.

Dean cringes and takes a look at Cas, counting his damn blessings now. What started as friendship, has gone stronger, and as he thinks that, he starts singing that stupid REO Speedwagon song, _Can't Fight This Feeling_ , in his head and he wants to laugh.

“So, are we ready?” Chuck asks the group.

When they all nod, and after Dean moves close to Cas, Chuck teleports them outside of his house. The fight is not going to take place here, because that would be really, _really_ unwise. Too many people around, too many who can get hurt, so his plan is to lure the Belial to a big enough field where there is no chance at innocents getting caught in the middle.

It takes a few minutes for the dark angels to take notice of them and when they do, Dean makes eye contact with one and out of habit, he grabs Cas’ hand, hoping the contact will calm him down a little. All he can see now is that night in the motel where one of those things lifted him up by the neck, and hearing the sound of his own bones cracking before he was gone. Dead.

“Dean, it’s okay. There aren’t enough of them in this spot to hurt you. Not with us and God here.”

He turns to his angel, who’s looking up at those flying dickbags. “They can’t drain you?”

Cas shakes his head. “No, not while God has his powers. They can’t siphon our power anymore, but they are still dangerous. When we have them all together, that is when the real fight will begin.”

They wait around a little longer until Chuck is satisfied at the accumulating Belial, and he gives them a nod, teleporting them to a vast field in the middle of nowhere. They could be in a different country, for all Dean knows. “Where are we?”

“Australia.” Chuck looks at him. “They’re coming.”

Dean shoots Cas a wide eyed look and soon, him and Sam are taking position with the paper Chuck had given him. Dean’s hands are shaking so badly, he notices that he can barely even read what’s on the stupid thing. Chuck notices this and rolls his eyes, lifting his finger.

He feels a tingly warmth flow through him, from his stomach all the way to his head. “What did you do?”

“Now, not only can you read Enochian, you and Sam know the spell, so you don’t need those,” he says, moving his finger and the papers disappear.

“Son of a--”

Sam side smiles. “Thanks, Chuck.”

The air is charged, and he can feel it in his bones -the Darkness is coming. Turning to Cas, his angel is looking toward the sky, taking his place near his brothers, but Dean feels like he’s a million miles away. Without a second thought, he’s jogging to him, pulling him into his arms, and kissing him, so hard, so passionately, that he feels like his skin is melting off of his body.

“Don’t die,” Dean says to him, cracking a side smile.

“Don’t you die, either,” Cas replies, kissing him again.

They pull apart, staring at each other when Michael yells out, “They’re here!”

Dean slowly lets go of Cas, his heart aching with each step he takes away from him. He can feel the tears already welling in his eyes, but he coughs, shaking it off, refusing to break down now, in front of everyone. They have to focus. Any kind of weakness will be exploited so the battle armor he so often wears comes on.

He takes his place next to Sam, looking at Chuck, who is walking towards the center of the field. Dean and Sam are to be on one side, while the angels lure the Belial to the other. He hates the fact that Cas will be on the other damn side of the field, but he also has faith that he will fight hard, with everything he has.

Another meaningful glance from Cas, and he’s turning to walk with his brothers. It’s weird seeing him with them, actually. Three archangels and Cas, who really belongs more with him and Sam, than those guys. He looks different than them, his whole energy is different.

There’s a loud roar overhead and Dean looks up to see dark movement headed their way. He’s not sure if his heart is even in his chest anymore, or if it - along with his stomach - decided to park in his throat, threatening to choke him right there. It’s like he’s waiting on the shore for a tidal wave to crash over him, knowing there is nothing he can do, nowhere he can run.

It’s time to face his mistake.

Dean looks at Sam, who is watching with wide eyes, as the Belial fly in closer to their location. They’re still pretty high up and they seem to be more focused on the angel gang, which is exactly what the plan was. “I’ve never been more scared in my life,” Sam tells him.

“Same.”

“So we start the spells as soon as the Belial land. We just have to wait for them to make their move.”

Dean nods, remembering Chuck’s instructions. Looking across the way, he sees the angels get into position, Cas in a defensive stance and he can see the glare bouncing off of his angel blade. Soon they are all steeling themselves, Michael and Gabriel with a huge swords, and Lucifer with some kind of spear.

All he can hear in his head are the words repeating. _“Please let Cas survive. Please let them all survive”_

Then it happens. The dark angels are soaring down, almost like meteors falling from the sky. Some are on the fields now, and that’s when the fighting begins. He’s distracted by Castiel ducking, hitting, all he sees is his trench coat, but he’s doing it, he’s kicking ass and taking names, and that’s when Sam nudges him.

Dean swallows, his heart beating so fast, so hard, he can feel it in his temples, and he begins the spell. It’s weird to be speaking so fluently in Enochian now, and he’s thinking about asking Chuck to zap every language into his head, when this is all over.

Not that he real needs it, but it would be damn cool to know how to speak and understand every language in the world. Hell, even the extinct ones. It would help them a hell of a lot with research, instead of having to translate everything.

His thoughts are interrupted when he watches more Belial fly down, and by the looks of it, there has to be hundreds of them now - hundreds of sith angels against three archangels and Cas. His stomach drops as he suddenly realizes the fucking odds.

He feels his face heat up as he looks at Sam, his little brother who is also watching the fight, wide eyes and pale face. He sees it too, the absurdity of it all. Sure, their angels are strong, but these Belial are giving them heavy competition, as he sees Michael get knocked off of his feet. He glances at Gabriel who is running circles around them, and it’s pretty humorous seeing his fighting techniques. But when he sees Gabriel’s sword sink into not one, but three dark angels at once, Dean raises his eyebrows.

Lucifer is a natural, of course. He’s slicing and dicing his way through these dark angels, so effortlessly, and Dean is actually pretty impressed with him. He was the first lieutenant of God’s army once, and now he’s seeing why. He fights with such fury, such raw determination, Dean is actually regaining his hope.

These guys are actually handling it. They are really beating back these Belial, one by one, five by five, he’s watching the Darkness diminish, little by little. Witnessing them die is quite an interesting sight as well. Instead of the bright light as seen with angels, it’s this smokey mist that seeps out of them, followed by the inevitable burning of the wings into the ground. And that is all that remains. No vessel to be left behind.

And then there’s Cas, and what Dean’s seeing is taking his breath away. He’s seen Cas fight many times, watched his smite, hand to hand combat, but this, what he’s seeing now is Castiel showing off his true warrior skills. He’s taking on two or three at once and he’s even attacking some who were trying to take on the others.

He fights with grace, like watching a dance, and each stab he does with that blade, is so perfectly coordinated and smooth. Watching him now, Dean is so proud of him, so proud that he’s his, and he feels so damn lucky. His brave, amazing, and beautiful angel.

As he continues to recite the spell, he glances at Chuck, wondering when he'll make his move and burn that mark back on Lucifer. He swears there will be no way to unleash it again, and Dean is of course skeptical about that. There seems to always be a way around the impossible. Always a loophole.

But it doesn’t matter now. What matters is getting this Darkness back where it belongs and saving the world.

Chuck watches the scene, and even at this distance, Dean can tell he’s nervous too. God… nervous… Dean wants to laugh, but bites his lip to refrain from smiling. They just have to keep reciting this thing until Chuck does the deed, and then it will be all over, and by the looks of it, that time is near.

Dean looks at his littler brother, wondering if he will appear as optimistic as Dean is right now, but his eyes are wide and he looks panicked as his attention is on the angels. Dean turns and sees Castiel on his knees, fighting off two belial at the same time. He turns his attention on the others, who seem just as overwhelmed, and this isn’t how it looked five minutes ago.

The Belial seem to be multiplying, as if for each one they kill, three more pop up, but that’s impossible, right?

And there’s Cas, trying to get to his feet, and Dean feels like he’s about to vomit. He needs to go there, help him, but as he moves, Sam grabs his arm, staring wearily at him. “You can’t. We need to do this, Dean.”

Dean nods with unshed tears, without taking his eyes off of Castiel. He can do this. He’s strong. _Come on, Cas, get the fuck up!_ He’s been overcome like this once before, Dean remembers in Purgatory the many times Castiel had been attacked, and when it seemed he would falter, he killed those asshats, quickly and effortlessly. He just has to that again, get that same fire inside that he had at that time.

There’s so much to fight for now, and he knows Castiel feels that. Their future, their love, their child… this is the time to give it everything you have, no room for mistakes or second guesses. He knows Cas remembers this, he knows he will sink that blade into those Belial and send them to the void where they belong.

_Cas if you can hear me, get up. Kill those sons of bitches._

Something weird begins to happen to Dean. His skin is hot, and his blood is boiling, to the point where he feels feverish. He looks at Sam who is backing up from him, still reciting the spell, but the look of fear on his face.

He turns to Cas, who is now looking at him, trying to fight off a few more Belial, but thankfully he’s on his feet now. Castiel stills, staring at Dean, and the hunter wants to yell at him to pay attention to the dark angel that is approaching him from behind, but Dean can’t speak now. He can still hear his voice uttering Enochian, but he’s not even aware of his lips moving. His body feels frozen, he can’t move, only his head and eyes are functional now.

And this heat, it’s driving him mad, he wants to jump into a pool, or shower to cool off. It’s uncomfortable, making him irritable. Then he sees a bright light around him, and it takes a few seconds for him to realize that it’s actually coming from him.

_Oh no._

He’s thinking about what happened in the cave, and he starts to panic, hoping this isn’t it, that he won’t explode, or even worse, kill everyone here. Cas is still staring at him, and now Dean is screaming at him, in his mind, because that Belial is closer now. Faster than he has time to blink, a fist is scene bursting through Cas’ chest.

Dean knows he screams, but his own voice sounds far away, a distant echo, and he doesn't care. He yells Cas’ name, over and over, and he knows he’s crying now, as his face is wet, his eyes blurred, but he can still make out Castiel falling to his knees and then slowly his upper body falls to the ground.

Gabriel is attacking that dark angel now - who put his fist through Cas’ chest - and all Dean could think of is running into the middle of those assholes and killing each of them, one by one, but again, he’s stuck in this spot, his body feeling like it’s on fire, this light burning through him and out of him, causing the whole area around him to glow.

And he can’t stop crying.

Cas can’t be dead. No. He’s hurt, injured, but he can’t be dead. _But he looks really dead._ And he tries to see if his wings are burned into the ground, but he can’t make anything out because of the commotion going on around there. But he’s not dead. No. Cas is alive. He has to be alive. He doesn’t know what these Belial are capable of, but they can’t just kill an angel by shoving a fist through their chest, right?

Chuck is staring at Dean now, more worry on his face than anything, and when he glances at Sam, he has the same expression on his face. Did they see what happened to Cas? Do they know Cas is fine? Do they know Cas will get up soon and dust himself off, and continue to fight?

Sam arches his brow. “Dean, I--”

The whole field lights up and Dean realizes now it’s because of him. He’s still froze in place, but he is able to drop to his knees, finally able to speak, when he tells Sam that Cas is fine, and to not worry, and he’s fine too, and everything is going to be okay.

He can hear Chuck yelling something out, and he turns to the angels, Lucifer stepping out from the fray and holding his arm. The new mark is burning into his flesh, as he hollers out in pain, falling backward, Michael catching him.

But Dean can’t look at them anymore. He just sees his angel, still lying there on the ground and as the Belial all disappear, little by little - while the mark is being burned onto Lucifer, Dean feels the heat reside, his skin cooling, and the bright light that had been shining out of him, fades away.

Chuck collapses, and all Dean could think of is that there has to be a way to bring Cas back if he’s dead. Things just can’t end like this, not now, not with all their plans, all their hopes for the future. It will take a long time for Chuck to be at full strength again. He did explain to him, last night, that this would be it. No bringing anyone back after this, because it will just not be possible. This fight will be taking most of their powers, and even the archangels will be in a weakened condition for probably a millennium. He explained this is what happened the first time, but of course, a thousand years to them is nothing.

But Cas. He needs Cas.

 _“I love you, Cas.”_ He’s seeing flashes of them in bed, talking, wrapped in each other. Their lips pressing together, bodies so close and melting into each other. Dean, feeling so safe, loved, lying in his angel’s arms.

He hears Cas’ voice as if he’s right next to him. _“I love you, too, Dean”_

They’re in bed in Atlantis, talking about getting married, and Cas is crying. He’s so happy, so _fucking_ happy, it gives Dean life. He’s seeing his face now as he tells him that he wants to go for it - have a kid, and he’s glowing, his eyes shining, his total being is beaming.

That’s when he runs to Castiel, his feet not going as fast as he wants and when he finally reaches him, his throat closes. Looking down, he can’t believe what he sees, and all he could do is fall down beside him and sob, uncontrollably. He tries to get the image out of his head of those burnt wings in the ground, but he can smell it, and it's making him nauseous.

Cas, entering the barn, so disheveled, so damn mysterious. A winged enigma crashing into his life and changing him forever. The first person to open Dean's heart like this, the one who made Dean believe in himself.

The true warrior of God, giving everything up for him. Cas, his love. His angel. And they need more time, this has only just begun. They have plans, they have dreams, and it can't end now. No. It can't.

_No, don’t be dead. Don’t be--_

“Dean?”

His voice, it’s not in his head, it's… Dean pulls back, seeing his angel blinking his eyes open. The scorched ground under him, fading away. They make eye contact and all Dean could do is bring him into a hug. He has no idea what the hell just happened, how this is even possible, but he doesn’t care.

Cas is alive, breathing against his neck and Dean cries all over again, but this time from relief, from pure happiness. “What happened?” Castiel asks him, against his shoulder.

“I don’t know, but you’re here and I just need to hold you for a little while longer,” Dean says in between sobs. It’s over, the Belial have been defeated, the Darkness is locked up again, they’re all alive, Dean has his angel in his arms, and that is all he cares about right now.


	18. Chapter 18

When Castiel opens his eyes, all he can see is Dean hovering over him. His body aches, and it’s not a familiar ache, either. This pain is deep within his bones, but also within his very being. It’s like the grace inside of him burns, searing through his vessel, and it’s making every inch of him hurt.

Dean’s crying, and all Castiel can choke out is, “What happened?” because, he really has no idea. He was fighting the Belial, and then Dean started radiating again, similar to the time he did in the cave in Atlantis. This was more brilliant, though, stronger, and at that moment, he didn’t see the dark angels around him, or his brothers fighting bravely. He saw Dean and he was afraid for Dean’s life.

And then a sharp pain was felt through his chest, and everything went black.  

He wishes he could remember what happened after that, but what seemed like seconds later, he was opening his eyes, to see his hunter a sobbing mess above him. Nothing made sense to him, at that moment he realized he was alive.

He's faced death before, and he's come back, but this feels different. 

“Can you move?” Dean asks him.

Castiel looks down at his body, still tingling and hot as if he’s on fire. There’s a strange sensation on his back, where his wings would be if he had them out, which he does not. He extends his legs, he shakes his arms, and yes he can move. He sits up with help from Dean and when he meets those green eyes, he’s taken aback at how swollen and red they are.

“You were glowing, again,” Cas says, coughing. His chest feels heavy, as if a ton of bricks is pressing against it. Soon, Dean and Sam are helping him to his feet, and that’s when he makes eye contact with Chuck, who is barely standing.

“We won?” Cas asks.

Dean smiles at him. “Looks like.” His words aren’t filled with joy, but of extreme relief. Dean pulls him into a hug, burying his face in his neck, and with what strength Cas has left, he hugs him back. “I thought I lost you.”

Cas pulls back, studying Dean. “But why didn’t you? How--”

Dean interrupts him with a kiss and begins shaking his head. “Don’t know, don’t care. All that matters is that you’re okay.”

He’s confused. Lost. What exactly did happen? God specifically said he would not be able to resurrect after this was done, not for a long time. So what brought him back? How did he survive when he knows, for certain, that he ceased to exist for a brief moment.

Looking around, they’re all still standing. The Darkness is gone and it seems just too easy. He glances at Lucifer and spots the new mark on his arm, and he wonders what’s next. Will Lucifer be able to withstand this mark again? Will it be released eventually? Will they have to do beat it back, once again?

“So what now?” Sam asks, eyeing Chuck.

Chuck shrugs, exhaling deeply, scanning the group. “I need to fix Heaven, and I need to fix my boys,” he says, landing his gaze on Michael and Lucifer. “So that’s what I’m going to do.”

Castiel is surprised when Chuck hugs him goodbye. For his entire existence, he’s never even so much as seen God’s face, and now after going into battle alongside him, he’s actually hugging Castiel. “I know you don’t need fixing, Cas.”

Chuck’s smile is strained, and Castiel can tell he’s in pain, or maybe just weakened by this ordeal. He drags himself over to Sam and Dean, offering the same embrace, and when Chuck pulls back from Dean, he places his hand on his cheek.

“You saved him.”

Dean’s eyes widen, glistening with unshed tears. “But how?”

Chuck rests his hand on his bicep, smiling warmly at him. “You know.” He coughs, and soon Michael is by his side, helping Chuck remain on his feet. “Guys, we should go, I’ll be in touch.” The archangels, as well as Chuck turn to face them all, and then with a snap of a finger, Sam, Dean, and Cas are standing in the bunker.

His legs wobble and he finds a chair to sit down in before he collapses on the floor. Dean is by his side within seconds, grabbing Cas’ shoulders. “You okay?”

He nods. “What did Chuck mean?”

How did Dean save him? None of this is making any sense to him. Dean rests a hand on Cas' arm and searches his eyes.

“I think... the grace, like, how it’s yours and connected to me, I think it saved you…” Dean tells him as he takes a seat next to him, still holding on to Cas’ arm.

Cas sighs, leaning back in his chair. Of course. He's cursing himself for not figuring that out. The grace is active now, inside of Dean, and he channeled Heaven’s powers while reciting the spell, it was why he was radiating. It was why the first time, though not as strong, it had given Dean back the memories of his rescue, an act only capable of an angel.

And he did, in a way, looked like an angel today. Seeing Dean so connected to Heaven was a beautiful sight. One that Castiel knows he will miss, knowing he will never see it again, or be able to feel Heaven anymore once he loses his own grace.

It’s bittersweet, but he’ll take it if it means a future with Dean.

Now that the images of the battle are coming back to him, he does recall seeing the connection between them, almost like a ribbon of light extending from Dean and attaching itself to Castiel. Even though he felt death, he was given life in another instant, and it was all coming from Dean.

Life.

They don't discuss it more when Sam joins them, and instead they all take solace in the fact that it's done. The epic battle between good and evil is over and they are the victors. He didn't expect it to be so quick, so easy, because of how this war was explained to him over the millennium. 

But he has a feeling that having the Winchesters this time around made it all that much more smoothe. He knows that what happened to Dean wasn't only beneficial to Cas, but to the entire fight in general.

After a few moments of all of them coming up with ideas on how they want to spend the rest of the week, Castiel needs to rest. He still feels weak, out of sorts, and it’s not long before Dean is wrapping him up in blankets, in his bed, and kissing his forehead before Castiel waits to drift off. Will he dream? Will he wake up refreshed and strong again?

Dean lingers in the room for a while, and Cas calls him over to the bed, needing his hunter to be as close to him as possible. He’s not fragile, just weak and having Dean close to him gives him a certain strength that no other being has ever given him.

Dean slides in next to him, bringing Cas' head down on his chest. Cas throws an arm over Dean’s waist and closes his eyes. Inhaling, deeply, he is about to say the long list of things that he’s feeling right now, but instead, he just whispers, “I love you” to Dean and smiles.

Dean kisses the top of his head, returning the sentiment. They have later to talk about what happened, but for now, Castiel can feel his eyelids becoming heavier by the second, and his body is so relaxed, he’s not sure he’s even still lying in bed. He’s floating, and that’s when he finally falls into a deep slumber.

 

 

* * *

 

“Dude, you actually brought Cas back to life. That grace you have in there is pretty powerful.”

Dean scrubs his face and fills up the carafe to make a pot of coffee. He knows he can’t sleep, not after what happened today, and so he will drink mass amounts of caffeine and ponder what it actually felt like to bring someone back from the dead.

And that someone being Cas.

He tries to remember exactly what happened when he was Heaven’s light bulb, but it was almost like he was outside of himself. The words of the spell came pouring out of his mouth, but he wasn’t in control of it - like he was on autopilot. And then he was hit with an intense feeling of love. He watched Castiel fall to the ground, and he couldn’t go to him, and so something forced his energy to do it for him.

That must have been when the grace inside of them touched. But whatever happened, whatever it was, it’s the reason Cas is lying in his bed right now, very much alive.

“It was crazy, Sammy. It was like I wasn’t in control of my own body. Like I was moving on some other level, in some other realm.”

“Like an outer body experience?” Sam asks him as he takes a seat at the table, pouring himself a bowl of cereal.

“Yeah, I guess. Not that I would really know what that feels like. It was like, somehow, I merged with Cas.” That is the best way he can describe it. Sam watches him with a raised brow and lets out a guttural laugh.

“Well, that’s one way of putting it. I guess if you two are able to actually make a baby, there must be tons of other things you can do with that connection.”

Dean sighs. Does he want to really test it out - find out exactly what other things they’re capable of doing together? He just let himself be overjoyed at the fact that they’re actually going to start a family together, and once that’s done, they both won’t have a lick of grace left.

“Well, whatever it is, it’ll be gone once we do, uh, you know, make our baby...”

Sam sighs. “Ah, yeah. Well, it’s worth it. I mean, you’ve been human your whole life without super powers, and Cas, well, I can tell he would rather be with you, be _human_ with you, than anything else.”

Cas is giving so much up for Dean already, he’s half expecting to go back on his plans with him and tell his angel to just forget it, keep his grace, maybe some good can be done, and with Dean, well, he has this built in resurrecting power, and really, how cool is that?

But it’s not going to happen. He knows what he wants and he knows what Castiel wants and for the first time, they’re not giving it up for anything.

“Whatever happened, it was a fluke. I mean, who knows if I’d ever be able to do that again! So, I’m not really going to look a gift horse in the mouth here. It came in handy when we needed it, and that’s it. I’m done being a beacon of light.”

“Yeah, you were glowing pretty brightly there, Dean. I was afraid you’d melt all our faces or something.”

Dean laughs. “Well at least I didn’t have laser beams coming out of me.”

The coffee smells ready, and Dean gets up to make a cup, offering some to Sam, who declines. “Nah, I think I’m actually gonna sleep for a few hours. Or days.”

“Yeah, I hear ya,” Dean says, smiling. “I’m just too revved to even think about that right now, though.”

Sam rises from his chair, patting Dean on the back, and walks away towards him room. Dean is left alone in the quiet kitchen with his coffee and his thoughts, and he is well aware that this could be a dangerous combination. He’s been so used to having more people around, he had forgotten how peaceful this place could be.

Making his way to the library with a warm cup of coffee, he sits down, eyeing all the new books they had added to their collection. Because of the shelves already being full as they are, these Atlantean books are sitting in piles on the floor, now that they've dug them out of storage. He could pick one up, begin to read another tale from someone who lived there, or a new spell recipe book, but it all seems pointless now.

The Darkness is gone. Heaven is on its way to being whole again. Cas and Dean know what this grace connection is capable of now, at least some of it. Enough to make sure Dean keeps their plans on having their own child.

He’s smiling now, seeing that image again, and that’s when it hits him. Without another thought, he’s heading over to the table where his laptop is, and he immediately starts looking for homes for sale.

There are already way too many to choose from, all ranging from mildly expensive to ridiculously expensive. He knows the Men of Letters has a nice stash hidden away, and Dean’s been refusing to even think about touching it - saving it for an emergency,  but now seems like that time to break it out and put it to good use.

He searches for four bedroom homes and he’s still overwhelmed at how many there are in the country and he leans on his hand, blowing air out of his mouth. He needs to narrow down his search, and that’s when he chooses the location: Lawrence, Kansas.

About a dozen, he finds that fit in his price range, that look decent enough. Sure, he’d have to put some work into it, and he’s fine with that, he’s not too shabby when it comes to carpentry. He does know his way around a hammer and nail.

One piques his interest, and is not too far from the house he grew up in. He writes down the address and realtor’s phone number, looking at his watch, noticing that it’s way too late to call, and he places it next to the laptop. That’s what they’ll do this week. House Hunting.

 

* * *

 

Castiel is surprised when he wakes up alone in Dean’s bed. He glances over at his cell phone he had placed on the nightstand and his eyes widen when he notices it’s morning already. With his heart racing, he leaps out of bed and stumbles a bit before swinging the door open.

“Dean?” he calls out, unsure of why he’s even panicking. Dean probably came to bed late and woke up early. He’s most likely in the kitchen making coffee, or eggs, and Cas will laugh at himself for getting all worked up over nothing.

The kitchen is empty, not even Sam is up yet. When he pads into the library, there’s Dean, face down on the table, hand still gripping a half empty cup of coffee, and his laptop open. Castiel smiles, slightly as he walks over to him, placing his fingers on the screen to close it but then he takes a look at the content.

Dean’s been looking at houses.

He sees the last one he had his eye on, and Castiel smiles even wider. Resting his hand on Dean’s shoulders, he gently nudges him awake. He lets out a high pitched squeal, and shakes his head as he opens his eyes.

“Cas?”

“I was worried when I woke up alone.”

Dean looks around and then forward. “Ah, I must have… I was looking for--”

“Houses. I see,” Cas sits down beside him, turning the laptop to face him. “This one seems very nice, Dean. Two floors, and are there really four bedrooms?”

“Yeah, um,” Dean looks down at his coffee cup, almost like he’s contemplating on taking a sip but then slides is away from him. “It’s near the place I grew up. I don’t know, it kind of just stuck out, and look,” Dean reaches over to click on the photos. One by one they scroll through them, and it’s making Castiel love it more and more.

“There’s a garden. I don’t know why, but I totally see you into flowers.”

Castiel chuckles. “Yes, I do love flowers.”

“And two master bedrooms, which means Sam would have one, and we would…” Dean blushes, “have the other.”

He’s beaming, causing Castiel’s heart to swell. “Let’s go look at it.”

“You know,” Dean sighs. “I never thought I’d be doing this: looking for a house with my… with you.”

Castiel scoots in closer to him and takes his hand. “You and me, both.”

They laugh. “But Dean, you should go lie down. I will call the realtor when they open and request a viewing. Then we three will take a drive.”

Dean nods, after staring at the screen for a few seconds and pushes his chair out from the table. “Okay.”

After Dean heads to bed, Castiel browses the webpage again, always landing back on that house. He understands why he said it stuck out. It really does. There’s something about it that makes Castiel want to see it in person.

It’s not extraordinary, as far as houses go. It’s a two story home with a nice sized yard in front and back. Four bathrooms, and two master bedrooms, four bedrooms total. There’s a nice sized kitchen, and even nicer sized living room, and what looks like a separate dining area. Suddenly he’s seeing them all there, living comfortably.

Sam would be on his computer, maybe one of the spare rooms would be an office, Dean would no doubt be spending a lot of time in the kitchen, or fixing up the house in parts that need some TLC, and Cas, he would be searching for something to watch on that giant TV Dean wants so badly, while he sits lazily on the oversized couch Dean wants as well.

And maybe all three of them would be in the nursery, getting it ready for their child. This image has Castiel nearly in tears. He wonders when Dean will want to do this, and he’s thinking that the perfect time would be after their wedding which is not too far away. They can work on getting this house, and plan their wedding, and that night… well that night they will change their lives, forever.

He closes the laptop, unable to wipe the grin off of his face. Looking around the bunker, he’s had enough. Sure this place will come in handy, but now he’s looking forward to a nice life with the brothers - a more domestic life, and he can’t wait to start it.

Dean is too far away from him now, and so he joins him in bed, even though he knows he won’t sleep. Crawling under the covers and sliding in next to his sleeping hunter, he wraps his arm around him and presses his body against Dean’s back, in a ‘spooning position’, as Dean would call it. Listening to his hunter breath, so calmly, he closes his eyes and brings them back to that house and all the wonderful things they will be doing in it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He thought getting a house would be a hell of a lot harder, but it was so simple, he has to re-read the papers he just signed, over and over again, just to make sure he’s not missing anything. When he looks up from the table in the diner that the three of them decided to eat in - close to their new house - he smiles at his little brother and Castiel, who are sitting across from him. 

“It’s actually ours?”

Sam nods. “Yes, Dean. It’s actually ours.”

He looks back down, smiling. “First thing I’m gonna do is rip down that ugly green wallpaper. I mean, what were the previous owners even thinking?”

“Clearly, they weren’t,” Cas adds, making Dean wink at him.

“Cas, what are you gonna do with the garden?”

He watches Castiel look upwards, his finger touching his chin, and Dean is getting the warm fuzzies knowing Cas is actually thinking about it. When he looks at Dean, he tilts his head, eyes narrowing on him.

“Japanese primrose and maybe hyacinth.”

Dean chuckles. “Okay, well I have no idea what those are, but I bet they’ll be awesome.

They share a smile. Sam coughs, getting their attention, because apparently they have been staring and smiling at each other for an undetermined amount of time. “I say we make that room near the downstairs bathroom an office. We can bring the most important lore books and stuff from the bunker and keep them in there, you know, so we don’t have to keep going back and forth.”

“Great idea, Sammy,” Dean grins at him. “I can build us some decent bookshelves.”

It’s all starting to come together: their ideas, plans, and Dean is too excited about it all. He wants to move in there today, and start these renovations, the simple improvements he wants to do to the house, removing that wallpaper a first and foremost.

He wants his and Cas’ bedroom a nice pale blue, maybe with white trim. Sam already suggested them heading over to Home Depot to pick out the paint they each want for their rooms. They all decided on keeping the kitchen eggshell white, and the living room they will change to a nice coffee color. The dining area will be the same, since the rooms are connected.

He’s happy that there is not too much they have to do. The house is sturdy, built to last, and these minor changes will just simply make it theirs. Soon, they will be living in their very own house. Home. Dean's giddy at the fact that their discussing paint colors instead of vampires, demons.

Cas reaches over the table to grab hold of Dean’s hand, and Dean blushes at the contact. A couple sitting across from them eyes them, strangely but then they smile and Dean just squeezes Cas’ hand harder, still getting used to it all. A relationship, being engaged, now about to move into their own house together, oh yeah, and have a child…

Is this even his life?

“Come on,” Dean says, rising from the booth. He leaves cash down for the check and turns to leave.

“Where to?” Sam asks.

“The lake.”

Dean drives them to the lake they would spend lazy summer afternoons sometimes, when there wasn’t anything to hunt, that is, and those moments were few and far between. Cas remembers the place, because he came into Dean’s dream that one time, and Dean remembers feeling really fucking weird about it, but now, he thinks of it as something cool and yet another intimate moment between them when they were both still just trying to get to know each other.

He could have been dreaming about the angel and devil strippers, like he was when Anna gate crashed his dream, but no, Dean just so happened to be here, at this special spot that he their dad would take them to in between jobs.

And this is where he and Cas will be married, and just at that thought, Dean’s stomach flips. He takes Cas’ hand and they head toward the small pier built for the fishermen, Sam following close behind. The sun is setting and leaving a warm yellow and orange glow over the lake, and it’s taking his breath away.

“This is beautiful, Dean. An excellent place for your wedding. It’s even more amazing than I remember.”

Sam had been pretty young when Dad would take them here. He stopped coming when Dean was around twelve, refusing to visit Lawrence again, unless it was absolutely necessary. Dean never understood why, what changed, but something happened to their dad when Dean turned twelve and he wishes he knew what.

“Have you heard back from Jody? Claire?”

Sam nods. “Yes, they will be here the night before, I told them them Alex and Claire can stay in the office, and Jody and Donna can stay in the soon to be nursery.”

Dean swallows. Their house will be somewhat ready by the time their wedding comes around, and he’s getting all giddy again, his cheeks actually hurting from smiling so much. Cas moves in closer to him and links his arm with his.

“This is perfect, Dean.”

Dean leans his head in, resting it on Cas’. “You’re perfect, Cas.”

Castiel lets out a snicker, shooting him a surprised look. “Far from it.”

“Perfect for me, perfect for our life together, perfect for our soon to be child… should I go on?”

There’s something about the way everything looks right now, how the colors are exploding over the lake and hitting Cas’ face just right, that it makes him look unreal. Like he’s in a painting, a rare and very precious work of art. He kisses him, taking Cas’ face in his hands. “'Cause I can, you know.”

Cas smiles, widely, offering soft pecks on his cheek and nose. “When I came here, in your dream, I stood, invisible for a while, just watching you.”

“You did?” Dean’s eyebrows raise.

“Yes. At first, I was unsure if I should approach you. I didn’t want to frighten you.”

“Good call, I guess.”

“But that’s not all. I was entranced by you. The way you sipped your beer, how you tossed your line in the water, the way you closed your eyes and looked up at the sun. I hadn’t seen you so at peace since meeting you. It was a beautiful thing to see.”

Dean inhales, deeply, bringing Cas in even closer to him, if that was even possible. “I’m glad you came to me.”

“Me too. That was-- a trying time.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean lets his head fall to rest on Cas’ forehead. The angel takes his chin and lifts his head to meet his gaze.

“Don’t be. If anything, that ordeal taught me a lot. It showed me how unstable Heaven had become. It was a necessary step, Dean. A step in the right direction for me.”

“To get whisked away to bible camp and tortured?” Dean scoffs, shivering at the thought. Man, he hates that place, but now that God is back, he hopes it will be much better up there. He will weed out the bad guys, giving order among the chaos. And hopefully, nothing like what happened to Cas will ever happen again.

“To see Heaven for what it became.”

Dean nods, closing his eyes and trying to wipe away all the images he has of Cas being hurt up there. He was a witness to the most recent horrid event, and he wishes he could wash it all away, out of his brain, and have it gone forever.

And soon, Cas won’t have Heaven to think about, at least not on that level. He’ll be human. He’ll age, he’ll get grey hair and wrinkles. He’ll become achy and possibly grumpy too. Dean’s smiling, imaging it,  and when he kisses Cas, he tells him how much he can’t wait to see it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the delay. Things are starting to get a little busy now, so I may be only able to update every other week or so. I can try to do weekly but I can't promise anything :-) But I will be posting regularly so look out for new chapter updates.


	19. Chapter 19

* * *

“So you start on that wall, and I’ll do the other,” Castiel says, placing the buckets of paint onto the floor. Their room is almost done, and as soon as they apply the last coat, their house will actually be close to ready. Sam had already started on the living room, tearing down the old wallpaper and priming the walls.

Once Cas and Dean’s room is done, all they have left is the kitchen, which really just needs some touch ups since they’re keeping it the same color, and the office and the guest room (soon to be nursery), which have both been painted already, since those rooms are the smallest of the four.

“I think we may actually be able to sleep in here tonight,” Dean muses.

Castiel grins at him and dips the paintbrush into the bucket. “I’d like that. It would be nice to get our new bed out of the garage.”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, I bet the rats are comfortable.”

Cas’ face blanches. “You think this house has rats?”

“No, Cas, I’m kidding.” Dean shakes his head and begins on the wall with a fresh coat. He hasn’t done anything like this since they fixed up Bobby’s place all those years ago, and that was just Bobby barking orders at Sam and Dean, making sure they didn’t screw up.

But this is different. This is their home. They chose the color, they chose what kind of bed they wanted, and soon, Dean will begin on making those bookshelves for the office. He got a great deal on woodworking machinery, that is taking up a wall of the garage. Cas had even asked him to show him a thing or two, and if the angel can manage to saw a piece of wood in half without losing a hand, he’ll be happy.

After a while, Dean looks up at Cas, who is almost done with his side of the room. He thinks it’s time for a break so he approaches him, wet paintbrush in hand. “Cas, you missed a spot.”

Castiel looks up at his work and tilts his head. “Where?”

“Here,” Dean says, dabbing his nose with the tip of the brush, leaving a nice blue spot.

“Hey,” Castiel protests, rubbing his nose with his sleeve. “This is...” Dean is laughing and Castiel pretends to be angry when he takes his brush and wipes it on Dean’s cheek. “War.”

Dean runs his hand across his face and looks down at it, paint smeared everywhere, and he raises his eyebrows, still grinning. “Oh yeah?”

Soon, paintbrushes are in the air, and both are trying their hardest to soil the other, and in between hearty laughter, they’re playfully attacking each other, to the point where they both fall to the tarp covered floor, laughing hysterically.

“Holy shit, Cas. You’re a mess,” he says, realizing how out of control their little paint war became. Castiel’s hair is covered in blue, as well as his left cheek and his nose. His clothes, a sorry disaster. Dean can only imagine that he looks the same, or even worse since his angel did get in a few good jabs.

“I like you with blue hair. It’s very… punk,” Castiel says with a smile.

“Come here.” Dean pulls Cas on top of him, kissing him hungrily, because this whole domestic scene has turned him on so badly, he can’t take it anymore. He can tell Cas feels the same, as they tear at each others clothes, savagely, as if these garments have no business existing at all.

Cas pulls up, smiling down at his hunter. “What about Sam?”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “He went out to get some chairs for the kitchen table, and knowing him, he’s gonna take forever picking them out.”

“Are we really all staying here tonight?”

Since they started renovating, they’ve been going back and forth from the house to the bunker, and it started becoming a pain in the ass. Lebanon and Lawrence aren’t exactly close to each other, and on some nights, they ended up staying in a motel, and well, it wasn’t the greatest feeling in the world, knowing that they have this awesome house waiting for them.

So they sped up the process by buying furniture; beds, a kitchen table, the necessities so they could actually start staying here. Since both their king sized pillow tops were delivered today, the idea just became feasible, and Dean has not stop teasing Sam about getting such a huge bed for himself, knowing that Sam might have some hope to be sharing it with someone one day.

“Yeah. I think  we can. The paint will be dry by tonight and we’ll move the beds in.”

“Dean, do you realize this will be our very first night, in our new house, in our new bed?”

He nods, lifting his head to kiss him. Cas continues, “So you don’t want to maybe wait, you know, until we’re cleaned up and--”

“No,” Dean says before kissing him again. “I want you now. Like, right now.”

Cas giggles, lowering his head and nuzzling Dean’s neck. He begins to kiss the skin over the pulse, running his tongue to his throat, then his chin, and slipping into Dean’s mouth. He can feel his erection grinding against his thigh, so Dean grabs him, pulling him until he rests between his legs.

His breath his hot as Cas moves his mouth back to his neck, sliding his hand between them to start working on his jeans, thrusting against him while he slips them off, aggressively and clumsily. Dean’s laughing, reaching down to assist, and pulls Cas back down on top of him by the waist of his pants.

“Get these off.”

The angel doesn’t waste any time removing his own pants and tossing them across the room. He rests his body back down on top of a now naked Dean, and begins moving, hard and slow. Dean’s moaning, throwing his head back, closing his eyes as Cas presses their erections together.

Hands groping, pulling, reaching, their kisses are hot, wet, and sloppy. Cas pulls away and sits up to straddle Dean, wearing a look of mischief. He reaches for the paint brush and dips it into the bucket.

Dean watches him silently as he runs the brush slowly across Dean’s chest, smearing the blue paint across his nipples then down to his stomach. He bends forward, sucking the tip of Dean’s cock, as his other hand runs the brush down his thigh. He snaps back, leaving Dean’s cock glistening and throbbing.

Dean gasps and he can feel himself ready to come at just that simple contact. He and Cas haven’t been able to do much in the way of blow jobs or intercourse in a while and Dean’s about to lose it. Sure, hand jobs, frotting, has been nice and he won’t knock it, but what he’d give to be able to feel that hot mouth around his cock again, or to feel him inside of him, fucking him like his life depended on it.

But for now, he’ll take this, the way Cas is sliding that brush across his body, and then on his own, turning his nipples blue with paint, and soon, he’s lowering himself down, pressing his paint soaked chest to Dean’s and moving again, grinding that erection down so hard, Dean’s seeing stars now.

“Fuck, Cas…”

Cas is moving faster, harder, their bodies sticking together, paint everywhere, and Dean can’t hold back any longer. He comes so hard, he actually yells as he closes his eyes and let’s his head rest back down on the floor. Cas finishes soon after, hissing as he pumps himself all over Dean’s stomach.

They’re holding onto each other for a few minutes in silence, not caring how much of a mess they made, with both the paint and their own juices. Castiel rolls off of Dean, groaning as he does so and splays himself on the floor. “I’m now realizing how tired I am.”

Dean rolls to his side. “You are?”

He nods. “I don’t think I’ve fully recovered from that day.”

Dean still can’t believe it’s over. He knew they were due for a win, after having so many losses over the years, and it’s not like this was easy, by any means. Cas and Dean did have to travel to another damn dimension to retrieve the Hand of God, which was no picnic.

But once things starting to fall into place, they got the ball rolling, and he does think about the rest of those guys sometimes. He wonders how God is doing up there, with the angels, if Lucifer is doing okay with the new mark, if Michael - now being knocked down a peg, or a hundred of them - is getting along with them again. He knows Gabriel will be fine. That fucker always seems to land on his feet, no matter what.

And they all became unexpected allies. Especially Gabriel, who has been with them for a while now. He helped Dean find Cas in Heaven, and that alone made Dean trust him again. For all the crap he had put them through in the past, it didn’t matter at that point. He helped them, and Dean’s grateful.

And the same goes for the other archangels, who were once their sworn enemies, who had ruined the brothers lives in more ways than one. Dean forgives them, and he’s thankful to have had them on his side in that big fight.

He’s not talking about inviting them over for family barbecues, or anything, but it feels good to be able to let go of the anger, the hate he had felt for them and just put it all to rest.

“Yeah well, if it knocked God off his rocker, I can imagine it did the same to you.”

He watches Castiel sit up and slowly rise to his feet. “Come on, let’s get cleaned up before your brother comes home.”

Their shower is amazing with the brand new showerhead they installed. It’s big enough for the two of them to fit comfortably and Dean’s already thinking about all the other things they could be doing in there together.

And he’s a little giddy at the fact that this _their_ own bathroom. A bathroom attached to _their_ very own bedroom.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy, Dean.”

Dean rinses off the shampoo, blinking his eyes. “Yeah, well, look at us.”

Castiel smiles, running his hands through Dean’s now clean hair. He gives him a tender kiss on the lips before turning around to grab the soap. He can’t help but stare at Cas as he lathers himself up. It’s endearing that he’s still doing all these very human things, and enjoying them as well. Soon, he _will_ be human and there’ll be no choice in the matter.

He hasn’t asked him about it in a month, and that’s because he’d given up second guessing all of his angel’s choices. It’s his life, and if he wants to live out the rest of it as a human, then Dean has to support that.

And he can’t deny that he’s thankful for it. He wants to grow old with him too. He’d be lying if he said it hadn’t crossed his mind how weird it would be for him to age, and for Cas to stay the same. As selfish as it makes Dean, he’s happy as hell Cas chose to give up his grace, when the time comes.

He just hopes he won’t resent him somewhere down the road. Dean knows how these things go, he’s seen it in so many couples, when one sacrifices something so huge just to be able to be with the one they love.

But this is them: Cas and Dean. Cas said he’s not giving anything up, he’s gaining everything. Those words hit Dean in the chest, and it was the first time he understood really how his angel thinks. Humanity, being in love, being with him, is better than anything else he could ask for, and it’s beautiful that Dean feels exactly the same way.

He wouldn't trade what they have together for anything.

Sam comes home shortly after Cas and Dean finish their shower. He not only bought new chairs, he also picked up some pizza and beer. The three make themselves comfortable at the table and start digging in, Dean noticing now how hungry he actually is.

“Good thing we got our new fridge going today. I don’t think I can handle warm beer right now,” Dean mumbles with food in his mouth.

“Yeah, warm beer reminds me of those long drives where one of us would forget to put ice in the cooler.” Sam sticks his tongue out in disgust.

“Dude, why are you reminding me. Driving and drinking that piss warm--” He looks at Cas who is eyeing him, intensely. “What?”

“I think it’s frowned upon to drink and drive, no?”

Dean and Sam share a look and Dean swallows his food, nodding. “Uh, yes, Cas. Very much so, but with _my_ liver… it’ll take way more than a few warm beers to get me buzzed.”

Castiel smiles, shaking his head at the both of them. “I can’t believe how lucky you both have been at avoiding the police.”

Sam chuckles. “Not that lucky. Dean and I have had run ins for stupid things like a busted taillight...”

“Yeah,” Dean joins in, “or that time we got pulled over because _someone_ forgot to pack the trunk properly, and we had this long ass piece of rope hanging out, dragging behind us. I still can’t believe I didn’t hear that flapping against the car.”

“What about when Cas’ coat got stuck in the car door, and--” They both look at Cas, and then Dean coughs, widening his eyes at his little brother to shut up.

“My coat?”

“It’s nothing. Just one of those times the police questioned us,” Dean says, chugging down his beer. They don’t really talk about that time when Dean thought Cas was dead, after he walked into the reservoir. Hell, he doesn’t think they ever talked about it except for that day when Cas aka Emmanuel finally remembered who he was.

But the day he absent mindedly left Cas' coat in the backseat, the cops questioned them why a bloodied trenchcoat was sticking out the back door, and Dean remembers wanting to puke, not because of having the cops on his ass, but remembering what made Cas’ coat look like that to begin with.

Every day after that he'd keep it in the trunk of whatever car he drove, avoiding having to look at it.

“You kept it, Dean. I remember. I just didn’t think… I figured you had it stashed away somewhere.”

Dean inhales, his stomach now flipping at the memory. “Well, we didn’t really have one set car, and I-- I brought it along for the ride, you know, like I do with all our stuff. We didn’t want to leave anything behind.”

Castiel smiles warmly at him and he can see how touched he is. He’s pretty sure Cas can tell how much more it was to Dean than just moving their stuff around. “Thank you.”

Dean reaches across the table to place his hand on Cas’. “I told you that day, when you got your memories back, that I always knew you’d come back. That I’d see you again. Well, I meant it.”

His angel blushes, glancing back and forth between the brothers. He looks down at his hand that’s hooked now with Dean’s. “If it wasn’t for you, who knows if I would have remembered who I really was.”

“Man, that must have been weird - Dean running into you like that…” Sam blows air between his lips and sits back. “I never really asked about that.”

“It’s all good. It’s the past. We got Cas back, right?” Dean smiles at the both of them before gulping down the rest of his beer and then getting up to grab another from the refrigerator. It’s not that he’s still twitchy or overly sensitive about this time, it just seems like a million miles away from him now.

Also, everything that had come after that had been such a fucking disaster, it seems smart to leave it all in the past. And so, as he opens another bottle of beer, he comes up with a better topic of discussion. One that won’t leave his stomach a burning mess as this one is.

“So, the wedding. It’s in two weeks, Cas. Any ideas on the weather yet?”

Even while Cas may not be at full capacity, he has this uncanny way of predicting the weather, and he’s been 99% right so far. To the thunderstorm they had a few weeks ago while on their way back to the bunker, to the clear and sunny day they had for shopping for their new beds.

Dean really doesn’t want crappy weather when they’re all standing on the pier of the lake, exchanging vows, and holy shit... his stomach is in knots again. Vows. He still has yet to write his and he has not been able to for the life of him.

There was no way he was going to read some generic mushy thing written for those who just can’t write their own, but each time he sits down to do it, he blanks. He’s terrible at expressing himself this way. Hell, he even sucks at writing, period. Dad was the one with the journal, not him. Dean’s good at jotting down notes, ingredients for a spell, but his feelings? Not so much.

And there’s about a million things he wants to say. A million reasons why he’s the happiest son of a bitch on the planet. But when he picks up a pen, none of it can come out.

“Still looking sunny, and slightly cool.”

“Great.”

After dinner, they all carry in their beds from the garage, starting with Sam’s. Dean takes a moment to inspect his little brother’s room, and he’s already done a great job. He painted it a sage green, which was a thousand times better than the puke green that was there before. He kept the window trim and ceiling white. He even hung up curtains, and now Dean realizes that he and Cas totally forgot to get those.

He bought a desk a few days prior and set it up in the corner, along with a trunk he’s keeping his things in for now. It’s coming along and he knows it won’t be long before it’s complete.

“Looking good, Sammy.”

“Thanks. I still can’t believe it.”

Dean pats his shoulder. “Yeah, I hear ya.”

Next, is Dean and Cas’ room. They get their bed set up and throw the mattress down on it, and the first thing Dean does is fall down on top of it. “Oh god, Cas, this mattress…”

Castiel joins him, as they both are now lying on their backs, staring at the ceiling. They join hands and when they each sigh in unison, they giggle. “Our room.”

“Our bed,” Dean adds.

And this is it. Something he never saw for him or Cas, or even Sam. Hunters don’t get this kind of life, this kind of break, and even though Sam’s already been getting the word out to other hunters that they’re all going to be behind the scenes more than actually out there in the field, it feels like the rug will get pulled from under him.

But there’s also something inside of him that knows it won’t. Not this time. This life is theirs, and everything they dreamed and fantasized about is coming true. They’re making it happen, and soon, it won’t be about them anymore. It will be all about the child they’re going to bring into the world.

“Dean, I didn’t know how much it affected you?”

Dean rolls over to his side and props himself up on an elbow. He knew Cas would bring it up again, since this topic is not only touchy, it has almost become too taboo to even talk about. “The possibility of you being dead? How could it not have?”

Cas is on his side now as well, and he brings his hand up to Dean’s face, kissing him. Dean continues, “I ain’t gonna lie, that was a hell of a time for us. And when-- when I thought I lost you, none of it mattered. I just needed you back.”

“I wish I could take it all back.”

Dean touches Cas’ cheek, tenderly. “Nah, come on. It’s over now, right?”

“Yes, but... “ Cas turns over to his back, sighing dramatically. “So many mistakes. So much regret.”

As if Dean is innocent of any of it. “I know, Cas, believe me.” Dean crawls on top of Castiel, leaning forward to give him a kiss on his nose. “Look where we are now, how far we’ve come. Two weeks, Cas, and you’re gonna be mine.” He nibbles his ear, giggling playfully. “All mine.”

Cas wraps his arms around him, squeezing him tightly. “I’ve always been yours.”

 

* * *

 

Two weeks go by really fast, and before they know it, Jody, Donna, Alex, and Claire are ringing the doorbell to their new home. Sam is the first one to rush to the door. His hyperactivity has been on overdrive all day, with getting the rooms ready, to making sure the bathrooms had enough ‘girly’ things in it to appease their guests.

It was actually Cas who picked out the soap and shampoo, and he went with some tea tree oil type that Dean’s never even heard of before and some kind of nature soap that he swears the girls will love. Dean has no idea how Cas became the expert on these things, but the guest bathrooms now smell like mint and bubblegum and he’s not going to complain.

As they head inside, Cas and Dean are waiting on the steps, arms around each other, and grinning widely for their new guests.

“Well, ain’t this a fabulous home,” Donna says, shoving her bags in Sam’s chest as her eyes scan the area. He makes a grunting noise and sets the luggage down on the floor, offering to take the others’ as well.

“Let me show you guys your rooms,” Dean says, helping Sam with their belongings. They lead Jody and Donna to the office -slash- guestroom, which they set up with two beds, and a medium sized dresser for their clothes.

The desk is littered with folders and files that they had brought with them from the bunker, and next to it is the large bookshelf Dean made, holding all the books they need and then some. Dean’s glad he went overboard with the size, knowing how many things they’d want to bring with them. Everything from demon possession to mythical creatures, and they didn’t even bring the Atlantean books here yet. He’ll have to build another bookshelf for those, at least.

“Wow, look at all those books?” Jody exclaims.

Dean grins, proud of his handiwork. “Yeah, going back and forth from here to the bunker was getting old.”

“Oh, I hear ya.”

Claire and Alex step in, looking around the room. “You guys should digitize everything," Alex says.

Sam’s eyes grow wide and Dean quickly grabs her shoulders and begins to lead her out the room. “Come on, let me show you where you guys are sleeping.”

That is one task he does not want Sam to even entertain. He’s not sure what it all entails but it sounds tediously boring. Jody and Donna follow them to the soon to be nursery and even though they hadn’t really begun turning into such a room, Dean had started making the crib, and the pieces are scattered all over the floor.

He watches the women all eye each other, and then him. “Whatcha buildin’ there, Dean-o?” Donna asks him.

Sam coughs, smiling as he drops their bags next to the beds.

“A crib,” Castiel says, coming into the room. “Dean’s quite talented.”

“Oh my God,” Claire says, covering her mouth.

“Wait, who is having a baby?” Jody asks.

 

* * *

 

 

He and Cas decided to wait until they can all sit down for dinner to explain the whole baby thing. He could tell their guests were hungry anyway, so he fired up the grill and threw some steak on there, along with potatoes wrapped in foil and corn on the cob.

Sam opens the bottle of wine Jody brought them and as they all make their way to the table, Dean stands and waits for everyone to be seated. Sam did a great job at picking out a big enough table to fit them all, and after adding a few extra chairs, everyone seems to fit perfectly in their new kitchen.

“So, when Cas pulled me from Hell,” he looks at Claire, unsure if she even knows this story, “he kind of branded me in a way.”

“Kinky,” Donna muses. Dean rolls his eyes and smiles at her.

“His grace, some of it was left inside, and--”

“Should we be talking about this in front of…” Jody tilts her head in Claire and Alex’s direction.

“Ew gross, Jody. That’s so not what he meant,” Alex says, her face contorting.

“Plus, we’re not children!” Claire snaps.

“Anyway,” Dean interrupts. “When we went to Atlantis--”

“Wait, you what?” Claire’s eyes widen as she holds her fork up to her mouth, frozen.

Cas clears his throat. “We had to get something for God.”

“I told you it’s real,” Alex sneers at Claire, who just scowls back at her.

Dean inhales, shaking his head at how smoothly this is _not_ going. “It got activated and has been kind taking on a life of its own, and then we found out if we combine our grace, we can have a baby, so we are gonna, like soon,” Dean says in one breath and sits down, finishing his glass of wine in one gulp.

After an awkward silence, Donna says, “How romantic,” and smiles wide.

“Uh, how… how does that work exactly?” Jody narrows her gaze to Dean’s stomach, and he lets out a chuckle.

“Magic... sort of, and no, none of us are gonna be walking around with a baby growing inside. It’s a Heaven thing. It will be part angel.”

“Wow,” Claire grins at Cas, and he smiles back at her. “That’s really cool. Do you guys get to pick the sex?”

“No,” Cas tells her.

Dean is distracted by a whimpering sound and when he sees Donna sobbing into her napkin, he reaches out to hold her hand. She looks up at them, eyes watering. “That's just so darn beautiful.”

When Donna finally pulls herself together, they all actually get to finish dinner, discussing what to name their baby, how often Jody or Donna can come and help, offering Claire and Alex up for potential baby sitters. This is not a conversation Dean had ever thought he'd be having, but he loves every minute of it. For a broken family, they all have come together and formed a solid one. Life on the road has been hard, but the people that have come into his life because of the job, has made it all worth it. 

And Dean loves how he could hold Cas' hand in front of all of them, naturally, not at all bashful about it, and how they all accept them as a couple. They're not questioning his sexuality, wondering why suddenly he's with a man, after having quite the reputation as a ladies man. They're not shocked at all, and it confirms to him that he's been really bad at hiding this part of himself to them. 

Tomorrow, they'll be married, and not only is this a special moment for the both of them, it's also completely rare. And if anyone would have told him that one day, he'd be marrying his best friend, and buying a home together, picking out what color to paint their room, and having a child, he would have laughed at them. 

 

* * *

 

Dinner was a lighthearted and humorous affair. Hearing all the questions the women had about the baby tickled Castiel. He was also amazed at how quickly they all accepted it, as if having a part human - part angel child born from two men was the most normal thing in the world.

While Dean, Claire, and Jody clean up, and Sam shows Alex his book collection, Cas takes a step outside to the back porch, studying his garden. He hasn’t really done much with it, yet except for adding a few decorative items, rocks, and he sowed the Japanese primrose. He will wait for the hyacinth for after the winter.

“So, you’re gonna be a gardener, or something?” Claire says as she sits down beside him on the steps.

Cas smiles. “I think so. I’m looking forward to how it will all look come spring.

“And you’re gonna be a dad.”

Castiel turns to her, tilting his head. Not a day goes by when he’s not thinking about her, and how she lost both her parents and how it had been his fault. Yet here she is, accepting him as a friend, at least, and not harboring bitterness as she had once before.

He’s also not sure how she feels about him and Dean having a child. It must be hard on her, knowing that someone who looks like her dad will be raising a child of his own, who isn’t her. “Claire, I-- I know I can’t erase the past, but--”

“I’m really happy for you guys. You both deserve a nice and normal life.”

“So do you.”

She smiles, warmly at him, and there’s something in her eyes that makes Castiel feel closer to her. He’s not sure if it’s some distant memory of Jimmy’s or if it’s just from the time he’s gotten to know her, but he has a connection to her, and he doesn’t ever want that to change.

“I have one, thanks to you. Living with Jody, I have a mom and a sister now.”

“You-- you’re happy?”

She nods, smirking. “Yes, Dorkus.”

They chuckle as she brings her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. “I can babysit, you know, if you and Dean ever need a day off, like to do old people stuff.”

He shakes his head, grinning. “I will keep that in mind, thanks.”

“Oh, and Cas,” she waits for him to look up at her before continuing. “You’re gonna be a great dad. I just want you to know.”

He smiles, too wide for his own good, and he has a feeling he won’t stop any time soon. “Thank you, Claire.”

“Dean too. I don’t know but you guys have this total dad vibe. That kid is lucky.”

Claire, the young daughter of Jimmy and Amelia, who spent her teens living on the street and getting mixed up with the wrong kind of people, who was in and out of youth centers, and who actually watched her own mom die at the hands of a Grigori, is the brightest girl... no _woman_ , Cas has known.

She could be hating the world, hating life, blaming everyone, and he wouldn't even knock her for it. Claire has every right to hate him, and the Winchesters, and anyone else who helped ruin her life. But here she is, being supportive, and so very mature, it’s bringing tears to Cas’ eyes.

“Oh come on, you’re not gonna cry now, are ya?”

Without saying a word, he brings her in for a hug, and he can tell she’s hesitant at first but then he feels her arms wrap around him and her chin rest against his shoulder.

He carries the joy from this conversation back into the house, as they all start to head to bed. After bidding goodnight to the others, Dean and Cas make their way to their room. Dean closes the door, and stands still while watching Castiel remove his clothes and change into pajamas, which Dean picked out for him: a t-shirt with these silly bottoms that have penguins on them. He has no idea why Dean chose these for him, but he’s getting a kick out of seeing Cas put them on.

He’d be fine sleeping naked, but with guests staying over, it seems inappropriate. Should an emergency happen, it would be highly embarrassing to run out of the room without any clothes on. It’s funny how they all still live like they have to sleep with one eye open. With having the life the boys had, and all that Castiel has experienced, it’s no surprise they do.

Dean hasn’t moved when Cas slips under the covers, and he begins to worry about what could possibly be on the hunter’s mind. “Dean, what is it?”

The hunter snaps out of whatever daydream he’s in, and lets out a dramatic sigh. He begins to change as well and when he joins Cas in bed, he looks even worse with worry. Castiel extends his arm so that Dean could snuggle in close to him, resting his head on his chest.

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I mean no, I mean--”

“Dean…”

Dean lifts his head, making eye contact with Cas. “Not about actually marrying you, ‘cause I think you know that there is no question in my mind about it… I uh, haven’t even written my vows yet.”

He’s not surprised, and it has nothing to do with the fact that Dean is terrible at planning ahead, but that he’s not very good at expressing himself, and Cas really can’t be upset about that. It’s just Dean. What he lacks in words, he makes up for with his actions, and that, to Cas, is so much more important.

Cas had written his a few weeks ago. He’s never had to write something so deep, so personal before but once he started, he couldn't stop. Everything he had ever said or wanted to say, came out on that paper, and he can’t wait to say it in front of all their loved ones.

And seeing himself become such a solid part of their family, how Sam and Dean took him in and embraced him as one of theirs, it humbles him. Now with Jody, and the other women here, it feels more real to him.

When he thinks of Heaven and the pain his supposed family there had put him through, and how so many looked down upon humanity, labeling them as God’s terrible mistakes, he can say from personal experience how wrong they were, how wrong they’ve always been.

Here is where he belongs, and soon he will be able to really live as a human, with Dean and Sam, and their child, and nothing makes him happier than that idea.

“Just say what you feel. It doesn’t have to be poetry, Dean, just what your heart wants the world to know.”

Dean rests his head back down on Cas’ chest. “We’ve met before, right?”

Castiel laughs, pinching Dean’s arm and it makes him whelp. “Sleep on it. Maybe tomorrow morning something will come to you.”

They lie there quietly until Cas can hear Dean’s heavy breathing. He smiling now, thinking of them standing on that pier, exchanging vows, no matter how short Dean’s are, and looking out at the crowd as they cheer them on.

He reaches over to the nightstand and pulls out the box with their rings. Opening it, he takes them both out and turns them around in his fingers. The moonlight bounces off the metal, and it is almost putting him in a trance. Tomorrow, he will be a Winchester, and he’s so excited, he’s not sure he will even be able to sleep now.


	20. Chapter 20

Dean wakes up in the middle of the night, panicking. He can’t just go out there and marry Cas without having something to say, even if it will end up being short and sweet. Cas made an effort to write his vows weeks ago, and here Dean is, hours before his wedding and he has bubkes.

He slides out of bed, careful not to wake his sleeping angel, and pads out of the room and down the stairs, to the kitchen. The house is so quiet, the only sound is the ceiling fan above him. Sitting down at the table, he holds his head in his hands and sighs. Castiel deserves better. He deserves a damn husband who can write his feelings down.

When he pops his head up, he looks around for a piece of paper and pen. He searches the drawers, remembering Sam keeps a few notepads in one. Sitting back down, he flips to a blank page and twirls the pen between his fingers.

Cas. He means so much, he is everything and yet finding the right words seems impossible. He stares at the blank piece of paper for a few more minutes before turning his gaze onto the wall, where Sam had just hung up the picture Cas had framed - all those months ago - of them with Charlie. He's not sure when Sam had it fixed, but it does look perfect in their new home. A home they own. He does miss the bunker every now and then, and seeing this picture reminds him of all the fun times he had with Charlie there.

Smiling at the memory, he’s also hit with a pain in his chest, knowing that she won’t be here to see them finally get married. He wonders if she’ll know, somehow. If her and Ash would find a way to reach them, again. Charlie saw it all. Whatever was happening between Dean and Cas, she knew, and he’s chuckling now thinking of all the ways he used to try and hide it.

From day one, Dean was in awe of Castiel, and every encounter had left Dean wanting more. He wanted to know where he went when he’d flutter off. Or if he was thinking about Dean at all. How much he wanted to pray to him every day and night to come hang out with him, wishing he’d stop being Heaven’s good little soldier for a few hours and just be his friend. And Sam, always teasing him about how much Dean talked about Cas, obviously aware that Dean was so head over heals in love.

Suddenly, Dean’s writing this all down: how he felt when Cas came into his life, the impact it had, how he changed Dean for the better, and his pen won’t stop, each word flowing so easily now onto that paper, that by the time he’s done, his hand actually hurts.

Sitting back, sighing with relief, he reads over everything he just wrote and smiles brightly. “Yeah, this is it,” he says silently.

After folding it up, he rises to find Sam heading into the kitchen, yawning. “Pre wedding jitters?”

Dean sighs and sits back down. “I just finished my vows.”

“‘Bout time.” Sam heads to the refrigerator, taking out a carton of milk,  pouring some into a saucepan. Dean looks at him with a raised brow.

“Don’t you think we’re a little too old for warm milk?”

Sam chuckles. “But old enough for spiked hot cocoa.” He winks at Dean who throws his head back, and smiles.

“Ah, this is true.”

Sam makes them each a cup of cocoa with a splash of whiskey, and Dean is not complaining one bit. It’s nights like these that remind him of being at the bunker, when they’d be on a case, or in the middle of some fucked up situation, and neither one could sleep. They’d usually end up in the kitchen, sharing a bottle of Bourbon, and on their laptops, trying to find any information they could about whatever it was they were involved in.

The days while having the mark of Cain truly had them spending more sleepless nights, drowning themselves in booze and hopelessness, than ever. But this is a good kind of insomnia. This is Dean on the night before his wedding, needing to make sure the words are just right to say to his angel, and in front of all their loved ones.

“At least we’re not losing sleep over some cracked case,” Dean muses.

Sam sighs. “Tell me about it. It’s gonna be kinda nice taking the backseat from now on. Jody even mentioned getting the girls ready, or at least Claire. She's been insistent on becoming a hunter.”

“I had a feeling that would happen. Last time we saw her, she was in full on hunter mode.”

“Yup,” Sam nods.

“And yeah, it’s gonna be nice sitting back and letting the newbies take over. Plus, Cas and I will be neck deep in baby…”

“So when are you guys gonna… you know…” Sam smiles, awkwardly.

“As soon as possible. I think we’re both a little anxious for it.” Dean lowers his head, a warm feeling rising in his stomach. “It’s funny, even when I think about it, it still blows me away.” He looks up at his little brother. “I still can’t believe this is all really happening.”

“Look, if anyone deserves a happy ending, it’s you guys. I had to be there through all the intense staring, the obvious attraction you both had for each other, and man, if I had to sit through another one of your typical _married couple_ argument, I would have lost it,” Sam laughs. “I mean, seriously, Dean.”

Dean snickers. “'Cept now, we'll actually be married. " His smile fades. "And I know, since day one, that angel had me forgetting my own damn name.”

Sam leans on an elbow. “I remember how flustered you used to be around him in the beginning, when he was all righteous and terrifying.”

“Dude, he was on some holy mission, starring yours truly. He scared the shit out of me, but there was also something so comforting about him. I felt so safe when he was around.”

Dean smiles at the memory of all those times Cas would pop in, his wings knocking everything over. And how Dean would get that flipping thing in his stomach, excited to see Castiel again, wondering if he had some more things to tell him, or would he just to sit around, acting interested in what they were all researching. Bobby asking him a million and one questions about God, Heaven, the devil, and Cas answering each one, patiently.

And those nights when it would be just them. Sometimes they’d have nothing to say to each other, and they’d watch the stars, or listen to the radio, and it had always seemed that Cas was learning something new when they would do this. Something so simple, so mundane, and his angel was experiencing it like it was the greatest thing in the world.

How much Dean had taken advantage of back then. If he would have known then what he knows now, he would have spent more moments like that with Cas. He would have taken him on long drives, have them sit under the stars in some big open field. Maybe even take in a movie. He would have loved to have shown him all of the ordinary things humans do, but he guesses they can _really_ do all that now.

Now, there is no darkness trying to destroy the world. God is back, looking down on them, making sure everything stays as trouble free as possible. Sure, there will still be demons, vampires, werewolves, you name it, but this time, Dean won’t have to be burdened with saving everyone, anymore. There will be new hunters, great ones at that, and he’s confident that they will be as good as he is, or better.

After giving his brother a pat on the shoulder, and thanking him for the warm cup of cocoa, he heads back upstairs, where his soon to be husband is sleeping peacefully. Slipping under the covers, he wraps his arm around Cas, and nuzzles the back of his neck. In just a few hours, they will be making their bond even stronger. He’s ready now.

 

* * *

 

“Dean, the tie seems weird, like it doesn't quite go,” Cas complains as he stands in front of their full length mirror, fidgeting with his collar.

Dean steps up behind him, staring at his reflection. He swats Cas’ hands away and adjusts his tie for him. “It’s fine. It matches my suit.”

Cas is in a black suit with a dark blue tie while Dean is dressed in a dark blue suit with a black tie. It was his way of matching without having to wear the same thing. He wanted them to look different, but go together. Cas, of course didn’t care either way, as long as he didn’t have to pick it out, and after living so long on the road, masquerading as FBI, Dean does know a thing or two about suits.

Cas turns around with Dean’s arms wrapping around him. “Okay, then, it’s perfect,” he tells him followed by a chaste kiss.

“Black suit and blue tie is kinda your thing,” Dean muses.

They move to sit on the edge of the bed, staring at their reflection, together. “We make a very handsome couple,” Cas says, smiling.

“Yeah, huh.” Dean kisses his cheek. “Not too bad.”

Castiel rests his head on Dean’s shoulder and inhales, thickly. They stay like that for a while, appreciating the calm before they have to go out there and entertain. He wonders if the rest of the guests arrived already, since Sam said he would take care of getting everyone to carpool down to the lake.

Cas and Dean are driving down there alone, in the Impala. Screw limousines when they have the best car anyone can ask for. Dean had even dug out his favorite cassettes to take along for the ride. He had forgotten just how many he had, all of them stored in a box in his room, making the small collection he has in the impala look like nothing.

He’d often stop off in various second hand stores to buy some more. Ebay had also proven to be a reliable source for old cassettes and vinyl. Sam makes fun of him almost on a daily basis, but no fucks are given. It’s not like he hasn’t joined the land of technology. He does have almost every song he loves on his iPod, which Sam had given him one year for his birthday. After he showed him how to get songs so easily of the internet and transfer them to this small thing, Dean was impressed.

He has entire albums on it and even the whole Zeppelin collection. So yeah, he likes new tech, he does, but when it comes to his car, there is no way he is going to change her pretty little cassette deck. And Dean doesn’t want to be stuck with Sam’s music. Not that all of it is bad, but if he has to listen to Ed Sheeran one more time, he's going to make himself deaf, somehow.

“We should…”

Dean turns to Cas and smiles. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

Sam texted Dean letting him know that everyone was already at the lake and waiting for them, so when he and Cas head downstairs, the house is completely empty. There are remains of last minute meals left on the table, and a few open cans of soda, and the first thing he thinks of is having to clean this up before they all head back here after the ceremony.

The backyard is ready to go, with a few extra tables and chairs, and coolers that will soon be full of beer, water, and soda. Sam insisted on being the one to grill burgers for everyone, telling Dean he wants this day to be all about him and Cas, and to let others wait on him.

And he laughs, feeling like a damn blushing bride.

They get into the car and he can almost feel the excitement pouring out of Cas. They're actually on their way now to their own wedding, and now Dean can feel his pulse racing. He pops in Boston, and when _Don’t Look Back_ begins, he smirks at Cas and drives out onto the road, windows down, and a warm feeling in his heart.

* * *

 

They arrive at the lake, so Dean turns down his radio. He spots Garth and his wife, and a few other hunters they have come to know over the years. Of course he sees Jody and the gang, and Sam is talking to Chuck and Gabriel, leaning against a tree.

He looks at Cas. “So, this is it. If you want to back out, now would be the time to do it,” Dean jokes.

Castiel’s eyes widen, comically. “Oh, really? In that case…” he pretends to fumble with the car door and Dean grabs him in for a kiss, smiling as he does so. “Come on, dummy. Let’s go get married.”

They walk hand in hand towards everyone, smiles greeting them, and it all suddenly feels like something magical is happening. They’ve never been able to do anything like this, wedding or not. To be able to all be together, without something evil looming over their heads, or to talk about a case, is rare.

Garth makes his way over to him, and his eyes are on glued on Cas. “Wow, so this is the famous Castiel. Nice to meet you, finally,” Garth says, extending his hand.

The angel shakes it and smiles. “Same. And this must be your wife.”

She offers her hand as well, beaming. “A real angel. This is… wow.”

Castiel blushes, and Dean turns around to catch Sam waving at him. “If you’ll excuse me,” Dean says as he makes his way over to his little brother. “What’s up?”

“I think we need to get started soon, the park ranger told us that he’s expecting a fisherman’s meeting here soon.”

“A what?” Dean shakes his head. “Okay, then let’s get this party started.”

He walks by Cas, taking his hand as they head down towards the pier. They decided on having the ceremony in the grass, this way everyone can fit, and be able to hear everything. It was a great choice, and Dean’s impressed with how well Sam had set it all up. Everyone is seated in white chairs as Chuck makes his way over to them.

“I’ve actually never married anyone before,” Chuck tells them, nervously.

Dean side smiles. “Well, being married by God himself is a damn privilege.”

Chuck smiles back and they take their places. Cas and Dean face each other, hands laced, and Dean’s stomach begins to flip. It’s pretty amazing that they’re able to do this, that no matter what state laws are, or what other people may think, God is marrying them so they can all stuff it.

He glances out at the crowd, and it’s small, just how he wanted it, but it’s also a little depressing as to why it’s so small. He wishes people like his mom, dad, Bobby, Charlie, Kevin, could be here. He’s thinking about Ellen and Jo, and how many wisecracks they’d have for him right about now. And he knows Ellen would be crying when they exchange their vows.

His mom and Dad would have that look of pride, and not so much that Dean is finally out in the open about his sexuality, but that he’s finally in love and getting married to someone who loves him just as much. There’s something telling him that his parents are looking down on him right now, and that makes his heart swell.

“So, since this is my first time doing this, I’m just gonna improvise here, but I tell ya, it’s easy with these two, since I have never seen two people more in love,” Chuck says to the guests, grinning.

He continues, “Love like this has been tested in every way. They've been torn apart, brought back together, have fought for each other, and never gave up. They deserve a life of pure bliss, and I hope they will have that, starting today.”

Dean is moved, he can feel his heart speed up. It’s strange hearing what others think of him and Cas, because not only do they see how they are now, these people have thought this way about them from the beginning. They saw things when they were together, and that makes him realize that not only are they meant to be, but that there has never been a reason not to take the plunge.

“Let’s let these two lovebirds exchange their vows, and get them married, already,” Chuck finishes, before the crowd erupts in laughter. He looks at Dean, who then raises his eyebrows, understanding that Chuck now wants him to recite his promise to Cas.

His angel sees this and smiles. “I’ll go first.”

Dean isn’t sure if his heart is going to leap out of his chest, but they have come to the part where they seal the deal. Every moment he’s ever spent with Cas fills his mind. Every case they did together, to all their fights, to seeing his counterpart in the future. His rebellion, choosing them over everything else, and somehow Dean feels like he falls short.

Cas has done so much for him and he’s never really matched that.

_But he will._

“Dean,” Cas starts, “I wasn’t sure what I could possibly tell you that I haven’t already, but since this is our wedding, and vows are important, I realized there is much more I need to tell you. And the world.”

He watches Castiel intently, their hands locked as he talks, effortlessly, calmly. He almost envies how chill he can be sometimes, especially when the situation is far from it. Cas let's go of his hands and pulls out a piece of paper, unfolding it. He looks down at it, and then up at Dean.

“There was never a question as to what you mean to me. Since day one, since the first time I saw you, your impact on my life, on my heart, was huge. I almost feel like I’ve been reborn into a new world of choices, family, burgers, ” The crowd laughs, and Dean chuckles, keeping himself from crying.

“Of love. And that, Dean,  was what made our bond that much more profound. I didn’t know what real love was, aside from what I had been taught as a young angel. But the love you showed me, the love I starting feeling for you, cannot be taught. It can only come from a place inside that I didn’t even know I had. My heart.”

Dean wipes a single tear that escapes his eye. He knows Cas loves him. He knows how important he is to him, but to hear this, in these words, is unbelievably touching. He never thought he could affect someone’s life like this.

“So, Dean Winchester, with this blessing that I have been given: a chance to fall in love, and be with the one person that my entire being belongs with, I vow to always be by your side, always be that rock for when you feel lost, and that ear for when you need to talk, and your husband, from now and for the rest of our lives, and beyond.”

Cas is smiling but tears are streaming down his face. Dean takes his head in his hands and thumbs away the wetness, his mouth curling into a small smile. He has no idea how he’s going to top that, but this isn’t really about who write the better vows, this is about them speaking from the heart and promising to always be the person they marry.

He coughs, glancing briefly at the crowd, and then leans in to Cas, whispering in his ear. “That was beautiful.”

When he pulls away, Dean swallows, taking out his own vows. “Cas… Castiel,” Dean chokes. “It took me a while to find the right words, ‘cause there is so much I wanted to say, and I had no idea I’d be able to write it all down. But I did get some of it out, so here goes.”

Castiel smiles at him, brightly. Dean continues, “I remember when you came crashing into that barn that night, and I had no idea who you were, or _what_ you were, and yeah, I was scared out of my mind.” He looks out at the crowd to find Sam, who smiles at him. “But I should have known that there was something already between us, because sparks literally flew.”

Everyone laughs, and he even sees Castiel giggling, which sends Dean to the moon. “Ever since that day, my life was different. It changed. I suddenly understood what faith was, and how to actually have faith in myself. You showed me that I deserve good things, and I was more than just a hunter.”

He swallows. “But best of all, you made me believe in love. Unconditional love. I am not the same man I was before you came into my life, and I’m so thankful to have you as my angel. Because no matter what, that is what you will always be to me.”

Dean thought this would be harder, or that he’d choke up and not be able to get one word out, but looking at Cas, and reading all the things he wrote last night, it’s one of the easiest things he’s ever had to do. “I’ve always been yours, and I _will_ always be yours, your best friend and husband, for as long as I can breath, and after.”

He hears the “awws” from their guests but he can’t take his eyes off of his angel. He hears Chuck clear his throat and he starts to speak, yet Dean can barely hear him, lost in the bubble of love surrounding them. What he does hear, is: “Castiel and Dean Winchester, I now pronounce you… adorable husbands.”

People cheer. Dean pulls Cas in for a kiss and as their lips press together, the world disappears. They’re in the stars, the sound of their guests fading into a distant echo, and they just kiss, and kiss, as their bodies float away.

Of course they are brought back down to earth when he feels a hard slap in his shoulder, and when he reluctantly tears his lips from Cas’, he sees Sam with his wide goofy grin. “Congrats, jerk.”

Dean smirks. “Thanks, bitch.”

After the rest of their guests come and congratulate them, Sam instructs everyone to start heading to their house. Cas and Dean take their ride in the Impala as the rest meet them back there. They take their time, wanting everything to be ready by the time they arrive, so Dean parks her a block down the road, in front of a small playground.

He holds his hand up, admiring the gold ring that now is on his finger. His hand looks different now, and not just because it has a new piece of jewelry on it, but that it represents what they just committed to, and he’s never been more sure of anything in his entire life. There was never a question as to who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, who owned his heart, who showed him more about love than he could have ever hoped for.

“We did it,” he says, turning his gaze to Cas, who places his hand over Dean’s, admiring his own ring.

“Yes, we did.”

They kiss, Dean taking Cas’ face in his hands. He doesn’t want to break away, because he’s kissing his husband now, and it all feels unreal. He’s afraid if he opens his eyes, it would have all been a dream.

Finally, Cas pulls back for air, smiling brightly at Dean. “I’m a Winchester.”

“You always were,” Dean tells him. “And those vows were beautiful, Cas. Really.”

Cas leans in for another kiss. There’s something about the sweetness of his lips today. Dean’s not sure if he’s just on this high from the events of the day, or if Cas chose some new chapstick or something, but he tastes like honey.

Dean licks his lips after their kiss, and Cas rests his forehead on his. “So were yours. I was very impressed… and moved.”

“Yeah, it all kinda came to me last night, during my nice bout of insomnia,” Dean chuckles. “I thought about meeting you, and how it made me feel, and how far we’ve come, and--”

Castiel shuts him up with a kiss. “And now we’re married, and we have this whole future to look forward to.”

Dean smiles against his lips, and loses himself in his angel, once again. Soon, he’s noticing the time and tells him that they should really be getting back to the house. He’s sure Sam has everything ready to go: the food, drinks, and he doesn’t want to make their guests wait - if they’re as hungry as he is.

With one hand locked with Cas’, Dean drives them home. He can hear the music and voices already as he pulls up. It’s the perfect time of day, as the sun is about to set and the air is cooling off just enough to enjoy the evening outside. As soon as they head out to the backyard, everyone cheers, once again, for them.

The evening is spent with nothing but laughter, and great conversations, and Dean couldn’t be happier. The two sit together as they open presents after the cake (where they actually had two grooms on top) and he’s pleasantly surprised at what good taste everyone has. They both get a good laugh at the “His & His” towel collection from Claire, who is grinning at the newlyweds when they wave them around for the crowd.

It’s perfect, and just where he wants to be: in their backyard, on their wedding night, friends and family surrounding them. Everyone is in good cheer, light, and he wants to take full advantage of it, because who knows when they can all be like this again. He's seeing Chuck laughing with Donna, Jody and Garth in some deep conversation that leaves them both smiling, widely. Gabriel is taunting Claire, playfully and the two seem to really hit it off. He guesses for a kid, Gabriel is probably the bees knees. 

As the party winds down, and people begin to take their leave, Sam approaches them with a sly grin on his face. He’s holding an envelope which he hands to Dean. “And this is my gift to you guys.”

“Aw, come on. You didn’t have to,” Dean says as glances down at the envelope in his hand.

“Just open it.”

He does and there’s a folded piece of paper. With a raised eyebrows, Dean slips it out and opens it, sighing at what he sees. It’s a reservation confirmation for the Turtle Bay resort in Oahu, Hawaii. Dean almost thinks it’s a joke.

“Yeah, Hawaii, You guys deserve a nice honeymoon, and Dean,” Dean looks up at Sam, still in shock. “Sand between your toes.”

Dean doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but he’s suddenly too excited, and he can’t wait to get there. Rising from his chair he brings his little brother in for a hug, and soon Cas is doing the same, and the three of them stand there, huddled together.

“Thanks, Sammy,” Dean chokes out.

They pull apart. “Yes, Sam. This is wonderful.”

“So when do we leave?” Dean asks the two of them.

“Well, I was gonna buy you guys round trip flights but I think someone's wings could get you there a lot faster.” Sam winks at Cas.

Cas nods, reaching for Dean’s hand. “I think that would be a great idea.”

“Wait, we’re leaving now? Like in the middle of our own party?”

Sam scans the yard. “Sure. Mostly everyone is gone, and Jody and Donna said they’ll help with the clean up. You two go, get away, and do it now!”

They give Sam another hug and without a second thought, Cas teleports them to the lobby of that resort, and Dean almost loses his dinner. Cas wraps his arms around him, leaning in. “Are you okay, Dean?”

He nods. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll just never get used to this zapping thing,” he says with a smile.

While he tries to calm down his nausea, Cas checks them in, and he gets the key to their room. Noticing they didn't arrive with luggage, the attendant gives them a once over with a raised brow. Dean smiles awkwardly at him, and shrugs.

“We’re winging it,” he tells him with a slight chuckle. 

The man smiles back at him and leads them to the elevator. Now, Dean’s been in fancy hotels before while impersonating someone, or hunting down a lair which happened to be in a five star joint, but this place is incomparable. If the fountains in each corner of the lobby weren’t absolutely beautiful, the exotic plants make it that much more stunning. This resort look like it’s own little paradise as it is.

But once they get to their room, Dean has to blink a few times. It’s big and bright, and  a far cry from the cramped smelly motel rooms he’s used to. An entire wall is a glass door that leads out to their very own patio. The king sized bed is covered with soft blankets and pillows, and he is already picturing him and Cas snuggling in it tonight.

The attendant turns to leave but then picks up a remote. “Oh, before I go, I just wanted to show you this,” he says as he presses a button, and suddenly a low humming sound is heard above them. Over the bed, the ceiling opens up to a skylight.

“These are in all of our top floor rooms, in case you want to sleep under the stars.” He tells them with a wink as he heads for the door.

Dean reaches into his wallet and pulls out a five dollar bill, handing to the man. He has no idea if this is too small of a tip in a place like this, but by the way the man is grinning and thanking him, he guesses it’s okay.

Once he leaves Dean kicks off his shoes and jumps onto the bed. “Are we actually on vacation?”

Cas joins him, sliding up his body. “We are. It’s very beautiful here, don’t you think?”

“Beautiful? It’s the most amazing place I’ve ever been.”

“What to do you want to do? There’s the beach right there,” Cas points to the big glass wall that is overlooking the ocean. “Or we can stay in here,” he wiggles his eyebrows, making Dean smile.

“Let’s check out that patio.”

They make their way over to the glass door and slide it open. The patio has two chaise lounges, a small table in between them, and a few cushions scattered around. The view is breathtaking, nothing but ocean, mountains, and green. There’s a small strip of beach along the shoreline, and he can’t wait to head down there. It’s not crowded, at all, and in fact, he thinks he can make out only about a dozen people down there.

But the sun is setting and it’ll be there tomorrow. Tonight he wants to stay locked away with his angel and celebrate. He recalls seeing a bottle of champagne sitting in a bucket of ice when they came in, and he can’t wait to pop it open.

They order room service and take full advantage of the exotic and expensive cuisine on the menu. Opening up the champagne, he pours Cas and himself a glass. After handing Cas his drink,  Dean holds his glass up in the air. “Here’s to us.”

Cas, unsure what to do, holds his glass up as well. Dean touches the tip to his and Cas smiles. “Ah, yes. Here’s to us.”

The night couldn’t be more perfect, and as soon as they’re finished eating, they both retire to the bed, with Dean opening up the ceiling again to reveal the skylight. The attendant wasn’t lying, they could see every star that’s above them, so Dean turns off the lights to get a better view.

“What a fantastic place Sam picked out. He has great taste.”

Dean nods, taking Cas’ hand in his. “I’ve never slept under the stars like this, unless it was camping, or me passed out in the woods,” Dean admits.

Castiel turns on his side and wraps his arm around him. “Who says we’re going to be sleeping?”

Dean’s immediately hard when Cas kisses him and soon, they’re both tearing off each other's clothes. Cas is on top of him, kissing his neck, his jaw, his mouth, and when he pulls up, his expression morphs into a more concerned look.

“Shall we?”

Dean grins, hugging him. “Yes.”

Maybe it’s because they know what’s going to happen: that making love tonight isn’t just them finally able to be this close again after a while, but that they’re actually going to be making a baby. A baby that will be part him, and part Cas, but Dean feels emotional, and he prays he's not going to cry during, because that will be really uncool.

So they do take it slow, making every second count. Each touch, caress, kiss, brings them closer to the edge. When Cas slips inside Dean, he gasps, forgetting how great it feels to have Cas so close to him, to be able to become one with his true love, his soulmate. And all the years that he thought he and Cas were best buddies, closest he’s ever been with anyone, it's nothing compared to this.

It’s not the sex. It’s how they melt into each other. It’s total trust and it’s knowing he’s taking care of Dean. He’s gentle, loving, and tender, and each thrust is slow. When he takes Dean into his hand and begins to stroke him, he hisses, knowing how close he is, but he wants it to last, he doesn’t want it to end just yet. He tries to swat Cas’ hand away, but he keeps at him, looking down at Dean with a mischievous smile.

“We have all night, just let go, Dean.”

And he does, coming hard in his friend’s hand and all over his own stomach. It’s not long before Cas is crying out, falling down on top of him, his face nestled in Dean’s neck, his breath hot against him as he pants.

That’s when the most amazing thing starts to happen.

A bright light illuminates out of Cas and Dean looks down to see it’s coming from him too. His bicep begins to burn and he winces when he runs his hand over the skin. Cas is looking at him with wide eyes before turning his attention upward. And they both watch this small glowing light, with a trail of smoky residue rise from them and up towards the ceiling.

It actually moves through the glass of the skylight and outside, flying up and up, like a balloon. Dean is tongue tied, knowing exactly what just happened, and then he remembers that Cas will be drained when it did. Looking at his angel, he looks almost like he's in pain, so Dean takes him back into his arms, pulling him down on top of him.

“Are you okay?”

He feels Cas nod against his shoulder. Lifting his head, tears are now streaming down his face. “I thought it would be worse, but I feel, okay.”

Dean wipes his tears away and kisses his damp cheeks. “Did we just…”

Cas nods.

“And you’re good?”

He nods again. “Yes. More than good.”

He’s shaking in Dean’s arms, and he can tell Cas is full of shit, but he’s also trying to be strong, to not ruin the moment, so Dean doesn’t ask him again. He just lets Cas lie in his arms until his trembling subsides. He’s pretty sure Cas is used to the human thing by now, and even though this is a more permanent situation, he also knows that he's as excited as he is to have a child, and it’s all worth it.

 

* * *

 

_**~~~ Nine Months Later ~~~** _

 

“Dean, hurry up. Gabriel is going to be here any minute!” Cas yells out.

Dean is doing some last minute arrangements in the nursery, unsatisfied with where they left the giant teddy, or what blanket to have down in the crib. Since they didn’t know what gender their baby was going to be, they decorated in mainly yellows, greens, and white. Remembering how much Cas loved bees - that time he was a little out of his mind - Dean had Claire and Alex paint bees on the wall, and it had even made Castiel smile.

Moving the white blanket and replacing it with the yellow one, Dean takes a once over and nods. He races down the stairs and finds Cas standing in the foyer. Sam is with him, and they both look like they’re going to puke.

“Guys, calm down,” Dean tells them, but is doing a lousy job hiding his own nervousness.

They all jump when they hear a knock on the door. Frozen, Cas and Dean stare at it, blankly, while Sam shakes his head. He opens it to find Gabe standing there with a bundle in his arms… a bundle.

Dean swallows, unsure if he’s about to laugh or cry. Gabriel smirks at them. “Well, don’t you knuckleheads want your baby?”

He nods, robotically, and watches Cas walk over to him, as Gabriel steps inside. “I-- it--”

“It’s a girl!” Gabriel sing songs.

He hands the baby over to Cas, and he takes her into his arms, looking down at her and then at Dean, who is still frozen in place. He feels a push, which is probably Sam, and so he meets Cas at the doorway, his hands buried in his pockets to keep from shaking so badly.

He leans in, taking a look at the baby girl and his heart leaps from his chest. She opens her eyes and seems to look right at him. Blue eyes, just like his daddy, and it’s funny how Cas’ true form is also with that same eye color. He thought it would have been weird if their baby took on Jimmy’s characteristics, but Cas assured him that it will be from his angel form, not human.

He’s eyes blur before the tears spill when Cas offers Dean to hold her. She’s quiet, other than the small sounds that babies usually make, and when she looks up at Castiel, he swears he sees her smile. This is their new life. Their new world. Everything that used to be so important, is no longer so huge, for this life right here - their baby daughter - has become their everything.

She cries out, a small sound, but enough to make Dean look around, unsure what to do. Their cupboards are filled with formula, thanks to Donna. He wonders if she’s hungry now, and so he looks at Castiel, who also looks confused.

“You think she’s hungry?” Dean asks him.

Gabriel guffaws. “Oh, you two will be fine. You’ll get to know when she’s hungry, when she needs a diaper change, all the fun stuff.” He turns to leave. “Congrats. I’ll be checking in on my niece occasionally, so she knows she has a _cool_ uncle.” He wiggles his eyebrows at Sam.

“By the way, what are you guys naming her?”

Dean and Cas look at each other, and then down at their baby girl. “Charlie,” they chorus.

“Ah, very fitting. I bet she’s gonna grow up to be a spitfire, with having you two as her dads.” Gabriel smiles. “Anyway, gotta run! See you guys soon.”

And just like that, Gabriel is gone.

They are all left standing in the foyer, their whimpering baby in Dean’s arms, when Sam finally jogs into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of formula. Handing it to Dean, he places the nipple to her mouth and she instantly grabs onto it, drinking with her eyes closed.

“Hungry,” Cas says, staring at Charlie.

The next couple of hours is spent with them watching her sleep. It’s like they don’t want to miss one second of her opening her eyes, murmuring gentle sounds, she even yawned before and it made Dean weak in the knees. He watches Cas reach into her crib and take her into his arms.

“Come on,” he says, moving out of the room and to their bedroom. He places her in the middle of the bed, and all she does is move her head a little, blink a few times, and then fall right back to sleep. Dean crawls into bed, next to her and Cas takes her other side. As they lie there, staring at her, Cas looks up at Dean and touches his cheek.

“Dean…”

Dean smiles at him. “Yeah?”

“She’s beautiful.”

He nods. “She has your eyes. Blue like the sky.”

Castiel blushes. “And I bet she’ll have your freckles. I just know it.”

Dean chuckles. “You think so?"

“M’hm.” He leans over and kisses Dean. “Either way, she’s ours, and I feel like the happiest person on the planet.”

“Same,” Dean says. "We actually made this..."

"A beautiful baby girl," Cas adds. 

Charlie begins to open her eyes and when she does, she looks right up at Cas. He smiles warmly at her, tilting his head. Dean clears his throat. "Charlie, that's your daddy, Castiel. He's a bit of a dork, but you'll love him just the same," Dean jokes. 

Cas gently punches his arm and laughs, watching Charlie blink a few times and then her gaze falls on Dean. 

"And that's your other daddy, Dean. Don't mind his gruff exterior, he's just a big ole softy inside," Castiel tells her, causing Dean to guffaw. "And we love you very much."

Dean nods at her, bending forward to kiss her forehead. "Yes we do."

And they lie there for the rest of the afternoon in silence, watching baby Charlie nap in the quiet peace of their room. The only sounds are of the birds outside and her tiny breathing, the calm of their surroundings feeling like a serenity that he’s never had before.

Their life is just beginning and he can’t wait to live it.

  
  
_**The end.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for joining me on this adventure! I hope you liked it! I'm still working on The End is the Beginning and starting a whole new story soon as well. Subscribe to me if you would like updates. I may also write some one shots of missing scenes (like more honeymoon stuff) so keep an eye out :-) 
> 
> You can also find me on Tumblr: frecklesandfeathers.tumblr.com and FB: www.facebook.com/frecklesandfeathers. I also post the same content on Fanfiction.net : www.fanfiction.net/~frecklesnfeathers
> 
> ~Lauren


End file.
